"Hey Kaidan... it's me again. I'm not there in person... again. I wish I could be, but I'm still out here on the Normandy, trying to keep humanity... no. Everyone from dying. I wish I could be there with you... or you here with me. I've said it before, but I'm so sorry. It's my fault you got hurt like you did. I should've shot first, thought later. I was... I was just scared of hitting you and now look where that's landed you. Stupid of me...

I have to go now, Joker needs me on deck to look at something. Just, please hold on for me. I need you, more than you may ever know. And I don't... I don't want you dying with things still not being at peace between us. I couldn't take it... I don't want to lose another person dear to my heart. So please. Hold on. The next time I'm there... you had better be awake. That's an order, Major."

I sigh as I lean back in my chair, wiping the fresh tears from my face. It was a lie about Joker needing me, but I didn't want the message to go on too long. I really hope that asari nurse is holding up to her word that she plays these for him. I don't know if he can hear them... but it's nice to think that he can. I stand up, grabbing the datapad on my desk before going to sit down on the bed. Maybe... maybe tonight I'll be able to sleep.

As I settle in for the night, I know it's childish of me to think, but I feel that if Kaidan was here, holding me in his arms... he'd keep my nightmares away.

I walk into the hospital room to find to my great surprise, Kaidan is concious.

"You're awake!"

"Yeah, I have been. I woke up the next day."

"...why wasn't I told?"

"I asked it to be kept secret for now. I knew that if you knew I was awake, you'd want to stop what you were doing and come here. The universe is more important than me." He gives me a small smile. I consider stating how he is so much important to me, but I push it aside. I'm not even sure he considers me the same way anymore.

"Why don't you sit down and we can talk?"

"Sure. Oh I forgot." I hold out the bottle of acholol. "For when you're better." He takes it from me, looking at the label before placing it on the small end table.

"Thanks Commander." I pull a chair closer to his bed, then sit, crossing my legs.

"So those messages I sent..."

"I felt bad about not telling you that I was fine. I knew how worried you were." He pauses a moment. "You talked about how you wanted to make sure things were fine between us?"

"Yeah... I mean... after Horizon and then that message you sent me... and then the incident back on Mars. I honestly don't know what is going on between us." He looks away from me, to look out the window, seeming to be given deep thought over this. I fidget, tugging at the sleeve ends of my hooded jacket, waiting for what he will say. I brace myself for the pain of knowing that it might be over. For good.

"I think for now, Commander, it's best if we just stay friends. I need some time to figure out what's going on with us and some other personal matters." He looks at me. "But I really do want to keep some kind of a relationship with you, Nicole. You're one of the best friends I've had."

"Breaking protocol a bit there, Alenko?" His face falls before I reassure him. "I'm just teasing Kaidan. I agree though." I hold out my hand. "Friends?" He grasps his hand firmly around mine.

"Friends."

A few weeks pass and we've made little to no progress on the situtation with the Reapers and with the Krogan and Turians? That's still up in the air. Sometimes I wonder if we can really win this thing or not. I shake myself out of it. No. Don't think like that, Shepard. Everyone is counting on you. I sigh as I sit down at my desk. We're on our way to recover the female Krogan that were made immune to the genophage. I just hope that goes well, I can't have something else go horribly wrong.

There's a knock at my door. I consider just asking them to leave me alone, but then I push it aside. I stand up, quickly glancing in the small mirror on my wall to make sure it's not visible I had been crying a few minutes ago. Don't need it getting out that their Commander is weak.

"It's open." I'm a bit surprised when it's Garrus who walks in.

"Hey Shepard, I hate to intrude like this but... we're all worried about you."

"What do you mean?" I cross my arms, shifting my weight to lean against the wall.

"Well for starters, you've been coming up here every chance you get. You used to always make your rounds to talk to us... is there something wrong?"

"I'm fine Garrus, I appreciate the thought though."

"Shepard, I've known you long enough to know what that is a bold faced lie." I divert my gaze to the fish tank. "We're not just your crew, Shepard. We're also your friends and our job is to make sure you're okay. You're always checking up on us." I sigh, dropping my arms to my sides. It's pointless to argue with him.

"Everything is a mess Garrus. I have to try to keep Wrex from having his temper go off the charts. The Salarians are not on our side anymore. What if we aren't successful in rescuing the females? We'll lose the chance of having the Krogan at our side to help us in the fight against the Reapers."

"It'll work out fine. They've got the best spectre-commander thought possible on the case." I give him a small smile before looking away again.

"Commander, call me a nosy Turian, but I do believe there is something else bothering you."

"You know me too well, Vakarian. Fine. I'm worried about... Kaidan. I glance at the picture of him and I on my desk.

"I'm sure that will work out fine. He's been through a lot. Who knows what kind of hell he went through those two years you were gone... he shouldn't have acted like he did on Horizon, I agree. He shouldn't judge you by a label you're supposedly wearing. We do make mistakes though, the best you can do is try to forgive us when we do."

"Is there something you've done Garrus?"

"What? No. Hell no. I was just simply saying that even I could make a mistake, as hard as that is to fathom." I can't help but laugh.

"Cocky turian."

"The one and only."

"Thanks for coming up here Garrus. I needed a friend to talk to." I give him a quick hug.

"Oh but there's more to this. You're coming downstairs with me."

"What for?"

"To spend time with the rest of us. There's no point locking yourself away from your friends. Soo we've got a couple of drinks and games lined up..."

"Alright, alright. You've made your case. I'll come down with you."

"Good. I didn't want to have to knock you out and drag you down there myself."

"I'd like to see you try." I flash him a grin before quickly making a start for the door.

"Hey now just a minute!"