Vampire Hunter Nessie and the Twin Shadowed Knight

Disclaimer: I do not own Renesmee or Vampire hunter D. They are very good, but not mine.

This is going to be the first chaptered Nessie story. Since a oneshot is too big for what I'm planning. Lots of cuteness, a bit of horror and a lotta fighting ahead.

Part 1: Prologue

This facility is really something. From the outside it looks like stone and it's got a strong, some would say bad, gothic style to it. It looks like a giant black dome and it can survive a direct hit from a nuclear bomb. You know, the mega-megaton type.

It has a defence system that's composed of various portal traps, carnivorous nano swarms, bio-engineered monsters, captive supernatural creatures, psychic attack machines and more.

It's been standing there for over nine thousand years. During the Noble Civil Wars, it was the premier weapons designing facility for the royalist faction and has a sister facility called MUMA.

BOOM!

And I just blew up the darn place in under ten minutes. The collective genius of the Noble race: zero. Vampire Hunter Nessie: 1

Give me an N

Give me an E

Give me an S

Give me another S

Give me an I

Give me an E

What does that spell? I'll tell you what it spells. That spells "awesome!"

My name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I am a vampire hunter. I'd like to take this time to thank my weapons designer, "Psycho" Ammar Hajar. He's the great nephew of my last weapons designer.

If you see him, you can't miss him. He's tall, Arab, likes to dye his beard blue and every Friday he puts on a red dress and whores himself out at a Syrian transvestite bar called The Tented Burka.

If he wasn't so touchy, I'd tell him there are classier places to whore himself out. But hey, it's not my place to question what people do with their free time; especially when they're the best weapons designer on the frontier.

Before I go, I need to inspect the ashes of the facility to see that nothing has survived. Walking along in my knee high buckled boots, foxy leather pants and twin double barrelled shotguns; I am making it look good :) Worship the smiley face!

On my way, I encounter a chunk of wall left. If I leave it here, the whole place will regenerate and I won't get paid. So I shoot it with an anti matter slug round and the piece is vaporized.

A cursory patrol reveals that nothing is left. Even my heart shaped pink scanner glasses show it's all clean.

Time to kick back and relax!

Okay, while I'm sitting here in my fancy hotel room, lounging in my underwear as several hawt prosti-dudes feed me grapes and massage me, I may as well fill you in on the details.

Ten thousand years ago, I had a boyfriend named D. Later on, D became the world's greatest vampire hunter.

D had a father that was pure evil, named Dracula. By engineering the end of the world, Dracula made himself king of the world. Before he became king, he did something that made me so afraid that I couldn't sleep for a thousand years.

Eventually, I'd had enough of fear. With my father's reluctant help, I armed myself, got training with the deadly arts and became a world class vampire hunter and also the cutest.

Since then everything's been peachy keen. My work is dangerous and with all my experience and skill I barely survive from minute to minute.

That's why I treasure these moments of calm and try to indulge all my dirty hedonistic desires.

I motion to one of the prosti-dudes to come closer. The twenty year old man with a baby smooth face comes in close and gives me the best kiss I've had in five hundred years. It tastes great; it goes perfectly with the grapes I'm eating. He follows me perfectly and leads perfectly.

Before he can kiss me deeper and make me orgasm too quickly, I push him back gently, playfully. "Easy tiger, we're still getting started."

These boys are professionals bought from the best escort service in the city of Edmonchuck. IT's a nice city, located in the far north and powered by geothermal energy. And we're far, far away from the Capitol, but that's not important right now.

Where was I? Oh yeah, man hookers. These guys are trained, but I can see that they're just itching to get a piece of the Ness.

Leaning back on the sofa, I turn down any more grapes. One of them brings a cup of soda to my mouth. It's good stuff; made in Japan. Everything out of Japan is good since the vampire Shogun Hyduki Kikuchi was killed. He was a very poor writer.

My dad would freak if he could see me now; about to be loved up by seven prosti-dudes. My mom would just tell me to go for it. Dear old mom

To start off, I think I'll take the Swedish twins first. I'm a sucker for Baltic men.

Knock-knock

Oh no.

Knock-knock

Just as things were getting good, something had to interrupt me. Whoever is knocking at that door had better have something good to say, otherwise I'll be very mad.

Since I've been alive a long time, I pick up my sniper rifle first; named Davy 2.0. Davy the original sniper rifle died and now I've got his son. Did I mention the stock doubles as a battle axe blade?

Opening the door, there's nobody there; just an envelope on the ground. Better safe than sorry, I grab a vial of anti-deception powder from my bra and sprinkle a some on the letter.

No reaction. Okay, I guess it's safe.

But then again, safe is a relative term, so I use some of my spit to draw a protective rune on the envelope. Meh, it's not gamorous but it's worked in the past.

I pull out the letter inside and it's nothing but cheap buy-it-anywhere paper. It's not the writing or the paper, it's the seal at the top of the message.

It's a distinct symbol, one that you'd never forget. It's basically a big "V" overtop of an inverted cross. To the sides of the "V" are the cabbalistic hand and stylized sun that looks somehow lifeless.

Suddenly, I get that feeling. It's the feeling I get when I'm not feeling very cute or nice, and I want to hurt people.

I glance over my shoulder at the prosti-dudes. For just a second, one split second in time, they're afraid of me. I see it in their eyes and I snap back to myself.

I could go downstairs and ask everyone in the hotel at shotgun point who delivered the letter but I wouldn't get any answers.

Reaching for my cute peach coloured purse with roses, I grab the cash that they're owned. "Sorry guys, but something came up. Here's your fee and thanks for a nice night."

Now in their eyes I can see disappointment. I've given these guys a bad case of blue balls and I'm really, really sorry for it.

I make sure to give each of them a big hug before I go. I find that hugs are very therapeutic, don't you? I don't need weed when I've got a warm body and a kind heart to just squeeze just so.

I really love hugs.

Unfortunately I'm about to go to a place where there are no hugs. So put on a blanket for the chill up your spine, things are about to get hairy.

So here I am, standing in the worst slum in the Capitol. The sixth century AD living alongside the hundred and twentieth century. This is where the criminals run when they don't want to be found and the mutants try to scratch out a living without resorting to banditry like in the country.

You remember how I told you I was far away from the Capitol? That's only because my worst enemies live here.

Let's back up a bit. Time for a little history lesson.

About three thousand years before the great catacylysm there were no Nobles; but there were vampires.

The vampire genes has been around for a long time and it's spread far and wide. They're in mosquitos and leaches, in hagfish and ticks.

Way back then, there was a species of vampire, just one, which lacked the gene of darkness that defines the Nobility. They never slept, had no fangs and sunlight only made them sparkle.

Because they lacked the gene of darkness dind't mean that they were good. Around one thousand BC, a group of these vampires called the Volturi arose.

The group started off as three, Marcus, Caius and Aro; three Etruscan princes who knew how to crack the whip.

After three thousand years of uncontested power, they were unseated by Dracula and his devil army.

It was a huge blow to the Volturi's pride, bigger than the almost battle from when I was born.

For years, the Volturi hid in the shadows, becoming a terrorist organization that fought an IRA style war against the Nobility. They never amounted to much. Dracula's own private terrorist organizations were efficient and inflicted staggering losses on the Volturi; chasing them across creation and killing members like Alec, Dmitri and the brides.

It wasn't long before the Volturi took a different approach. Instead of fighting the Nobles directly, they trained, equipped and genetically eingineered the humans to be vampire hunters.

Through their proxies, humand and eventually mutant and dhampir, the Volturi started doing real damage to the Noble power structure.

After the fall of the Capitol into human hands, the Volturi stepped in right where they left off.

So if you think that humans rule the Capitol, that this is the one vampire free city on Earth, then you're dead wrong.

The Volturi rule everything. Chances are they know your name, address and family members; they just haven't looked it up yet.

They buy off politicians and own majority shares in mega corporations through third and fourth party transactions. They bring down mayors, generals, governors and enemy vampires like they're nothing.

And the worst part is that nobody knows about it. Unlike the Nobility, the Volturi are happy to stay in the shadows and let the humans think what they want to.

Right now, I'm about to enter their lair because they want to hire me

So here I go; here comes Nessie down the rabbit hole!

Stay with me, my freaky darlings :D We've got a lot more to go.