Happy Birthday, Luba!
Standard disclaimer: Marvel owns the characters, not me. Someone else (Frank Baum, I think) wrote the Wizard of Oz, and I think MGM did the movie, but I'm not sure. Special thanks to my daughter, Amanda, whose constant question "What happens next?" got me to finish this one in record time.
A Somewhat Familiar Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Kitty, who lived with her Uncle Xavier, her Aunt Ororo, and her pet dragon Lockheed in a very nice mansion in Westchester, New York. One night a storm hit the mansion, and while Aunt Ororo called and called, she was unable to wake Kitty to come down to the cellar where she would be safe. Instead, the whole house, including Kitty and Lockheed, was carried off by the tornado. The mansion spun and spun, and seemed to fly through the air for hours, while Kitty slept on her bed, clinging to Lockheed. Suddenly, she was awakened by a big thump!
Kitty rubbed her eyes, and said to her dragon, "Oh, Lockheed, I don't think we're in Westchester any more." She looked out her bedroom window, and saw that the mansion had landed in the middle of a village of tiny houses, from which were emerging tiny people dressed in brightly colored blue, green, and yellow clothing. Many of them were pointing at the mansion and talking excitedly amongst themselves, but she couldn't hear what they were saying.
She looked down at herself, and was surprised to see that she was wearing a blue and white checkered dress rather than the jeans and tee-shirt she remembered putting on that morning. She shook her head, puzzled, and found that her hair was tied into pigtails on either side of her face. "That's about enough of that," she said aloud, and untied them, brushing her hair until it hung down her back as usual. She checked her dresser, hoping to change her clothes into something more comfortable, but found that all her drawers were empty. Shrugging, she picked up Lockheed, went to the door, gingerly opened it and peered out. The people were even smaller than she'd imagined, and as she walked out the door they rushed to her, talking excitedly. She couldn't make out what they were saying, until one important looking person approached, wearing a blue and yellow suit and a pair of red sunglasses, and the others backed up to make way.
"Thank you, thank you," he said earnestly, reaching up to shake her hand. "We are all at your service."
"Well, you're welcome," Kitty replied, puzzled. "But thank you for what? I'm very sorry the mansion landed in the middle of your village…"
"You really don't know? Oh," he said, rubbing his chin. "We just assumed you did it on purpose. You see, your mansion landed right on top of an evil witch who'd been plaguing our land and enslaving our people for years."
"Oh dear," Kitty answered. "I'm sure we didn't mean to hurt anyone."
"No, no – the Black Queen was a thoroughly evil witch, and we're very glad she's dead. In any case, whether you did it intentionally or not, you saved us, and we owe you a debt. Is there anything we can do for you?"
"I just want to go home," Kitty replied.
"Home, home, hmmm. Where's home?"
"Westchester, New York."
"Oh. I'm afraid I don't know how to get there," he said, shaking his head. "No indeed. You'll have to ask the great Wizard."
"How do I find him?" Kitty asked. She was beginning to feel as if she'd fallen in to a fairy tale, and was anxious to get out of it.
"Just follow the yellow brick road," he replied, and she looked down to realize that she was standing on a yellow path that seemed to spiral and wind aimlessly for as far as she could see. "It will lead you to the Emerald City, where you will find the great Wizard."
"Thank you," she replied, and started off, carrying Lockheed and waving back at the crowds of people who waved to her, wishing her well. She heard music playing from somewhere, and the little people began to sing, "Follow the yellow brick road" over and over.
She'd walked quite a way, far out of sight of the village, when she came upon a split in the road.
"Which way should I go, Lockheed?" she asked her dragon, who shrugged his shoulders.
"That way is very nice," she heard. She looked around, but didn't see anyone.
"Then again, that way is nice too."
"Who said that?" she asked.
"Over here," she heard from above, and looking up she saw a man entirely made of ice, hanging from a post.
"Oh, hello," she said, then did a double take.
"You know, it's kind of rude to stare," said the man, glaring at her.
"I'm very sorry," Kitty said. "I've never seen anyone like you before."
"Nah, I'm one of a kind, the great Iceman," he replied, trying to look impressive. His inability to pull it off was not entirely due to the fact that he was hanging in mid-air.
"It's very nice to meet you," Kitty said, but Lockheed just said "pffui".
"Nice to meet you too. I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" he asked hopefully.
"That depends on what it is," she replied, as she was a very smart girl and new better than to give an open ended promise.
"Could you get me off this pole?" he pleaded. "I've been hanging up here a very long time, and it's not very comfortable.
"Why are you hanging up there?" Kitty asked, wanted more information before she agreed.
"Well you see, last winter I was standing on a pile of snow, leaning against this metal post, when I froze to it. The snow melted, and now I don't even have anything to stand on, but I still can't get down."
"Oh, that's terrible," Kitty exclaimed, and walked around to see what she could do. "I can ask Lockheed to melt you off. If he warms up the pole a bit, I'd guess you'll slide right off…
"Melt? No!" he shouted, twisting his head around to glare at the dragon. "If there's anything I'm afraid of, it's an open flame. Well, I feel a bit nervous around ice choppers, too, and being run over by a bulldozer wouldn't be much fun, but fire's a lot harder to avoid. I'm not sure, but I think if I'm melted that would be the end of me. Can't you just chip off the ice?" he asked hopefully.
"I don't think so, but maybe I can just phase you off," Kitty said, for she was a girl with special talents of her own, and could make herself and things she was touching intangible.
"Phase me – what…" but before the Iceman could finish speaking, Kitty had touched his hand, and he fell to the ground with a crunch as little pieces of ice crumbled off. "Oh, that's MUCH better," he said as he got to his feet and stretched. "Thanks, hon' – I was getting really tired of hanging around."
"No problem," Kitty replied, feeling rather proud of herself. "I'm Kitty, and this is my dragon Lockheed. What's your name?"
He smiled, and opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He looked puzzled, and tried again, with the same results.
"Hmm, that's strange," he said, rubbing at his forehead. "Oh well, just call me Iceman, everyone does."
"Everyone?" Kitty asked, surprised.
"Well, I haven't seen many people for a while. I've been kind of stuck, after all," he answered. "But the last people who saw me stuck to the pole yelled, 'Hey, look at the iceman,' so I guess that will do." Kitty thought he looked kind of depressed at the prospect, so she decided to change the subject.
"What are you going to do now?" she asked.
"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm not very good at anything – hey, I'm not even a very good Iceman, getting stuck to a pole like that."
"Well, it WAS a silly thing to do," Kitty had to admit. "But everyone has their off days. Have you always been an Iceman?"
"Oh no, once I was as human as yourself. But then an evil witch cursed me, and ever since I've been like this," he replied, glumly.
"The Black Queen? She's dead – my house landed on her," she said proudly, hoping the information would cheer him up.
"It did?" he answered, smiling. "Good job – she was a real pain. But no, it was her sister, the White Queen."
"Why did she curse you?" Kitty asked.
"Umm, well, I played a little joke on her."
"A joke?"
"Well, umm, it involved some of her intimate apparel and a freezer. I guess she doesn't have much of a sense of humor," said the Iceman, shrugging. "Too bad your house didn't take her out too. I think if she died, the spell would be broken. I'd give nearly anything to be human again."
Suddenly, Kitty heard music start playing, and the Iceman shrugged and began singing,
"I would sunbathe by the hour,
Enjoy a nice hot shower -
Some coffee would be nice.
In my arms, girls would quiver
If I didn't make them shiver.
If I wasn't made of ice."
He did a little tap routine, while Kitty looked around, confused. Finally he stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Trying to figure out where the music is coming from," she replied. She couldn't see any musicians, and there wasn't anywhere for a stereo to be plugged in…
"Oh, don't bother – that happens around here quite a bit," he answered nonchalantly. "It's usually just a cue that someone's supposed to start singing. I threw in the tap routine for some variety."
"Oh," Kitty said. She couldn't think of anything to add, so she was grateful when the Iceman finally said something.
"So, where are you going?"
"Oh, Lockheed and I are going to the Emerald City to see the wizard. We're hoping that he will be able to send us home."
"Oh," the Iceman said, and his face fell. "I was hoping you'd stick around for a while – it's nice to have someone to talk to again."
"Well, maybe you could come with us," Kitty said, feeling sorry for him. "If the wizard is as great as everyone says, maybe he can change you back to human again."
"That'd be cool!" said the Iceman. Suddenly, Kitty heard music again, and the Iceman linked his arm through hers. "Might as well get on with it," he said, shrugging, and Kitty joined in, laughing,
"We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz."
They traveled together for several days, following the yellow brick road with Lockheed flying behind them or riding on Kitty's shoulder. One day they stopped by an apple tree, as Kitty was getting hungry and the Iceman wanted to get out of the sun for a while. The Iceman made a slide up to the top of the tree, traveling up it as it grew, and began tossing apples down to Kitty. She caught most of them in her skirt, but one rolled away into the tall grass on the other side of the yellow brick road. She began walking over to pick it up, then stopped and turned to the Iceman, who had descended his slide.
"Hey, if you can do that, why have we been walking all this time?" she asked, perturbed.
"I didn't think of it," he answered, grinning sheepishly.
Kitty rolled her eyes, and walked between some trees toward where the apple had rolled. She bent to pick it up, and saw that it had stopped at the foot of a metal statue. She stood up to look at it more closely, and saw that it was in the shape of a very large man. It had obviously been standing there for some time, as there was moss growing on it.
"Check this out," she called to Lockheed and the Iceman. "I found a statue. Wonder who it's of? Looks like it must have been an artist – he's holding a paintbrush."
"Nice detail," said the Iceman, walking around it. "Maybe if you had your dragon burn off the moss we could see if there was a plaque or something."
"Good idea – stand back, so you don't melt," Kitty cautioned, backing off herself, and Lockheed obligingly let out a blast of flame. The moss shriveled up and fell off, but as Kitty and the Iceman began to walk back toward it they realized that the statue had begun to move. It stretched slowly, as if in slow motion, then turned its head to look at them.
"Tovarish! Thank you for burning off the rust – I was
starting to think I would never move again."
"Who are you?" Kitty asked cautiously.
Unlike the Iceman when she'd met him, this 'person' looked as if he had
the potential to be a real threat.
"Well, I would like to be remembered as Colossus, after one of my most famous sculptures. But now I'm normally referred to as Tinman," he replied. "And you?"
"I'm Kitty, and this is my friend the Iceman, and my pet dragon Lockheed," she said.
"Well Kitty, thank you for your assistance," he said, holding out his hand. "I had been standing there for a very long time, ever since a sudden shower came up while I was painting and I rusted in place. It didn't do much for my painting, either," he added, frowning.
Kitty shook his hand, and asked, "But how did you come to be here in the first place?"
"Ah, that is a sad story, Katya – do you mind if I call you Katya? That would be your name in the land I am from, and I find myself growing homesick."
"No, it's fine," she answered, wishing he'd just get on with it, as he was beginning to get on her nerves. "You were saying?"
"Ah yes. Well, I was employed as an artist, and commissioned to paint a portrait of the White Queen. Unfortunately, she didn't like the finished painting, and cast a spell on me."
"She seems to do that quite a bit," the Iceman grumbled.
"Ah, you too?" Taking the Iceman's grunt as an answer, he continued. "Yes, she is quite an evil person – beautiful, but evil. One moment I was presenting her with her finished portrait, a true masterpiece, and the next I was as you see me now, made completely of tin." He gripped his paintbrush more tightly, and it snapped in two. "Oh, not again," he moaned, and tears began to come out of his eyes.
"Don't do that," cautioned the Iceman. "You'll rust again."
"You're right, of course," said the Tinman, wiping his eyes on his tin sleeve. "It's just very frustrating – I can't get any painting done with my brushes snapping, and any time I try to use watercolors my hands rust from the water." Kitty heard music, and braced herself for another song.
"I'd repaint the Sistene Chapel,
Protect it with in enamel,
Commissions would roll in.
Oh, a fortune I'd be making
If my brushes weren't breaking
If I wasn't made of tin."
Kitty and the Iceman both rolled their eyes skyward, and she personally thought the Tinman a bit too full of himself, but she felt sorry for him nonetheless. After a quick consultation between them, the Iceman said, grudgingly, "Maybe you can come with us to see the wizard."
"Does he sell brushes?" the Tinman asked, still grumbling over the pieces of the one in his hand.
"I don't think so," Kitty replied. "But he is a mighty wizard. Perhaps he can return you to your original form."
"Oh, that would be excellent," the Tinman said. "I believe I will go with you, but I must ask that you," he addressed the Iceman, "stay a bit away from me. If you start dripping, I'll rust again."
"Don't tempt me," the Iceman mumbled under his breath, but Kitty heard him and she laughed. The music began again, and Kitty shook her head. However, it seemed inevitable, so she linked her arms through those of her two companions, and then began singing,
"We're off to see the Wizard…"
The four companions, including Lockheed, traveled on for several hours. Due to the Tinman's unwillingness to risk Iceman's ice slides, they were forced to walk, and as Kitty grew more and more tired, both of walking and of listening to him praise his own artwork, she gave some half serious thought to leaving him behind. However, she had been taught that it was rude to ditch people, however obnoxious they may be, so she simply stopped listening to him and concentrated on looking around her.
They had entered a dark forest, and Kitty began to grow rather concerned. While she could phase herself out of any danger, her abilities could save only herself and one of those with her. Just in case, she made Lockheed stay within reach. If it they encountered a danger he could escape by flying away, she knew he would, but she wanted him close by, just in case.
Suddenly, she heard a loud "Roarrr" and a blue lion emerged from behind a tree. Kitty shrieked, the Tinman hid behind her, and the Iceman stepped forward and held out his hand, ready to throw some ice at him. But the lion stood up on his hind legs, coughed loudly a few times, and cleared his throat.
"Oh, my humblest apologies, good people. I seem to have acquired something of a respiratory infection. I certainly meant to cause you no distress, though I understand that my rather fierce countenance often invokes such a response."
"What'd he say?" the Iceman said to Kitty out of the corner of his mouth.
"He said he has a cold, and he's sorry he scared us," she replied the same way.
"Oh."
"Who are you?" asked Kitty once this exchange was complete, and the lion smiled, baring his teeth.
"I am known as the Beast by many who have never actually met me," he replied, adjusting his spectacles.
"The Beast?" Kitty replied, shocked. "Oh, I don't think you look like a beast at all – more like a lion, really, aside from your color and your glasses."
"Oh, I must admit I prefer that form of address. Lion it is, then," he said, holding out his paw. "And you are?"
"I'm Kitty, and these are my friends Iceman, Tinman, and Lockheed the Dragon," Kitty replied, shaking his hand.
"Quite a pleasure to meet you all," the Lion replied. "I'm afraid that, due to my outward appearance, my opportunities for intelligent discourse have been rather limited the last few years. Perhaps you would care to stay for a while?"
"Oh, we would, but we can't," Kitty explained. "We're on our way to see the Wizard."
"Ah, a quest!" replied the Lion. "I have heard that the Wizard is a unique individual of great accomplishments and unparalleled intelligence. Are you seeking him for some purpose?"
Kitty took a moment to figure out what the Lion was asking, then replied, "Yes. I'm looking for a way home to Westchester, and Iceman and Tinman want to return to their natural forms."
"Ah yes, that is my fondest wish as well." Kitty braced herself, and sure enough, the music began to play, and the Lion stepped forward a bit and bowed, then began to sing.
"I could work on my inventions
Divine all life's intentions
And slice delicious plums.
On a Twinkie I'd feast
For I'd no longer be a beast
If I had opposing thumbs."
The Lion smiled and bowed again as Kitty and the Iceman clapped, but said, "I fear potetry is not my forte." They protested, but the Tinman looked puzzled.
"I don't understand all of this," he said finally. "Are you not an animal, then?"
"No indeed. I was a scientist of great reknown, until some cosmetics I had devised caused the evil White Queen to develop a skin irritation. She said since I was fumble fingered anyway, I might as well look the part, and voila! she cast an incantation that transformed me into the form you currently see."
"Perhaps you should come with us to see the Wizard, then," Kitty said, and the Iceman nodded.
"I think perhaps I will," the Lion agreed.
Kitty and the Iceman cheered, and the Tinman looked irritable, which convinced Kitty that they had made the right decision in inviting the Lion to join them. Knowing it was inevitable, Kitty didn't even wait for the music to begin to link her arms with those of the Iceman and the Lion, leaving the Tinman to link his with the Iceman. "Maybe he'll rust," Kitty thought hopefully as the music began, and the four began skipping down the yellow brick road, with Lockheed close behind.
"We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz…"
The five companions traveled for several more days, stopping only long enough for Kitty and the Lion to eat and sleep (the Iceman and Tinman needed neither, and Lockheed tended to eat what he found along the road and sleep on Kitty's shoulder). Finally, one morning the Lion, whose vision was better than the others', suddenly stopped and pointed.
"Look – the Emerald City is before us!" he shouted. The others peered in the direction he was pointing, but Kitty could only see a faint green glow along the horizon.
"Are you sure, fuzzball?" the Iceman asked the Lion, with whom he had become close friends over the past few days.
"Certainly, my frozen friend. It is no more than two hours walk ahead, even allowing for the slow pace at which we seem to proceed, and occasional stops to remove oxidation from our tin-plated acquaintance."
"Cool," the Iceman said. "Hey, Kitty – do you think the Wizard will be able to change us back right away?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "Why?"
"Oh, I don't know," he said sheepishly. "I guess, well, I was wondering if maybe we could maybe spend some time together before you went home."
"What are we doing now?" she replied, puzzled.
"I meant – oh, never mind…" he said, and walked ahead.
"I believe our mutual friend was attempting to invite you to join him in an evening of celebration, once he has reverted to a form less likely to inflict frostbite," the Lion said quietly to Kitty.
"Oh. I didn't realize – do you think I hurt his feelings?" she replied.
"Perhaps, but I believe it likely that he will recover," the Lion assured her, clasping her shoulder with his paw. "It has become increasingly apparent to me that he bears very warm feelings toward you, which must be rather uncomfortable for him, given his current state. I admit to being rather curious as to the possibility of them causing him to melt, though of course I hope that no such thing will occur. The question of importance is, are those emotions reciprocated"
"I don't know," Kitty admitted. "I like him, yeah, but I don't even know his real name. He tried to tell me once, but nothing came out. It was really very strange."
"Ah, I understand the situation. Speaking theoretically, and not referring to my own situation," the Lion said carefully, and Kitty knew he was trying to imply something he couldn't say, "it is often impossible for those ensorcelled to reveal their prior identities. Part of the standard transformation spell, I imagine, though I'm not well versed in such matters. I would hypothesize that the Iceman was unaware of this, and discovered it only when he attempted to tell you his name. Perhaps no one had asked it of him previously."
"Well, he DID say he hadn't seen anyone for a long time," she said. "That's terrible! I assume the same applies to you?" she added, realizing she had never asked him his real name.
The lion tried to respond, but was unable to do so.
"I'll take that as a yes, and change the subject," she said, patting him on the back. She looked at the Iceman's back, which was slumped, and felt even worse about her response. "In fact, if you don't mind, I think I'll go talk to Iceman for a while."
"I think that would be a most excellent idea," the Lion assured her, and she quickened her pace to catch up with Iceman, noticing in passing that the Tinman was staring at her in a very odd way. She didn't like that, so she hurried even more.
"Iceman?" she said quietly as she caught up with him.
"What's up?" he replied, without looking at her.
"I'm very sorry," she said, putting her arm around his shoulders and ignoring the chill that went through her. "I didn't understand what you were asking. I'd love to spend some time with you after we see the Wizard, if I'm able to. I really do need to get home, you know, but I'm guessing we could fit some time in."
"Really?" he said, brightening. "I mean, you don't know anything about me…"
"Well, I guess after the spell is broken I'll be able to find out," she answered, smiling. "I understand now why you couldn't tell me. In the meantime, I know we're friends, right?"
"Right," he replied, smiling. "Hey, you'd better move your arm – you're going to get cold."
"I already am," she admitted, shivering. "But I don't mind, if you don't."
"Hardly," he said, and the look in his eyes warmed her. After a while she did remove her arm, but they continued walking side by side, all the way to the Emerald City, unaware that the Tinman's eyes has continued to follow Kitty, growing colder by the minute.
After what seemed like days, but was really only two hours as the Lion had predicted, they found themselves at the gate of the Emerald City. Kitty reached up to pull the bell, and a little man popped out of a window in the door.
"State your business here," he said sharply. Though short, he was a muscular dark man with an "M" tattooed over his eye, which gave him a rather sinister appearance.
"We're here to see the wizard," Kitty replied.
"The Wizard sees no one without an appointment. Do you have one?" he countered, rather like the maitre'd at a high priced restaurant.
"No, I guess not," Kitty answered, looking at her companions, who all shook their heads as well. "A little man suggested I come here after my house smashed the Black Queen –"
"That was you?" the gatekeeper said, eyeing her suspiciously. "Yes, you do match the description, now that I look at you. Alright, you may enter, but these others must remain outside." But although the Iceman and the Lion urged her to go in without them, she refused to enter without her friends. The Tinman remained silent throughout this entire exchange. Finally, the gatekeeper agreed to allow them all to enter, probably because quite a long line was forming behind them while they argued. And so, Kitty, Lockheed, the Iceman, the Tinman, and the Lion at last entered the Emerald City.
They followed the gatekeeper's directions to the Wizard's palace, where to their surprise they encountered no guards at all. In fact, most people seemed to be giving the palace a wide berth, for no apparent reason. Shrugging, Kitty led the way inside.
They entered a huge, echoing throne room. The throne, however, was empty, and they began poking around, looking for signs of inhabitants. Suddenly, a loud voice boomed from overhead.
"Who seeks the mighty Wizard?"
"I do," replied Kitty. "And my friends as well."
"Vat do you want?" the voice answered, and Kitty thought it had a faint German accent.
"Well, I want to go back home to Westchester," she replied, casting a sad look at the Iceman, "and my friends are under spells cast by the White Queen, which they would like to have broken."
"So, why have you sought an audience with the Wizard over these matters?" the voice replied, and suddenly Lockheed flew forward, pulling from behind a tapestry a blue, fuzzy man by his long, pointed tail, who was still holding a microphone in his hand.
"Vat are you doing? Stop that!" boomed the voice, but when the blue man turned around and saw them staring at him, he dropped the microphone. "Ach, well, I suppose the game is over," he conceded.
"Who are you?" Kitty asked, suspiciously. He looked rather like pictures she had seen of demons, but his manner seemed less than demonic.
"Me? The Wizard of Oz," he admitted. "I don't look the part, so I've found that my physical absence is more impressive than my physical presence. Back to your problem, though – I may be able to send you back to Westchester, but I can't do anything for your companions. Only the death of the White Queen will break her spells, unless she wishes to cancel them, or her power is broken."
Kitty felt her hopes rise and fall as the wizard spoke. She glanced over at her companions, and knew that all of them (except possibly the Tinman) would urge her to take the wizard's offer, but she had grown too fond of them all to leave their quests unfulfilled.
"So, how can we break the White Queen's power?" she asked the wizard.
"Ach, now, that is a question I may be able to answer," the wizard said, nodding. "Why don't you all come in and sit down…"
Some time later, Kitty, Lockheed, and their companions were back on the road, this time heading toward the White Queen's castle. The Wizard had used his own abilities to transport them in a split second to within a few miles of the castle, saving them an additional several weeks of traveling, for which Kitty was very grateful. Kitty's mind reeled at the thought of what she was about to do, but despite the urgings of her friends, she refused to return to Westchester until the spells on them had been broken.
They reached the White Queen's castle, having easily avoided the toad-like guards the wizard had warned them of. All of the men in the party were familiar with the building from their various dealings with the White Queen, so it was easy for them to find an outside wall adjoining a normally deserted corridor. One by one, Kitty phased them in to the castle, and they made their way to the White Queen's inner sanctum. On the way, the Iceman filled the bucket they had brought with them with ice, and it gradually melted as they walked.
When they reached the room in which they expected to find the White Queen, the separated. Kitty and Lockheed followed the corridor they'd been told would lead to the back of the room, carrying the bucket, while the others walked up to the door itself. Kitty waited until she heard the door open, and phased herself, Lockheed, and the bucket partially through the wall, where, she hoped, she would be able to see what was happening without being seen herself. It was a risky use of her ability, she knew, for if she tired she might materialize inside the wall, but considering that the others were prepared to act as decoys, she was willing to chance it.
The plan worked perfectly. As the three ensorcelled victims of the White Queen entered the room, the White Queen turned from her mirror to face them.
"You!" she shouted. "Didn't you learn the last time I encountered each of you that it's unwise to anger me?" Despite hearing her described by the wizard and each of her friends, Kitty was surprised by the White Queen's appearance. She was clad in what appeared to be white leather underwear, and despite overly heavy makeup, was very beautiful. Only her eyes and voice betrayed her true character.
"White Queen, it is time for your reign of terror to come to an end," said the Tinman, raising a large metal rod. While it looked impressive, Kitty knew that the Tinman had no idea what to do with it. Apparently, this occurred to the White Queen as well, as she laughed.
"Oh, so now the artist is becoming the soldier? Hope you do a better job of that than you do painting." The Tinman raised the rod threateningly, and Kitty took a deep breath, recognizing her cue. She phased the rest of the way through the wall, and began to silently make her way toward the White Queen. Unfortunately, midway to her destination, she slipped on the fringe of a rug and nearly fell. She caught her balance, and had luckily not spilled much of the water, but the noise alerted the White Queen to her presence.
"And what have we here?" she asked, flipping around. "A mere chit of a girl, trying to sneak up on me? Why, I could use a new maid," but as she stepped toward Kitty, both the Iceman and the Lion shouted, "No!"
"No?" she said, turning back to them slowly. "How dare you –"
She never got a chance to finish what she was saying, as just at that moment, Lockheed grabbed the bucket from Kitty's hand and, flying swiftly over her head, dumped its contents on the White Queen.
"NO!" she shrieked, trying to protect her face with her hands, but to no avail. Her heavy makeup began to run off, and with it her appearance of youth, revealing an ugly old hag. "No!" she said again, sinking to her knees. "Do you know what you've done? I'm melting…"
"Well, not exactly," replied the Lion. "Once the Wizard informed us that your powers were inextricably linked to your vanity, we hypothesized that disrupting the youth spell you instill in your makeup would likely result in a diminishment of your abilities. And it would appear that this is the case," he added, watching the White Queen grow older and older. "Quite fascinating."
While the Lion conversed with the White Queen, Kitty glanced at her other companions. The Tinman had dropped his metal rod, but was holding something else in his hand and walking up behind the Iceman, whose eyes were fastened on the scene before him. Kitty saw a light flare up, and shouted, "Iceman – look out behind you!" Her warning came just in time, for the Tinman had been approaching him with a flaming lighter. The Iceman flipped around and cast a stream of ice toward their false companion, putting out the flame and freezing the Tinman where he stood. Kitty raced over to them, and hugged the shaking Iceman. She then turned to the Tinman and asked,
"Why?"
"Why? Why? I am an artist!" he ranted. "You are so beautiful, Katya, I wished to paint you, to worship you, but you ignored me in favor of – that! Once it was gone, you would have turned to me, as you should have from the start."
"You're insane," she replied, shaking her head. Luckily, the Tinman's jaws rusted shut at that point, so all he could do was glare silently at her as she turned back to the Iceman, asking, "Are you ok?"
"Bobby," he replied, staring at his hands.
"Bobby?" she asked, confused.
"Yes, Bobby," he answered, holding up his hands, which were gradually assuming a more natural color, and smiling at her. "You asked me before what my name was, and I couldn't tell you. It's Bobby."
"Oh," said Kitty, blushing. She watched as the ice appeared to melt away, little by little, leaving behind a rather attractive young man with unruly brown hair and mischievous eyes. She spared a glance at the Lion, who appeared to be shedding and watching the process with fascination, and the Tinman, who luckily remained frozen despite the reversion to his human form. "It's nice to meet you, Bobby."
They joined the former Lion, who introduced himself as Hank, a stocky man who seemed to be finding the White Queen's magical aging intriguing. Kitty heard the music begin, and was so happy with the results of their quest that she shrugged and said, "Why not?" At that, they all began singing,
"Ding, dong, the witch is dead – which old witch, the wicked witch. Ding, dong the wicked witch is dead…"
They were still singing as they used a potion the Wizard had given them to return to the Emerald City, leaving the former Tinman, whose name they never bothered to ask, in the castle with the now powerless White Queen.
"Mein friends, you have returned," said the Wizard in greeting. "I was beginning to grow worried. But what is this? Did you have to kill her after all? Where is the Tinman? Did he choose not to come with you?"
"Actually, the Tinman, in a jealous rage, attempted to liquefy our friend Bobby. As a result, we chose to break off our association with him, and left him behind as a gift for the White Queen. Whom, I might add, we did not kill, though she may have preferred it. However, 'Ding, Dong, the witch has lost her magical abilities' would have made a dreadful song lyric."
The Wizard shook his head, then looked over at Kitty. "Are you ready then, katzchen? Your friends have gotten their wishes; surely you can now accept the granting of yours. I can teleport you to Westchester as soon as you wish."
Kitty looked at Bobby, who was looking at the floor. "Give me a few minutes?" she asked the Wizard.
"Certainly," he said, and he began asking questions of Hank while Kitty pulled Bobby aside.
"What will you do now?" she asked him.
"I don't know," he admitted. "Hey, haven't we had this conversation before?"
"Yes," she answered, smiling. "The last time I invited you to come with me, and you did. If I invite you again, will you come?"
Bobby thought about it for a minute, and smiled back. "Won't your Aunt and Uncle be upset if you show up on their doorstep with a man from another world?"
"Nah, they're used to that sort of thing – it happens all the time where we live. Now, when I showed up with Lockheed, that was an issue…" Joining hands, they walked back to the Wizard. They invited Hank to join them, but, though he promised to visit, he chose to remain in the land of Oz for some time, exploring its mysteries. The Wizard transported Bobby, Kitty, and Lockheed back to Westchester –
"And they lived happily ever after," said the little girl who was listening to the story, bouncing up and popping her eyes open.
"Elizabeth Anne Drake, I thought you were asleep!" said her exasperated mother.
"I couldn't fall asleep before the story ended," the girl argued. "Is that how you really met Daddy?"
"Nah," said Kitty, bending down and kissing her daughter's forehead. "This story was a lot more believable."
The End