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I Can Be

Thoughts of a confused Addison leading to brief encounter

"I Could Fall in Love"

It wasn't subtle. The feeling. THAT feeling of doom. Not impending doom, but rather one that had already overtaken her world. She could set her alarm, scribble a set date on her planner, and maintain an air of confidence, but it did not mean she would have the strength to stand up. It WAS a simple plan, or at least that is what she thought. Just wake up, treat him indifferently, and forget the color of his eyes. Because she thought it was lust–just an effect of overwhelming attraction. It was impossible for her to shrug off his lingering scent however. The one he had left when she had been standing behind him before their near-kiss, or the feel of his stubble underneath her palm. Or his reason for offending Mark. And his mesmerizing eyes. Many looks scared the hell out of her, but none more so than the look of expectation he had of her to do something.

She knew it would take everything for her to convince herself that she didn't want him, and that she hadn't fallen head over heels in love with him. But this night she would fight nothing, as she didn't even have the energy to think. She drifted to sleep eventually, but when she awoke, she knew she had dreamt him throughout the night. And no alarm could wake her from him.

The headache was nothing compared to the lingering feel of his lips on hers. The worst part was that she had kissed him. And she hadn't even been drunk. She simply saw his face, and in his face he saw a pair of eyes wanting so desperately to sympathize with her. But she was his elder, and his boss. As his boss, she had the responsibility of drawing the line. As his elder, she had a million experiences that had instilled in her the idea that all good things always came to an end. That was her doom.

She walked briskly through the hospital hallway, coffee in hand, and whizzed past Mark. Had he stopped her and asked why she had walked by him so quickly, she could have honestly answered "I didn't see you." Which is the similar answer she gave to Derek when he told her he had called her twice from a patient's room. "Sorry. Didn't hear you," she said oblivious to the world around her. Something that would worry certain people in the hospital, mainly her patients.

Derek had called her because he knew that look on her face. The one of utter confusion. "You okay?" he asked, concerned for the woman whom he had "shared" a life with for over a decade. Shared as in settled for, not settled with.

"Fine," she answered as she offered him a polite smile. Tired with his questioning gaze, she turned her back to him quickly and kept walking.

She was able to feel Alex's presence though, something which disconcerted her even further. They brushed shoulders and she did everything in her power to suppress her shuddering reflex. She turned slightly to Alex and excused herself when he said they needed to talk.

She kept walking, just as he kept calling to her. The way he pronounced Dr. Montgomery was something she had always noticed. That sarcastic undertone made him easy identifiable. Unique. But when he called her Addison, as he was about to, his voice was stripped of sardonic cynicism and was replaced with one of concern.

As he called her "Addison" when she was about to close the door, and they locked eyes, she heard despair added to his tone. One which would force him to say rather loudly, after her apparent blatant dismissal of him--"When you get a minute I'd like to talk about the kissing."

She froze for a second, but then regained her composure and closed the door.

Alex sighed, but not in resignation. He saw nurses staring at him, and was thankful that the residents and surgeons were not present in his scene. His intention was not to humiliate Addison, but rather to address whatever had occurred between them the night before. Which is why he had waited a few moments before mentioning any kissing after saying Addison. That kiss, that slow and tender kiss he had never experienced with any woman, not even Izzie; a slow kiss he had enjoyed more than any other kiss. And that scared the hell out of him.

Next ch.: Addex lovin'

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