AN: This is a weird thought that came to me, not quite out of nowhere. If you've ever saved someone's life you might know where I'm coming from. It can be the strangest thing that can happen to you, believe me I know.

SUMMARY: Daniel is trying to deal with the fact that he saved someone's life. Confused as to why it should affect him so much he turns to Jack for some advice. Early Season 1. Daniel/Jack Friendship. Rated K+. Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

BUT I SAVED HIS LIFE

Jack was lounging lazily in the rec-room, his feet up on the table his yo-yo swinging back and forth, he could not even be bothered to wind it up properly. Covertly he watched as Daniel rose from his chair and drifted across the floor. Jackson let out a prolonged sigh that he chose to ignore, the man had been antsy for two days and Jack did not want his current good mood ruined.

"I saved his life, Jack." he suddenly blurted.

"Who's life Daniel?" O'Neill kept his tone extremely casual.

"Hakaran's"

"That guy on P7K-4481."

"Yeah."

"So?"

Daniel turned to look at the man who had very quickly become his best friend. "I mean I actually saved him. He has a future because of me...I did that."

O'Neill felt himself warm up with pride. "Yeah Daniel you did." He smiled at the younger man.

Daniel's gut twisted in knots. "Jack I... ..."

"What Daniel?"

Jack's proud smile broke into a huge grin making Daniel feel heavy. "I don't know how...I mean..." How was he supposed to explain this...to Jack of all people. Sure he had done a good thing...changed the lives of a family...of a whole tribe if truth be told but how could he live with that? It was the strangest of feelings. He had altered the future of a whole planet's existence simply by acting on instinct.

"You pulled him down, that's how." Jack answered, totally missing the point. He was so proud of the young man who had come to a standstill beside him. A week ago Daniel had really came into his own and acted in a way that would make any superior officer proud and the man was not even military for god sake. "You saved Hakaran's life and brought peace to his whole planet!" He beamed at the archaeologist before him.

"That's the problem Jack."

"What do you mean that's the problem?" Jack laughed heartily at the young man's joke. Like saving anyone could ever be a problem?

"How am I supposed to deal with that Jack? I mean last month I killed a Jaffa…I took my first life..." his words dried up at the memory.

"Yeah Daniel, that's right you did. You, me and Carter all killed Jaffa to get Teal'c back, but that was in the line of duty, it had to be done, we talked about this."

"Yes I know Jack and I'm fine with that...well not fine with it... but I will be. This is different."

"Too right it is Daniel. You saved him...you saved them all." Jack set the yo-yo down and rose from his chair to pull his friend into a genial hug but he shied away. "What is it Daniel? What's the problem?"

Daniel stood rigid, thankful that Jack had dropped his arms just shy of an embrace. "If I hadn't done what I did thing would be different now." He stated slowly.

"Yeah, so?" Jack didn't understand.

Daniel turned away from him and walked across the lounge until an armchair halted his progress. "Jack, I altered their history, their beliefs."

O'Neill furrowed his brow. Was Daniel actually upset that he had freed a civilization from oppression? Nah, that couldn't be it? "Daniel you save them all." He beamed again.

Daniel exploded. "God dammit Jack will you stop saying that!" He couldn't take it any more. "Everything they ever do from now on is going to be different because of me. I changed the path of their whole existence. Everything they ever believed in was a lie and they know that now... All because of me!" His eyes pleaded with the man to understand.

Jack watched as Daniel dropped into the nearest chair and curled up like he was in physical pain. "Daniel I don't get it. Are you upset?" He took two full steps towards the stressed out archaeologist.

"Yeee-ss Jack of course I'm upset!"

The words were anguished and tortured to Jack's ears. He edged closer to his tense friend. "Why?"

The question went unanswered for the longest time. Jack was actually beginning to think that his new friend had totally lost his mind when suddenly he looked up, tears in his blue eyes.

"I'm an archaeologist Jack, an anthropologist." He swiped angrily at the unwanted tears. "I study what happened in the past and compare it to how people live now. I don't interfere. It's a cardinal rule. But what happened on Farcha has changed that." Daniel buried his head in his hands again.

Jack found that his mouth was hanging open, bewilderment ran through him, somehow he managed to keep the 'so' from tripping off his tongue. "Daniel..."

"No Jack." He flung his head up and looked angrily into his friend's eyes. "I saved Hakaran's life, and in doing so I changed everything they knew to be true. The Farchanian's believed that the only way they could survive was by human sacrifice, once a year on the eve of the rise of their largest moon. I took that from them. When the chiefs pushed Harakan towards the forming wormhole I saved him and in doing so I corrupted their whole society. I destroyed their whole belief system." Daniel buried his head again.

O'Neill moved from his position and crouched in front of his friend. He had no idea why the man was so upset but he empathised deeply with his turmoil. He placed a hand on the cushions on either side of him. "Daniel, I gotta be honest here. I really don't understand why you're so upset. According to you, the Farchanian's believed that if they threw one of their warriors into the forming vortex of the 'ring of doom' every large moon rise they would be kept free from attack...that it would appease the gods, right?" The young man nodded. "But that was all because of the Goa'uld right?" Another nod. "So basically they were sacrificing honourable men for nothing?"

Daniel looked up. "Yeah, I guess?"

For the first time since this weird conversation had begun Jack saw a glimmer of hope in the young man's guilt ridden eyes. He swallowed before he continued. "So basically you stopped them from needlessly throwing their lives away, stopped wormhole suicide." Jack winced, realising that that wasn't the subtlest way he could have put it.

Daniel pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't really thought of it that way. He'd been so caught up in spoiling their culture that he had not seen the obvious advantages. But still...he sighed. "Yeah maybe Jack, but that's not what I'm all about." His voice held onto its stubborn edge.

"Daniel, you are part of SG-1, and as part of SG-1 you're going to have to interfere. It's what we do."

"No Jack, it's what you do. You're the soldier. You Teal'c and Sam. This is all natural to you. I hate it."

Jack's eyes went wide. "You hate it!" O'Neill couldn't take it in. "You hate saving lives!"

"No, that's not what I mean...it's...I..." He rose and stepped around his friend to pace the room. "It's difficult to explain. I mean I don't even understand it really but..." he let out a guttural roar of frustration.

Jack scratched his head as he twisted to watch his aggravated friend. "Daniel, do you believe in what we do?"

"What do you mean, Jack?"

"I mean the SGC, why we're out in the galaxy in the first place."

"You mean our mandate? 'To acquiring knowledge, allies, and technology for the defense of the planet.' Sure, I have no problem with that. I love that, but nowhere in that mandate does it say go out and disillusion hundreds of thousands of people and change their way of life forever."

"It wasn't hundred of thousands of people, Daniel."

"No not this time but what about the next time? What about the next time we change everything for a whole society just because we think our way is the better. Who gave us that right? It makes us no better than the Goa'uld themselves."

Jack shot to his feet blazing anger suddenly forcing a fire into his gut. "Stop talking crap! We're nothing like the Goa'uld!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. The only other airman in the place got up and slipped out the door. "De oppresso liber, Daniel. You signed up to that when you joined the programme and you can't for one second tell me that you don't believe it!" Jackson was standing wire-taut in front of him, startled by the unexpected outburst. "You can't honestly expect me to believe that you want to run around looking at all the suffering that's out there at the hands of the Goa'uld and just walk away? What is the matter with you?"

"No Jack of course I don't want to just walk away, but we have to be careful with the way we do things."

"We are careful Daniel. It's not like we go stomping in with our big boots and order people to stop believing in the Goa'uld. We...you mostly use logic and reasoning to steer people in a new direction and I've seen you grinning from ear to ear after you've convinced people that they were misguided. Look at the Argosian's...baby Dan'el. There you changed everything they believed in and gave those families back their whole future together. You can't say that didn't make you feel good."

Daniel Jackson remained silent, suddenly he felt very conflicted. Of course he wanted to help free the galaxy from the oppression of the Goa'uld and that meant changing everything they believed in and he was proud of what they had achieved do far, especially for the Argosian people. Why then did saving Hakaran's life weigh so heavy on him? He sighed and carefully lowered himself to sit on the floor, exhaustion overwhelming him. It had been a few nights since he'd gotten any proper sleep. "I don't understand why I hate this so much. I mean god, he would be dead, Jack."

Unexpectedly Jack O'Neill understood. It was nothing to do with changing the directions of the people of Farcha, it was simply the weight of having directly saved someone's life that was bothering the young man, he just did not realise it. He remembered feeling the same many years ago when he had pulled the young boy out of the burning house. The one they had set alight...the first one they got wrong. The image of that young boy's face still haunted him from time to time. The joy in his mother's eyes and the angry contempt in his father's, that he had been the one to save his son...He had not even had time to learn the young boy's name before his superior officer dragged him away and gave him the first proper career beating of his life. Jack O'Neill nearly always learned things the hard way and that time was no different. Disobedience was punished and he had felt his CO's full wrath. Yet he remained unrepentant, the boy had lived because of him.

Jack realised he should be saying this out loud if he was to help his friend. He sat down beside him and waited for him to look up. When he finally did he held the younger man's gaze as he spoke. "When I was out on my first proper tour of duty, against orders I saved a young boy from a burning building. He was a child of the enemy and my CO lost the plot. He didn't understand. The boy's mother was so grateful but his father reacted much like my CO, he was full of contempt." Jack swallowed. "Anyway that's kinda besides the point. Every night for a long time...years probably, I used to wake up and see that boy's face, his terrified dark eyes, his relief and confusion at being held safe in the arms of what he was told was his mortal enemy. I often wondered...still do actually, what became of him. Did he grow up to be just like his father or did my actions change him in some way? Is he even still alive? I believe he is by the way, if he wasn't I'd just...know." Jack's words stuck in his throat.

"Jack I..." Daniel's voice was hesitant.

"Let me finish would you?" Jack snapped, voicing these memories was difficult. He looked down at his clenched fists and relaxed them a little and levelled out his breathing. "I don't know what it was about that boy that made me act the way I did and part of me has always wondered if it had been the father in the building what would I have done? I would like to think I'd have reacted the same but I really don't think I would have. I've stood by and listened to people scream in agony before death. I've even gunned down unarmed men, watched the whites of their eyes turn red." He shuddered. "But that was all part of the job, it was expected. And like you with your Jaffa last month I carried it close and part of me always will. It doesn't get any easier Daniel but it fades. What doesn't fade is the good that you do, the people you protect. And I don't mean 'hey we stopped those guys from maybe taking out our guys some time in the future', I mean the lives your own hands physically drag back from the edges of fate...It links you to that person Daniel, permanently and completely and that can be a heavy burden sometimes."

"But why Jack?" Daniel searched the older man's eyes for an answer, seeking out the wisdom of his experiences.

"Honestly Daniel I don't know. But I do know one thing. I wouldn't have it any other way... You saved Hakaran and that's your burden and you'll learn to live with it. Hell you'll even learn to love it quicker than you think, but for now you need to focus on what you've given back." Daniel physically straightened, beginning to understand. "I gave a mother back her son. You gave a son back his father. It's a good thing Daniel, a very good thing." A few minutes of companionable silence fell between them. "Come on, what say you and I go get some coffee, you look like you could use some." He batted the man on the knee and rose to his feet.

"Ah sure, you go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

"No problem Danny." Jack watched as the young man's eyebrows flicked up in surprise. It was the first time he called him that, maybe it would stick? He smiled at his friend on the floor, he could already see that things were changing for him. Silently he left him alone with his contemplations, giving him the space he always seemed to need.

The door quietly clicked shut and Daniel mulled over Jack's words. He had given Tolak back his father and Marin back her husband. What he would not give to be able to do the same for himself, to hold Sha're again? The image of Marin's grateful face drifted in front of him. He had saved a life. "Oh my god!" He, Daniel Jackson, had actually physically saved another human being. A huge grin spread across his face. He hauled himself to his feet and shot out the door "Hey Jack wait up, I saved him!" he called excitedly as he barrelled down the corridor.

Jack just smiled.

The End.

AN: Okay so that didn't quite go where I expected it to but I don't think it was too bad, seems a little unfinished but I can't get anywhere else with it so it'll have to do.

If ya feel like letting me know what you think, please do. I always appreciate reviews :)