Having a Bun in the Oven
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters.
Summary: Everyone seemed to have forgotten it was April Fools day. Palutena decided to go all out with her prank, but she ended up hurting many of the Smashers as a result of a huge misunderstanding. Perhaps Goddesses should understand that there are certain subjects that should not be used as a joke.
Pairing: Ganondorf/Palutena, Robin/Shulk and slight Pit/Pittoo
Rated: T (for teen)
Genre: Romance, Drama, (dark) Humor and Family
Warning: Swearing, sexual themes, alcohol, family drama, attempted murder, implication of suicidal thoughts and unintentional OOC
My contribution to April Fools Day (even if its late). Enjoy!
Dark Pit paused in front of a huge door trembling at what was on the other side. His heart was racing to the point that he wanted to collapse to his knees and scratch at the door weakly. He didn't want to be here…not at all. What happened wasn't even his fault…or perhaps it was. He did have an idea on what was going to happen, but didn't think things would get out of hand. Now he was here in front of Ganondorf's door told by Pit to smooth things out with him.
The dark angel resisted the urge of having to do his task, but he felt responsible for what happened. All because he didn't speak up that night and let Palutena know he was following her around to see her set up for this prank that gone horribly wrong. Then again, her interaction with Rob who was now in the infirmary (but not dead) was unintentional.
The previous night, Dark Pit recalled that he was unable to sleep because of April Fools being tomorrow. According to Pit, that was the holiday where everyone did his or her best to prank someone. That sounded like a recipe for disaster seeing as how some of the Smashers will go out of their way to make someone's life miserable. Specific Smashers include Sonic who was known for being obnoxious to some of the older Smashers specifically Fox McCloud to get him to lighten up or Mario because they're rivals and the Villagers who were already preparing a huge prank for April Fools that would ruin everyone's day if they weren't careful around them. It might have to do with their custom moveset and any unfortunate sucker who would fight them tomorrow was going to be tripping…a lot…
With all of these crazy images showing up, Dark Pit kept his eyes opened while his older twin was making some strange sounds like he was eating in his sleep. It was already past midnight and the plans could start at any given time. He sat up dripping with sweat as he glanced around the room wondering if someone would try to creep into the room and plant something into their bed. There was nothing coming from the door so he looked toward the closed window. Only the wind was blowing softly causing the windows to rattle but other than that, it was just a normal night.
"This is stupid." Dark Pit grumbles to himself as he slowly gets off the bed. "I'm not getting any sleep because of you Pitstain…I'm going to get some air."
The black angel made sure to be as quiet as a mouse when he left the room. The last thing he needed was for Pit to wake up and ask him to get him a snack from the kitchen. Pittoo did not intend to go downstairs though. He was actually going to the fifth floor and go to Palutena. No he wasn't scared of someone pranking him or anything! He just needed someone to vent to about the holiday and then pray that he'll get protection from one of the two Goddesses but knowing Palutena, she might prank him on the spot if he didn't keep his guard up.
He didn't get a chance to knock though. Once he made it to the fifth floor, he witnessed the Goddess of Light leaving the room agitated at what her roommate Rosalina just told her.
"It will be fine Rosalina. You're worrying too much."
"Palutena, I am serious. If you go through with this instead of telling the truth, then I cannot guarantee-"
"I am only going to borrow one, Rosalina. Just hold up. I'll be right back."
Rosalina could be heard grumbling when Palutena decided to teleport away instead of walk down the stairs like a normal person. The dark angel shook his head in annoyance how something bad was indeed going to happen. He pretty much forgot about his plan of just asking to sleep in Palutena's room to get over his current insomnia and see how exactly Palutena would work her new scheme. If it concerned him, he had every justification to stay up all night and lock himself in his room the next day.
Despite having magic to teleport anywhere she wanted, the angel twins have figured out her pattern on where she would teleport to if she needed to get to somewhere faster. Pit being around her 24-7 had allowed Dark Pit to track her down easily as a result and noticed that she was in the kitchen diner.
It was here that Dark Pit heard someone sobbing rather loudly. The voice didn't come from the Goddess of Light of course, but he could hear her motherly voice telling the person that everything was going to be okay and that he needed to calm down.
"There, there. Everything will be okay."
"It's not okay! For Naga's sake! I wonder why I'm here sometimes!"
Rob? Dark Pit wondered as he slowly found himself creeping around the corner to hear why the male tactician was speaking to Palutena. He noticed immediately that his voice was rather slurred when talking, but no actual grammar problems were present.
"Robin…listen to yourself."
"I can hear just fine!" He declared before he hiccuped. "Nobody cares about me being here! Its always my sister this and my sister that! Always about how amazing she is –hic-! No matter what I do, I'm always…second…to her…I can't get anyone here to…respect me…"
"I'm pretty sure that's not…"
"They're all laughing at me! –hic- My sister hates me...Chrom hates me…Lucina hates me…Shulk hates me…"
Palutena had the urge to slap the white haired tactician for this sad drunken rant. At this rate, he might do something foolish.
"Uh…why am I even here…I wonder if I disappear…would anyone…"
The green haired Goddess silenced the white haired mage before his thoughts took a dark turn by grabbing the wine bottle that he had in his hand (that he shouldn't be having anyway. Why did Pit leave out the Drink of the Gods in a place where anybody could mistake it for juice and drink it) and setting it to the side before pulling the shorter Smasher into an awkward embrace. If he were sober, Rob would have pumped his fists for being smothered in her breasts. In this situation, he did not register the situation and continued to cry.
"Robin, try to calm down. You are not thinking clearly."
In all honesty, it was the first time both Palutena and Dark Pit had seen the white haired magician like this. On the surface, he was rather arrogant when fighting and wanted to prove himself to everyone. The only problem was that he was overshadowed by his sister who simply did everything better than him from fighting in Smash Brothers to getting along with the other Smashers. It was a wonder that Rob found comfort in his roommate Shulk. This resentment must have been building up over time for him to play a game of risk and drink in the kitchen diner. If any Smasher got caught drinking, there would be a huge penalty (and yet any divine being was spared from this because there was nothing Master Hand could do).
Dark Pit thought Palutena had the situation under control. He felt like this was a scene he didn't need to tell anyone and that it would be a secret between the Goddess of Light and the awkward white haired Smasher. It was why he left the two alone and went back to his room to try and get some sleep. He didn't think anything would come from this…and he was so wrong.
The next morning, Palutena knocked on the door to the angel twin's room softly. If it were anyone else, they would have continued sleeping. Pit had recognized what Palutena's walk and her knock sounded like so he immediately shot out of bed to greet her. The first thing Pit noticed was that Palutena's stomach was larger than usual compared to yesterday.
"Guess what you two? I'm pregnant!"
Knowing what the plan was, Dark Pit refused to believe it. Then again, he didn't see Palutena up close nor did he know how pregnancy exactly worked (he asked Pit and he just went on a rant about the Cloud Ritual that had to do with egg laying and not baby making and Lucina just blushed and told him to ask someone else). The green haired Goddess noticed that the dark angel was slowly reaching a hand toward her stomach. She stepped back while continuing to smile. Before the dark angel could call her bluff, Pit ended up overreacting to the news with a huge smile on his face.
"LADY PALUTENA IS PREGNANT?!"
Pit had no indoor voice. Everyone heard what the white angel shouted early in the morning. There was no way for him to take it back either. The younger twin shook his head in annoyance seeing his older twin easily tricked.
"Shhh, keep it down." Palutena said with a cute smile. "I wanted to tell you two first before I tell Ganny."
"OH SO THE CHILD BELONGS TO-"
The dark angel placed his hand over Pit's mouth seeing how the light angel failed to take a hint. He would play along seeing as how this might have outed Ganondorf as the parent. Then he wouldn't hear the end of it from any Smasher. The idea of seeing the King of Evil flustered would be a sight to behold. There were still some inconsistencies with this story in Dark Pit's mind, but he honestly thought that no real drama would come from this.
Dark Pit forgot one thing about a certain someone in the mansion. She took everything seriously even when it was an obvious joke. Pit had learned that the hard way when Viridi lied that this particular fighter loved jokes and that he should start telling them to her. That…did not go well…at all…and Pit learned the hard way that perhaps Lucina would do better getting along with his younger twin if she took everything he said seriously.
This was just another instance of Lucina failing to register that perhaps there was a joke looming around the corner. It was April Fools day, so she should have had expected much. Hearing Pit announce that Palutena was pregnant combined with a declaration that had occurred not to long ago with one of her friends though only made Lucina furious.
Even if Palutena took Rob back to his room last night after he past out from drinking, he still ended up going back to the kitchen looking for that hangover medicine. His mind was not processing that maybe going to the infirmary would have given him faster results (but he didn't want Dr. Mario to find out that he found the Drink of the Gods and drowned his sorrows out the night before). He had Shulk help him move around the mansion. All he had to do was tell him that he wasn't feeling too great and needed assistance moving around. Shulk did not register that his roommate was suffering from a hangover and assumed the worse. This was why he had no problem taking him to the kitchen and waiting.
When Lucina found the two together, she had no problem going up to Rob after he took the handover formula and smacked him across the cheek. It took both male Smashers by surprise seeing the rage in her eyes.
"What were you thinking Rob?! You seriously went out of your way to get Palutena pregnant?!"
"W-What?!"
"I thought you were joking…but I guess not."
Shulk's eyes widened in horror with those words remembering that Pit just declared Palutena was pregnant not too long ago. Knowing Pit, he probably got tricked by Palutena, but this is Lucina and Rob did say a couple of days ago that he would S support someone to prove his worth after being pressured by his older sister to do something with his life. That fight they had didn't turn out well from what the blond recalled. Yes, Rob was angry, but was he angry enough to beg the Goddess of Light to have sex? Especially since there was a rumor that she was already in a relationship with someone in the mansion. Peach had been trying her best to find out, but Palutena kept her lips sealed on whom. It sure wasn't Rob though seeing as how Palutena made it clear on multiple occasions when asked if her mysterious boyfriend was the desperate white haired tactician.
"Rob…you seriously didn't…"
Rob recovered from his slap only to glare at Lucina. He felt himself losing the staring contest though seeing how her piercing glare was identical to Chrom's when angry.
"I didn't!"
"Where were you last night?"
"I don't know! My memory is hazy! I certainly don't remember…uhh…my head…"
"…And you were drunk too?!"
"I…"
Rob turned to Shulk hoping he would stand up for him. The Monado boy turned away in shame. For once, Rob couldn't read Shulk's expression. All he could tell was that Shulk was gritting his teeth and his fists were tightened. He closed his eyes as if he was holding back tears.
"…S-Shulk…"
"Sorry…I just remembered something. I'll be right back."
He wasn't coming back. He rushed off before Rob could call out to his roommate. Shulk nearly crashed into Ganondorf who was around the corner. With a quick apology, Shulk continued to run off to the assist trophy area of the mansion. Chances were that he was going to cry to Dunban about the situation…and if Dunban found out…Rob was a dead man.
Then again, Dunban wouldn't even know the details in time because Ganondorf would get to Rob first. Lucina continued to hammer on the white haired magician for his behavior and Rob just wanted to tune her out. When that failed, he started yelling at her to leave him alone. He wanted to leave the kitchen in peace and lock his door before anyone else walked in on the two having a spat. Ganondorf was waiting outside of the kitchen though already with a charged punch.
"What is it, Ganondorf?" Rob asked feeling that something bad was going to happen. His paranoia was correct when he found himself punched so hard in the stomach that he was sent flying into the wall. The punch was so strong though that he broke the wall and was sent flying into the diner. This action caught both Emblem Warriors off guard that neither would have time to react to Ganondorf walking toward the injured tactician and grabbing him by the neck.
"R-Rob!"
The shorter Smasher panicked as he tried to kick away from the King of Evil when he was hoisted into the air. He froze seeing the hatred in Ganondorf's eyes. Compared to the anger Lucina had, Ganondorf was scarier to the point that Rob almost stopped his struggles.
"D-Drop him Ganondorf!"
Lucina should have brought Falchion with her. It was too early in the morning (by her standards) for Smash matches so her demands were only met by Ganondorf simply punching her into the wall with the same amount of force given to Rob. Rob wanted to call out to his friend, but found himself running out of air very fast.
"G-Gahh…s-stop…"
The fact Ganondorf refused to speak was the worse part of this situation that got out of hand really fast. Even when other Smashers started rushing over to see what the hell was making the noise, they wouldn't be able to contain Ganondorf's rage.
"Get Link!" Robin would tell some of the Smashers (specifically Sonic) who woke up early and were on the first floor before proceeding to burning the King of Evil with her fire tome. "Get away from my brother, you fiend!"
The normally calm tactician cared not for the fact that by using fire spells that she would set off the sprinklers after the first Arcfire thus making the spell useless afterward. She just wanted to get Ganondorf to let Rob go, which he did. However, Ganondorf did not keep his attention to the short female Smasher as his rage was directed to the male tactician. Rob didn't have time to gasp for breath before he was kicked into the chunks of the wall that was not broken. Robin prepared to shoot wind spells at the Gerudo before Chrom would rush in to parry Ganondorf's incoming blade that was meant for Rob.
"Stand down!" Chrom demanded with the Exalted Falchion suddenly being shoved near Ganondorf's throat. If he moved, Chrom would kill him and unlike the Smashers, he would not hesitate to kill someone to protect his friend. "Don't make me tell you again!"
"C-Chrom?" Rob asked while wheezing. Why were his sister and his lord protecting him? Didn't they hate him?
The only reason that Ganondorf stood down in the first place was when he felt the presence of the Goddess of Light enter the room. No one but Ganondorf noticed her presence nearby. The angel twins were rather fast in following her, but they wouldn't be able to stop the verbal fight that was about to occur between the two of them.
"Ganondorf, what are you doing?" Palutena asked sternly.
"I should be asking you, what are you doing?" Ganondorf responded darkly facing away from Chrom and turning his attention to the Goddess of Light. "You think this is funny?"
"What is? I haven't done anything today!"
Ganondorf laughed when she said this. Even if she were being honest, he would not believe her.
"Really? You think it's funny to play around with me and then turn around and screw someone with the cursed blood of Grima?"
Low blow…really low blow…so low that Robin nearly found herself taking her Thoron tomb out to electrocute the King of Evil to death for bringing it up.
"What are you talking about? I never…"
"Goddess of Light…let me be clear. You are either lying and slept with a pathetic nobody or you are telling the truth and lying about something that I could possibly not have. These are the only two options, and no matter which one you pick, you have deceived me."
"Ganondorf, listen-"
"I have no reason to. You are a despicable woman. You of all people should know this is no laughing matter. If you cannot get it through to that thick skull of yours, then there is nothing to talk about."
"But I-"
Ganondorf honestly wanted nothing to do with Palutena or any of the Smashers. The angel twins were confused with what was going on. Not like Pit's words made anything better for any of them.
"I thought Ganondorf was the one who got Lady Palutena pregnant…"
It only hit the Smashers later on why Ganondorf was upset when Pit murmured those words. He stormed off back to his room in rage not wanting to answer to anyone…especially Link when he finally showed up with the Master Sword in hand. Sonic was shaking from the sprinklers and wanted to go out into the sun to dry, but this situation took a turn for the worse seeing the damage done to the kitchen diner walls.
"Lady Palutena…" Pit began but she ended up teleporting away not bothering to help with the person she ended up hurting as much as Ganondorf.
Robin was offended by her attitude before rushing over to her brother. Once the female tactician was helping her brother up, Chrom rushed over to his daughter who fortunately suffered no real injury with how Ganondorf did not go out of his way to harm her. Regardless, she and Rob needed to be taken to the infirmary. The angel twins looked at each other with worry in their eyes realizing that if they didn't fix things between Palutena and Ganondorf, something worse could occur today if one tried to talk to the other.
And here Dark Pit was in the present at the door of truth. Everything would be decided behind that door…if the door would open to him in the first place. Honestly, remembering everything gave him a headache. He should have been the one to defuse the situation when he had the chance. Give Palutena an inch and she goes beyond a mile to tick you off.
Pit's suggestion to talk to Ganondorf while he went to Palutena made sense. Dark Pit had the better relationship with the King of Evil and would least likely to offend him with his words…unlike Pit who would probably throw gasoline on the situation even while everything was burning.
But what was he supposed to say? That Palutena made a bad joke and everything was a bad misunderstanding? That if everything went Palutena's way, Ganondorf would be outed as dating her and would be the laughing stock and ridicule in the mansion? That maybe she was pregnant and had no way to break it to him without relying on a holiday?
There was still hope though! Ganondorf simply didn't want to talk to her. He never called off their relationship! If Pit didn't mess up on his end, then everything would be fine. Dark Pit wasn't going to fail…nope…even as he was ready to turn around and leave because he didn't want to be on the receiving end up a beatdown from his fatherly figure. It was funny how the dark angel liked Ganondorf enough to be labeled a father while Pit had issues using that concept and just treated Ganondorf like Palutena's boyfriend.
After a few more knocks ranging from soft as a spring breeze to hard like the FBI was coming for you, Ganondorf gave in and allowed whoever was on the other side in. He thought it was Pit given how obnoxious the knocking was, but was surprised to see that it was Dark Pit engaging in the acts instead. The black angel slowly let himself into the room making sure to quietly close the door. He felt like Ganondorf's door was incredibly fragile. If he pushed or pulled the door in the wrong way, he felt like the door would fall off its hinges and fall to the floor with a huge slam. Last thing they wanted was Mr. Game and Watch to come over and beep at them for damaging more property in the mansion.
The Gerudo does not speak to Dark Pit when he searches around the room for a place to sit. The bed might have been the comfiest option, but to be respectful, he decided to stand near the wall instead, forcing himself to appear aloof and detached from the situation. Ganondorf saw through Pittoo and let out another sigh.
"What is it, Dark Pit?"
"It was just a joke! No need to get mad!"
Well, that was the first thing that came to mind and to Dark Pit probably the wrong thing to say when he replayed those words back in his head. He should have just said that he came here to talk about Palutena and what had occurred with Rob…and of course the first thing to come out of his mouth instead of what he was really feeling about the situation.
"The joke was not amusing, Dark Pit. Lying about pregnancy is never comical…especially to someone like me who cannot…" The King of Evil trailed off realizing he had said too much. "Never mind."
Now Dark Pit was interested. Was there something that Ganondorf didn't tell him or anyone in the mansion about?
"B-But what?"
"…"
"But what?!"
"…Sit down, boy."
The dark angel obeyed like an obedient son. He took a sit on his bed and waited for Ganondorf to speak to him. The King of Evil paced around his room instead of talking to the black angel. Ganondorf needed to simply the situation he was in without going into a lengthy rant on why the Goddess of Light was messed up. He stopped and simply told Pittoo this.
"My tribe is extinct. I am incapable of reproducing on my own."
"Huh?"
"If I'm not…breeding with my tribe then I cannot…" He stopped himself and just growled at his explanation. "The Goddess of Light should not have joked about sleeping with that Grima child."
Referring to the Robin twins by their bloodline is a huge insult to them. The tactician twins would rather not be reminded of their past. Even if Robin killed Grima off for good, they would still be lingering doubt if Grima were truly gone.
"You know…you shouldn't degrade them to that level, Ganondorf." Dark Pit mumbled feeling he was walking on eggshells now. "I think…you of all people should know Rob would never…could never do such a thing to Palutena. He's not capable of such a feat."
Insulting Rob was the only way to get the point across. Dark Pit knew he was suffering, but no one but him and Palutena knew. Maybe they should help him when things calmed down. Ganondorf only grumbled more to those truthful words. He wanted to slam his fist against the wall, but nothing would come out of it.
"I know that, Dark Pit!" He stated not intending to raise his voice. "I know that a stupid kid like him wouldn't have the guts to lay fingers on my Goddess of Light. Never would I have imagined that I would let my emotions get the best of me in this situation. This entire topic has been foolish from the beginning. She knows I would avoid the subject all together and then she does this…just…" He stopped himself again to prevent himself from saying anything hurtful. He sighed in defeat instead. "I am still debating what I need to do."
"Umm…fixing the situation by apologizing would help." Dark Pit answered rather bluntly.
"…How would you go at it if you are suggesting this?"
"W-What?"
"How do you expect me…the King of Darkness to speak to your Goddess about what I just told her. No one would let me near her after what I said. I'm the villain after all."
"…First of all, Palutena is not my Goddess. I am a servant to no one but my own!" Dark Pit corrected before he almost stood up from the bed. "Second of all…beating around the bush isn't going to change anything! If you're going to get into a shouting match, do it to their face and give them time to respond. Right now you're being…cowardly."
He was expecting a Warlock Punch to the face for that statement. Ganondorf just blinked before shaking his head again. He had a habit of doing that when he was trying to convince himself that what was said isn't true. He just chuckled as a response the more he let those words sink in. Dark Pit didn't find his words something to laugh about.
"…I'm serious…if you don't make up…Pit will tell me to stop talking to you…and I don't want to stop talking to you because of a stupid joke." The black angel mumbled softly as he found himself losing confidence in himself. Ganondorf was treating him like a child now, so his words obviously weren't getting to him. "You're one of the few people I tolerate in this mansion. It would be lame…if you isolated yourself even more than you do now. I like…hanging out with you…and Palutena…and Pitstain…and teaming up in a four on four…r-really…" Realizing he was becoming too flustered, he finally decided to get off the bed. "A-Anyway…j-just make up with that stupid Goddess, okay? Pitstain will come for you if you don't!"
Before Dark Pit could leave, Ganondorf suddenly seized his arm.
"Wait."
"Y-Yes? What is it?"
"…Have faith in me." He told him suddenly surprising the dark angel. "I…will do my best to fix everything when things calm down. So…be patient…"
Ganondorf smirked seeing the bright smile appear on the dark angel for a few seconds before rushing out of the room to meet up with Pit. Even if the King of Evil told Dark Pit that he would handle it, the reality was that he probably was mature enough to go see the green haired Goddess to apologize. She would have to come to him if he wanted to make up…but that might take a while knowing how stubborn Palutena was.
Reminder to myself: Do not make promises you cannot keep.
The two angels ended up meeting each other on the fourth floor after completing their mission. While Dark Pit nearly broke down in tears thinking that Ganondorf would reject him entirely after what Palutena had done, Pit had an easier time soothing the Goddess of Light from her tears. Rosalina might have assisted him, but it was mainly the captain who managed to calm her down by playing the violin. Because Ganondorf's room was one of the few that were sound proof (and that might have been because of his dark magic rather than the rooms being built as such), Dark Pit missed the melody that Pit played.
"It was Canon in D Major. Nothing too big. Just something that could calm her down." Pit reminded his twin seeing the look of disappointment in his red eyes. "I'll play for you when things haven't gotten so out of hand…sorry."
"N-No…it's fine. So what do we do now?"
"Personally, I want to check on Rob to see if he's okay." Pit answered. "I am kind of worried about the beatdown he received from Ganondorf."
"I'm surprised a human was able to take all of those blows outside of Smash."
"I am too…then again…the Robin twins are not human."
"What makes you say that?"
"…I get shivers whenever I'm near certain species, but mainly goblins and dragons."
As Pit was explaining this, the two began heading back to the infirmary. Master Hand in his human form could be heard swearing about how he needs to ban April Fools Day. Even if his brother Crazy was stating that it was not a good idea to cancel the event on the younger Smashers, Master proceeded to leave to go find the Villager children and tell them to stop whatever they were doing outside of Smash. This was not going to end well for either Hand, but it wasn't Pit's problem by a long shot.
The two went inside to see a few people gathering around Rob. Rosalina healed his injured quickly so he'll live. The white haired magician still appeared pale as a ghost that did not go unnoticed by anyone. Out of the Smashers there, Rob's sister, Lucina, Chrom and Shulk were the only ones watching out for him. The other Smashers either did not care about his condition or left to go participate in their battles. Rob sighed realizing how little a lot of the Smashers cared for him, but he was just glad the people closest to him were attending to his wounds both physically and mentally.
"I am so sorry." Lucina apologized. She had been apologizing the entire time and for good reasons.
"Lucina, I already told you its okay. I probably would have…"
"No, I failed as a friend. I did not put any trust in you whatsoever and accused you of something you did not commit. Because of me…you are here…"
The younger white haired twin probably would have repeated that the Ylissean princess didn't have to beat herself over this. Dark Pit beat her to it though.
"Luci, I honestly think you shouldn't take things too seriously." The black angel warned her getting her and everyone else's attention. "I honestly thought her prank was see through, but if someone like you says its true, everyone will believe you."
"…I'm sorry."
Dark Pit wanted to tell her to stop apologizing but found it pointless. Lucina was one of his few friends in the mansion and he felt like it was unnecessary to chew her out. Normally, Chrom would glare at the replica for chastising his daughter, but Pittoo was right on this one, so he let it slide.
The only one who wouldn't stop apologizing no matter how many times all is forgiven was said is Shulk at this point. In all honesty, the Monado boy had no reason to apologize since he didn't get physically violent or rude like everyone else. He might have believed Rob was in love with Palutena and carelessly got her pregnant, but other than that, he wasn't at fault. Robin wanted to tell Shulk that he was jealous of the Goddess of Light rather than being angry with her brother. It was apparent the Hom didn't know what it meant to be truly jealous. Even now, he was doing his very best to make it up even if Rob was the problem.
As the conversation slowly turned back to a normal one for the small group (ranging from what they intended to do today and how to avoid anymore pranks from the other Smashers who slept through the whole thing and intended to continue the holiday even if Master Hand were to ban it) the angel twins remained quiet. Dark Pit had nothing to contribute to the conversation so he sat on the bed opposite of Rob listening intently. Pit on the other hand was concerned that if he spoke, Palutena would be blamed. The last thing he needed was to automatically go into white knight mode and defend her honor. She did mess things up. She admitted it herself when she was crying into his chest. That was why he needed to keep things as tranquil as possible.
That would be impossible seeing as how someone new entered the room catching everyone's attention. Once they saw it was Palutena, the temperature in the room dropped. Pit gulped wanting to rush over to the green haired Goddess and tell her to go back to her room and rest. The white angel noticed that Rosalina was behind her with a scowl rather than her usual dull expression.
"If any of you are wondering why I am here…I am here to apologize for what happened this morning. I…did not mean for this to happen."
Rosalina still wasn't convinced that was genuine and grunted as a response forcing the Goddess of Light to get on her knees surprising everyone…especially Pit who didn't think she was capable of getting to her knees. Now if she did this to Ganondorf, things would go back to normal.
"I told you this was a bad idea from the beginning." Rosalina told her firmly. "Next time, please listen or you might hurt others again."
Rosalina pulled no punches after Palutena had finished crying in their room about Ganondorf's cruelty. Palutena needed to know from a friend that she was wrong and had to make amends. Otherwise, she would find herself alone…and a lonely Goddess was the last thing anyone needed.
A silent forgiveness was given except from Rob who was the most important person in the room. He was the one hurt by her antics the most and had the option to reject her apology entirely or…
"You don't have to apologize. I should be thanking you for comforting me last night." He responded with a small smile. "I might have done something stupid if you didn't show up."
Rob…you're not suggesting…
Robin's thoughts were caught off seeing Rosalina disappear after making sure everything would be okay. Palutena let out a sigh of relief, but she still wasn't out of the clear yet. She needed to speak to Ganondorf but…
"Pit…it was a joke." She tells him as the big belly in her stomach came out revealing a Luma. "I'll think of something better next time."
Pit's expression dampened seeing the Luma waving at him and the other Smashers. So much for the Goddess finally settling down and having a baby…right?
Dark Pit rolled his eyes seeing that his twin was going to mope for the rest of the day. What was so special about Palutena having a child? Pit didn't even like children in the first place much less babies. He would never tell that to anyone because it was expected of an angel to love everyone especially children and babies. Maybe he was missing some important data though…
The day would go on rather uneventful after those events. Master Hand made it clear that April Fools was cancelled because of Rob being sent to the infirmary. While the Villagers couldn't do anything outside of Smash, they could ruin everyone with his or her custom moveset and anyone who had a match with them were infuriated at how the match went. Only Pikachu succeeded in winning his match by out camping the Villager by spamming thunder jolt until he got a well-timed dash attack in.
The two angels were still worried about Palutena and Ganondorf. They didn't interact with each other all day and despite having a match together, both did not show up to their match. Master Hand let it slide, but if they didn't solve their romantic woes soon, there would be trouble.
Fortunately, Palutena would prove herself to be the bigger person of the two later in the evening by going directly to Ganondorf's room and apologizing for her actions. The green haired Goddess failed to realize she was being followed. She must have really been distracted to not notice a thing especially with the angel's cursing to each other for pushing in front of each other.
They could hear some grumbling on the other side of the door. It must have been Ganondorf seeing as how he was still stressed out from this entire situation. Palutena didn't seem to say anything if he was whispering everything that was wrong with her again. They could hear one apology coming from the Goddess of Light that sounded sincere, but other than that, the conversation seemed to have died down completely. Pit ended up leaning against the door to hear what was going on.
"Goddess of Light, you make things very difficult for me."
"Sorry, Ganny."
"I would have preferred if you told me in person instead of resorting to your usual trickery."
"Ganny, I'm serious when I say that Rob was not part of my plan. It honestly was a huge misunderstanding. If my plan worked then…"
"You know I hate being outed for something that I wanted to be kept a secret. Now you will be getting strange stares from my enemies, and you will have put yourself in danger."
Palutena sighed as a response. "All you need to do is prevent my daddy from knowing about this, and we'll be good."
Ganondorf would sigh immediately after she said that. "You do realize that you're asking the impossible from me. If I cannot even defeat my enemies, what makes you think I can match your father? You do brag about him being the strongest God out there after all..."
"Come on, Ganny. Think of the positives that come out of this. You'll finally have an heir strong enough to beat your enemies and possibly end that horrible timeline and you'll finally be able to bring the Gerudo back after what happened in Ocarina of Time."
When Palutena talked about the timelines in the Zelda universe, she referred to it based on their video game. Ganondorf as you would expect would not know what exactly she was talking about, but given the few details she gives him with her Goddess knowledge, it would give him some feedback on how well he did in said timeline. Still…
"I would make a horrible father."
"Just because you're a villain doesn't mean that you can't be a good parent. Look at Pit and Pittoo. You may not be their father but you have gotten their respect in such a short amount of time. You know how Pit is stubborn seeing as how he knew you since Brawl. And Pittoo who doesn't open up to people easily. He trusts you more than he does me..."
Ganondorf shook his head in annoyance. The idea of a family is tempting to want, but it was not the path he would take. He would only cause them suffering at the end of the day. Did she not know that?
"Ganondorf," Palutena began using his name to address the seriousness of this issue, "I know I should not be speaking for them, but they want a family. You and me…are the most unlikely candidates to be parents. You know this and I know this…yet…this baby isn't going to allow us to run away anymore."
"Should have been more careful…"
"It was going to happen eventually."
"You sound happy when you put it like that…"
Regardless, Ganondorf did look Palutena in the eyes when she decided to give her undivided attention. He would glance at the door though hearing the breathing from outside. The Goddess of Light must not have noticed her precious angels were listening in.
"Ganondorf, for this to work, I will need your cooperation. I…cannot do this alone."
"I know you can't. Taking care of a baby is different from taking care of two rather immature angels. You will need all the help you can get." A small smile escaped his lips. "I don't think this family situation will turn out well…but for you Palutena…I'll attempt to make this work. Just this once."
Palutena gasped before giving him a sincere smile. Not only did he forgive her for that misunderstanding, but also said "yes".
"I love you, Ganny!" She announces as she suddenly jumps into his arms completely catching him off guard. "You'll be the best daddy ever."
"Don't start." The King of Evil grumbled. He never felt so tired in his life before but it was nice to see that she was willing to make this work with him. The only person in the universe that would try to help him even knowing that he might make things worse for his own world.
The minute the two started leaning in for a make-up kiss, Pit just had to be the cockblocker again.
"YAY! THE BABY IS REAL!" Pit declared still not realizing he had no indoor voice. "YAY! YOU'RE GOING TO CALL THE BABY, IRIS! RIGHT LADY PALUTENA?!"
Ganondorf was going to Warlock Punch Pit in a couple of seconds for the reasons of ruining the tender moment he just got with the Goddess of Light, announcing that Palutena really was pregnant (but to be fair, no one would believe Pit now knowing how gullible he was) and because he broke the door off it's hinges. Dark Pit kept telling Pit that they needed to leave, but Pit kept walking forward congratulating the two. Palutena felt a headache coming on as she simply moved out of the way when Ganondorf's fist collided with the angel's face.
Me: Done with 8189 words.
Li: I don't think this is a comedy…
Me: It's a dramedy. Smash Comedy Month is still comedy and that includes dramedy and dark comedy. Notes!
1. The Cloud Ritual was a headcanon in 2008 and I still use it today concerning the Kid Icarus universe. Back then, the Cloud Ritual was the only method used to create angels while having angels the human way would result in ostracizing you. Most of the time, the angels that have sex often raped their partners. The irony is how even back in 2008 when he didn't have a name Daedalus still didn't use the Cloud Ritual to have Pit (but it is ambiguous if he raped his wife or not given Pit's mother is implied to be yandere insane). Regardless, Cloud Ritual is basically an angelic dance that creates an egg without resorting to sex and can only happen between married couples therefore ensuring that the child is pure. The Cloud Ritual passes both genes of the parents into the egg and the egg will hatch (thus the Pokémon reference). This method also works with two males and two females do to how the dance is incredibly pure with no perverted intentions.
2. I feel like the despair Rob is feeling in this scene is identical to what might have happened in Serpent Galaxy and My Precious Sibling. Combined with his inferiority complex concerning Robin and his failed romance with Tiki, I would think that if he failed to get an S Support in the mansion that he would consider himself a failure. Palutena had no intention of taking advantage of Rob's feelings. It was simply misinterpreted simply because of how Rob went on a few days ago declaring how he's going to be in a relationship with Palutena if he tried hard enough…and then Palutena attempts to start the prank and it goes downhill (and she did not know that Rob said this in range of other Smashers. In his drunken state, he could have been imagining things). As for Shulk, he was feeling jealous due to his innocent crush on Rob and ran off crying thinking that Rob was a horrible person if Lucina said he was.
3. According to my friend, the Gerudo can only breed with themselves. Because Ganondorf in Ocarina of Time was killed, he doomed his entire race hence why we don't see them in any other timeline. To joke about having a baby is a slap in the face for Ganondorf because that would be too good to be true to have someone to recreate his tribe that he lost. Additionally, this child might be stuck in the Triforce battle like Link, Zelda and Ganondorf are therefore putting the child's life in danger unless Palutena were to take care of him/her. And of course with the misunderstanding with Rob, Ganondorf feels betrayed even though he has probably doing the same thing to others in the past. The pregnancy is possible between Palutena and Ganondorf is because Athena in Greek mythology never had a child therefore some rules can be bended to allow a cross between a Goddess and a demon (given what happened to other Goddesses like Persephone…)
4. Pikachu out camping Villager? That's a reference to Jtails beating ADHD in a recent tournament.
5. Pit declaring that the child would be named Iris is a joke between me and Zelina56 given in our RP that no matter who Palutena sleeps with, her child will be named Iris and the only difference is that whoever is the father determines her hair color like in Awakening. Iris is the Goddess of Rainbows BTW.
That's it. Reviews are appreciated. This is the first submission of Smash Comedy Month and I will be moving onto week two. Ja ne!