Everything belongs to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer.
Well, this was it. In just two hours I would officially be Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen. A few tears trickled down my face. In some ways it felt like my whole world was crumbling before my eyes.
My best friend, my best man, was missing. Jacob had run away as soon as he was capable of moving.
I was moving out of Charlie's house. I was moving in with Edward. I was choosing a life where I couldn't have children. My name wasn't going to be Isabella Marie Swan anymore. My life was changing. I knew all of this would happen when I had said yes to Edward, but it was just happening so quickly.
Tears started to fall rapidly down my face and I started to hyperventilate. I held my torso and tried to calm down.
It's going to be okay, Bella, I thought to myself. You'll be fine!
Once my tears ceased, there was a knock on the door.
"Are you ready, Bella?" Alice asked as she walked in.
She had a huge make-up bag with her. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the bathroom. Once I had my wedding dress on, my make up finished, and my hair perfect, Alice smiled at me.
"You look gorgeous," she said.
"Thanks to you," I replied.
"Well, a girl can only do so much," she said with a smile.
I laughed a little as she pulled my hand and led me to the stairs.
"Are you ready," she asked as the music started.
My palms were sweaty, and I felt light headed. I shook my head.
"Well, too bad," she replied.
Everything else went by in a blur. Charlie walked me down the aisle, extremely upset, but trying not to show it. Renee was in the front row, crying hysterically. Edward smiled from ear to ear, watching me walk toward him.
Charlie gave my hand to Edward hesitantly. Edward gratefully took it, and held it tightly. The preacher started his part, but I couldn't hear anything besides the blood pulsing behind my ears.
Edward slightly shook me. "Breathe, Bella," he whispered.
I took a deep breath and tried to listen to what Mr. Webber was saying.
"If anybody has any objection to these two being wed, please stand now or forever hold your peace."
Everyone was quiet, although I saw Mike bitting his lower lip, trying not to say a word. Just when Mr. Weber was about to start again, the Cullen's front door opened and slammed shut.
"No! Bella, you can't marry him," a husky voice yelled.
Jacob. My Jacob. My best friend, my best man. My Jacob.
I turned my head to find him, almost in tears, shaking so badly he was almost a blur. A tear escaped my eye, seeing how much pain I was causing him. Everyone turned to see him, soaking wet, trying his hardest to stay composed.
"Mutt," Edward snarled under his breath.
"Jacob," I said, my voice cracking.
"Please. Don't," he begged.
Everyone watched us, curiosity and shock on their faces. Emmett and Jasper were getting out of their seats, about to do God knows what.
"I-I," I stuttered, trying to distract the two brothers from hurting Jake, and give an answer to everyone.
"Come with me, please," he begged again, glancing at our audience.
I shook with nerves. I didn't want to get married. I didn't want to deal with everyone after the ceremony. I didn't want to deal with my bawling mother, and irritated father. I wanted, no I needed, to get out of there. Fast.
I looked at Alice, then Jasper. Rosalie, then Emmett. Carlisle then Esme, and then Renee and Charlie. Charlie had a big smile on his face as he looked back from me to Jake. At last my eyes fell on Edward, the man I loved and would always love. Tears poured down my face.
"I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't. I don't want to be married," I whispered to Edward.
Hurt and rejection flooded his features.
"I love you," I whispered as I kissed his cheek. Silent gasps and oohs came from friends and family as I ran back up the aisle. "Bella?" I heard I heard people yell at me, but I ignored them.
"Get me out of here?" I asked Jake, wiping tears from my eyes.
"Seriously?" he asked.
"Please."
He grabbed my arm and pulled me outside with him, reaching his black motorcycle.
"Bella," I heard a few voices yell after me.
I got on the back of Jake's motorcycle, holding my dress up. Jake watched me, the tears in his eyes fading and a great smile flooded his face.
"Come on, Jake. We need to go, now. Or they," I jerked my head in Alice's and Edward's direction, "will stop me."
Jake looked back and saw them racing toward us. He quickly got on the bike and we raced off.
When we were far enough away that no one could see or hear us, Jake yelled, "Damn Bella, I thought I had lost you."
"You would never lose me Jake."
"I was about to, but I'm so glad you chose me."
"Jake, I still love him," I said.
The bike came to a stop.
"Then why didn't you marry him," he snarled, his body stiffening as he jumped off the bike. My eyes grew wide as the bike started to fall to the one side. He rolled his eyes and pulled it back up, making sure I didn't fall over.
"Because I love you too."
"I didn't think it was enough," he said guarded.
"I was wrong. I love you both so much."
He turned to look at me with questioning eyes. Tears started falling from my eyes again.
"I can't get married. I just can't," I said shaking my head.
"So this is just about you not wanting to get married? It has nothing to do with me?"
"It has everything to do with you." He smiled. "And Edward."
The smile faltered a little but he stayed triumphant. "Come on, let's get you to my house and I'll give you some clothes."
I looked down, remembering I was still in my wedding dress. I cringed thinking about what I had done to Edward.
"It'll be okay," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "Actually, I'm really proud of you."
"For what? Leaving my fiance at the altar? Yeah, that's really something to be proud of," I said sarcastically, stepping out of his hold.
He chuckled, pulling me into him again. "No. I'm proud of you for finally doing something you wanted to do."
"I've done plenty of what I've wanted to do," I replied a little icily.
He chuckled again, "Sure, sure."
"I have," I insisted.
"Name one."
"I moved to Forks," I said.
He rolled his eyes. "You did that for your mother."
I bit my lip. "Uh, I had Edward stay out of the fight."
"You did that so he wouldn't get hurt."
"I said I would marry him."
"You did that for him. You just proved that by leaving with me."
I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. How could I have forgotten that? "I kissed you."
"I wish you had done that for yourself, but again you did that for me. You did it so I wouldn't go get myself killed."
"Okay! Fine, Jacob! I haven't done anything for myself. Are you happy?"
"You did do something for yourself. You didn't get married."
I rolled my eyes. "Can we just go to your house? These heels are killing me."
He chuckled. "I'm still surprised you haven't fallen down yet."
"Give me some credit," I said as he got back on the bike, grabbing my arms and putting them around his waist. "I practiced walking in these things for three days!"
"Hold on tight," he laughed.
When we reached his house, the screen door was held open by a rock, the small red door ajar as well, letting the warm air fill the tiny place. The windows were pushed up as far as they could go, the curtains behind them blowing slightly with the breeze. Birds chirped from one tree to another, like they were talking animately to one another. Bright red and yellow leaves fell off branches, covering the yard like a blanket. Pine needles littered the ground, scattered with the other foliage. As Jake parked the bike, the dead leaves crunched under his foot. He got off, then helping me. I picked up the train of my gown, trying to keep it clean for an unknown reason. My shoes were much harder to balance in on the rocky drive. "Need some help?" Jake asked as I slipped for the third time, causing my hair to start to fall in my face.
"Please?"
He chuckled and picked me up bridal style. "How original," I remarked with a snort.
"Oh, the irony," he smiled.
I laughed despite myself. "This is completely inappropriate."
"Yet it doesn't bother me," he continued.
"Of course it doesn't."
We both laughed like a funny joke had just been told. The easy-going Jake was back, my best friend was back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, keeping myself upright.
"Jacob? Bella?" Billy asked incredulously as he wheeled out on the small porch. Wrinkles planted themselves beside both his eyes, dark circles dotted beneath. He looked like he was in much need of rest. His old tired hands pushed the chair further out to us. "What the hell did you do, Jacob Ephraim Black?" he asked infuriated, shaking his slim finger at his son.
Jake chuckled and put me down on the ground. "I didn't do anything. Swear."
"He's right. He didn't do anything except break up my wedding," I told Billy with a smile.
Billy glared at Jacob. "Well, technically I guess so, but you chose to leave with me all on your own," he defended himself.
Billy glanced over at me. "What happened? Why is bimbo over here carrying you in your white dress?" Billy jerked his head in Jake's direction at the word bimbo.
Jacob rolled his eyes. "I asked Bella to leave with me, and she didn't hesitate. We left."
"And you're sure you made he right decision, Bella?"
"I think so," I told them both. "I've never wanted to get married. I don't like the concept of it. Devoting your whole life to someone else with a piece of paper. What does that have anything to do with the way I feel about someone? What right does a piece of paper have to tell me who I 'belong' to? Plus, most marriages end in divorce. I couldn't go through losing Edward again. Never again."
"I think you already have," Jacob said. "You left with me."
"It's different," I informed him. "He didn't leave me. He didn't abandon me like he did before. I have no chance of getting hurt, no chance of being left forever."
"What are you going to do now, Bella? Go home? How will Charlie react? What will Edward or the other leeches do if they come over?"
"I don't now what I'll do, Jake. I haven't thought that far," I told him.
"I sure as hell know what you'll do," Billy said, wheeling himself back inside. "You'll stay here."
The idea sounded ludacris. Leave my fiance at the alter and then move in with someone who was completely infatuated with me? Someone who I might love as well?
"Come on, Bells," Jake said with a whine. "One night at least can't hurt."
"Jake, I should get home. Edward will want to talk. Charlie and Renee, Alice, Angela, people are dying to know where and what I'm doing. I need to be home."
"Don't you get tired of that?" he asked, stretching out further on his bed.
"Tired of what?"
"People lecturing you, judging you, telling you what you should do opposed to what you want to do. For example, get married?"
"No one forced me to be engaged to Edward. I chose that."
"Bells, people were telling you left and right to marry the guy."
"Not unless I wanted to."
"What about Alice? Edward? His family? What did they want?"
"Me to betrothe Edward, but-"
"No, buts. You've been pursuaded to do so many things in the past year and a half. Just relax and do what Bella wants."
"It's not that simple."
"Hell, it's not! You're only eighteen, Bella. Don't grow up so fast."
"I wish I didn't."
"Just stay the night, okay? Then you can figure out what you'll do."
Before I could respond, Billy wheeled into the room. "Jake, I need you to drive me down to Charlie's. We're watching the game and Harry's bringing his homemade fish fry."
Jake nodded. "All right. I'll be back, Bells."
"Aren't you uncomfortable, Bella?" Billy asked with a smile.
"What do you mean?" I asked confused.
"You're still in your dress. Why don't you change? Jake give her some clothes and help me in the truck."
Jake rolled his eyes as his father wheeled himself out of the room. "Clothes are everywhere. Just put on whatever. I'll be back soon."
I sighed and nodded. "Okay, I'm going to get a shower."
He smiled at me before chasing after his father. After the door clicked shut and I heard Billy's truck, I got up off the floor and went to the bathroom, running a bath. While the water heated, I went to the kitchen to find something to drink. I opened the cabinet door and grabbed a warm soda. As I started to close the cupboard door back up, I noticed a bottle with gold wrapping around the top. I pulled the door back and grabbed the bottle. Whiskey. I glanced back from the soda to the bottle. A little sip wouldn't hurt, would it? I placed the coke back on the shelf and shut the door, pulling the paper off the cork. I searched through the drawers until I finally found a cork-screw. I quickly popped it off and brought the lip to my nose. It smelled sweet. I put the bottle to my mouth and took a sip. Surprisingly, it was good, relaxing. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it half way. I carried that and the bottle to the bathroom with me, downing a good two thirds of the bottle. My head was starting to feel a little fuzzy after the fifth glass. I went to the faucet and turned the water off. I stuck my toe in, goosebumps rising on my skin as the warm water reached my cool skin. Placing the bottle beside the tub, I got in, sinking below the rim. When I couldn't hold my breath any longer, I sat upright again, gasping for air. I grabbed the wine and took another sip. Something had started to scratch at my skin. I looked down at my leg and saw the tool of my dress floating right above my knee. I then looked down and saw I was still wearing the beautiful gown Alice had insisted I wear, telling me jeans would have been completely inappropriate. I giggled as I imagined myself walking down the aisle in jeans and a top.
"Bells, I'm back," Jake called. I heard his keys smack against the countertop and the door slam shut.
"In here," I yelled back.
"Almost done in there?" he asked. "I thought we could maybe watch a movie. Sound good?"
"Jake does your dad have another bottle of this?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"Bottle of what?" he asked. "Bella can I come in?"
"Well, sure," I said, taking another swig, my words slurring together by now. All my emotions from the day had been subdued, relaxing me into oblivion.
The door opened, Jacob quickly looked over at me. "Bella, what the hell are you doing?" he asked, seeing me in the tub with my dress on.
"Taking a bath," I said closing my eyes for a few seconds. "It's very relaxing."
"I don't think that's what's relaxing you," he said noticing the bottle I clutched in my hands.
"Oh, this helps too," I said, looking at him through my wet hair, covering my eyes, I motioned to the bottle I was holding close to my chest.
"Bella give me that," he said reaching for it.
"No," I said sharply. "I like it."
"Well, you may like it, but you don't need it, Bella."
"Yes, I do. Now sit down and keep me company."
He reached for the bottle, but I moved too quickly, placing it to my lips again. The bottle was almost empty now, only a few more sips left. Jake sat down and leaned against the wall, watching me. Silence enveloped us for what seemed like hours, but it was comfortable. I was at peace having the warm water, the gold liquid, and my Jacob with me. I sighed and put the bottle on the floor beside me. "I don't feel right, Jake."
"I know," he said, a faint smile crossing his lips, his eyes worn out.
I grabbed the bottle again, and took a big swig, my feet hanging out of the tub. "You think I did the right thing, right?" I asked, my hands playing with the bodice of my dress.
"Bella, I think you should stop drinking," Jake said as he reached for the bottle. I pulled it closer to me, and pushed my hair our of my face.
"I bet he hates me," I sighed, taking another chug.
"I bet he would kick my ass if he ever saw how much you've had to drink." He reached for the bottle again, just barely missing.
A tear trickled down my face. "I'm serious, Jake. Do you think I did the right thing?"
Jake sighed and leaned forward, resting on his elbows. "Yeah, Bells. I do. I don't think you're ready to get married."
I nodded, wiping the tears away, and took another gulp of whiskey. "I'm so glad your dad had this."
He shook his head. "I'm not, because tomorrow you'll have a killer hangover and you and Billy will blame me."
I looked over at him. He looked stressed, tired, and a little relived. I felt so sorry for him. I shouldn't put him through this, I shouldn't make such a great person so unhappy. "Come here," I told him, leaning my head over the tub's edge.
Jacob scooted over to me and lowered his head a little to be even with mine. "What is it, beautiful?"
His words wrapped tightly around my heart, and suddenly I felt completely attracted to him. Jacob was there to pick up the pieces I had broken into, why shouldn't I be able to help him and myself tonight? I deserved to relax and take my mind off of everything, and Jake needed it too. He was walking on a thin line and he probably hadn't had a decent night's sleep or a full meal since he ran away. We could both just use a break.
My hand ran slowly through his hair. "Jake," I whispered, leaning my forehead against his.
He closed his eyes briefly as my other hand caressed his cheek. I leaned in a little toward him, causing our lips to brush. His eyes flew open as he scooted backwards. "Bella. . ."
"No, Jake. I want to, please."
He shook his head. "I'm not going to be your rebound guy, Bells. I can't go through that."
"You aren't!" I protested.
Jacob deserted the chair and came to kneel before me. "Bella, I want you that way. You know that, I know that. But I want you to make that decision when you're sober, and over Edward, if you choose to not be with Edward."
"Jake, I do want you," I stated. "I don't want to wait. You know that I love you."
"Yet it wasn't enough. I can't go through the pain of getting you and then losing you, honey. You have no idea how painful that is for me. It's like a part of my heart and soul has been ripped out of me. All happiness and goodness in my life disappears. I get upset for no reason, I hardly ever stay home, I tear up things for no reason. . . Bella I can't handle those days anymore. If you truly want me, then wait."
I nodded and turned away from him, a few tears falling down my face. "I guess I understand. I've been horrible to you, Jake, and you have no idea how much I regret it." I kicked the water, sending a few drops on the floor. "I'm so sorry."
His warm hand then was on the top of my head as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I'll always forgive you, honey. As long as I live."