"Arthur Goes Fifth VIII: The Other Side of the Coin"

Disclaimer: I don't own Arthur. I don't own anything. I live in my parents' basement.

Earth is reeling from the invasion attempt of the Yordilians, catlike women who lost the male population of their planet to a rogue biological weapon, and sought to take the men of our world for their own. Only a stratagem devised by Sue Ellen (herself a Yordilian), with a little help from Doctor Who, succeeded in thwarting the invasion, which was masterminded by Sue Ellen's parents. The interplanetary Alliance, which turned a blind eye to the assault on Earth due to a conspiracy at its highest levels, has now offered to assist in the reconstruction of Earth's ruined infrastructure. The existence of space aliens is now an indisputable fact, although in the mind of the average human, his or her chances of ever meeting one haven't improved much.

The Crosswires, having been relocated to the vast alien city Elci Kahaf as part of an interstellar witness protection program, fell in love with the locale and attempted to settle permanently. After the Earth-Yordil conflict was settled, however, their membership in the program was terminated, and they were deported to their home world. Muffy's only souvenir from her visit is an optical fiber dress that displays a real-time image of her face—and at the moment, that image is a sullen one.

The Brain has a new pet—a paraplegic Shih Tzu who calls himself The Professor. He is in actuality the telepathic leader of the X-Pets, a band of canine mutants dedicated to the protection of dogs everywhere (and humans, when their interests coincide). In addition, Alan's older sister Tegan has awoken from a coma of several weeks, and is recuperating with her family. Once able to mind-meld with other people, and even effect changes to their personalities, she has now lost that ability.

The Coopers, fed up with the unending stream of bizarre occurrences that seems to be characteristic of Elwood City life, have moved to a new home on the outskirts of Crown City. The straw that broke the camel's back was the magical transformation of son Van from a duck boy in a wheelchair into a unicorn girl who could walk. Van (now known as Vanessa) is pleased with the change, as it brings with it a lengthened lifespan and the ability to talk to animals.

The story begins in the past tense, as Catherine Frensky, dismissed from her military training after the destruction of Fort Lee by the Yordilians, arrived at her family's small apartment dressed head to toe in military fatigues. To younger sister Francine she was an awe-inspiring image: When I grow up, I want to be just like her—the boots, the green clothes, the bobbed hair. No frilly dresses for me, thanks.

Catherine's pose was rigid, her lips set as straight as a row of soldiers. I'm home again, she muttered to herself. No one to give orders. No one to tell me what to do with my life. I am so, so lost.

"You look great, Cath," said Francine. "I'll bet you could beat me at arm-wrestling now."

"I could beat you before, Frankie," said Catherine flatly.

Mrs. Frensky greeted her teenage daughter with joy. "Come in, dear," she said sweetly. "I've made your favorite, matzoh balls."

"Gee, thanks, Mom," said the girl, taking an orderly step into the apartment. "Just what I need—some more hand grenades to lob."

Francine matched her stride like an eager puppy. "What're you going to do now, Cath?" she inquired. "I hear the Alliance is looking to enlist some humans for its interplanetary peacekeeping missions."

"No, thanks," said Catherine. "I've seen the movie. Co-ed showers and giant bugs? Not my thing."

She loped into the kitchen, picked up one of her mother's delicacies, and bit into the crunchy surface. "Your father's out making his rounds," Mrs. Frensky told her. "He says the sanitation department has some openings, if you need a job right away."

"Lovely, Mom," said Catherine with less-than-subtle sarcasm. "Just lovely."

Mrs. Frensky laid a friendly arm around her daughter's leafy shoulders. "I'm really sorry, dear," she said. "I know that you saw the Army as a way out of this life, but now…"

"Now what?" said Catherine peevishly. "There's no Army left, no Air Force, no Marines…nothing. They wiped it all out. I didn't even get a chance to fight them—I spent the whole time cowering in the bunker, convinced that the mess cook was trying to poison me."

Francine, at a loss for anything meaningful to say, simply wrapped her arms around her sister's midsection. "So," Catherine asked her in an attempt to lighten the mood, "what have you and Muffy been up to lately?"

"Nothing," replied Francine, her voice muffled by the older girl's fatigues. "She's not my friend anymore. She's not anybody's friend anymore. All she cares about is leaving Elwood City and moving to someplace more exciting."

In the condo where the Crosswires lived, Muffy confronted her father with seriousness. "Daddy," she stated, "I think we should move to the Latin Quarter of Paris and become starving artists. Think about it before you answer, okay?"

"And she wears that stupid optical dress every day," Francine went on. "She never washes it. 'It washes itself,' she says." The monkey girl sighed bitterly. "Anyway, I'm hanging with Jenna now. She's cool."

"Actually," mused Catherine, "being a starving artist in the Latin Quarter of Paris isn't such a bad idea, compared to my other options."

A guest suddenly appeared at the door, strolling inside without knocking. He was a tall, nearly bald, monkey man in his early twenties, sporting a black leather jacket and a bouquet of posies in his left hand. "Hi, everybody," he said with a bashful grin.

Catherine's eyes widened like moons. "Mitch!" she exclaimed with delight.

To be continued