A/N: This was a challenge issued by my Biffle NokasKokas aka Slacking 101. Which was a counter to my challenge. IT IS ON NEZ!!
Okay, here are the prompts.
A pizza box, "Until today, I never considered myself to be religious.", "Pickles and Eggs!", "The only brains that you have got is your head are up your ass." shoelaces, perfume, huge frilly hat, "This room breaks 174 laws of homeland hygiene and the laws of gravity. Enter at your own risk."
Pickles and Egg
Byakuya raised his eyebrow at the piece of paper taped to the door with what appeared to be a yellow stain on the corner.
"This room breaks 174 laws of homeland Hygiene and the laws of gravity. Enter at your own risk.
Sincerely,
Health Inspector Kurosaki Ichigo.'
The salutation was circled in red ink with an arrow pointing to it, the caption said; 'Sucks to be you Strawberry.'
He pushed open the door, trying to limit the amount of contact his skin had with the door. He looked around, breathing through his mouth, trying REALLY hard not to inhale the foul stench that permeated from every surface of the room. His eyes roamed over the strange human room; an open pizza box with questionable contents, the strange cans that were crumpled and scattered across the floor and many other sordid, unrecognizable items.
Finally his dark, calculating eyes settled on his red haired lieutenant, who was spread awkwardly across the bed wearing a huge fuzzy, pink frilly hat and clutching a glass beer bottle to his chest.
The Kuchiki Patriarch grabbed a fistful of the blanket underneath the Abarai and yanked hard. The bulky body flipped over then side of the bed. Renji sat up with a start. "PICKLES! EGGS! DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!"
It took the younger man several seconds to recollect himself, when he did he looked up to find his superior glaring (as close as he came to is) disparagingly at him.
"You've been taking up residence in the human world three months and already your living quarters resemble any common human teenagers hovel, get up and right yourself Abarai."
Renji stood up, looking nervous. "Hehe," he chuckled nervously. "Are you wearing perfume or something today Cap'n?" he asked, voice still husky and muddled from sleep, "You smell um, nice today..? hehe."
"Kindly refrain from digging yourself an even deeper grave Fukutaichou. Come."
Byakuya turned and began to elegantly glide towards the door, never turning back to see if his subordinate was following.
Renji, in his haste to catch up to the man scrambled to pull on some real clothes than followed. Suddenly his very human shoes' shoelaces tangled together and he pitched forward landing his face in a place where the suns don't shine on his captain.
For several long painful moments Byakuya didn't react. Until he ever so slowly stepped forward and away from the monkey man. "This never happened."
Straightening up quickly he replied with a resolute, "Affirmative."
The two men made their way down the street inn an awkward silence until Renji finally spoke, "You know…I never considered myself to be a religious man but…now I think I might just have to join the priesthood."
With a sigh Byakuya decided he wouldn't even dignify the remark with a response.
He continued anyway, "I mean; what just happened is technically a sin and I REALLY don't wanna go to hell."
This time the Kuchiki couldn't refrain from speaking, "Remind me again why I keep an oaf like you around."
"Because I'm the whole package," he replied only half-jokingly, "Strength, good looks and brains." He smirked cockily.
"The only brains that you have got Abarai, are up your ass."
There was a stunned silence.
"Kuchiki…taichou….did you just-? Did you just say….ASS?!" Renji burst into raucous laughter. Byakuya; who by now was severely annoyed, waltzed away.
"I can't wait to tell Rukia this one."
A/N: …The end…? Hehe. Don't kill me, I AM WORKING ON SERENDIPITY/A FUTURE but…well… I cant resist a challenge.
I hope it measures up Nezzie.
-Siers