This is another of my friend Botan's stories with bad couples, this time with Kimbly from Fullmetal Alchemist and Mimi from RENT. I am sorry for anyone who reads this...

WARNING: Asians, Mexicans, Alaskans, Arizonians, Utahans, Coloradans, New Yorkers, and Arkansans may get offended by this story.

One day, Mimi Marquez went to Walgreens and bought a 5 pack of bubblegum. In the parking lot, she leapt like a gazelle over cars but she fell down and ate it. She looked up at the sky and saw a dragonfly. She followed it but it ran into a wall and Mimi almost did too but she stopped in time. Suddenly, a rose grew out of the ground under her feet and it grew very big. Mimi was terrified. She pranced into the street like a cat in heat to kill her guilt about Roger, who died of AIDS shortly before the beginning of this story. She stopped to buckle her boot and almost got hit by a car. But Kimbley came out of nowhere and blew up the car. Mimi gave him two packs of her gum because they were kindred souls. She took his hand but she blew up because of the transmutation circles on his hands. He tried to then transmute her back to life but she became a Homunculus instead. The Mimi Homunculus started to eat people.

"I must stop this creature I have created!" Kimbley said, running away in distress. He went to Staples and bought a stainless steel paperclip and put it in his hair.

"Now I can fight the Mimi Homunculus!" But he decided to go eat a hotdog instead. When he finally came back to Mimi, she had grown dark, gnarly wings with points at the end. And she flew to Arkansas.

"Aw, crap," said Kimbley (but he didn't say crap). He robbed Walgreens for some sunglasses and was in Arkansas in two strides. There, he examined the bubblegum from Mimi and saw her hair was on it. He found Mimi wreaking havoc in Arkansas. He held out the hair and punched her in the face. He stood on her. Then, he turned her into a bomb. But he made a mistake and accidentally blew up all of Arkansas, so now there was a hole in the map.

"Way cool," said Kimbley. He proceeded to Yellowstone and visited the Geyser where he saw some strange dude who sparkled in the sun with the body of a girl. Just don't think about it.

Then Kimbley went to Alaska and lived in a bus. He ate a gross plant that poisoned him and almost killed him but he blew up the plants inside of him but now all of his organs were a mess. So he left that cursed place and swam across the ocean where he met a sea lion. He rode the sea creature to a hunk of ice where they met an okra whale. It reminded him of Mimi and he became distraught. But he didn't think about it. Then a gull came down to pester him and he punched it with his foot. He ate it except for it's beak, which he sent to the gull's family. Then he went to Colorado's UNC where he met a large Mexican. Then he went to Mountain View high school and he found a little Asian.

"My job is done," Kimbley told the Little Asian. Then he coughed up the Philosopher's Stone and admired it. But then he swallowed it again. Then he walked downtown Loveland and saw a strange creature. It was top secret so I can tell you nothing about it. Kimbley liked this creature a lot so he boiled it and ate it with a straw. And a fork.

"Ghjvhinadihugf," said Kimbley. He spoke Elvish. Then his tummy rumbled so he ate some carrots. Then he went to the Hobnob Restaurant but he didn't go inside, he just stared at it and ate Subway. Then he went to Utah and jumped over the mountains in two seconds. There was nothing there, although he had always wanted to go. Then he went to Arizona but it was to hot so he blew it up, making another hole in the map. Then he decided to go to Japan. So he fashioned a boat – A Kimbley boat. There were six cans of hairspray on each side. On the boat, he saw a keychain that said "Uruguay" and it was being carried by Sancho the Butterfly. Just don't think about it.

This reminded him of the Little Asian who painted a cow with a Negro paintbrush. He looked down at his toes and noticed that they were weird.

"My toenails are weird," said Kimbley and he cancelled his trip. He went to go get a pedicure by an Asian. He told the Asian she was pretty but she said:

"Ehhhhh? No habla Engles."

And Kimbley thought:

"Why do all of these browns and yellows keep congregating?"

And the Asian kicked him out for being racist. So he went to go buy a cell phone, a blackberry. It was red. He wanted to pay for it, but he had a dilemma. He told the cashier his dilemma but the cashier didn't understand so Kimbley blew him up. He got Mimi's initials bejeweled on the phone: MM. He smiled at the Blackberry and threw it into the ocean so she could rest in peace. Then, tired of his wandering, he went to the Elder's Club and played Parcheesi and schooled the pants off the oldsters.

"I'm bored," said Kimbley. So he went out and learned to play the guitar. He remembered one day at band camp he played the piccolo and he wished he could go back to those days. So he built a time machine. He went back in time and kidnapped the Evil Baby Stalin and the Evil Baby Hitler and decided to start an Evil Baby Orphanage. But the Evil Babies were too much to handle and Evil Baby Hitler bit off Kimbley's finger. He left them in the time continuum. Now he was distressed because of his lost finger. He found a cat but he didn't want to eat him. Instead, he suffocated himself with toilet paper.

In his last moments of life, he saw a brown-haired boy fall from the sky and into the ocean. It happened a lot around there.

"Like, is any of this for real or not?" said Kimbley. He then spotted a sand dollar and it reminded him of Mimi. Then he passed out on the beach and a shark came up and ate his leg. Then a starfish latched onto his face, suffocating him. He died.

ALTERNATE ENDING

He then spotted a sand dollar and it reminded him of Mimi. He hung it on his wall. The next morning, a dinosaur came and took him to the center of the earth. It was too hot but Kimbley didn't die. He and the Dino became life-long companions. But that only lasted until the next day because a rooster came and bit off his hand. Kimbley punched the rooster with his foot. In retaliation, the rooster plucked all of the hairs off of his head. He hated being bald so he sought the help of a colorful violin. But the violin couldn't help him so he left. A tsunami shaped like a fist then dragged him into the ocean, straight to the bottom. He saw a dog and it reminded him of Mimi.

In his last moments of life, a large fichus grew from under his feet and engulfed him. So he could breathe. But he soon ran out of oxygen.

In his last moments of life, he hugged the dog but it scratched his face. Then the earth opened up, swallowed him, and burped.

THE END