"Eight." I cross my arms tightly over my chest.
"Nine." I set my face in a hard line, squinting my eyes, ready to see Beck's face in the nick of time, his face somber and his fingers running through his hair making it fluff up. I open my mouth then hesitate. Shouldn't he be here by now?
"Ten." I rip my arms apart. Still no Beck. I reach out to grab the handle and storm back in, ready to give him a piece of my mind but stop short when Andre's words echo in my head. "You two are always screaming at each other, and it makes everybody feel awkward, and it makes Cat faint and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!" Why should I care? About Cat I mean. Robbie cries about everything. But Cat's my best friend and I feel bad she always gets drug into Beck and I's fighting. I spin on my heel and storm away feeling the need to get home before someone of any importance sees me and notices the tears clouding my vision as I struggle to keep them at bay. Because I don't cry. I don't cry when my dad bails on me for his prissy new wife, and I don't cry when my brother tells me he likes Cat better. I didn't cry when my dad told me my dream of becoming an actor was pointless and a waste of his money, I didn't even cry when my mom said Tori was going to go far and I might want to look into singing lessons. Only I did cry, and Beck was there. He's the only one who's seen me cry, except for one incredibly bad lapse in judgment when I had to enlist Tori's help to get Beck back. But now I'm alone, holding back tears and stranded in the street looking dumbly at Beck's car, which was my way home. If that wasn't bad enough my PearPhone and house keys are nestled on the passenger seat looking smugly back at me through the locked door and rolled up window. My choice? Face everyone back inside and grovel for Beck to open his car then wait for someone to pick me up, or walk home. I sigh and look down at my well-worn military boots and feel a fresh wave of sadness wash over me, remembering Beck's almost identical pair, the reason I bought these in the first place. I start off down the street remembering Beck laughing when he first saw me in the boots, till I told him I bought them because they made me look even more like a bad-ass,
"If that's even possible," I smirked, "NOT because they look like yours." I rolled my eyes. Of course I was lying, and he knew it. So what if I already had about four pairs of military boots. Anything that made me feel closer to Beck was worth the money in my book.
Finally I see my house come into view and note it's dark as death interior, no one's home and my keys are still in Beck's car. Beck. My bottom lip quivers as I think about him again. The walk was a good distraction and I'd almost forgotten why I had to trek back here alone. I try the door but find it locked, not my problem. I kick it in, an acquired skill from dating Beck for almost four years. He got smart pretty early on and started locking his door if he knew I was mad, but I got smarter soon after and learned how to kick it in. I leave the door mostly shut, still a little broken but my mother will have to deal with it on her own. As I tromp downstairs to the basement I grab my laptop and quickly turn off my webcam. No need for anyone to see me in this state, even though everyone is probably still playing cards at Tori's. Groping on the wall at the bottom of the basement stairs I find the switch and flip on my bedroom lights. It's like a punch to the stomach as I look around at all his things strewn throughout my room. I see his flannel I stole after Kenan Thompson's party, some old hair gels I took out of his bathroom about a year ago when I left for the weekend, and stacks upon stacks of photos of the two of us, him always smiling. My hand goes to my neck involuntarily, looking for the thin chain that holds my half of our matching necklaces but coming up empty. I forgot I took it off earlier this week after Beck got mad at me for Tori fighting the gorilla. Like it was my fault she got hurt. Swinging back around to my laptop I open it up and change my relationship status to single. Best done quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. I stare at the screen as the pop up silently urged "Are you sure you want to change your relationship status? By clicking OK your relationship with Beck Oliver will be terminated." Way to go , like I didn't feel bad enough all ready. Without giving myself time to reconsider, I press OK and shut off my laptop.
When I wake up my eyes are sealed shut by the melted mascara that had run down my face last night from crying. I am in no way ready to go to school, but I have to, or else people would think I am too weak to handle a stupid breakup. I drag myself out of bed and into the shower. Scrubbing my face I realize once more I am single. I wasn't putting on a pretty face this morning for someone, I was putting on a pretty face this morning to become someone. For the first time in almost four years I was just Jade. Not Beck and Jade. Old habits die hard as I begin pulling on Beck's favorite shirt, and reaching for my half necklace before realizing I couldn't wear it anymore. I keep the shirt on though, the boy needed to see what he's missing after all, and race out the door before my mom can ask what had happened to the door.
I stop at the Grub Truck for a coffee and take a deep breath, heading inside. Maybe this will all blow over and I'll be Beck's girlfriend again in no time.
"Hi hi!" Cat comes bouncing up to me, my PearPhone in hand. "I'm supposed to give these to you!"
"What, Beck can't handle it himself?" I snap. Cat's big smile vanishes and is replaced by a frown and big eyes.
"Sorry, Jade. I don't think he can. He was busy talking to Tori about Trina. She-" Cat cuts off mid sentence, overtaken by giggles. I'm not in the mood for giggles.
"She what?" I yell in her face, bringing her back to the conversation.
"She tackled him to the floor!" Cat exclaims. "I think she was sorry though, 'cause she sort of hugged his arm all night." Cat smiles.
"Trina. . .Vega?" I ask, not fully comprehending. "On. . .Beck?" An image flashes into my mind from last night. Trina being hit in the face from the pillow I threw after she hit on Beck. So small in light of the break up, but apparently not to Beck. There is no way I've been replaced by the annoying and talentless Trina Vega.
During lunch I was sitting under my locker working on a song as Cat walked up to the vending machine. I was considering using my broken heart as a way to get a free soda out of the poor girl when she suddenly decided to throw her unopened can away.
"Cat? Why'd you just throw your drink in the trash?" I asked, standing up.
"Because I wasn't thirsty." She beamed at me.
"But. . .But you bought-and then yo-forget it." I sigh. "What are you doing Saturday night?" Saturday night was always date night when I was dating Beck, even if it just meant hanging around his RV. Now that I was single, I had no idea what to do.
"I'm dog sitting for my mom's boss" She replied, playing with her hair.
"Oh, what kind of dog?"
"I'm not sure, he's got paws and a tail. . .maybe he's an english pawtail!" She exclaimed. That girl, sometimes I wonder how we became friends."Why, what're you doing Saturday night?"
"Oh, what? What you think because Beck and I broke up I don't have anything to do Saturday night?" I burst out at her.
"No! I never said tha-"
"I've got a lot of things I'm gonna do. Like tons." I cut her off angrily.
"Ok?" She asks looking lost.
"I mean, if you want me to cancel my plans and come hang out with you while you dog sit then fine. Fine, I'll do it." I say stubbornly.
"You don't have to" She replies, trying to please me.
"I said I'll do it!" I snap. "But you owe me, babygirl." I say with a finger pointed in her face.
"Thank you!" I hear her call out as I walk away, only to see Beck talking with Tori and Robbie.
"Hey." He calls out as his eyes follow me walk past.
"Yeah, hey." I say dismissively as I pick up my pace and climb the stairs not bothering to look back. I will be ok, because Beck hasn't given up on me. As I make my way to Sikowitz's class I play with the golden necklace around my neck. While I may have replaced my half of Beck and I's necklace, he still has his on. It's only a matter of time before he comes back to me. I just have to wait it out. As I log onto and update my status, I decide to have a little fun, "I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT! I HOPE THIS DOESN'T MAKE BECK JEALOUS!" I smirk a little thinking of how the tables have turned. Have fun thinking of me tonight Beck.