A/N I'm back from the dead!! Ha ha, just posting something I thought of on-the-spot, because I needed to type... at 11:16pm. Apparently angst comes naturally with lack of sleep.
Set to New Moon, before Edward leaves Bella, he's acting odd, and she thinks of what this might mean...
Songfic for 'I Just Can't Live a Lie', by Carrie Underwood
Disclaimer: this story is disclaimed. There.
I Just Can't Live A Lie
Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier
'Cos hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away
Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you
And all about the good times that we've been through
Could I wake up without you every day
Would I let you walk away
Bella's alarm went off, and she began to get up, realising that, once again, Edward never came the night before. Wondering why, she thought of a book she had once read...
"The boy began to slowly separate himself from the girl he no longer felt a connection towards. His thinking was that perhaps, if she knew what was coming, she would not be crushed when he announced the end of their year-long relationship."
'No,' she thought. There was no way he could be planning...
No, I can't learn to live without
And I can't give up on us now
Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie
Just then, she noticed the time, and began to hurriedly prepare for school. Soon afterward, Edward appeared for her daily ride to school.
"Hey Edward," Bella greeted him, and attempted to start conversation, failing horribly in her attempt. As a result, she was more confused than ever, her new theory seeming to be correct so far in the explanation of Edward's odd behavior. All day, she was downcast.
In English, she began to ponder her theory further, wondering if she was right.
'What will happen to us? What will I do?' She didn't know if she would be able to survive without him, but she would never be able to let him know that, never be able to give him grief.
Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean
Thinking back to their first kiss, Bella remembers how she fainted. Still, his kisses make it so hard for her to breathe. She wants to speak with Alice, but she's not at school, off on that trip, which Bella realises now is probably permanent.
They are so perfect for each other that her heart rejects the idea that she is right, but her brain knows that it's the logical explanation of the recent events that have happened. She suddenly wished she had allowed Edward to buy her a cell phone, so that she could call Alice and demand to know the truth.
No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now
Ohh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie
Ohh, and I don't wanna try
She knew this was coming. She barely heard the words Edward was speaking. Inside her, she was battling between her resolve not to cause him pain and her overwhelming, selfish desire to keep him, to lock him away and make him stay with her forever.
"Bella? Do you understand me?" Edward, sounding strained, notices that she is preoccupied. He rushes through the rest of his obviously over-practiced lines, getting rid of her.
"Please don't leave me!" Bella's more selfish urges had won. "Whatever you do, please don't. I'd rather die than live without you."
"Don't be overdramatic, Bella, you realise I must! I just can't do this anymore, I just can't live this lie any longer." Edward pleaded with her.
Ohhhh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie
"Well I can't either!! To act like I can live without you? It would be the worst thing I would do in my entire life. I can't live this lie any more than you can. So please don't make me do this... please, it's all I want."
Suddenly he pulls her close to him, and her breath stops for a second, her heart skipping a beat.
"I'm so sorry, my Isabella. So sorry." Edward murmurs into her ear, before he dissapears into the night.
Somewhere in the forest, a young girl collapses in tears.
I just can't live a lie But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie
Oh, I cant live a lie
Oh, I cant live a lie