I awaken in a cold sweat. My body shakes uncontrollably as if trying to rid itself of the nightmare I had failed to escape from. I throw back the rough fabric of my blanket but the heat still manages to embrace me, choking the air from my lungs. I need to breathe. Leaping out of bed I race to the window and hurriedly pull back the thin mesh curtains. Unlatching the catch I push it open and inhale the briny scent of the ocean, the morning breeze tousles my thick bronze hair soothingly like a parent might a child. Sunlight filters lazily into the dingy room, creating intricate patterns on the wall via the rainbow shards of sea glass that hang from pieces of rope from the ceiling. My father had constructed the decorations when I had been a small boy, too small and too naive to fear the reaping. However I fear the reaping now.
I only have to glance down into the harbour by the front of the house to know my father isn't here. His rundown fishing boat 'The Tallulah', named after my late mother, is not tied to its usual spot by our tiny hut. I also know he won't be home until dinner so there is no point in waiting around for him to return. When my mother was alive my father didn't have to go out for so long on the water, he would finish early and we would take some of his catch and cook the fish on the beach together. However now there is no mother for my father to come home to so he often stays out late. I know it's not me he hates to see at the end of everyday day, it's the emptiness in this house that he loathes. Without my mother this place is cold even in the summer. When my father and I cross paths at home we merely acknowledge each other as misguided ghosts looking for a light to take us away from the dark. Except there is no light here anymore, only painful memories because, you see, even though my mother is long gone our feeling for her will never go away. We are trapped somewhere full of longing and broken promises; that is why we both have grown to hate the place we once called home.
My name is Finnick Odair and I train as a career to volunteer in the hunger games. I'm only fourteen so most people from our district assume I'm doing it for glory and women. However the truth is I just want to start over with my father in the victor's village. I want us to be a family again and enjoy my mother's memories instead of wallowing in an infinite depression. My father's too poor to afford a new property and keep us fed and clothed so it's down to me to help us out of the dark. If I can't find a light to follow I will have to ignite my own flame.
I dress quickly and leave the hut, slamming the door behind me. I notice that the docks are busy with fisherman returning from outings upon midnight waters.
"Good morning Finnick!" Mrs Saltsman waves, splattering the jetty with the blood of a trout she is gutting. Her husband, a short balding man who is good friends with my father, emerges from his own boat with more of his catch. He places the net down in front of Mrs Saltsman and wipes his forehead as she reaches down and grabs another fish.
"Good Morning." I reply grinning, all though there is nothing good about it.
"How are you today son?" asks Mr. Saltsman, placing a gentle kiss on his wife's cheek.
"I'm okay." I feel my smile waver slightly.
"Are you ready for next week Finnick?" Mrs Saltsman looks over me with concern from where she is sitting upon her old stool.
"I will have to be, won't I?" My gaze falls over the restless ocean to avoid meeting her sad eyes. Everyone looked at me that way, their eyes swimming with tides of despair.
"Don't worry Finnick, you have the most handsome face in the whole of Panem, you'll easily get sponsors once the games begin." Mr Saltsman says encouragingly. Under other circumstances he might have urged me not to risk my life but I know him and Mrs Saltsman have children whose lives would be spared if I entered. It seems selfish of their father to happily send me to my death but I do not begrudge him for it, I would do the same in order to protect my children.
"Did you say Finnick? Where is he? Odair he is!" Someone leaps over the side of Mr Saltsman's boat and doubles over in a fit of hysterical laughter.
"Yes, very funny Kai. Did you check if there was any damage to the nets or not?" Mr Saltsman asks his son impatiently. At thirteen Kai is the youngest out of the family's children. He is the only other boy in the whole of four who rivals me in height; his mop of curly chestnut hair towers above all the other inhabitants in our district. He's sometimes immature and his smile is a little lopsided but his eyes sparkle with laughter like the dappled sun hitting the sea; I envy him for that, I don't remember the last time I was truly happy.
"Did you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did!" Kai chuckles to himself.
"Your father asked you about the nets." Growls his mother, running the blunt side of her blade down one of her fingers
"Alright don't get so CRABBY! There is a hole in one of them, should I take it to be repaired?" Kai inquires, beaming at us.
"That's kind of you to offer, Finnick why don't you go with him?" Mrs Saltsman hands over a small bucket of the fish to her lanky child to be used as payment for the weavers work.
"I have training with the careers on the beach in a while." I scratch my neck awkwardly and feel the muscles in my arms bunch up.
"Come on Odair it won't take long." Before I can object the ruined net is abandoned in my hands.
"Give the Crestas my love." Kai's mother requests as we begin to walk away from the docks.
"The Crestas?" My brow furrows slightly as I try and recall if I've heard the name before.
Kai nods, he wobbles attempting to balance on the low crumbling wall that separates the pathway from the water's edge.
"Their family suffered from a boating accident a while back. The father, Barak, was injured which prevented him from returning to fishing, he owns a repair shop down the west side of the village now." Kai's wonky smile falters and his eyes become dim for the first time since I've known him.
"Poor guy, he lost his wife only the year before. She had a horrible fall from the top of the Galiena cliffs during a storm and hit her head. The peace keepers reported the cause of death to be drowning. " He shifts the bucket from hand to hand uncomfortably. "According to my mother she was one of the prettiest women in the district and one of the most loved. Our parents had been best friends so naturally Annie and I have played together since we were young." His features soften slightly and his voice becomes tender. His expressions change as often as the weather when he speaks.
"Annie is Barak's only daughter. My father says that when she is older she will be known for her beauty, just like her mother. I believe that she is already much prettier than all the other girls, much nicer too." His cheeks flare red when I raise an eye brow in his direction.
"We're just friends Finnick." He mumbles, blowing hair off of his face.
"I never said otherwise." I reply smoothly.
"Play nice Finny." He shoves me lightly and jumps off the wall as we round the corner which leads us to the village centre.
"You don't win games by playing nicely Kai." I say sternly.
He grunts in response. "Do you think the odds will be in your favour this year?"
"The odds have never been in my favour." I grimace.
"Maybe things will change for you when you win." Kai looks at me hopefully.
"If I win that is Kai." I sigh, stopping so that an older couple can cross over the path in front of us.
"Being positive wouldn't do you any harm." He mutters.
"It does because being positive isn't realistic. I'm going to have to volunteer, that's real. The games are real. The fact I might die is real." I grit my teeth. I'd always known the truth but saying it out loud made the matters only seem so much worse.
"I think you'll win. That's real." Kai's eyes gloss over with a steely determination, glinting like his mothers knife under the midday sun.
"Thanks Kai." His famous lopsided smile spreads across his face again.
"It's alright Odair." He pauses for a second at a cross road before taking a left past the market place. I follow closely behind in order to not become lost among the other citizens scraping to bargain for luxuries like cheese and cures for colds. Kai stops suddenly in front of me and it takes a great effort on my part not to drop the rope I'm carrying when I run into the back of him. The stall he's so transfixed by contains thick crème paper and piles of books. There are books about adventures, machinery, far off lands and many other topics from what I can make out of the pictures. I can't read anything beyond basic instructions which is considered to be impressive; hardly anyone can understand the odd order of lettering in four.
"Can you read Kai?" I ask out of curiosity. He shakes his head.
"My grandparents used to buy me books all the time before they died. However there was a harsh winter once and the fishing grounds were empty so I was forced to sell the paperbacks in order for my family to not starve. I never got the chance to read them before they were gone."
I remember my father telling me about Kai's grandpa. His brother had won the games one year but committed suicide not long after out of guilt. Father said he had gone mad after killing his own twin sister in the games. I don't blame him for wanting to die. A small portion of his winnings went to grandpa Saltsman every week after the funeral. They were hardly rich but they were a lot better off than most. After Kai's own grandpa's death the capital decided to withdraw the payments to the family entirely. Kai's grandma had objected to this, saying it was unfair, that the money was rightfully theirs. She went missing a day later.
"Annie can read though. I like it when she reads to me and the other kids. Her mother was from an upper class family so she had a lot of things like books and pretty dresses which she left to her daughter. " His eyes linger on the store for a moment longer before he strides briskly off. I decide that if I win the games I'll buy books for Kai, he's a good kid so he deserves good things once in a while.
I watch the boy make another sharp left before abruptly halting again. The cobbled stone under my feet is unfamiliar to me, it's strange compared to the dirt tracks I'm used to walking on; I don't even recognise the street. Kai struggles to place his bucket down at an angle where it won't topple over.
"Well this is the shop." He gestures to a quaint little building with wildflowers growing in trays by a large window. Twisted strands of rope hang from the inside of the pane, some form intricate shapes such as mermaids and fish while others are just highly complicated knots. A number of different sized fishing poles are propped against the wall along with broken ores and bits of boat I didn't even know existed.
"It should be open." Kai presses his face against the glass and peers inside. "I don't see anyone though." He shrugs, picks up his bucket and opens the door.
"Hey, wait up." I call after him as he disappears inside. I chase after him being careful to pick my way through the abandoned objects discarded on the floor outside. I pull the faded navy door open, it closes behind me with a gentle thud and a tiny metal bell rings out over the silence.
"Kai?" I whisper. My eyes wander across grubby shelves filled with broken bottles and frayed pieces of string. There are massive book cases stacked with papers and boxes filled with rusty hooks. Dust hangs timelessly in the air; the sun creates constellations with the particles.
"Is anyone here?" I call but there's no reply. I stop for a moment, to consider how late I am for training, when something catches me off guard. I can barely hear it over the quiet but the rhythmic noise is unmistakable. There's soft slow breathing coming from behind me. Someone places a hand on my shoulder.
My response is automatic. Grabbing the hand I twist it behind my attackers back and shove him against the shelving, sending objects crashing to the ground.
"I won't hurt you, I promise." Her voice reminds me of calm waters, the breeze singing through the long beach grass on a summer's day but most of all its steady like a pillar of stone. Then it dawns on me; my attacker is a women. No, her frame is too petite, too fragile, my attacker is a girl. She wasn't the attacker, I was.
"Odair! Is everything alright I heard something I ...swear." Kai shouts skidding out from behind one of the back shelves but he trails off when he sees me.
"What's going on?" His eye brows knit together as he approaches.
"I-I" I stutter trying to form a suitable answer.
"Don't worry; I think I just scared him a little." The girl giggles nervously.
"Odair let her go already." Kai growls at me in a way closely resembling his mother. My hands slip away from the girl's soft skin but before I can speak the lanky boy has placed himself between us.
"Are you okay Annie?" I hear him ask her. Annie. Annie Cresta. Annie Cresta whose father owns the repair shop.
"Honestly Kai I'm fine, it's nice to see you." I hear the smile in the girl's, Annie's, voice.
"Yeah it's nice to see you too. Hey have you grown?" Kai chuckles.
"I'm no taller than the last time you saw me. Stop teasing me. " She giggles again, I imagine the sun.
"So how can I help you today Mr. Saltsman?" she asks.
"I'm afraid we have a hole in our net again Miss Cresta." Kai sighs stepping away and gesturing towards my arms.
My eyes shift away from broken glass on the floor in order for my upcoming apology to seem more sincere. But the words never come; my tongue's too heavy for my sand paper mouth. She looks up at me with wide eyes as green and as infinite as the depths of the ocean. They shine with curiosity like water under starlight. Thick dark hair falls in gentle curls down to her slim waste like waves upon the shore. Freckles sprinkle over her nose like sea spray. I have seen beautiful before, after all the girls can't seem to get enough of Finnick Odair. Blonde, tall, tanned all of them typically good looking. But there is beautiful and then there is Annie Cresta.
"Do you mind if I take a look?" she smiles and I feel my skin wash over with warmth. I out stretch my arms to her, breaking the eye contact to stop any chances of me gawking.
"Don't mind Finnick. He's just a little jumpy with the reaping being so close. He's sorry about the mess too, I'm sure he'll pay for the damage." I glance over to Kai thankfully but he's not looking at me, he only has eyes for Annie.
"I understand; I should know not to creep up on people, it's my fault really." I feel her gaze shift on to me and my eyes snap up to meet hers.
"Thank you." She slides the rope away from my hands and tosses it over her shoulder carelessly.
"So this is the famous Finnick the girls all talk about?" she asks Kai, he nods winking.
Before I can react she has closed the little space between us. I feel her small body against me, her breath mingles with mine. Slowly she reaches out her hand and places a slender finger under my chin. I watch curiously as she examines my face, feeling unusually self conscious. Kai tenses from behind he, I watch him edge closer.
"Annie." He warns. "Odair can have a nasty bite if you get too close. You know, like those baby crabs you tried to pet once." He laughs nervously. She ignores him and continues to study my face.
"You look too kind to be a killer." She says softly after a long time, dropping her hand from my face.
"Excuse me?" I scoff taking a step away from her.
"Annabel!" the sudden bellowing vibrates in the thick air of the tiny shop. I watch the girl wince as she turns to face a beaded curtain I hadn't noticed at the back of the room. Kai picks up the bucket he had abandoned in his rush to get to us and begins shifting it uncomfortably again between his sweaty palms.
"Thank you for coming. Kai I'll bring the net over once I'm finished." Annie stutters.
"I heard something break and it woke me up, you know I hate to be woken up." The faceless voice slurs.
"Annie, I'll stay its fine." Kai whispers. Annie shakes her head sadly taking the fish off of him.
"He's been drinking again hasn't he?" Kai hisses at her as he shuffles towards the exit.
"See you later." She shoves him out of the open door with unexpected strength from someone of her size. She turns to me and pushes dark strands of hair from her pale skin.
"It was nice to meet you Finnick Odair." I like the way she says my name.
"Goodbye Annie Cresta." I reply.
"Annabel!" The voice yells again.
"Coming father!" She calls. The corners of her lips twitch into an uncertain smile and then she is gone.
As I step outside the sun has turned the pavement golden under its glow. Kai is leant against the wall along with the fishing poles waiting for me.
"Why did we have to leave so soon?" I ask leaning next to him. He sighs and runs his hand through his messy hair.
"Her father isn't a very pleasant man. I think she was trying to save us from experiencing the worse side of him." He laughs, but it's cold and forced.
"I see." I run my hands through my own hair and digest this new information about the Cresta family. "I can understand why you're so fond of his daughter now though."
"Annie, she's different isn't she?" his smile becomes more genuine.
I think about Annie. The girl with a voice as strong as stone yet as soft as a feather. The girl with eyes the colour of ocean depths yet skin as pale as sunlight. The girl who uses words as little as ripples yet they are words that hold meanings as large as tidal waves.
You look too kind to be a killer
"Yes. She's different."