This fic has been an idea for quite some time. You know it's bad when a person is procrastinating on her procrastination activities.

So here's my new fanfic, featuring Paula! Because I like Paula. She seems nice. A bit longer than my others, but still pretty short. And terrible.

It was a well-known fact that Edward Middleford had a nasty temper. So when he came storming into the kitchen late one night snarling about Ciel Phantomhive, treachery, and good-for-nothing rapscalions, every member of the household staff who was not already asleep quickly made excuses to be somewhere else.

Everyone except for Paula, anyway. As someone who spent most of her time with Edward's younger sister, she was unfazed by his unpleasant moods. Instead, she stopped what she was doing and set about making him a cup of tea.

Once he'd calmed down enough to piece his thoughts together, as Paula expected, he immediately began complaining about his younger cousin.

"I don't know why we're still putting up with him, Paula! He's clearly insane. I've done some checking about his servants, and do you know that the only one with any sort of employment record is the chef? And he's a retired soldier, not a cook! The others, it's like he just pulled them out of thin air! And while we were visiting recently, he told me that the newest one came from a circus! But he has to be joking, right? He wouldn't really hire a circus performer? You know they're all complete scoundrels."

Here he paused, and gave Paula a look which she liked to refer to as his "please tell me I'm not insane" look. With her limited knowledge about Ciel Phantomhive, she thought it was actually completely possible that he had hired a circus performer. But she didn't say that out loud. Instead, she settled with just telling him "I'm sure you're right, don't worry about it."

"But I have to worry about it!" Eddie took the mug of tea from her and set it aside. "The man carries an entire colony of serpents around in his pockets! And nobody seems to think that it's the least bit suspicious."

"Well, what does your sister think of it?" This was an effort on Paula's part to calm Eddie down. It didn't seem to work, as his reaction was to snort loudly and roll his eyes.

"I'm just getting to that. You know how my sister is, she thinks he's wonderful. Kept asking him if she could pet the poisonous vipers. I had to practically drag her away. She's too trusting, that's the problem. And now I've found out that ever since then she's been-"

He was cut off by Elizabeth slamming the door open and storming over to him in a fury. "Give it back!," she demanded. "It's mine!" Then, noticing Paula, "Paula! Make him give it back!"

"I will not!" Eddie retorted. "You're just lucky I'm not giving it to Mother! Paula, tell her she's being unreasonable!"

Paula sighed and covered her eyes for a moment. "Don't you think you're a little too old to be bickering like this? Edward, what did you take from your sister?"

Reluctantly, Eddie pulled a stack of envelopes from his pocket and held it out of reach of his sister. "They're letters he wrote to her. Apparently, she decided it would be a good idea to be pen pals with a highly suspicious individual." He shot Elizabeth a glare.

"You only think he's suspicious because you've never talked to him!" Elizabeth protested. "I can make a friend if I want to! I don't see why it matters. You're friends with Paula!"

"That's not the same thing at all!" Eddie snapped. "I get along with Paula because she lives here! If she lived somewhere else and I wrote to her all the time, it would look like we were up to something improper. Now stop acting childish, or I'll start accusing you of the same."

Elizabeth leaned across the table and grabbed the bundle of letters, face flushed in a very telling manner. "You don't know what you're talking about, you haven't even read them!"

"I knew it! Now I really am telling mother!" He tried to take the letters back, but Elizabeth dodged him.

"Mind your own business, Eddie, or I'll tell everyone about what you did last January."

And with that, she left. Eddie stared after her for a moment, eyes wide, then abruptly left as well. And as far as Paula was aware, nothing more was said on the topic ever again.

Yeeeaaaahhh, I had no idea how to end this. I agonized over it for a while and eventually decided to go for cheap laughs. Blame it on the common cold, it makes my thoughts go all jumbly.