"So today was a tough one, how you holding up?"
She looked up from her car magazine, "hmm? Oh I'm fine, I'm good" He gave her a knowing half smile as he moved across the room to sit down beside her. "Yeah? Cos you seemed really quite shook by the very real prospect of losing him"
"He's part of the team, he's family...He is part of my family." she took a deep breath, placing the magazine on her lap before she gave a small shaky sigh, "It was scary, yeah, I mean he's been there for us, all of us..but for me more recently and today he was all blue and grey and dying. Right there in front of me. No one has ever died in front of me before, with the exception of you. But even then I knew I could save you in that room, that if I got to you I could save you, and the chances of having you back on your feet were good...But today...there was nothing, he was dying and there was nothing I could think of that would have made a difference or stop it." She was quiet then, stroking the outline of the car printed on the glossy cover of her magazine.
How much had happened between them since the point where she would have died before saying anything of this to Toby or so much allowed herself to acknowledge such thoughts and attachments to others, even to herself. She realised that it was almost easy to say what was in her head now. She was rather a long way from the woman she once was- not perfect, she probably never would be, but her body felt lighter for all that had transpired in the last three years. She had found even her posture had changed, her shoulders used to be thrown back in defense, now they sat back relaxed but with confidence. She found she no longer sat so stiffly her muscles forever coiled in preparation of action, now at the hands of Toby there was not a knot to be found.
At Toby's hands a lot had happened for her. She didn't truly believe at that first kiss that there would be a positive outcome, a positive effect to a relationship between them, but she was wrong. She had closed herself back off again till the day of the dam but after seeing the lasting effect of Megan on Sylvester it was hard to ignore the apparent benefits of being loved and loving in return.
The 'better half', she had heard the term thrown around, even had the regular worker at Kovalskys ask where hers was when she had gone in to pick up dinners, she'd rolled her eyes and dismissed it, but maybe she had misunderstood it. He was her better half, He wasn't better than her, not by a long shot and she most certainly wasn't better than him. But he made her better, he made her happier and healthier and a better version of who she once was, and she hoped she did the same for him. She had heard him effectively say so to the husband of the tar pit woman and she guessed it was kind of true, and it had felt nice to hear. She had brought about the end of his gambling and the majority of his insistent need to be right and maybe she had given him something to anchor himself to, keep him stable. Keep him grounded. Yet it didn't feel enough to tell him she loved him, she wanted to be more freely affectionate, her first instinct was always to deflect it, she wants to change but after having had what she felt for Toby exploited by Collins. Knowing that he could be used against her to take down the defenses she held firm to the rest of the world, it had shaken the progression she was making. She didn't feel safe, feeling like sharks were always circling them all, the likes of Collins being one step ahead terrified her.
She didn't look as she took his hand and started placing with his fingers,"Toby If so much as one of us had stayed behind or been injured too, we wouldn't have succeed. We wouldn't still have Cabe." He swayed to the side bumping her with his shoulder, "hey, I admit it was a real close one, but he's ok, we are all ok"
he kissed the side of her head and rested his head against her shoulder
They sat like that in content silence, both parties in thought before Happy broke it with a whisper."He's leaving"
Toby sat up abruptly, facing her, "what! What do you mean he's leaving? When did he say that?"
Happy managed a small exhaling laugh, "he's not leaving, he's just leaving here, going back to his own home now the mould is gone"
Content that they were not still losing a team member he settled back on her shoulder.
Interlinking their fingers she turned her head to press her face into his hair, the faint aroma of his shampoo still clinging to him after his shower, their shower. She couldn't stand to still see the flakes of Cabe's blood cling to her fingernails so had scrubbed them red raw in an attempt to rid herself of the reminder. Toby noticed and was stoking along each finger with his other hand, turning his body to curl in closer like she would as they watched a movie.
"You know It was nice having someone around, like there was more life in my apartment. I guess I'm going to miss it, miss having him to go home with each night. We would talk you know? In a way we wouldn't otherwise. His cooking is limited, and bad. You remember that heart attack in a roll? But having someone make the effort, to care to think about me who has no other reason to but because they just do"
Toby sat up turning and opening his mouth,Happy was quick to make clear what she meant "But not like you! you love me, you want a life with me, all marriage and babies and old age. But he was taking care of me like I watch Paige do with Ralph, just kindness and making sure I was ok...After the baby incident..We talked about so many things,how I grew up, what it means for me to want now what I thought i'd never have so had never considered. What his kid was like, the mistakes he made, the things he loved. He and I we are more alike than I realised and I guess It's kind of been a way of preparing me...and I kind of don't want to go back to being alone again."
"you'll never be alone Hap" It sounded a bit disconnected and if she hadn't come to understand the tones of his voice she might have believed he was falling asleep, but instead he was thinking.
He lifted his head to look at her having come away from his thoughts "are you falling for Cabe Miss Quinn?" There was humour in his voice so she lessened the blow to his stomach but it still earned an "oof" and a chuckle, "I kid, I kid, but I'm glad you have grown in your time with him. It's good. We are supposed to learn from our elders- Ow! What your suddenly defending his honour? Maybe I should be concerned."
she rolled up the magazine that had fallen by her side, whacking him with it, "I am trying to be sweet here and ask you to move in with me and your being a dumb-ass."
He lowered the hands he had thrown up as protection against her papered attack, "what? You want me to move in with you?"
she threw the magazine to the side and clambering onto his lap. "yes!"
\his face broke out into a large grin "really?"
Rolling her eyes she poked his chest, "no, I'm joking I want nothing more than to live in a separate home to my husband, I've done it once before and found I rather enjoyed the distanced experience. Yes, really you moron!"
Her insult did nothing to dim the sparkle that lit up Toby's eyes, running his hands up the stretched out form atop him "oooooh you love me! You want to love me, you want to hug me, you want to smooch me"
Happy leaned forward so as he looked up at her his chin rested upon her midriff and she was looked down at him over his chest, she quirked a brow as his eyes took on a glazed quality a hand snaking its way up her back slowly to come round, just as he is to cup her breast she leans back, snapping him from his gaze disappointingly. She gave a low chuckle before leaning close to his ear, "you wish" He make the sound of a lost pup. She leans forward bracing her self on the back of the sofa and stepping back off of him, she feels the heat of his unsteady breath through her thin shirt against her chest.
She stands, she knows he can see the physical effect that breath had on her,"Night doc". She moves to take a step but he's up with his hands gripping her hips before she can move. " Yes. Yes I want to move in with you."
resting her hands on his wrists she gives him a full wattage Happy smile that Toby swear stops his own heart for a moment. She starts a slow walk backwards, taking Toby with her, pulling him towards the bedroom, she gives him a wicked grin "good.. shall we celebrate with something we can do with our clothes off?"
He bites down on his lower lip, picking up the pace to press Happy up against the door frame, crashing his lips to hers, hands exploring the length of her, reveling in every hitch of her breath, rolling his hips against her as he edges up her shirt till it's off and he can scatter kisses over her sternum, "T-Toby, can we... can we get to the bed already?" he sucks on the skin by her ear, "as you wish". His words provoke a groan, or as close to a groan as the effect of Toby's touch allows, gripping his jaw she pulls up his head to match her gaze "I swear, if I hear one more film quote tonight you'll be made to sit and watch me carry out your role solo and you'll be sleeping on the couch, Capisce?" He gave her a grin, "capisce babe"
Despite her best effort she returned the smile before pulling his mouth back to hers.
