MAJORA'S RETURN
Three years have passed since Ganonsnitzel, Link, Zelda and Impa have last seen Ganondorf and peace was temporarily returned to Hyrule. It was near the time for the legendary carnival in Termina, so they decided to go and see the sights. Link had seen the carnival twice, the first time, he had almost died and the second was after destroying Majora. Majora, it was a name that had haunted him for most of his childhood. He had gotten over it when he turned fourteen and had almost forgotten Majora completely, until the trip to the carnival.
"Oooooooh! Link, the carnival in Termina! Oh! Can we go!?!" shrieked Zelda. "Listen, Zelda, I don't want to break you, but…I kinda think the carnival is depressing and it brings back old memories so, if you go…it won't be with me." Said Link back to her. "Oooooooh! The little Link is scared of the big, bad carnival! Heh, heh, I knew you were a coward!" said Snitzel, trotting in to the room. "I am not scared! I don't want to! No!" "Link, you are immature. You sound like Snitzel when he met me!" said Impa, following Snitzel.
"How is it depressing?" asked Zelda. "People died…'till I saved them! Hooray! Let's go to the carnival!" "Link, you make no sense. You know that, right?" asked Zelda. "I know! I still wanna go though." "Yeah…the fireworks are so-so. I-I mean they is pretty…or something." Said Impa.
"Link, you are the one who knows the way to Termina. Take us!" begged Zelda. "I'll do that thing with my finger when-" "SHUSH! You heard NOTHING!" said Link, threatening Snitzel and Impa with his sword. "Yes Darling, we'll go." "When should we go? Tomorrow? Or after breakfast?" asked Snitzel. "How 'bout…tomorrow." Answered Link.
They ate breakfast and went to take showers, brush their teeth etc.. Link went into his bathroom (witch was green, of course) and pretended to take a shower. He got the water running, snuck into Zelda's bedroom, stole from her "secret" stash and got into the shower. Snitzel went into his bathroom (Witch, as you already know, was blue) turned on the water, snuck out into Link's room, stole from his stash (Zelda's stash) and got into his shower. Impa went into Ganon's room and took his money. (knowing that he was in the shower) Zelda walked into Impa's room and stole the money that Link had taken from her.
The next day, they all got ready to go to the carnival.
"OK! Lets go!" said Zelda excitedly. They all walked out the castle door. When they reached the portal to Termina, they spotted a small man in green tights. "Ahhhh! Tingle!" shouted Link. "Oooooooh! Link, I have missed you sooo much, darling! Mr. Fairy, poor Tingle was walking around in Hyrule, then a mask pushed me! He told me to tell you, Majora in da house! I've been waitin' a while for the chance to come and destroy you and yo crew! In my new home in the gutter of the sewers in Termina…I sent this foo to advise you that I am comin' back to da par-tay! Peace out! I don't know what it means, but you look faaaabulous!" "Oh yeah, Tingle is gay. I forgot." Said Link. "But, since when is Majora a poser? I never even knew that! I guess he had to take a new hobby now that he can't destroy the world anymore."
"What ever, Link. Let's get going or I'm getting a divorce!" "Zelda! You always, ALWAYS use the divorce excuse on me! I'm sick of it!"
"Well, maybe that's because we should get divorced!"
"What gave you that idea!?!"
"You are so paranoid! Something has to give me an idea!?! Can't I think it up on my own!?!"
"That's not what I meant! I meant, why do you think we need a divorce!?!"
"Because, I can't stand you! You man-cow!"
"What is a Man-cow!?! There you go, making up words again!?!"
"You make up words too! I hate your attitude!"
"I hate your dumbness!"
"I hate your girlyness!"
"I hate princesses!"
"I hate heroes!"
"How do you hate heroes!?!"
"I just do!"
"I hate people who think they are sooo special!"
"I hate our marriage!"
"I hate-I hate…I hate you!"
"Well, I still love you, Link! I don't want us to be separated!"
"Zelda, I'm sorry…I still love you too!"
"Leave me alone!"
"Listen, maybe we should get separate rooms at the inn. We need a break from eachother."
"I guess you're right."
They left and jumped down the hole into Termina. "Oooooooh! We're inside the clock tower-er-er-er!" "Zelda, your voice echoes in here-ere-ere-ere!" said Link-ink-ink-ink. They left into the fresh air of outside-ide-ide-ide. "Hey, Sweet thang! Watcha doin' with Link? Boy, if I had seen you before I met my wife…" They turned around to see…some stranger guy. "Do I know you?" asked Link.
"Uh…I gotta run!" said the stranger. "Okay, there are some screwed up people in this town, guys, so you'll have to be on constant guard!" ordered Link. "Link, who is that?" asked Impa pointing at Kafei. "Public enemy number one!" said Snitzel. "Why would you say that? Kafei is a good person." Said Link.
"He is taking her! Impa is in love!" whispered Snitzel.
"oh…well, you never had a chance anyway." Whispered Link back. "Hi Link! Who is your friend? Is she that Zelda you keep talking about?" "She's my wife," said Link. "Oh, for how long?" "Four years," said Link. "When did ya get married?" asked Kafei. "April twenty-seventh," Link boasted proudly. "Umm… That's today ya know," said Kafei. "What!?! Holy crap! Zelda's going to kill me!" said a now frightened Link. He ran off to Zelda's room in the Stock Pot Inn.
Zelda was very excited because it was there fifth anniversary and Link was sure to have gotten her a very special gift. Suddenly, her door burst open and Link ran in looking scared. "Hi Link! What did you get me for our anniversary?" asked Zelda. "Umm I um got you a… um," said Link now looking at the floor in shame and fear. But mostly fear. "You did get me something didn't you?" said Zelda now starting to get mad. "Sure I did. Do you really think I'd forget our anniversary? I'm just keeping it a secret 'till later," said Link. "Oh, how silly of me to think such a ridiculous thing'" said Zelda, now laughing. "Ha, ha, funny," said a nervous Link. "Yes it is funny, but you know," said Zelda now turning serious, "If you really did forget our anniversary, I'd cripple you." Link turned a sickly pale color. "Well got to run. Bye!" said Link before running out the door.
When he got outside, he saw Snitzel fighting with Kafei and Impa fighting with, Kafei's wife, Anju.
"Well, maybe it's because my hair isn't PURPLE!"
"You are gay! Link! Tell this balestard to freak off!"
"See! Your husband can't even say basterd right!"
"Well, you don't even have a husband!"
"My husband is right there! His name is Snitzel!"
"R-really? I feel so-"
"Not really doofus!"
"What kind of name is Snitzel?!"
"It's my name, JERK!"
"Link fell in love with me, the luscious Anju, four years ago!"
"He married Zelda four years ago!"
"At least I don't dress like a whore!"
At that, Impa threw Anju into a huge pole.
"Control your dog Snitzel!" shouted Kafei. And at that Snitzel punched Kafei in his face and threw him at Anju. "Link! I'm sorry you had to see that." Said Snitzel. He looked at Impa. "My wild animal instincts told me to."
"Don't flatter yourself. You just did what I did." Said Impa. "I wish Kafei was available and I wish Anju would DIE already. Link, you have a sword, use it." "Why do you want to be with that jerk!?! Are you mad!?!" said Snitzel. "I like purple-haired boys! It's so cool and it's my favorite color." "Would you like me if my hair was purple?" "Maybe." "Yes, yes, yes…"
"Yes? What are you talking about?" asked Link. "yes…my cocoa is hot!" replied Snitzel. "Okay…what are you talking about this time?" asked Link. "Nothing." Replied Snitzel.
"Liiiiinnnnk,
dearest! I have your gift!" shouted Zelda from her window. Link
still didn't get Zelda her present so he had to think of something
quick. He ran up to her room. "Okay, here it is!" she handed
him a long box wrapped in tin foil. "Th-thanks."
"Now,
WHERE'S MY GIFT!?!" "Uh," he started to sing, "Girl, we
don't need no material thangs to show our lo-ove, girl! You know I
lo-ove ya soooooooo much! Thank ya for my gift, girl!" Link ended
his song by jumping on the table and giving a high, girly scream.
"That's it!?! That piece of crap?! You tone deaf bitch!" Zelda
ripped out one of his earrings, causing Link to give another girly
scream.
"Okay! Here is your gift! Please, give me a band-aid!" he handed her a shiny Joy Pendant and she gave him one. "OOOOOOOH!!! LOOK! IT IS SOOOOOOOO PRETTY AND SHINY!" "Hey, Link. Ouch! Did you cut your ear?" asked Snitzel as he stormed in. "I need purple hair-color! Impa loves purple! Also, I need purple clothes and my name is now Ganonkafei." "What is your major malfunction? Are you high ?" "No, Link, they don't invent crack 'till the eighteen-hundreds." "How do you know? We live in the fives!" "Uh…does it matter?"
"Link!" said Impa running into the room. "I need to tell you something AMAZING! Due to…mysterious circumstances…Anju is in the hospital!" "Why is that amazing? I ate at her house and suddenly I saw a bright light with Grandma Josephine at the other end!" said Link. "Okay…it's amazing because, the doctor said she might DIE!!!" "Dear Farore! That's terrible!" said Link. "You don't get it! If she dies, and I am kind enough to Kafei, he might love me!" said an ecstatic Impa. "actually, Kafei said he would commit suicide if Anju didn't survive," said Link.
"Not if I do anything about it! I'll be so kind to him that he'll HAVE to love me! Life is good!" "Hey people! Link, Anju is in the hospital! W-why!?!" said Kafei as he ran into the room. "Poor Kafei." Said Impa walking over to him. "I know how you feel. I also lost my husband when I divorced Snitzel. Right!?!" "Sigh…yeah." Said Snitzel. "See, I feel so sorry for you and Anju. I just want the best for you." Said Impa.
That night, Zelda went over to Link's room in the Knife Chamber.
"H-hi Link. Can I come in?"
"Sure."
"Link, I want to know…do you love me, still?"
"A course!"
"Good!"
"Now, Zelda, why are you over here?"
"To…talk."
"To talk?"
"Yeah."
"To talk about what?"
"Stuff…you know, vacations are so romantic."
"Mmmm-kay…"
"Link, I know this girl named Romani. She says that she knows you very well, what is that supposed to mean?"
"I knew her f-from my chi-childhood…and…"
"Did you…do…her?"
"No!"
"Are you sure!?!"
"Yes, Zelda!"
"Good."
"Yeah."
"Link, take me!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, are you…uncomfortable?"
"No…just…I didn't expect that.
"I'll go back to my room if you want."
"No, I am fine!"
"Goooooooooooooood!"
Snitzel heard a sound in the middle of the night. "Link…that is soooooooo…" "I know!" "Impa, do you hear that?" "Yeah."
"Link!"
"Zelda! Z-el-da!"
"I
rule you!"
Yeah! Me too!"
"Link! Oooooooh! LINK!"
"Zelda! Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, ZELDA!"
"Snitzel, are Link and Zelda…?" "I think so."
In the morning, Impa and Snitzel couldn't look at Zelda or Link without thinking unholy thoughts. "Link, Zelda, me and Impa…we could hear you last night." "Oh dear Farore! You perves! How dare you stand outside our door and…" "No, we were in our room."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh, Link, I am so embarrassed!"
The next day was the day of the legendary carnival. They woke up at seven-o-clock and went to the milk bar for a nice breakfast. Link ordered milk to go around. (But, he didn't have enough rupees so he had to ask Zelda for some.) "So Link, when does the carnival start?" asked Zelda, later that day. "At midnight, but we should be there at ten to get a good space to sit." "What kind of food do they have?" asked Snitzel.
"Milk, red, blue and green potions, pumpkin soup, Ordon goat cheese soup, fish soup, elixir soup, crab cakes, sushi, Lemon pie, super good cake, candy chuchus, freezard ice-pops…the list goes on!" "What kind of festive clothing do they have?" asked Impa. "They have Indigo-gos T-shirts, T-shits that say CARNIVAL 07, TERMINA LEGEND LIVES ON, TERMINA OVER HYRULE, and some that have your personalized message on them, last year mine was LINK IS THE ANSWER," "Look! It's ten!"
They all headed over to the carnival. "OOOOOOOH! They already have the stands up!" shouted Zelda. She and Link ran to a T-shirt booth. "Impa, Snitzel, go on by yourselves." Shouted Link. "Well, I guess we're on our own, Snitzel."
A few minutes later, they found Link and Zelda. Zelda had a shirt that said, PRINCESS' ROCK!!! And Link had a shirt that said, SUCK IT! Impa and Snitzel also had T-shirts.
Impa's said, SHIEKAHS ONLY and Snitzel's said; ONLY A REAL JACK-ASS WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO READ A MESSAGE ON SOMEONE'S STUPID T-SHIRT.
Zelda saw a man standing in the dark staring at her. He had a huge grin on his face and no hair. She went over to him. "Why are you back here all alone? It's the carnival. You shouldn't be standing in the dark!" "ZELDA! Get away from him!!" she turned around to see Link running toward her. "Go over there with Impa and Snitzel. I need to talk to this basterd." She went over to Impa and saw Link threatening the guy. "Link! You should have more manners than that! I'm so sorry, he can threaten people for no reason!"
"It's no big deal." Said the man. "Link, you go and have fun and I'll show him around the carnival. He seems to be lonely, I'll be his friend!" "No Zelda! You are coming with me!" as Link pulled her away she waved good-bye to the man. "Link! You embarrassed me back there! What is your problem!?!" shouted Zelda. "Go over to the fish-taco stand and stay there, Zelda. I'm gonna reunite with some of my old friends. Also, STAY FAR AWAY FROM THAT MAN!!!"
"Link, he will never be able to take me from you." "Huh?" "I don't have any feelings for him so don't worry!" "No, Zelda! Just go to the taco stand and wait for me!" "Fine!"
Link left and Zelda sat down by the stand. She saw the same man staring at her in the dark. She waved at him and he smiled. She looked over at him and he was still smiling at her. She looked for Link, who was in a different Clock Town location, got up, and headed toward the guy.
"Hi. Why aren't you at the carnival? I'll escort you." "I can't go over in town. They'll all throw flaming piles of poop at me. They all hate me." "That explains why Link was so mean!" "We can stay back here, in the dark. It's so cool and…what's the word…?" "Romantic?"
"You think so?
"Well…no,"
"Heh, you are..."
"Uh…I am married, taken, hitched!"
"Really?"
"Heh…y-y-yeah."
"No one loves me…"
"Why? You are…nice."
She sat down on a near by bench as did the strange man.
"Because, they all think I'm a serial killer."
"That's horrible!"
"I can't stay in Clock Town for long. I'm going to leave now."
"I'll come to!"
"Really?"
"My husband is being a jerk! I have to get away."
They left into the field and sat down on a rock.
"Why do they think you're a serial killer?"
"Because, I was staying at the Stock Pot Inn and there was also a lady in my room. I went out for a while and when I came back, she was naked, raped, and dead."
"And they think you did it?"
"Yeah,"
"I am so sorry!"
"Well, I no of a village that is nice. I'm going there now."
"I'll come too. I want to hear more of your tale!"
They traveled to Ikana Canyon and into a weird cave.
"Oh, where are my manners!?! My name is Zelda."
"My name is…uh…um…heh, heh…my name is Majora!"
"Majora? Where have I heard that before?"
"Uh…people think I'm…"
"Oh yeah!"
Zelda sat down on his bed and he went to make some tea.
"Do you want any?"
"Not on warm nights."
"Majora" turned on a fan and the room felt like winter.
"Okay, maybe I'll have a little tea."
"Good."
"So, why do you live in a cave?
"I can get away here."
"Oh…this tea…I'm so…t-tired"
"Heh, heh…good."
Zelda fell asleep on his bed while he got some rope. He tied her up and put tape over her mouth. She woke up a few minutes later and felt really cold. She looked down and saw that she was barely wearing anything!
She tried to scream, but couldn't. She heard a strange laugh from behind her and turned around. It was the strange guy. "Oh, and by the way, my name is Sakon." She tried to scream again, but just fell off the bed. She started crying.
She wished that she had listened to Link. She was never going to see him again. Sakon took a knife from his pocket and put it on the bed. "You are so stupid! But, I like dumb blondes!" She kicked him in the face as he knelt beside her, but he just got back up.
Suddenly, there was a loud boom and Link was standing in the doorway. "Get away from her you sicko!" He had a bomb arrow in his hand and he shot it at Sakon. He turned to ashes and Link untied Zelda. "You should listen to me! Now, get your clothes on." "Link!" she saw Snitzel and Impa standing next to him. "We heard that Zelda was missing and-whoa! Put your dress on, girl!" shouted Snitzel.
"Link! I wanna go home!" said Zelda as she grabbed him around his neck. "Uh…sorry but, Majora is back and…" "Sakon called himself Majora! Oh! I am so stupid!" "Well, you are safe now. Go back to the Stock Pot Inn with Impa. Ganon and I will investigate the sudden appearance of Majora." They all went back to Clock Town.
Impa and Zelda went back to the inn while Link and Snitzel went to the Astro observatory to check on the Clock Tower. As expected, Majora was on top of the tower. He was holding the mask man in the air, probably going to drop him from about one hundred feet up. They watched him screaming at something, then he threw the Mask Man from the tower. "Oh hell no! Mask buddy is dead!" said Link.
They saw people screaming and running for their lives. They looked at the Stock Pot Inn and saw a huge energy beam smash it to bits. "ZEEEEELLLLLDAAAAA!!" screamed Link. "IIIIIMMMMMPPPPPAAAAA!!" screamed Snitzel. They sat on the floor, cried and held eachother. Link started to sing, "F-flying so h-high abo-ove the s-sky!" sang Link. Then Snitzel started to sing, "I n-n-ne-ever th-thought I could b-be so free!" Then they both started to sing in unison, "I'm one with the birds!"
They heard some chuckling from behind them. "Flying so high above the sky? Are you stupid?" It was Impa! "Impa, they are so stupid! Don't make fun of them!" That was Zelda! Link and Snitzel jumped up and hugged both of them and started crying more. "We thought you were d-dea-ead!" "Link, I wouldn't let myself die!" said Zelda.
"Yo! Majora in da house!" they heard a freakish scream from above them. "Majora!" shouted Link. "Ha! Now, Ima sing ya a song. Twas da night before Christmas and all through da house, Majora was stalking his friend, Link, around. He had plenty disguises and he…" "So you were stalking me around wearing lots of disguises?" "How da you know!?! And he did fool dat foo, disguised as a girl, red hair and a cow…" "Malon!"
"He wanted some milk, so I poisoned the smit, but he survived the toxin and now he came back, with his bitch and…" "Are you calling my wife a bitch?" "Shaddup! With his bitch and defeated my ally named Ganondorf. Then he met the cousin and…" "We know our back story!" "Fine! Then, we fight!"
Link charged at Majora, but a huge, pink portal opened and Zelda got sucked in. "LINK!" screamed Zelda. "Zelda! Give me your HAND!" but it was too late. Majora laughed and opened another portal. This one was purple and Impa got sucked in. "WHHHHAAAAHHH!" screamed Impa.
"NO!" shouted Snitzel, before a red portal opened and Snitzel got sucked in. The last one to go was Link into a green portal. He opened his eyes, there was a beautiful beach on the horizon.
He wandered out onto the beach. "Hi cutie!" he turned around and saw Zelda, Malon, Saria and Nabooru sitting on some chairs. "Whoa! Heh, this is AWESOME!" "Link, come here. We all are going skinny-dipping!"
"WHOA! Monkey fat! Can I come?" "Sure!" shouted Zelda. "Do you want a lap-dance first?" asked Nabooru. "Yes, please!" he closed his eyes and smiled. "This is AWESOME!!" The four girls started to strip.
"Wow…" he said. They were wearing nothing but skimpy bikinis when, a huge wind came and blew them over a cliff. "NOOOO! I WAS GOING TO GET LAID!!" He ran over to where the girls landed. They were still wearing their bikinis.
"Link, we are okay!" "Heh, heh, heh, heh! Good!" "We are okay, Link. We are okay!" "What?" "Okay, Link?" "AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
They started to turn into ReDeads. "AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" A huge hurricane picked him up. He saw Majora's face in the eye of it. "Eee, he, he, he! I hope you enjoy the ride!" He threw him into the ocean.
"HEEEELLLLLLLLP!" shouted Link. He saw a Gyorg in the water. Two in fact. "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!"
Snitzel opened his eyes. "Wha-? Where?" "Hi." He looked around and saw Impa sitting on a bed wearing, a weird dress. "Hi. Should I go? You are waiting for someone?" "No. You, stay."
"Uhhhhhh… why?" "Cause, I like you." "You do!?! Woooow!" "Come here." "Okay!"
He got on the bed with Impa. "Are you ready, Impa?" "Well, do you believe in love?" "Yeah." "Too damn bad! " "Huh? AAAAHHH!"
Impa turned into a giant octopus and smacked Snitzel into the wall. She grabbed him by his neck and he couldn't breathe.
Zelda woke up. She looked around and saw lights and hearts. "Hi Zelda." She saw Link, sitting there wearing a tuxedo. "Link? What are you doing? Where am I?" "You are with me! Do you want to go to the mall or not?" "You hate the mall!"
"Heh, where did you get that idea?" "Oh wow! You mean, Link, that you are going to take me to the mall?" "Yeah. Why not?"
They went off to the mall. There was a huge fountain and they had a sale on Princess Needs dresses. "Link, I love you!"
She grabbed a dress when a huge tsunami ripped through the store. "LINK! NO! AAAAHHHH! SOMEONE HELP" she saw him fall under the waves. "Zelda. I love you…" "LINK!" he was gone. "Link…you are gone…forever. Forever and ever, and ever…"
Suddenly, Link's face came out of the water. He had a huge axe and blood coming down his face. He charged at Zelda and she saw Majora's face in the water. "Ah! Ha, ha, ha!" "Li-ink! I love you! AAAAHHHH!"
Impa woke up. Her head hurt and she was bloody. "What?" She looked around and saw Kafei standing in the middle of a dark room. "Kafei? Why are we bleeding?" she asked. "We just killed Ganondorf, had sex, and ate pizza in the time it takes an average person to tie his or her shoe." "But, why are we bleeding?"
"We are a tad injured from the battle." "Makes sense…WE HAD SEX!?!" "Yeah, you are my wife, right?" "I am!?!" Heh, heh, heh! Yeah!" "Oh WOW!"
"Impa, you know this is all a dream, right?" "Fuc-dge! Sorry readers, I need to censor my language!" "Yes," "But, why a dream!?! I wanna believe!" "Don't you remember the freaking portal?"
At that, Kafei turned into a giant freezard and shot ice at Impa. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Now back to Link!
He looked at the Gyorgs in the water. He had to get to them before they got to him. One of them rammed his leg and it turned to dust. Strangely, he felt no pain.
Link took his hookshot out of his pocket. "Die Gyorg!" The monster sharks all died in one hit, witch was strange because it usually takes about five hits to kill them. Suddenly, the portal that Link fell through opened and he fell through. He saw Majora there. "Well, I guess I'll have a burger…what kind of soup do they- oh…Link is back. I'll have to call you back…no, you hang up first…no, you hang up first…no, ha, ha! YOU hang up first! Okay, I'll hang up first…no, I'll hang up first! Oh you! Bye-bye! So, Link, what are you doing back?"
"I am going to KILL you!" "He, he, he! Why do you think that?" "You took my friends!" "Eee, he, he, he! Silly human! You stand no chance against me!" "You basterd!"
"The only way you'll get your friends back, is if they can figure-out how to destroy the challengers that are fighting them. I am powerless."
Snitzel fell from Impa's grasp. He looked at her and knew he was dreaming. He ripped a leg off of the bed she was on and stabbed her in her eye. She let out a yell and fell to the ground. Snitzel took the piece of metal and cut off Impa's head.
He fell from the portal he got sucked into. "Link! Majora! Why didn't you kill him, Link?" "Because, he didn't do anything…yet." "I am so glad you are here! Eee, he, he, he! I have gotten so BORED of talking to Link, so I am gonna open all of the portals and let everyone out!" "Really?" "NO!"
Zelda took out some pepper spray and sprayed some on fake Link. He fell in pain and the spray seemed to be melting him. Link was on the ground and screaming while holding his face. "Link, you basterd!" She started crying when, suddenly, she was on pavement.
She saw Link, Snitzel and Majora. "Hi Zelda! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Don't you look stunning today?!? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HA!" "Link? Is that really you?" "Yes Zelda, it is me." They hugged then turned their attention toward Majora.
"Majora! Return Impa!" "Zelda," said Link. "He can't re-open the portal."
Impa was standing in front of Kafei. "Please! Don't do this!" screamed Impa. Kafei just blew ice at her. She took a fire arrow that she had on her and threw it at him.
He melted and Impa was standing in front of her friends and Majora. "Bye-bye!" said Majora and he disappeared. "Where did he go?" asked Impa.
"Ikana, probably." They went over there. They were in the graveyard for a few minutes. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Link, there was a MAN rubbing my back! I thought we were the only ones in here!" Zelda was freaking out.
"Zelda, it was a ghost!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed. "Zelda, just calm down. We are fine!" He saw Majora on a tree laughing it up.
"Link. We fight!" he said. He jumped off a tree and charged at Link. Link fell to the ground. "You all are weak compared to me! I was the one who would lose but now, you are all so feeble!" "Why are you so evil Majora!?!" asked Zelda.
"When I was just a child, I was the laughing stock of everywhere. My parents did not care for me so… I ran away from home. I was depressed so I became susceptible to trickery and evil. An evil man possessed me so now I was as evil as him.
I was turned into a mask and now I am this! You are all so weak to me…It's disgusting!" "So, you're possessed?" asked Link. "No!"
"Okay…" "We fight now, Link!"
They charged at eachother, but Majora turned around and put himself on Link's face. "AAAAHHH, ha, ha, ha! Now I have a body! I have hands instead of just psychic powers!" "Link!" screamed Zelda. "He's gone forever, forever and ever…and…ever…" "Eee, he, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HAAAA! You are no match for me now! Z-Zelda…he is…trying to-shut up! Zelda…good-bye…Link is mine now! I………lo-ove…………you…you'll never see Link's beautiful, shining face again, yo! Aah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Majora/Link jumped on top of the clock tower and started to throw fireballs at the town.
"You will all bow to me as I play a little rap! I am ya rula, dominata I am superior…something that rhymes with superior…I am awesome with a scooter on my computer! I took Link and now, I rule da schoolhouse…wait! I need a queen…Zelda…all you are is a princess you can be an evil queen if you join me. You will rule the land and have these fools under your command!"
"Under my command?" "Yes…you join me and you will live forever. You will be immortal…what do you say?" "I-I can't do it…Link is my only king…you are nothing to me!" "But, do not forget that I am also Link. Link is now dead and you are my queen." "But, Link would have wanted me to say no."
"Then I will force you!" he shot an electrical beam at Zelda and her skin turned purple; She was wearing a dress that was the colors of Majora's mask. "Yeah! Now, you will BOW to me!"
"Zelda!" screamed Impa. "Zelda! Why!?! You are…" "Shut up! I want you to make me a new dress, and I want Mr. Snitzel to make me a cappuccino from coffee beans out of the Lakeside Laboratory! What are you waiting for!?! Move it!" "Snitzel, we need to find a way to defeat Majora by ourselves, but how?" "We could poison his ice cream!" "What?" "Poison his ice cream!"
"He doesn't eat ice cream!" "What does he eat, then?" "Majora Brand Fruit Snacks! You get a full serving of fruit in every delicious bite!" "Kid and mother approved!" "So you can say good-bye to those nasty fruit roll-ups and say hello to Majora Brand Fruit Snacks!" "Remember kids; eating healthy with Majora is cool!"
"So we can poison that?" "I guess…what kind of poison are we talking about?" "human baby gravy!" "Eeeew. Nasty." "Well, what did you have in mind!?!"
"Purple chu-jelly?" "FINE!" "Impa wins again!" "Well, we should get these "normal" fruit snacks to Majora!" said Snitzel.
"OOOOOOOH!" screamed Majora/Link. "MY FAVORITE FRUIT SNACKS!!" "Yeah," said Impa. "We'll just be over in the fish-taco restraunt…yeah." "No, you guys can have some!"
"No thanks!" said Snitzel. "Have it your way." He ate the fruit snacks and threw up on the floor. "What did you put in it!?! It's so poisoned!"
He spat Link out of his mouth. "HOLY HELL!" shouted Link. "Where am I?!?" "Not in my possession!" shouted Majora. "Hey! What are you doing!?!" screamed Zelda. "BOW TO ME!!" "Zelda, it's me, Link." "Who?"
"Majora! What did you do to her!?!" "N-nothing…" "He washed her with his tongue!" shouted Snitzel. "Where did you wash her?" "Her milky cocoas…" "I'M GONNA FUDGE YOU UP!" shouted Link.
Majora disappeared into a burger stand and started crying. "It never works out for me! Why am I such a loser!?! AAAAH! Wait, Zelda is still hypnotized!" he flew out from the burger stand and shouted something…in some language…probably Italian…or maybe some kind of Spanish…or maybe a mix…well, whatever he said made Zelda freak out and say, "Why am I so fat!?!" "Oops! Wrong magic words! Trejopla ramie!" "Impa, girl, those clothes were a disaster when you got them, uh, huh!"
"Uhhhhhh…lemme try again. Osaka fee linger somo-set!" "Link? Boy, are still trying ta fit inta those clothes!?! You have to feel the BURN! One, two, one, two! Ya following? Ya need ta lose some weight, Flabby!" "Hmmmm…maybe it's…EGG!" Zelda turned into a female version of Majora's wrath and started to-
This part may not be suitable for young children
dance like a stripper/whore around Snitzel.
"SNITZEL!! ARE YOU STEALING MY STRIPPER MAJORA/ZELDA!?!" "Dude! She came onto me!" "I'll kill you!"
Link pushed Snitzel onto the ground but Snitzel grabbed onto something…Impa's top. "MY BOOBS!!! THEY'RE SHOWING!!!!!" she screamed. "Oooooooh! I know!" said Snitzel. "SNITZEL!" screamed Impa. "I'll MURDER YOU!!!!"
"Sure Impa," said Link. "Jump on him without a shirt! Yeah, it's torture!" "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Snitzel! You are dead…HEY! MY EYES ARE UP HERE!" "I made my choice." Replied Snitzel.
"Majora!" shouted Link. "Give Impa a new shirt and return Zelda…or I'm telling TEACHER!!!" "Who?" asked Majora.
"T-teacher! You know…teacher." "Uhhhhhh…OH! Ms. Pearls? She was HOT!!" "Oh, and I'm not!?!" shouted Zelda. "Zelda, you are Majora! He's not hot!" said Link.
"Link," said Impa. "I think we are going to have to-" "Impa…I love you…" "We all know, Snitzel!" said Link. "Shaddup! I love you and seeing you like………this makes me feel so special inside!" Snitzel started to sing his "special" song. "Oooooooh, baby, I love ya ways! And IIII will always love you-ou! BABY!" "That is a mix of three songs that haven't been created yet and also, how do I know this if it hasn't been created yet!?! I can't tell what's coming next! Maybe the story turns so that Zelda falls off a cliff and Link has to save her but she doesn't love him anymore so he kisses her because he feels so sad!"
Just then-what Impa said…I'm not good at this. "See, Zelda, I love you! Remember me!?!"
"NO!!!"
"Fudge!" Zelda slapped Link so hard, he screamed in the girly voice that he did when Zelda ripped out his earring. "L-Link? Link! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! What am I wearing!?! It clashes with my eyes, hair and shoes! Oh my gosh! Why am I wearing such freaky make-up!?! Who did this to me!?!"
Everyone looked at Majora and Majora looked at everyone. "I… it-I mean I didn't-mean-to… fudge!" "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! DIE MAJORA!!!" She took of her high heal shoe (witch so clashes with her dress, girl uh, huh) and smacked Majora twenty times in the face.
"Don't worry darlin'" said Link. I'll kill off Majora!" He threw his sword through Majora's face. "FUDGE!!!" screamed Majora. He ripped out the sword and threw it back at Link.
It cut through his arm. Zelda shot a bunch of make-up at Majora so he was bind for a second, then Link cut Majora's head off. It bit him on the leg and Majora turned into Majora's Wrath.
Link then started chopping up his legs. Majora fell to the ground and Link was victorious.
"Link! You saved me!" Zelda jumped onto him. "Oh sweet Din!" shouted Impa. "Are they-?" "Making love in the middle of the carnival? Yes." Said Snitzel. Impa and Snitzel went over to another taco stand and got lemon smoothies while everyone, and Michael Jackson, gathered around Link and Zelda.
"Well Impa, another happy ending for the group, huh?" "Yeah," replied Impa. "I want it to last, too." "You know, Impa, we can make this moment last our entire lives if we-never mind."
"If we what?"
"Well, we do have a room to ourselves…and we do have pretty big beds."
"Are you suggesting we-"
"You don't want to you don't have to."
"I'll totally do it."
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
They were going to their room at the inn when Kafei ran up to them. "Anju died." He said. "That's horrible!" said Impa. "Yeah. So, Impa, what are you doing tonight?" he asked. Impa looked toward Snitzel then toward Kafei. "Nothing."
"Impa!! I thought-oh whatever." Said Snitzel.
Every thing was okay as were the people.
THE END