Secondhand Serenade
Wilted
A.N. Welcome to my first foray into the world of Naruto fanfiction. If the title sounds familiar, that's because it's the name of a band, but for my purposes I think it works. We're going to tag this with a light AU since anyone keeping up with the manga knows things turned a tad differently, but I had already started this story and refuse to change things. We're also going to tag this with light spoilers, so incase you haven't been reading the scanlations, and don't want it ruined for you, turn back now. If you're still here, then please enter standard disclaimer here. And enjoy.
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid, and deeds left undone- Harriet Beecher Stowe (1866)
Sasuke was dead. It had been a hard fact for Sakura to swallow. Harder had been the sight of Naruto hauling Sasuke's unmoving body through the Konoha gates. The blonde shinobi was bruised and bleeding, parts of him still badly burnt from over using Kyuubi's chakra and his eyes still held a tint of mauve. He had looked at her, locked gazes with her own and promptly passed out, slumping under the weight of his deceased companion.
Sakura, for her part, only remembered screaming and clawing her way towards the boys. Only remembered being held back at every chance by their friends and comrades. I can still save him! She had declared wildly, already surging her chakra; reaching out for the unmoving figures, reaching so far she felt she was going to snap.
Then she was waking up in a hospital bed, Tusnade sitting off to her right; staring out the window. The blonde woman stayed silent for a long minute, so long in fact, that Sakura wondered if she knew she was awake.
Konoha has suffered a great many losses over these past few years. The Hokage had said, never looking at Sakura, many of these deaths could have been prevented, families could have been saved. I don't think we've seen a massacre like this since the battle against the Kyuubi himself.
Kyuubi, where was Naruto? Sakura wondered out loud.
Resting, he over did it, the knucklehead.
Part of Sakura's heart, admittedly felt relieved at this news. I was so worried about him, she confided.
Still Tsunade did not look at her. He did everything he could. If he had even a fraction less of the power he holds, I shudder to think what would have happened to our Naruto. Sasuke would have killed him this time, he honestly tried to. I don't know how Naruto did it. Now she does turn, hazel eyes hard and brimming with tears (but she won't let them fall), he tried Sakura, he tried so hard to bring him back alive. To keep that promise. He tried harder than that bastard deserved.
But Sakura isn't listening anymore, she's out of the bed and flying down the hallway; her bare feet making a slapping noise against the tile. His name tore from her like a dying war cry, she has to make sure, has to see with her own eyes.
And then he's there, in a doorway, bandaged like a mummy again; wide blue eyes even wider with worry. "Sakura-chan?" he croaks, already on the defensive.
She plows into him, knocking him back into the room and sends them both bouncing on the worn hospital bed. Sakura cries against him while he tries not to wince and rubs her back awkwardly.
He waits until she's calmed down to mere hic-coughs before speaking. "I'm sorry Sakura-chan," is all he'll whisper against her hair.
She tightens her fists against his hospital gown and swallows hard against the knot reforming in her throat, "you stupid idiot," is all she'll growl back out. And neither understand the other completely.
While she called him names and sounded so angry, and she was, it was not for the reasons he thought. The dark corner of her heart had given up on Sasuke. But after all that work she did, they did, she wouldn't give up without a fight. Yes she was angry, furiously so, because he had put himself in such infinite danger the way he did. It would have hurt so so much worse if she hadn't managed to keep at least one of them.
She fell asleep there, curled against Naruto's chest with her ear pressed firmly against his heart. She fell asleep to the steady rise and fall of his breath and the sound of his life; beating through the thin shell of his body.
When she woke, hours later still in the dark, she was alone.
Sasuke's name would not be added to the memorial, it could not rightfully be put there since he had turned so violently upon the village. Instead, they were burying him in the heart of the Uchiha compound, with a simple marker. Tsunade presided over the modest funeral.
"The Uchiha Clan was once the pride of Konoha. They were honorable and brave and loyal to a fault. They were a powerful clan, prideful and with good reason to be. But with power often follows corruption, and sadly the Uchiha Clan has been a prime example of this. Let this stand as a reminder to us all; none of us are better than any others. We are all Konoha, standing together as a unit, as a family and together we pass through each day strong and alive."
With those words, the last Uchiha was laid to rest. The ceremony had been quiet, subdued. Mostly consisting of what remained of the rookie nine and team Gai. Most everyone watched with grim expressions while Sakura and Ino allowed themselves to cry silently.
Naruto had not been present for the burial, in fact no one had seen him since Sakura had flown into his room the night before. He hadn't even bothered with the formalities of checking himself out of the hospital. Nobody in the village had seen him, not at Ichiraku's, not at his apartment.
It was like Naruto Uzumaki had vanished.
And Sakura blamed herself.
Tsunade hadn't sent a search party out for him, not yet anyway; mainly because Kakashi had Pakkun tailing Naruto. He had never left the village, and was just mourning in his own way. So the fifth hokage let it slide for now, it was understandable after all.
Sakura, on the other hand, was taking his sudden reclusive nature rather personally. She couldn't help but feel responsible for the sorry state of things; always wondering if it hadn't been for her melodramatics all those years earlier what would have happened. Would they have chalked Sasuke up to nothing more than another Rogue Nin; keeping an eye out for him but never actively seeking him? Would Naruto be a Jounin now, instead of remaining a Genin, separated from the village for so many years?
Several days after the whole ordeal, while Sakura was trying to piece the shards of her life back together; she received two surprises on her doorstep.
One was a basket filled with most of her favorite fruits and a handful of sweet things; the other was brimming with bath crystals and shower gels and incense. Attached to each was a note, penned in a careful calligraphy that made her smile and her heart ache.
When a companion is dealing with loss they often forget to tend to themselves. It is customarily considered thoughtful to provide substance for them.
When a companion is faced with a break up, or other painful relationship matters, it is often considerate to supply material so they may take a moment out to pamper themselves.
Sakura hauled the baskets in, a phantom of a smile on her face. She could just imagine Sai standing in the store, silently agonizing over all the choices. She wasn't sure if the fact that all the scents in the "pamper" basket were cherry blossom was intentional or accidental on his part, either way she decided to forgive him and enjoy it.
Halfway through the kitchen, Sakura paused. Maybe, she mulled to herself, maybe dispite the fact that her life suddenly felt a little dimmer; maybe some good came out of this horrible ordeal. She remembered back to first meeting Sai; how cold and inhuman he had been. It was such a stark contrast to the boy she knew now, who tried so hard, who did so much for those he counted on as friends. Because of Naruto, and to some extent, because of her. She made a mental note to tell Sai thank you for the baskets next time she saw him, and maybe; to smile extra bright just for him.
It was eight days; nine hours, twenty seven minutes and counting later when there was finally a flicker of life from Naruto's apartment. Sakura counted herself lucky, that she had happened to wander that direction, that she happened to look up and see the glow of a light before it was quickly extinguished.
Twelve point eight minutes later, Sakura was standing in front of his door; knocking rather loudly. She could have easily splintered the door; but if Naruto was avoiding her; she was wary to give him more reasons to. So she knocked as hard as she dared, shouting for him the entire time.
"Naruto, I know you're in there. Just please say something so I know you're okay."
Nothing.
Sakura sighed, resting her forehead against the cool wood of the door. "at least come out here and take this damn basket Sai left you. There's ramen."
Still, Nothing.
Four more days would pass before Naruto was spotted again. At, of all places, Ichiraku's; sitting as mildly as you pleased sucking down a bowl of ramen with Chouji. He was smiling, in a sort, and laughing half-heartedly at something his friend had just said.
Sakura felt her heart flutter, he was okay. She tripped over to him, taking the next available stool and bumping Naruto's shoulder playfully. She smiled radiantly at him barely able to catch his breath, giddy as she was with relief. He's okay.
Then Naruto slapped down a handful of coins, moving stiffly off his stool. "Eh, Chouji. I think I'm full. That should cover my share." And left without so much as a glance in Sakura's direction.
All the warmth she had just felt; that unbridled happiness that came suddenly with the freeing knowledge that he was okay damn it drained out of her in one breath. She was left, shaking slightly and trying to suck air back into her lungs; trying to fill this sudden empty void looming in front of her.
Someone has called to her then. Someone had led her, gently with one hand on the small of her back and the other just in front incase she pitched forward (again). Then she was home and there was a hot cup of tea in her hands, a quilt over her lap and music playing softly in the background.
But no one was there for her to thank.
Time passed, more than Sakura would have preferred. Things started deteriorating slowly. First she was skipping breakfast, then she was only eating an apple for lunch. Then she was drinking water and waving the concern off with "I'm just not hungry today."
Then they began to notice the other things, the perpetual slump to her posture, the way she sighed when no one was forcing her into conversations. Her tight lipped smiles and the way her eyes were almost always brimming with tears. Not to mention the dark circles growing steadily darker under her eyes with each passing day.
It was a off-handed comment from a fellow chunnin; about how Sakura looked like she was competing against the Kazekage for best raccoon impersonation; that finally sent her crashing into a sobbing ball.
Tsunade had appeared out of no where, clacking one high heel impatiently. "Get up already," she snapped, "and follow me when you're done sniveling."
The buxom woman had never been one for hugs and comfort. She had always understood from the get-go the life of a shinobi and the sacrifices it meant. Sometimes, as she learned throughout her career, it meant watching your apprentice choke down a cup of warm sake you had forced on her while she tried not to snot all over the ceramic saucer.
She waited, patiently, until the younger girl had quieted considerably. Her eyes were still puffy and red and she hadn't completely stopped crying; only now the tears leaked out silently down her face.
"You're taking two weeks off. Go bawl over the Uchiha-brat's grave or go drown Naruto in your tears. Whatever it is you decide to do; you've got to get over this depression. It's not healthy for you or for the village and I'll be damned if I'll have one of my best medics spend all of her energy on making herself water-logged versus saving lives." She tried to keep a stern gaze on Sakura but she couldn't help softening at the edges.
It's never going to be okay Sakura; it'll never stop hurting. But it will get better, you're both strong enough to get through this if you'd only get your heads together.
You need each other Sakura.
Sakura, for her part, had no intention of taking either one of Tsunade's suggestions. Upon dismissal she again found herself in some strange time warp in which she was suddenly in her apartment. The walls were still; no sound except for her own breathing which was slowly escalating towards hyperventilation.
She stumbled, an increasingly inappropriate action for a shinobi she realized, to the door. Twisting the locks and adding a sealing scroll to it just in case; she hurried to the windows to repeat the process.
Sufficiently trapped in her own domain; Sakura did the one thing she felt capable of more than anything else.
She lay down on her bed; gripping a pillow tightly to her; and cried. Great wails ripped from her throat; making her entire form shudder against the effort. Yes, she decided, she would cry herself out and then; she would refuse to shed a single tear afterwards. Not for Sasuke lost to her before this fool quest; and not for Naruto whom she had counted on as her closest companion. Definitely not for herself, who in the end failed to become more than an easily broken-hearted fool.