Another side

He woke up and it took him a second to remember what had happened that night. Inside he was happy and fulfilled, but he feared her reaction... She had just played along last night, it had looked like she didn't even wanted it, she was just to polite... What had he done? He turned around in his bed to see her, but she wasn't there. It was 5 o'clock in the morning and she was gone... A sudden feeling of guilt froze his mind. Had he forced her into something she hadn't wanted?

Helen Magnus was sitting at her desk thinking franaticaly. What the hell had happened? How dared he? Why didn't she stop him when she definetly didn't want to sleep with him? How was she going to handle this situation? "Stupid, stupid, stupid, you lived 158 years for nothing! What were you thinking giving into a man's demands? What if he needed it? YOU DIDN'T!" She threw her cup into the mirror from the wall. She couldn't stand herself, she couldn't get his sent off of her, his taste from inside her mouth, his sobbing from her ear. She couldn't forget and was sure that he wouldn't. Her relationship with him was threatened to be over because of desire and stupidity, his desire and her stupidity.

Ashley's death, Watson's death, John's departure, Tesla's devampirising... She was alone. Sleeping with him made her more aware of the loneliness surrounding her, but, at least helped him by confirming his theory that she had gave up months ago on surviving and accepting her role and future. So yes, he was right, she didn't care anymore about her work, her life, about anything. Why would she? Her daughter was dead, she was the last of the five and she would burry everyone she knew...That's why she didn't stop him from kissing her, from running his fingers all over her body, she just took off her clothes and sat down on the bed, he did the rest too absobed by his lust to see that her mind was wondering away...

Will got up from bed with the urge to go to her, to talk to her, to apologise, to explain, to stay there as long as it took to fix whatever he screwed up. What had he done? He remembered then very clearly her face, her body, her sent and taste, his pleasure, but he couldn't remember her eyes, her voice or, for that matter any sound, except for his own... Why? He stopped. What was he going to say to her? How should he start? Still, he respected and cared for her too much to just leave it alone and act according to her further behaviour. He had to be the one to start a conversation...

He entered her office without knocking, because he was afraid she wouldn't allow him in.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" He asked the first thing that ran through his mind

She looked at him with her usual business posture that betraied absolutely nothing of her state of mind

"Yes, about an hour ago."

"Don't hide from me..." he pleaded standing in her doorway like a child who knew that he did something wrong

"I have nothing to hide after last night", she said in a cold voice, ignoring his posture. It was a new situation for her, she didn't know how to respond and act. She was used to casual sex, but, until then it had been her choice and she had always left after. Whenever the case, her lovers were willing and expecting. But this time was different, this time he was a coworker, a friend, a man she cared for very much, for whom she would die.

"Maybe I deserve that... Can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about, we have a lot of work today. I need you and Henry to go retreive an abnormal from the border. He's being sent from the UK Sanctuary. Aparently he got violent after the latest storm. Henry has already prepared a place in the SHU for him. We'll probably need your expertise on what turned him violent".

"Don't do this, Magnus, tell me how you feel!" Will said and move toward her. She straighened her back and looked him in the eyes for the first time that morning.

"You should know how I feel, you're the expert in observing and putting into words my feelings and thoughts. You tell me what you expect of me now and what I should feel."

"That's cold, Magnus... Even for you..." Will said, the disapointment in his eyes burning her soul. "I just want you to talk to me, to tell me where we stand, if you're OK, if we're OK, if you're hurt, if I've hurt you, if I should leave."

Helen took a deep breath, she wanted to scream at him, to erase what had happened that night, to forget, she wanted to had stopped it all before happening. She expected him to save her from all the hurt she had been feeling, but not like that, not like what he did...

"We slept together, that's all. We can't take it back, I can only make sure it won't happen again."

"Why did you sleep with me?"

"Because you wanted it."

Her answer struck him like a thunderbolt.

"And you didn't?" He whispered, starting to understand

"That's irelevant," she answered, trying to preserve her calm and cold composture. "What had happend since the war with the Cabal was affecting both of us and it interfered with our work. Last night was just a way to clear your mind, at least one of us should be able to perform the duties without distractions. I've already started to lose my focus and I think the time for you to assume comand is closer than you expect. Now, Henry is waiting for you, you should go."

Will couldn't believe what she told him. Time for comand? She slept with him because he needed to clear his mind? She became a distraction? Where did this all came from? How much had he hurt her? He looked at her one more time, but she was already reading a file from her desk. At least he knew that continuing a conversation would get him nowhere this time.

After 12 hours, the abnormal was in the SHU. Henry had noticed someting was wrong with Will, but he decided not to pursue the matter. All the years living in the Sanctuary taught him that people were better left alone until they want to talk about what's bothering them.

Will got back to the Sanctuary with a growing feeling of dispare and fright. This time he had no ideea how to fix the problem. He needed to fix it, but the memory of the night before was too strong and, ironically, too much of a distraction. He loved her, he needed her in that way again and again, he wanted her beautiful body more than anything, he wanted more of her with every minute. He had to fix that.

He knocked at her office door and waited for the answer. He went in and reported that everything went OK on the mission. Her figure was so damn professional ...

"When will you start working with our new pacient?" She asked him without looking up from the file in front of her.

"As soon as he get's comfortable here, I figure the day after tomorow."

He felt the tears filling his eyes

"Tell me what to do to fix this", he pleaded

"There's nothing to fix", she finally looked at him. "This was my mistake, I broke my owm rule about not sleeping with my employees, this is entirely my problem, you have other concerns."

He didn't react. She looked at him more closely and saw that she was hurting him, but she was also hurting. For the first time in her life she felt like this was something that wouldn't go away by discussing it. This won't go away between them and it was time to face it.

"I'm sorry Will. I should have stopped you... I should have left, but I really thought then that it was the best way to handle what's been going on in our lives. I was wrong and I'm sorry it was you that got in the middle. I won't allow this to go on, I can't..." She looked at him the same way she looked when they first met strong and proffesional.

Will realised she was closing inside from him and he couldn't do anything about that, she wouldn't let him. His heart was breaking, but he finally understood that the woman in front of him chose a life of loneliness as a punishment for all of her mistakes whether she deserved it or not.

He went to her desk and kneeled at her feet, looking at her lap, tears running loosely on his face. It was the only way he could show her his consideration. It would be the last time... He was left with memories of her as his friend, as his lover on his bed. One night had been enough for their relationship to die and she became his boss once again...

She didn't move. She was too hurt living with what had happened in her life, not being able to express the pain, nor to soothe his... Will finally got on his feet and left without looking back.

She didn't look at him leaving. Her soul was shettered in too many pieces and she finally succeded in driving away the only person that could glue them together. She was screaming inside, the pain was too much to face, but on the outside she looked calm and rational. She burried too many lovers so she got very good at evoiding long term relationships. She didn't need this, another complication. For the first time in 158 years she realised she was too old for this life...