I was always alone. That's just how I remembered had been lonely, that's what you call it, right? That empty sadness in your chest when you're alone. The dull ache in the pit of your stomach when you so badly want to talk to someone, but they look the other way. I don't know how old I am, or even my name. I only know where I am, and that's Gotham City. I only know this because I've been wandering within its confines for the past few days. I've been through several trash cans, I'd read headlines, the news, everything that's gone on in the metropolis of thugs and crooked police officers. It's always dark here, and just around evening the sky turns the loveliest shade of blood red. The buildings are jet black around this time, regardless of their color during the day. The overall appearance is a good representation of how I feel inside. Very dark, cold, and desolate. I'd had several close calls with muggers, psycho paths, and rapists. How I knew what these people were, I wasn't even sure, it was just instinctual assumption. I can just look at them, rugged expressions, hateful eyes. The kind of eyes that glimmer with unforgiving brutality. One approached me and smiled before, a burly man, at least two feet taller than I. But it wasn't a good smile, it was more like a...smirk? That's what you would call a deceitful smile, isn't it? You'll have to forgive me, I'm not entirely sure I'm even explaining everything to you right, I'm just using any words that seem to fit. I'm not even sure how I knew this many words to begin with, as far as I recalled, I never had a family. Did I? There was a light, uneven ground, the light was above me. I tried to reach it, and then darkness. That's all I'm able to recall at this point. It was beginning to be that time, when the sky tints from blood red to black. Every day, for who knows what reason, once twilight comes, I wander. I feel a compelling urge to escape something, something that's after me. I don't know who, or what it is, but it's an ominous feeling, one that I can't escape during the night hours. The question is, if I don't remember anything, if I'm so alone, why would I want to escape? This person must know something about me, they might even know my name... Regardless of those ideas of comfort, I've continued to avoid it, too scared to risk it. I'm currently huddled behind some gritty trash cans in the corner of an alley way, anything to keep myself concealed from the public eye. Things are relatively safe during the day, I can eat, and I can sleep. But at night, this city becomes some sort of playground for evil, the monsters and demons haunting every dark corner. Everything around me is dangerous, and I've continued to run and hide from these dangers. Around this time, nearly every alley is unsafe due to thugs and other bad people, so I would need to leave soon. But being in the streets isn't much better. If the police were to find me out past curfew, they may bring me into the station. They may bring in whoever is after me, I may have to face this force, I could be killed by it. Mulling this over, I got up from behind the trash cans, and two my horror, I saw two teenage boys approaching me. One was a few inches taller than me, he was somewhat attractive, a fairly muscly build evident under his tight shirt. His blonde hair swayed low over his face, covering most of it. Then there was his much taller friend, who was extremely muscular and tall. He had to be at least 6'4, which was about a foot taller than I.
"Hey there, sweetheart." the smaller one said, his dark blue eyes surveying the contours of my body. "What's a pretty thing like you doing in a dump like this? You a hooker?" I backed into the wall, my legs shaking. I could feel the fear painting my face, I was making my terror so blatantly obvious. The taller one stepped a little closer behind his friend, his cropped black hair swaying a bit.
"Hey, man, she looks young, maybe she's, y'know?" he gave a wide grin. "Fresh." the blonde boy smirked, taking a step closer to me.
"Are you friggen' serious? You think she might be a virgin?" the larger one laughed.
"Yeah, man, I wouldn't doubt it." his broad shoulders convulsed with amusement.
"Hey, so is he right? Anyone popped the cherry yet?"
The...huh? I don't know what they're talking about, but I don't like this. I don't like their icy glares, their mean smiles, or the irony bands of muscles in their arms that threatened me. I looked back and forth between them, and then stared between the two. Maybe I could leave. But before I could begin to make my way out, the blonde one backed me into the wall, his arms pressed against the brick, trapping me.
"Listen..." he spoke softly. "me and my bud here are only about seventeen, not too old for ya, y'know, you must be what, fifteen? And cash ain't an issue, so what do you say?" I remained absolutely silent, as I lowered my head to avoid his cold eyes. His face grew angry, and I could feel myself trembling. But suddenly his scowl subsided, a grin growing evident on his face.
"Not a talker, huh?" he said, taking his hand, and lifting my chin so I would meet his gaze. "Let's see if that mouth can do other things..." he leaned close to me, his lips pucker, getting close to mine. I didn't want this. I didn't want him near me, to hold me, to TOUCH me. I broke from him, and began to tear away. But as I got past the larger boy, I felt myself pulled back by my hips, two strong hands holding me. He pulled me back, and pinned my body to his, with one arm, showing wittle effort, as he pinned my arms to my sides. What do they want from me...? The blonde boy walked in a rush toward us and smacked me roughly. The left side of my face stung, and then I felt an enormous hand clasp over my mouth, muffling any noises I may make.
"Damn, bitch!" he yelled. "You are feisty! Just how I like 'em." he laughed. He then gingerly placed his fingertips on the inside of my right upper leg. He ran it gently up and down, and then began to go up further, his fingers starting to disappear under my skirt.
"NO!" I screamed in my mind. "I don't want this! Whatever this is...make...it...STOP!! I continued to cry out, my eyes clenched shut. I then felt something strange. I was free, falling outside of the large boys grip. The motion was so fluid, like I'm water, or air, shapeless, formless. Then I hit the ground, and I was back to reality, as I hit my head on the hard ground. My body lay motionless for a few moments against the hard, wet, gravelly texture. I looked up in fright to see my captors staring down at me in shock. They looked as though they'd seen a dead body. I started to pull myself to a sitting position. The boy who had touched me backed away in a cautious fashion. Frightened disgust lingered on his face.
"Jesus..." he mumbled. "Fucking freak, a fucking monster." I looked the opposite direction, to see his mammoth friend in a worse state of shock. He stumbled backward, and tripped over his own feet, catching himself by his elbows. He continued to stare at me in a wide eyed shock. I pulled myself to my feet, and he staggered a bit.
"Stay back!" he yelled, fumbling to his feet, sprinting away. "Monster!" he cried out. "Damn monster!" before I knew it, he was gone, but his cries were still heard clearly even when out of sight. I looked back, to see the other boy trying to manuever around me stealthily. As my eye caught him, he glowered, a scowl growing.
"Listen to me, you damn circus freak, forget we did anything, had I known you were some fuck up, I never would have touched you." even coming from a guy like this...his words hurt me in a way I didn't know. What was wrong with me now? He wanted to touch me so badly only moments before, and now he hated me. I almost never speak, but this is one of those rare occasions where I needed to.
"What...what happened?" I asked gloomily, my voice barely audible.
"Shut up!" he hissed. "Don't screw with me, you freak! You fuck up!" he darted past me, and bolted off the same direction of his friend. I looked down at my hands now, in deep confusion at what had just transpired. I looked at my hands. I don't look any different... Then it hit me. They must have been playing with me, messing with my emotions. Toying with me, to make me feel attractive, or desired. I really am just some stupid outcast, an unwanted freak. I don't know what makes me so bad, but it hurts.
I muffled my sobs as I ran quickly from the alley of unrequited benevolence. I took off the opposite direction of the two who had despised me so, not wishing to encounter them again. Tears soaked my face as I ran, the city was a blurry collage of neon lights through my distorted vision. Shadows of people occasionally crossed my vision, blacking out the light, they probably stared, but I didn't care. The same way none of these faceless shadows cared for me. I was as nameless as they were, entirely unknown to the world. I didn't know where I was headed, but I didn't care, what did it matter? Where do monsters like me go to? Monsters that can't even remember their own names. As soon as my vision began to recover a bit, I took shelter in another small alleyway, resting, though I wasn't that tired. I sat against the hard brick wall, and stared across to see a small, musty window. It looked old, in fact, rotten with age. I got up, and walked over to it. I rubbed the dust aside, and stared at a lonely girl, a girl who had no identity. Her lonely black eyes stared at me, and told me she knew nothing of friendship, or happiness. No such luxuries were even real to her, survival was enough on its own. The sad fact was, this girl was me. All of my face was stricken with a deep shade of morbidity. There was a quick flash of light across the window, and a loud crashing sound. I fell back in shock, and felt a drop of water splatter over my face. I looked toward the blackening sky, the cold moisture fell down on me, beginning to wrap me in its icy embrace. Now, just as I had begun to, the skies cried along with me. I don't know what I did to deserve this fate, had I been a bad person? Was I just as evil as the two who had tortured me? My body began to curl up, practically instinctively. It was getting so cold, and I couldn't keep myself from shaking, the rain continued to batter my feeble body. The sobs continued, as I heaved in and out. Half the time water was pulled into my lungs, rather than air, causing me to choke. I continued to lie there for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours. The time moved by in an awkward haze, I saw nothing, I heard nothing. I am nothing. I am the rain beating down on my body, I am the concrete that stings me with its knife-like cold. I am...so...confused. Then I heard a brief, but sharp cry of pain. I jerked myself quickly to my feet and looked around. I stared down toward the end of the alley, seeing another connecting to this one. Without much forethought, I ran to it. Once there, I stared to my right, and saw nothing, and then to my left. There was a figure leaning against the wall near the end. Their shoulders slumped, their head hung low. Wet, black hair hung in haphazard strands over the figures face. They hadn't yet seen me, but still, they were just like me...alone. I slowly began to make my way to this mysterious figure, his body was motionless, and I could hear him mumbling. Once I was no more than a few feet away, his head shot up, and glared at me. His black eyes stared right through me, lonely eyes, the eyes I shared wth him. Then pain covered his face, the empty, dull pain only I knew.
"What do you want? Here to make fun of me?" he asked, with a sudden melancholy smile. "Not like you would get it, to feel what I am right now." those words rang through my head, and stung every fiber of my being. He was perfect for me. I instantly dropped down beside him, and leaned my head on his shoulder.
"I do..." I whimpered quietly. Then I began to lose it, I turned my body into his, and clutched his body tight. I felt myself quivering violently, as the warm tears fell once more. And in that moment, I felt something I had never felt before. He was holding me. The true embrace of caring arms wrapped tight around my body. Not with the intent of using me for his sick desires, not to use me for some hidden expediency. But he really cared. I began to cry even harder now, nobody had ever been so kind to me. Ever.
I wanted to stay with him like this forever. I didn't care who he was. He was treating me a way nobody ever had before, and I loved him for that. Love? I hadn't ever really thought of it before, but it must be, he makes me feel so safe.
"Hey," I heard him whisper melodically. "don't get so worked up, I'm here, okay?"
"Y-you're...just...like me!" I screamed out into his chest, my words barely coherent.
"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.
"How do you not know?" I questioned sadly. "We're both alone, and hurt, and confused, you must not remember anything, either."
"What? What don't I remember? I don't think I've forgotten anything."
"Huh...?" I felt confused. "Then why are you out here?"
"Because, well," he paused a moment. "I got into a little scrape with my girlfriend, I was over reacting a little, to be honest, I bet she's looking for me right now."
Girlfriend. That word stung like a thousand knives stabbing into my chest at once. He wasn't alone, not even close, not the way I was. He had someone he could comfort and hold, and vice-versa. He had a lover, he had friends, and he had no room for me in his world. I am nothing to him.
"Hey, babe, is that you?!" I heard a voice call out in the stillness of the wet air. I look past his shoulder to see a girl at the entrance of the alley. She had a pink umbrella in hand, honey blonde hair spilled over her hair in elongated whisps. She had a gorgeous figure, which could still be detected, even under such a large coat.
"Yeah, babe!" he called out. "Hey, come and meet this girl, I think she might need hel-h-hey!" he cried out after me as I ran away, but I was too fargone to care. I could hear them conversing behind me now.
"Forget her, hun, she's probably homeless, anyway." I faintly heard the girl say. But I didn't care, I especially didn't care what he would say as a reaction. He probably would agree, whatever the rate, being the freak I am. I slowed my pace after several minutes, arriving in the center of the city. I looked up toward the large clock attached to a monstrous tower. It was nearly one in the moring, and the rain continued to beat down on me. The city was deserted, the silence was defeaning. Nothing but the loud splishes and splashes against the wet cement. I then was blinded by a bright light. I squinted hard, and shilded my eyes, it was a police car. I could hear a car door opening, and a police officer stepped out.
"Hey, are you lost?" he asked in a stern, strong voice. I backed up slightly. "Don't be scared," he tried to reassure me. "I just want to help you." and with that I was off. I didn't want anything from anyone else today. I was tired of being tricked, abused, and deceived. I heard him call out after me, and I could hear a second set of steps splashing after me. He would hurt me too, just like all the others, nobody really cared. Not in this city of horrors, not in this madhouse of demons. I ran with my eyes nearly shut, streetlights flickering around me. Sheets of water kept spashing into my face, I could barely make out shapes, but I still felt I knew where I was going. I heard a loud splash behind me. He must have fallen, but I didn't care, I kept on running. My body was going numb with cold, and I was almost where I needed to be. I came to a stop when I felt like it was the place, and I was right. It was the alley where the boys tried to have their way with me. I looked back to see if the police officer was there, but I saw no one. I gave a small sigh of relief. I noticed now that it was cold enough to see my own breath. I dragged my feet along until I was behind the trash cans once more. Home sweet home. I dropped to the ground, the muddy muck on the cement attaching itself to me. The tears began to flow again, making my face warm.
"I'm not a monster..." I thought to myself, as tears flowed, my eyes on my hand. "I'm....just...real."