This was incredibly difficult for me to write, especially the end. Any feedback is much appreciated. Please don't read it if it'll trigger things for you.
"Look I know we're a little dramatic sometimes but I don't think anyone would consider taking their own life."
Blaine's eyes fluttered closed at Mercedes words, a response stuck in his throat.
I did. During my sophomore year. Dalton was great at stopping the physical pain, the actual day to day bullying but sometimes I wonder if I was really any better off there. The memories still followed me around and the nightmares kept me awake for hours on end every single night. The bullying may have stopped but that didn't make me feel any more safe. I still felt like I was being pulled into a black hole, screaming for help in a roomful of people and nobody, not a single person was listening.
I had a date set, a day. I even knew the exact time that I was going to do it. The bottle of pills were sitting next to my bed. There was no note, I tried to write one but I in the end I thought 'why am I writing a letter when I have no one to give it to?' But then they stuffed up my plans. The Warblers I mean. Wes and David came crashing through my door – I barely had time to grab the bottle and hid it under my pillow – and started ranting and raving about an impromptu performance that they had organised at the last minute. Before I even knew what they were doing they had grabbed me and started pulling me down the hall. We were half way across campus when they spotted Jeff walking the other way and darted off to grab him and tell him their plans. I thought about turning around, thought about just going back to my room and downing the pills. But I thought I would humor them, give them one last performance to remember me by. One last look at Blaine Anderson, the laughing, happy performer. Blaine Anderson, the fake.
Opening his eyes, Blaine let his inner monologue die back down. He couldn't do it, he couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. At least, all but one of them wouldn't. Across the circle from him, Kurt stared at him, the silent question playing in his eyes.
'Are you okay?'
Locking eyes with him, Blaine stared back for a few minutes before his face relaxed and a small smile graced his mouth, his answer shining back loud and clear.
'I am now.'
Kurt reflected Blaine's smile back at him before his eyes flickered to their teacher, focusing on his words. Blaine felt the smile slip from his face, though his frown from before didn't take it's place. Somewhere within him a small flame had been lit bringing with it a single memory.
"Excuse me, I'm new here..."