Hatori and the College of DOOM

I own nothing.

This is dedicated to my little sister, my favorite Taurus. You have always been my "straight man" (AKA Hatori) for my crazy stories, including this one. Happy birthday!

Chapter one: Some People Can't Just Say Goodbye

"I can't believe that our Hari is leaving us!" wailed Ayame.

"After all we've done to sabotage his chances of going to Tokyo University, he got in anyway. And as an honors student, too," Shigure sighed.

Ayame collapsed on his soft sofa, dramatically. "What shall we do without him? We are doomed, doomed!"

"I know," said Shigure. "But we have to let him go."

"What are you saying, Gure? I'll die without our Hari, just like a flower after spring's last morn!"

Shigure jotted down that phrase. It would come in handy for his new novel, My Lady Juliana*. "Listen to this, Aya. He goes to college and hates it so much that he comes back…"

"…And shall never leave us again," Aya finished. "Oh joy, joy! Tell me my part and I will enact it."

Shigure was scribbling furiously. "I'm writing a script for you. You're going to call this number and say this," he said, giving his cousin a piece of paper."

Ayame gasped. "Brilliant! You really think that this will work?"

"So long as you do the talking. People always are suspicious of me even when I'm on the phone with them. You, though, can sweet-talk anyone who doesn't know you yet into doing anything," Shigure said.

Ayame smiled at the compliment and started to dial the first number.

Meanwhile…

Hatori packed methodically, but he was thinking hard. He thought of the laxatives his cousins had slipped into his health drink on the day he took his AP bio exam. He thought of the prank letters to Tokyo University they had sent to destroy his career. He thought of the rude pictures they had drawn on his assignments. He even thought of their last prank, in which they had covered him in zombie makeup when he was sleeping the night before his interview at Tokyo University. In truth, Hatori was worried about what they were going to do next. Ayame would do anything to make him stay and Shigure had a particularly evil mind.

But then he remembered that he had left the drink undrunk after seeing the little note taped to the bottom saying fooled you! He remembered intercepting both the nasty letters about him and the anatomy report and tossing the former and re-printing the latter. And he remembered scrubbing the paint off with some prescription makeup remover that he had handy. (They had tried this trick too many times before). In each case, Hatori was prepared for their tricks and had intercepted them.

Hatori was taking a vacation from those two demons and he deserved it.

While concentrating on his determination to dodge whatever life threw at him, he nearly leaned on a squeezie bottle containing, no doubt, garbage-smelling liquid. Those two idiots!

* Juliana is the personification of July in poems by Andrew Marvell. My Lady Juliana was the name that Shigure gave Summer Colored Sigh while he was writing it. (I totally made that one up.)

Thanks for reading! It will get more funny as it goes along (I hope).

-Little Stone

OK- fun announcement time! If you want me to use a variation of your name for characters, please respond saying so. I will mash up your name, for example if name is xxxCinderellaxxx I will call you Sandy Salmonella (or something). You can also submit names you want me to use straight.