If you could change yourself, get to the next level or become something else entirely, would you do it? Don't tell me you wouldn't, that would make you a liar. Anyone would, we're greedy like that. I did, and I don't regret it at all. It's not like my life was bad before it, it was pretty ordinary actually. I had my clique, I was popular but what was that compared to what I have now? It was nothing, a night in a trailer park compared to a night at the Taj Mahal. To tell you the truth, I'd trade the redundancy of Teenage popularity and the girl-next door image for the fast lane any day. You're thinking that I'm a spoilt little bitch, that I had it all and why want more? Why push it?
It's only when you get to the top when you want something that threatens your demise to bottom again, and the more the boredom eats at you, the edgier you get until someone offers you a release. My someone was Gil Moore, a senior at Cardinal Young Catholic School in Arlington County. For several days, I felt his eyes on me. Gil was never attractive nor exceptional until he hit sophomore year. He was always seen with one or two of the same group of people who seemed to have caught the sudden change as well; people started calling them The Cardinals. Then a senior, I knew he had quite the control over our school body. His outstanding athleticism made him friends and his good looks brought him girls. He could have any girl in school with his dark hair and eyes but he seemed to pick me, a freshmen. Just before the summer break ended and I was to start my sophomore year, he showed up at a friend's party. We kept stealing looks until finally he made his way to me, a drink in hand. My head was screwed on right, and I thought I knew what he wanted. Turns out, I was wrong.
That was two summers ago and I was now leaning against a red convertible, a car that appeared in my driveway this morning. I was in the parking lot of Cardinal Young Catholic School, my domain. People stared at the car and then at me as they walked by. It was a new year, and among all the familiar faces were a few new ones as well. I wasn't that surprised this morning when I saw the car. At the beginning of every school year since I became part of The Cardinals I would receive a very cool and very expensive gift, and so did the rest of the members. We knew exactly who it came from too; we just didn't like mentioning that part. It brought us back to our decision to do this in the first place: Did I sell my soul for this car? Did I give up 'me' for this in return?
"Well, well, seems the summer has been good to you" said a familiar voice.
"Hey Mo, it's good to see you" I said, hugging her. Mona was also part of The Cardinals and my best friend, if it wasn't for Gil, I would have never met her.
"Geez, all I get is a bass, and you get this?" she said, feigning jealousy.
"How is the present by the way?" I asked and her smile widens.
"Awesome, just awesome, the sound will blow your mind" she said, enthusiastically. The bass suites Mona, she has an intensity that most guys can't handle.
"I'll take your word for it" I said, chuckling. We made our way inside, attracting even more eyes than before.
"You'd think they'd get use to us" whispered Mona to me and I nodded in agreement. But how could they? We were royalty to them; the school spirit was represented by us, not the football team. A random kid high fived me in the hall and we were suddenly being greeted by every student there.
"Hey, Christina! I like your shoes" called one.
"Thanks" I replied, trying to find the person in the sea of faces who said it. When I looked for Mona, she was backing away from a shorter girl that was trying to have a conversation with her. She must have been new because everyone knew that Mona was like stone when it came to people she didn't know. Someone screamed, nearly giving me a heart attack and I saw a head with fierce blond hair barreling towards us. It was Bridget for sure, and I could see Matthew behind her, trying to keep up, both of whom were Cardinals as well. She squeezed every last breath out of me while talking animatedly.
"Hey Bridge" I choked out as she hugged me tighter.
"Can you believe we're juniors already!" she said excitedly, letting me go.
"Nope, not at all" I said, rubbing the parts of me were she gripped. "Hey Matt" I said, kissing Matt on the cheek.
"Hey, did you get something this morning?" he replied, smiling.
"Yeah, a car. Luckily it wasn't hard to explain to the rents" I said and he nodded.
"I wish I was as lucky, my parents actually care what I do" he said with a slight wink and I smirked. "I got an Origin Genesis" he said, looking impressed with himself.
"I'm gonna' go with computer?" I presumed and he gave a nod.
"Only the greatest desktop on the market" he said, with a cocky smile. Mona tapped me my shoulder and I turned to her.
"Where's the others?" she asked and I shrugged. When I turned back to Matt, he was busy chatting with a girl. She was pouting her lips at him, looking up at him through her lashes.
"Pathetic" I mumbled to myself.
"What is?" said Landon at my ear. I jumped, my heart almost bursting through my ribcage.
"Don't do that!" I almost shrieked and turned to his lopsided smile. Spencer was behind him, chuckling at my response.
"Looks like the gang's all here" I said and Spencer hugged me.
"Good to see you again, Chris. Been a boring break without you" he whispered in my ear.
"That's because I was in relaxation mode, Bud. No parties until school started" I said, winking at him, as I broke free of his hug.
"Shall we go to the lounge?" asked Bridget and I nodded. We made our way down the hall, shuffling between random people trying to greet us or other wise grab onto us like parasites to a little hangout called The Nest. Its where the Cardinals go to hangout and chill, some other people get in through invite though, a very selective process and way too much pressure for me, so people outside the Cardinals almost never get in here. The principle gave it to Gil and the rest of them to fix up and they handed it over to us. I fell back in a beanbag and Landon jumped in next to me.
"How was your break?" he asked, his eyes set intently on me.
"It was fine, how was yours?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. It was hard to keep composed around someone like Landon. Its not that I had a thing for him, he was a good friend, that's all. But his whole demeanor is so unsettling with his dark wavy hair that he ran his hand through, icy blue eyes that could freeze someone over and his lithe movements.
"Good. I took my Aunt and Rich to Cancun" he said and my eyes widened.
"No way! That's awesome. Aunt Rory must have loved that. But what happened to saving up?" I asked and he shrugged.
"When it past the half-a-million mark, I thought it was okay to spend a little" he said with a slight smile and my jaw fell.
"Holy hell" I murmured. "Please don't tell me your Aunt is still working at that hotel"
"She quit a few months ago. She hates staying at home and doing nothing though, so she's looking for a new job" he replied. "So, what you get?"
"A car" I replied. I tried to keep the gushing short; Landon hated the fact that we were getting these gifts because he knew we were being bribed and his moral compass has only grown stronger since he became a Cardinal. "What did you get?" I asked. He opened his mouth but at that moment my phone buzzed.
"Sorry" I muttered, digging it out of my pocket. I received a text from an unknown number and I already knew what this meant. Landon read it over my shoulder and smirked.
"I suppose our gifts are early payments then?" he said, his voice filled with enough acid to burn off every inch of hair on my head.
"Relax, it may just be a check up" I replied but I was lying. The text gave a time, place and a codeword, nothing else.
"What did they say?" asked Mona, a little worry in her midnight blue eyes.
"They're calling us out" I replied, returning my phone to my pocket. "We're meeting them at Keswick Hall"
"Tonight?" she asked.
"Yeah" I replied.
"Suits and ties, baby" said Spencer enthusiastically.
"You do realize they're calling us for a new job, right?" said Landon with a biting voice at Spencer.
"Chill man, it's just a job" replied Spencer. Landon jumped up from the beanbag, nearly knocking me over.
"It's a job we're we could hurt innocent people. Where we take advantage of others, turn into full fledged criminals and you wanna' tell me its "just a job"?" he hissed at Spencer. "You're sick"
In a flash of grey, Spencer had Landon pinned to the wall with the length of his arm. "You signed up for this!" he shouted at Landon and gave him a push. Landon kept his eyes on the floor, the tendons in his neck visible. Spencer breathed out once and backed away, scratching the crown of his head.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-" Spencer began. His face was red but I could see he was trying to keep his flaring temper under control.
"It's fine" Landon replied with a cool voice. My eyes met with Mona's and I swallowed the words that were building up in my throat. Would it help if Spencer knew that Landon never signed up for any of this? That it was me that took him to that alter in secret and transformed him myself?
I didn't say anything, I only stared at Landon apologetically but he hardly gave me a glance.
When I made it home, I began to get ready. I picked out dark azure shift dress and took a shower. I was delaying telling my mother where I was going tonight. I was afraid she wouldn't allow me and that I'd have to resort to other techniques. I made my way downstairs with a towel wrapped around me. She was in the kitchen, chopping up mushrooms.
"Hey, mom?" I said.
"Yeah, Hun?" replied my mom.
"Can I go out tonight?" I asked.
"It's a school night, Chris. I don't think it's a good idea" she replied, frowning.
"Mom, I'm only going to hang with friends at Spencer's" I said.
"Is that why you have a cocktail dress laid out on your bed?" she asked and I bit my lips, slapping myself inwardly. "Is the Queen visiting?"
"Mom, I can explain-" I began.
"Not tonight, Christina. That's final" she said with a steely voice. I sighed, realizing that I had no other resorts.
"Mom, look at me" I said and she breathed out.
"What now?" she asked putting down the knife. I stared straight into her eyes, focusing on the inky hollows of the pupil.
"You will let me go out" I said.
"I will let you go out" she repeated in a monotonous voice, her face taking on the look of a deer in headlights.
"You will not wait up for me" I said.
"I will not wait up for you" she repeated perfectly.
"Okay" I said, breathing out and gave her a hug.
"What's that for?" she said, smiling at me, she was back to being my mom.
"A thanks" I said, shrugging.
"It's fine. Just don't stay out too long" she said and went back to chopping. I got ready and climbed in the convertible. I was driving to Landon first; I needed to speak to him about what happened today with Spencer. I stopped outside his house; it was a small white Victorian style house with a porch. The door opened and I could see him kiss his aunt on the cheek and he made his way towards the car. She waved to and I waved back. Landon didn't say hi or anything, he just climbed in next to me and began to fiddle with the radio. He was dressed in a simple back suit and a thin black tie but he pulled it off with a great amount of allure.
"Landon-" I began, as I pulled out of the driveway.
"Don't start, Christina. It's fine" he cut me off, still not looking at me.
"Obviously its not. You can't even look at me" I said and he sighed heavily, sat back and turned his icy blue eyes to me.
"Better?" he asked sarcastically. I made a face and he smirked. After a while I tried again.
"You know I hate myself for doing what I did" I said.
"I do" he replied, his tone uninterested.
"Then why do you still act like this?" I asked, frustrated.
"Why do you still feel guilty?" he asked me as I turned into Mona's driveway a little too quickly.
"I-I can't, I just can't have this conversation with you" I said, angrily. He shrugged and I slammed my foot on the break and he jerked forward, hitting his head hard on the dashboard.
"What the hell, Christina?!" he barked at me.
"I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd make it all the way to the dashboard!" I retorted.
"That's encouraging" he jeered sarcastically. He put his hand to his forehead and I could see a drop of blood running down the side of his face. "Shit, I'm bleeding now. Great job" he muttered.
"Let me see" I said, trying to tug his hand away but he pulled away from me.
"No, you've done enough" he replied.
"Stop being a baby" I said, and pinned him the seat as I pulled his hand away.
Get off of me!" he struggled.
"Chill, okay? Do you want the blood to be gone or not?" I asked and he was quiet for once. I grabbed a tissue from the box on the backseat and wiped the blood away until I could see the small cut on the top corner of his forehead. "Hold on, I think I have a band aid in the glove compartment" I said leaning over his lap. I opened the glove compartment but I couldn't see a thing in the dark. I dug around and I could hear Landon becoming impatient.
"Can you make this quick?" he asked with annoyance.
"I can always let you bleed out" I said sarcastically. I leaned my head down on his lap, trying to get a better view and then there was a knock against the window. I looked up at Mona, starring at us with a perched eyebrow.
"I can come back when you're done" she said and I clambered back to my seat.
"Very funny" I said, opening the back door for her. She climbed in and noticed Landon's bleeding head.
"Wow, never knew you two were this kinky" she said mockingly and I shot her a look. I turned on the light and leaned over again and pulled out the box of band-aids.
"Here" I said, pushing it at Landon in exasperation. He can fix his own cut.
"Are the others hitching a ride with Matt?" asked Mona.
"Yeah" I replied, and started digging around my bag. I took out a carton box, opened it up and drew out a Marlboro with my lips as I turned off the highway. As I lit it, Landon reached over and pulled it from my mouth and threw it out the window.
"Dammit, Landon!" I snapped. "What's your problem?!"
"You can screw up your own lungs, but I'm not going to let you screw with mine as well" he replied icily. I kept my tongue but made eye contact with Mona in the front mirror and I could see her give me the slightest shrug. I grabbed another one, lit it and rolled down my window.
"Then you can take the bus" I replied. The rest of the ride was deadly quiet until we arrived at the hotel.
"Shmanky"said Mona as we made our way to the entrance of Keswick Hall. At the front I could see Matt and them waiting for us. We greeted one another, out of nerves rather then habit.
"Showtime" I said as we walked through the front doors. We made our way past the decked out halls with crystal chandeliers and glossed floors to the restaurant.
"Can I help you?" asked the hostess, staring at us.
"We have a reservation. Bluewater" I said the codeword and she nodded, looking at the screen of her computer. "Ah, this way" she said, smiling warmly at us. "The rest of the guests have already arrived"
Mona walked beside me, fiddling nervously with her lace dress. "I don't like this" she murmured to me. I tried to manage an encouraging look but it got lost somewhere between dazed and worried.
"We've done this before" I replied, squeezing her hand.
"Yeah, but it doesn't get any better" she replied, not looking at me. The hostess took us to the back of the restaurant, where the seating was long round booths that cut off sight from the rest of the world. I could already make out the familiar faces, like the dark face, hair and eyes of Michael Cairns, a man in his late thirties with the brashness of a street fighter and David Miles, a man with a very cold and very sharp featured face that could pierce metal. We scooted in uncomfortably into the booth, staring at one another.
"Glad you could join us" said David, a cold smile on his lips. He said it to me, not making eye contact with he others. "We've been through this before, I am sure you know why you're here"
"What do you need us to do?" I asked with a steely voice. The quicker I got this over with, the quicker we could get away from these two. There was something unnerving about them. Michael took out a folder from under the table and passed it me, leaning in.
"Everything you need to know is in there. It's a big job but minimal security, the only issues are the cameras and the vault" he explained, he at least spoke to the rest of the group. "The smaller the attention you bring to yourself the better"
"So we should split up" said Landon, coldly. He was behaving himself at least, but his crossed arms and irate face made it clear he didn't want to be here. "Maybe only three of us should go on this job"
"What is the job exactly?" I murmured.
"A bank heist. Nothing too peculiar" replied David but he didn't look at Landon. Landon smirked, shaking his head.
"Nothing too peculiar? You do realize stealing is a crime?" he asked sarcastically but discreetly.
"It will be a quick job, in and out. We're counting on you to make this happen without a hitch" said David, ignoring Landon's remark.
"We'll get it done" I responded, trying to look as convincing as possible.
"Excellent. Send us a report as soon as possible" said David and they both got up in unison. "We must go, but please enjoy the rest of your evening"
We watched them leave and so did the rest of the diners. The waitress came a little later and we ordered what we wanted. Everything was already paid for so we could go over board if we wanted to. The rest of the evening was fun except for the creeping feeling of why we were actually here.
"We should start planning tomorrow at Matt's" I said handing him the folder. "We'll choose the three who will be going then. No need to spoil a nice evening"
"Cool. I'll set everything up" he said, putting the folder in his briefcase. As the spoke animatedly at each other, I watched each of them and how I sat there, coinciding with this missed matched team. It was like an out of body experience, and I was the face of this unit, the spearhead that is indefinitely stabbing the side of society. It was a quiet drive back when it was just Landon and I. He stared blankly out of the window, he was thinking.
"I'm not going to choose you" I said. He didn't stir so I kept going. "If that's what you're worried about. You wouldn't have been the right pick for this job anyway"
"I can be invisible, Christina" he said, a smirk on his lips. "All you need for this job is me"
"You don't want to be there though" I replied. "You're a liability"
"Do I make this hard for you?" he asked, the smirk disappearing.
"I'm scared that… that one day you're going to say something and they'll kill you" I said, clenching onto the steering wheel. I swallowed the worry and tears that were building up in my throat now. "They've made it clear that once you're in, you can't get out"
"I'm smarter than that. I know how far I can push these guys" he said, shrugging it off.
"No you don't, Landon. It's not okay to push them, okay? You're playing with your life" I replied, irritated by his nonchalance. "And I put you in this situation, I know. If you get yourself screwed over it will be my fault!"
He watched me, frowning. "I'm sorry" he murmured.
"Don't say that" I moaned. "Don't make me feel worse"
He sighed, scratching his eyebrow with his thumb. It was quiet from then on until I reached his house, none of this lights were on except for his bedroom and he turned to me once we pulled into his driveway. My hands didn't leave the steering wheel, they held on for dear life.
"I wish that I had never asked for more" I murmured, staring into nothing.
"No you don't. You like this life" he replied. "I get it"
"That's not what I meant. I wish that I never asked for more from you" I explained. He looked at me and then looked at his front door.
"Goodnight, Christina" he says and gets out of the car and I watch him enter his house and stay until his bedroom light turns off.