Shikoku: Hello again people who actually read our stories. –G-
Steel: All three of you. -G-
Shikoku: Three? I thought we had even less than that. :)
Steel: True, but I don't think it's possible to go into negative numbers. -G-
Shikoku: Oh... right.
Steel: Anyway, the characters aren't ours, but the twisted plot and OOC-ness are! –G-
Shikoku: And are we ever proud of our twisted plot and OOC-ness! –G-
Steel: Damn straight! I mean gay! –G-
Shikoku: This one's a prequel for our Hotaru story "I'm a Woman Now' If you couldn't tell by the title. :)
Steel: Or the synopsis. -G-
Shikoku: What can I say? I like stating the obvious. :)
Steel: Well then, along the same lines I should say: Under-aged Kids Shouldn't Read This! It's only lime, but still.. Oh, and Don't Sue Us! Unless you want our anime and manga.
Shikoku: And we'd die if we lost those. –weeps-
Steel: Plus you'd think Naoko Takeuchi would already be up to her eyeballs in it...
Shikoku: So I guess we're okay for now, though if we don't start the story soon people are going to leave. -G-
Steel: Negative numbers can leave? -all amazeded-
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Once upon a time in the far far far far far far far (Steel: Get on with it!) FAR future, there was a little princess. Who was 99 years old, but still looked and acted as if she were only 5 or 6. Her name was Serenity... a pretty name, but kind of uncreative considering it was the same name as her mother, and her mother's mother... at least the PREreincarnated mother's mother. Yeah, this story is kind of complicated.
But everyone called her Small Lady. Go figure. Anyway, the sugary pink little kid was skipping along the halls of Crystal Tokyo's Palace. She had a question to ask. Something she had been wondering about ever since her kitten companion, Diana, was born. What was sex? (This's before she met Hotaru, for those of you who've actually read all our stories.)
You see, this was way after the TV went extinct, so she couldn't learn the facts of life from such educational shows such as the National Geographic Channel and "Married With Children." Nopes, this was the FAR far future. 1000 years to be exact. But that was beside the point.
"Mommy?" she called, stepping into Neo-Queen Serenity's throne room.
Neo-Queen Serenity quickly hid the giant cupcake she had been stuffing down her throat, in a very undignified manner, behind her back. "Yes, dear?"
"What's sex?"
Neo-Queen Serenity's eyes bugged out, and she practically choked on the cupcake still in her mouth. "Wha! Where did you hear that word??"
Small Lady blinked her big, round eyes. Was it something bad? "I heard Sailor Uranus saying it to Sailor Neptune this morning."
'HARUKA!! MICHIRU!! I'M GOING TO K-I-L-L YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' the great Queen thought darkly to herself. "Stay here." she said to Small Lady, before hurrying off to give those Outers a TALKING TO!
Small Lady just stood there blinking. What was her problem? She promptly left to find someone else to ask. That's when she happened upon Sailors Jupiter and Venus, who were taking a walk together around the palace.
"Hello Small Lady." Jupiter smiled down at the girl.
"What's sex?" the pink haired girl asked bluntly.
Both Senshi looked taken aback and exchanged nervous looks. "Uhm.. that's something you really should ask you mother.." Jupiter replied uneasily.
"I already did; she left before she could tell me!" Small Lady answered.
"Well let's see.. The man has this watering can, right? And he takes his can and waters the woman's flower with it..." Venus started. Jupiter shot her a raised eyebrow. "Hey, I'm the Senshi of Love, I KNOW this stuff!" Venus insisted, then looked back at Small Lady. "You see, every woman has a seed inside of her, kind of like in the soil. And the man has the plant food, so the two get together, and-"
Suddenly Small lady turned and started walking away. "If you don't know, just say so, but you don't have to LIE about it."
Venus sweatdropped. "But I DO know this stuff!"
"Are you kidding?" Jupiter asked incredulously. "You haven't had sex with a guy since the Moon Kingdom two thousand years ago!"
Venus laughed. "Ah, yeah.. well I THOUGHT it was a great explanation." she insisted.
"Please, she'll probably grow up obsessed with gardening!" Jupiter retorted. She and Venus turned and continued their walk.
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Meanwhile Small Lady's mood had darkened considerably. Before she was just curious, but now she realized all the grown ups had been keeping something from her. It was a conspiracy! Now she was determined to know what this 'sex thing' was all about.
The next person she came across was Sailor Mars. Yes! Mars was so no-nonsense. She should give her a straight answer! Small Lady hurried to catch up with her. "Sailor Mars!" she called. "I wanna ask you something!"
Sailor Mars paused and waited for Small Lady to catch up with her. "What is it?"
Small Lady paused. Every time she just ASKED, people would freak out. She had to be sneaky! "So.. uhm... how you doin'?"
Mars narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "I'm doing alright... how are you?"
"I'm uhm... curious, actually."
"Oh?"
"Yeah.. uh.. see.. I got this question.. but nobody wants to answer me." Small Lady fiddled her fingers nervously.
"I see." Mars wondered if Small Lady was going to get to the point any time soon.
Small Lady was trying to avoid asking out right, but couldn't figure out how. Finally she decided to just plunge right in. "Where do babies come from?" she asked hopefully.
Mars stopped short. "What?"
"Where do babies come from?" Small Lady wondered if this was a good approach or not. She wasn't sure what that had to do with sex, but she was SURE they were related somehow.
Mars just looked at her, and Small Lady wondered if she was even buying it. "Someone really needs to have a talk with Uranus and Neptune." Mars said to herself. She sighed. "Have you asked your mother yet?"
"She ran off to talk to Uranus and Neptune." Small Lady replied with a sigh of her own.
"She would do that.." Mars sighed again, this time exasperated. "Well, this is really a subject you should be talking to her about."
"I would if she'd stuck around." Small Lady grumbled.
Mars shrugged in a 'well, she's your mother, what can you do' sort of way. "Maybe you can ask your father instead. His answer might be more reliable."
"Aww, PLEASE Mars! Can't YOU tell me what sex is?!" Small Lady begged, tugging on Mars's arm.
"No." Mars said, crossly. Small Lady stuck out her lower lip. "That doesn't work on me." Mars reminded her.
"Rats."
Finished, Mars started walking away. "Ask your father, or wait for your mother to finish yelling at Uranus and Neptune." Another sigh, Small Lady turned to go and find her father. It was a good thing he was out of prison now.
(Shikoku: Go read our Usagi/Mamoru story if you want to see how Mamoru ended up in prison. :End Shameless Plug:)
She ran into Mercury first.
"Yay! Mercury! Just the person I wanted to see!" she cried, all gleefully.
Mercury blinked. "Small Lady? Is there something I can do for you?"
"Yes!! I have a question and NOBODY will answer it for me! They are depriving me from learning!" That always got the Senshi of Wisdom.
"What do you want to know?" Mercury asked, concerned.
"Tell me everything you know about sex!"
Mercury blushed. "Do you mean the differences between the two sexes, or sexual intercourse?"
Small Lady only blinked. "Huh?"
Overcoming her own embarrassment at the topic. Mercury went into lecture mode: "Sex can be defined either as the two major forms that occur in many living things, and are designated male or female, according to their role in reproduction, also the qualities by which these sexes are differentiated, and which directly or indirectly, function in reproduction involving two parents. Or it can be the sexual activity or behavior."
"There. Feel better?" Mercury patted Small Lady on the head, then turned and walked away.
Small Lady blinked. "That didn't help!" she yelled after the genius. She still didn't know what sex was!! Curse Mercury and her confusing language! Too lazy to find a dictionary to decipher what the Senshi even said, Small Lady continued on her quest, thinking maybe Mars was right about asking her father.
But where WAS her father?
Finding him took an annoyingly long time. She almost forgot why she was looking. Almost. Darn those shiny things! And the cupcakes... good thing she found them before her mother ate them all.
And what happened to her mother anyway?
Wait, she was looking for her father. Short attention span. Finally she found him in his study, hiding from Neo Queen Serenity.
It worked.
"Is your mom still on a rampage?" he asked, worriedly.
"I think she's chewing out Uranus and Neptune."
He sighed in relief. For once, it wasn't his fault his wife was out to kill somebody. He was so glad Uranus and Neptune came back to live in the palace. "So kiddo, what can I do for you?"
"Daddy? You love me very much, right?"
"Of course I do." King Endymion picked up his daughter and placed her on his purple-clad knee.
"And you wouldn't purposely deprive me of anything, particularly knowledge that will further my growth as a young lady?"
"Never!"
"Okay! Tell me all about sex!" King Endymion's jaw went slack in shock. He was completely dumbfounded. Small Lady just beamed at him, sure that her father wouldn't deprive her; sure of her father's love to pull through.
"Well honey... it's uhm.. well it's like this." Taking his index finger of one hand and making a fist of the other, he put his finger into the fist. Repeatedly. "Ok? Now go play. Daddy has work." He slid her off his knee to the floor and turned back to his desk, hoping she'd leave.
She didn't; just stood their gaping at him. Sighing, King Endymion stood and shooed her out into the hall, then closed and locked the door behind her. He then sank down to the floor, and sobbed over how fast his little girl was growing up. He decided to get a stiff drink to help ease the pain.
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Small Lady just stared astounded at the door. "NO FAIR!!!!" What the hell kind of answer was that, anyway?? She turned and stomped off. Now she was pissed! She was so mad, she had half a mind to go look it up herself! But of course she was still too lazy to do that.
Curse her mother's bad genes!
Where was her mother anyway? She was ready to demand answers! She then stomped off for Neptune and Uranus's wing. And bumped right into her mother.
"OOOF!" they exclaimed together, both falling to the ground.
"Mom, I wanna know what sex is and I wanna know right now!!" Small Lady said as soon as she recovered
"You're still on that subject?" Serenity asked, after she recovered from falling down. She had hoped Small Lady's short attention span would have kicked in by now.
"Yes and nobody will give me a straight answer!" Small Lady grumped. "I have half a mind to go and just ask Neptune and Uranus." She frowned.
"Trust me, you won't get a 'straight' answer from them, either." Serenity assured her.
(Shikoku: Couldn't resist the pun.)
Small Lady blinked. But she'd heard the reference from Uranus's own mouth! It'd even made Neptune giggle! Surely THEY knew what sex was!
"Look, just forget about it for now Small Lady." Serenity said, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "You'll find out when the time is right. In the meantime, I need to find your father." And with that, she stalked off. Walking in on Neptune and Uranus had really made her horny.
Small Lady just watched her leave, all lost and alone, and not at all reassured. She wanted to know right now! Curse old people and their incessant need to protect her innocence!
She shook her fist at the old people's general direction.
Then stormed off to find Puu. Surely SHE wouldn't sugar coat anything. Plus she knew the time Senshi absolutely adored her and would never dare to disappoint. They were like, totally BFF! Sure that she was on to something, Small Lady gleefully skipped over to the so-called 'Forbidden Door', and walked inside like always.
"Puu! Where are you Puu?" she called out happily, looking for her lifelong friend.
"Over here, Small Lady! By the Time Gate... where I usually am... cause nobody let's me leave.. .ever... I hate my life."
Small Lady skipped over to Sailor Pluto. "Hi Puu! Did the authors ever write that sequel to your story?" she asked, batting her large, round eyes the Time Guardian. She was sure if she got Pluto talking, she'd finally get her answer!
Pluto's usual sad expression darkened somewhat. "No, they never did.. If I could ever leave my post, I'd do something to those two liars.. and how. I mean, the least they could do was let me open the Gate and actually go SEE my Love..." She sighed forlornly. As usual. What do you expect from the Doom and Gloom Senshi?
"Puu.. you'd never lie to me, right?" Small Lady asked, turning her 'Uber-Kawaii-Big-Eyed-Little-Anime/Manga-Girl' charms on full force at Pluto.
"Of course not, Small Lady. I absolutely adore you, because you're the only one who ever visits me in this hellhole."
Did we forget to mention, Pluto's also somewhat bitter?
"And you'd never EVER not answer a question I had, riiiight?" Small Lady batted her aforementioned eyes.
"Of course not," Pluto replied, completely oblivious to the scheming pink little girl's ulterior motives.
"Then what's sex?"
Pluto blinked. "What?"
"What... is... SEX?" Small Lady repeated, slower. Her "Uber-Kawaii'ness was still turned on full force.
Pluto was startled to say the least. "Where on earth did you hear that word?"
"From Neptune and Uranus." 'Bat-bat' went her Big Eyes.
Pluto instantly stopped looking startled. "Well, that figures." She rolled her eyes. "You didn't walk in on them did you?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.
Small Lady's turn to look surprised. "No.. I just heard them talking about it... When I asked Mommy and Daddy about it, they seemed very upset.."
"Did they now?" Pluto looked very interested.
The pink haired one nodded. "And I asked Venus and Jupiter, but they didn't know." Pluto seemed surprised again. "And Mars out right wouldn't tell me. And Mercury's explanation didn't make ANY sense!" she wailed. Then paused. "Neither did Daddy's actually.."
"They would be very upset if you found out about sex, wouldn't they?" Pluto mused thoughtfully. "Ok then, I'll send you back in Time to someone who can not only TELL you about, they'll SHOW it to you, first hand!"
Small Lady beamed. "You will!?" She could hardly believe that Puu was so eager to help her.
"Yes.. that'll teach 'em not to forget about me!" And with that, Sailor Pluto opened the Time Gate and threw Small Lady in. She then slammed the doors afterward and started laughing maniacally, in a way that only a lonely, psycho and disgruntled Time Guardian could. "That'll show you!! BWAHAHAHAHHA!!!"
Small Lady whirled backward through time and landed in a heap at someone's feet. "Hello, my name is Hotaru." and the dark haired girl reached out a hand to her.
'I'm in Love...' Small Lady thought.
The End.