Introduction:
Duncan and Courtney had recently celebrated their 8-year anniversary, but they had to celebrate it along with their devious-minded son, Clyde. Duncan and Courtney truly loved Clyde, but most of the time, he could be a real piece of work, who was always looking for trouble and ways for him to have fun. The family is currently living a normal life in Cleveland, Ohio. Before college, Duncan finally decided to give up on the "bad-boy life" for good and actually focus on his education and get a good job. He went to business school and now works at a marketing company. Courtney excelled through law school and is now one of the most successful lawyers in Cleveland. Along with dealing with some of the stresses associated with their jobs, they also have to cope with the stresses of dealing with their son.
Part 1: A Typical School Day
This is a two-chapter one-shot of Duncan and Courtney's lives with their obnoxious son along with their son's life at school and at home. Contains many pranks and silly moments, but this fanfic was a lot of fun to make. So, have fun! Feel free to review as well. It's loosely based off of Calvin and Hobbes.
It was a warm spring morning. The sun was shining brightly with some white clouds surrounding the blue sky. The flowers were in full bloom and blue birds were flying around, chirping "Good morning!" to one another. Everywhere in the neighborhood seemed to be pleasant and peaceful. Except maybe for one place.
*BRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGG!*
In one of the houses in the neighborhood, the alarm clock was ringing loudly. It was 7:00 AM. A small boy was still in bed, wrapped in the covers. He had spiky brown hair and baby blue eyes, and was wearing red pajamas with blue rocket ships on it. He was still very tired and did not want to get up just yet. So, he shut his eyes tightly and continued to doze off peacefully, unaware that his parents were still calling him.
Fifteen minutes later, his mother opened the room door. She had short, tan hair and was wearing a sea green sweater and blue jeans. She did not look very happy, as a frown lay upon her face and her eyebrows were scrunched slightly. She immediately opened her mouth and yelled out, "Clyde, get out of bed! This is the last time I'm calling you! You're going to miss the bus!"
Clyde then got out of bed with a "grumpy, grump frown", furious that he had to spend another day at the place he never looked forward to going to: school. He stormed into the bathroom to brush his teeth and change into his clothes. He dressed into his normal attire: a red shirt with a devil's face on it, blue shorts, and red sneakers. He slowly walked downstairs, with a grumpy expression on his face. He turtled into the kitchen and sat across from his father. His father was wearing a black suit with a white office shirt underneath and a red tie. His raven hair was slicked back and he was wearing a pair of reading glasses. He was reading the Daily News and sipping a cup of piping hot coffee.
"Well, good to see that you're finally up!" Duncan told his son as he watched him eat his cereal while slumped in a chair. "Why the long face, son?"
"Ungh...I hate school. I don't wanna go..." Clyde grumbled as he was eating his breakfast.
"Well, son. You have to go whether you want to or not. If you want to have a job like me, you have to go to school." Duncan firmly said.
"I can get a good job too! I can be a tough street fighter, yeah!" Clyde said, excitedly.
"That's not really a job...but okay. If that makes you happy..." Duncan replied, not knowing what else to say.
Courtney was washing the dishes and looking outside the window. Suddenly, a tall, yellow school bus pulled over next to the sidewalk. "Clyde, the bus is here!" she told Clyde. Clyde groaned as she said it. As he grabbed his lunch and his backpack, Courtney threw him gently out the door, saying, "Hurry, you don't want to miss the bus! See you this afternoon". He grumpily stomped over to the bus, knowing this was going to be just another boring school day. Courtney then smiled and closed the door behind her.
"Wow, Court! You want him out of the house that badly, don't you?" Duncan asked in wonder.
"Well, I love that kid. But he's been driving me so crazy lately that it's a relief that I can finally get some peace and quiet around the household!" They both laughed.
Suddenly, Duncan's watch rang. "Uh-oh! 8:00! I don't want to be late for work!" He put his dishes away, laced up his black work shoes, put on his best hat, and stood by the front door.
"Have a good day, honey. See you at 4:00!" She kissed his cheek and watched as he headed out the door, walked towards his black Lexus, and drove off into the distance.
"Well, I finally have the house to myself!" Courtney said to herself as she closed the door behind her. "Since I'm taking a day off from work, I might as well make the most out of it..." Before she could think some more, she put on a party hat that was lying nearby, prepared herself some snacks, and started dancing to catchy Latin music on her music box. She was clearly having the time of her life, now that her two boys were out of the house and she could have some time for herself.
*cut to Duncan's office*
Duncan was just looking at a couple of websites on his laptop and jotting down some notes. Nothing exciting was going on. He had a small grin on his face, admiring the peaceful atmosphere of his work environment. It was good to have a noise-free environment for a couple of hours and to focus on getting some work done early.
*cut to Clyde's school*
Clyde sat down at his desk in the classroom, waiting for another boring day of school to begin. He sat in the very back of the room. Up front, at the big, wooden desk, was his teacher, Ms. Rosalyn Wilson. She was wearing a beige gown with white polka dots. She had curly white hair and looked like she was in her 60's. She was waiting for all the students to sit down and be silent in order to start the school day.
"Good morning class! Now, we will start the class with the history test that you've all been preparing for for the last couple of days!"
Clyde's heart suddenly dipped a little and his eyes expanded widely. "Oh shoot! I completely forgot about that test!" he thought, although this was a huge tendency for Clyde to forget to study for tests. After all, he didn't really care about school. All he cared about was getting out of there. Ms. Wilson then passed around the tests, saying "You may begin when you are ready".
Clyde's eyes skimmed through the test as he read question after question, which were all short-answer questions. He looked at Question #1: "Who was the first president of the United States?" He decided to go with Plan A, which was copy the person next to him. Next to him happened to be his neighbor Sally, who was also the daughter of former Total Drama competitors, Dawn and Scott. She was quietly writing down her answers on the test. When the teacher wasn't looking, Clyde peeked over at Sally's paper. Sally immediately saw him and whispered, "No! You can't copy my answers! Do your own work!" Clyde sighed and looked back at his test.
Having difficulty remembering the information, he just guessed "Barack Obama". Then he moved on to Question #2: "When was the Declaration of Independence written?" Instead of giving a firm answer, he just wrote down, "Who cares about dates? I'm not even going to use this information when I have a job!" Then, Question #3: "Who were Lewis and Clark?" For this question, he wrote, "They were the first aliens to arrive on Earth." He continued to write down preposterous answers for all the questions on the test.
Not too long later, Ms. Wilson's timer beeped, and she firmly said, "Times up! Pass your papers forward!" Clyde handed his test to Ms. Wilson, who took a look at it and slapped her palm to her face. She sighed and walked back to her desk. "I will have these graded while you guys are at lunch and recess, and I will hand them back to you after" she said.
"Now that we have gotten our history test out of the way, we're going to work on our writing. Today, you all are going to be writing a story! Today's topic for the story is: 'Life with your Parents'. You will have half an hour to write a story about your lives with your parents and your feelings about them. You all will present them to the class after time is up. You may begin"
Clyde grumpily took out his pencil, feeling unmotivated to write a story. He thought for a while and furiously wrote down a series of paragraphs all about his parents. He started off his story by explaining how cruel his parents were. He continued his story by explaining how they forced him to go to bed early, feast on disgusting meals, take baths everyday, do his homework, ruin his favorite spare-time activities, and many more. He said that the worst part was that they forced him to go to school and he then digressed off topic by writing about how much he hated school. He concluded that he had the meanest and strangest parents ever and that he would appreciate it if they didn't make him go to school again.
Suddenly, Ms. Wilson's timer beeped again and she said, "Alright class! It's time to present your stories!" She then went around the classroom, seeing how much people wrote. Clyde's paper then caught her eye and she asked him, "Clyde, why don't you go up to the class and present your story?"
"Umm...sure!" Clyde said as he smiled a bit slyly and walked to the front of the class. As he read aloud his story, everyone's eyes gazed at him in shock and their mouths were gaped wide open, especially Ms. Wilson's. Once Clyde was done presenting his story, all of his classmates laughed loudly.
"Alright class, that is quite enough! Clyde, do me a little favor and hand this note to your parents tonight". She handed Clyde the note. He didn't read it. He just put it in his backpack without saying a word.
Once all the students were done presenting their stories, the bell rang. "Alright class, it's time for lunch and recess! I will see you all promptly at 1:00", said Ms. Wilson. All the students ran out the classroom and to the cafeteria. Clyde decided to buy lunch at the cafeteria. For lunch, was home-made tapioca with a side of lima beans and fruit salad. Clyde stuck his tongue out in disgust as he stared at the food on his plate. He then sat down next to Sally.
"Hi Sally!" Clyde greeted.
"Hey Clyde!" Sally greeted back.
"So, I see that you brought lunch from home. What do you have? Maybe we can trade!" Clyde offered.
"I brought my favorite kind of sandwich. A baloney sandwich with ketchup and provolone cheese. How about you?" Sally replied.
"Let's see...I have a giant slug along with baby larvae and insect intestines!" Clyde smiled, snickering a little.
"That's disgusting! How come you always have something gross for lunch?" Sally asked, sticking her tongue out in disgust and glaring at Clyde.
"Because it's cool! Hey, check this out. This slug is so stretchy like Silly Putty!" Clyde grinned as he stretched out his tapioca.
"That's it! I'm eating somewhere else! I'm losing my appetite right now..." Sally mumbled as she moved to another table.
"Girls..." Clyde said to himself as he stared at his revolting meal and picked at it for the remainder of lunch.
Soon, it was time for recess. Clyde immediately ran over to the monkey bars and flipped around for a while. Then, he ran over to the swings, but didn't a chance to go on any of them since most of the kids were already on there and taking their own sweet time. Then, he ran over to his favorite part of the playground: the giant twisty slide. He slid down there more than ten times, even while the teachers were bringing the students back into the classroom, signalling that recess was over. As he was about to go back on the slide for one last time, a giant arm pulled him back and dragged him back into the classroom. "I kept on telling you that recess was over! Now let's go back inside!" Ms. Wilson said angrily.
Back in the classroom, it was time for show-and-tell. Clyde was the last one up to go for show-and-tell. He smiled slyly and took out a large Ziploc bag that contained hundreds of dead bugs that he gathered from the window sills and his backyard. All the other children screamed in horror. Some even went to the far back of the room. The teacher just handed him another note to be sent to his parents.
After show-and-tell, it was time for math. While Ms. Wilson was writing down math problems on the board and demonstrating the whole process, Clyde was drawing doodles of the school being blown up as well as Ms. Wilson being attacked by monsters and aliens. He was so bored that he wanted to unleash his creativity in some way. Later, Ms. Wilson called Clyde up to the board to solve the last math problem on the board. Clyde sighed and walked over to the board. The problem was: "9 + 9 = ?". He thought for a while and started doodling on the board. Suddenly, all the students were raising their hands, calling out simultaneously, "Ms. Wilson! I can do the problem! Pick me instead!"
Finally, Clyde gave a final answer: 9. Ms. Wilson then said, "9 is not correct! Sally, would you like to write down the answer?"
"It would be my pleasure, Ms. Wilson!" Sally said, smiling slightly. She then wrote down the correct answer on the board and sat back down. "Thank you Sally. Good work! Now that will be all for today. Before you guys go home, I will hand back the history tests that you have taken his morning" Ms. Wilson said.
Ms. Wilson then handed back the tests. Sally was the first one to get hers back. And as usual, she got a perfect score. "Good job, Little Miss Perfect!" Clyde said, giving her a smug expression. "You're just jealous!" Sally shot back, returning a smug. Ms. Wilson then came up to Clyde, towering upon him, glaring.
"Clyde, your test was absolutely preposterous. It was very obvious that you have not been studying at all. And for clarification, Lewis and Clark are NOT aliens. I think you had better start studying more, young man. I will be sure to tell your parents as well" Ms. Wilson said, angrily. She then handed him his test, which had a big F on it. Clyde put it in his backpack. As he did so, the bell rang. All the students then left the school quickly and went on the buses to go home.
*back at Clyde's house*
Courtney was currently relaxing on the couch with a good romance novel in her hands. She smiled widely as she was absorbed more and more into the book. Just as she was about to finish another page, she heard a rapping on the door. "Oh, Clyde must be here. Boooo...I mean...Yay!" Courtney said to herself. She opened the door.
"Hey mom!" Clyde greeted as he threw his backpack on the floor.
"Hello Clyde. How was your day?" Courtney asked as she picked up his backpack.
"Oh, it was a blast! Can I play outside?" Clyde asked.
"You'd better finish your homework first!" Courtney replied.
"Aww, man...Who wants to do homework right now?" Clyde moaned.
"You do! Now hop to it!" Courtney said firmly.
Clyde took out his math homework from his backpack and went upstairs to his room to work on it. Not too long later, he slid down the stairs and was about to open the door when his mother stood in the way.
"Whoa, whoa! You can't play outside until you're done with your homework!" Courtney said.
"I'm already done though!" Clyde complained.
"That didn't take very long. Me and Dad are going to take a look at your homework as soon as he gets home and we'll see if you did a good job..." Courtney replied.
"I did a fantastic job! See you later mom!" Clyde shot back.
He ran outside to have some fun. He decided to start his time outside by doing what other young boys did: look for gross bugs. He lifted up a small rock over a large chunk of dirt. Inside, he found many earthworms. "Ooooo...gives me an idea!" he said to himself as he put them in a Ziploc bag and then put the Ziploc bag in the paper bag. "This stunt is going to be too good..."
He then filled several water balloons with cold, hose water. He stood under a tree, waiting for his target, Sally, to walk around the block where he was. After sometime, his dad returned home and his mom had just finished making dinner. Sally still did not walk by.
"Dinner's ready, Clyde! C'mon inside!" Courtney called from the house.
"Ughhh...not dinner..." Clyde groaned as he made his way back into the house. He already knew what the meal was going to be like. He sat down at the kitchen table and widened his eyes at the vegetable glop that lay on his plate.
"Ewww! This stuff looks gross! I'm not eating it!" he yelled out as he pushed his plate aside.
"Clyde, you don't even know what it is! I spent almost an hour cooking this! At least try it!" Courtney said, trying to defend herself.
"No way! I'm not touching it! This looks like barf!" Clyde complained as he looked away from the meal.
"Court, I've got a better idea. My dad used to do this to me all the time to make me eat and trust me, it works like a charm" Duncan told Courtney. He then whispered in Clyde's ear, "Hey Clyde, I heard that if you eat this 'barf', then you'll turn into a mutant overtime".
Clyde then munched on his dinner hungrily, polishing it up and making a mess around the table. "I think it's working!" he told his father. His mother was very close to vomiting. "I'm sure there are better ways to make him eat, sweetheart..." she told Duncan. She continued, "Alright, Clyde! It's almost 7:30 and I think it's time for you to get ready for bed. First, you'd better get in the tub!"
"NO!" Clyde yelled out. He ran around the room while his mother kept chasing him. He kept yelling and screaming as she picked him up, started the tub, took his clothes off, and threw him in the tub.
"I finally got that noisy brat in the tub. That's a total relief!" Courtney told Duncan as they relaxed on the couch. "Also, Clyde mentioned that his day was a blast, which is pretty rare considering he wakes up with a surly attitude every morning. I wonder..." She took out his backpack and started looking through his stuff.
"Umm...Courtney? You aren't going to invade on his privacy, are you?" Duncan asked.
"What privacy?! He's only seven years old! Not to mention that he wrote down 'I Don't Know' as his answer for every question in his math book!" Courtney yelled out.
"Whoa...no need to get feisty, princess!" Duncan replied.
They looked through his stuff. They did not know what to say as they rummaged through doodles of monsters, aliens, cars, and more. They were not surprised as they saw a pile of bad test grades. But they groaned at the parent notes that they got from Ms. Wilson.
Courtney sighed and said, "Well...another parent teacher conference..."
Duncan sighed back and said, "I already went last time...it's your turn..."
"Why couldn't we just have a girl instead?" Courtney thought as she reflected on their lives with Clyde.
"Dunky, I'm pretty bushed. We'll worry about all this tomorrow. Let's go to bed. You look pretty tired as well" Courtney said.
"Boy, you can read me like a book, princess. Let's go" Duncan replied. They both headed up to their room, changed into their pajamas, and cuddled up under the covers of their bed. Duncan put his arm around Courtney and Courtney clung to him tightly.
"Another day come and gone. And spent with a hyperactive seven-year old boy. At least we have the rest of the night to ourselves..." Courtney told Duncan as they relaxed.
"Yeah..." Duncan quietly said. Suddenly, he saw a flashing light outside. "Honey, did you see that?!" he asked as he jumped out of bed.
"I think I did...I wonder what's going on..." Courtney wondered as they put on their robes and slippers and went downstairs. They opened the front door and went outside to see where the flashing came from. They suddenly saw Clyde in his rocketship pajamas, waving his flashlight around.
"CLYDE SEYMOUR BUCHANAN! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING WITH THE FLASHLIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN YOUR PAJAMAS?! GET BACK IN BED THIS INSTANT!" Duncan and Courtney both yelled out.
"No can do, guys! I'm looking for aliens! They could be out anywhere in the night!" Clyde replied as he continued looking for "aliens". Duncan and Courtney then ran after him, and Clyde, with his little legs, ran with all his might.
"Clyde, you're in big trouble now, young man!" Courtney screamed.
"How can such a small kid go so fast?" Duncan wondered as he saw Clyde run.
"I guess it runs in your family...HONEY" Courtney said to Duncan, reminding him of his childhood as a juvenile delinquent. He laughed it out at that comment. Courtney and Duncan continued to chase Clyde around the house and around the neighborhood all throughout the night.
Hope you enjoyed that very silly, but entertaining chapter! I'm going to be making another chapter of how Clyde spends his weekends/days off from school. Feel free to review :)