Morality in Question
Story by: TheHamsterofDeath
A/N: In this story, Knives does not have mind reading or mass manipulation power. Because if he had, he would have subdued all of mankind instead of wasting a hundred years on a few specimen. Isn't that like having both a Geass power and a supposedly high IQ and not taking over the world? If he convinces anybody, it is with the power of rhetoric or whatever.
Italics represent Meryl's thoughts.
Have fun. :)
What is he thinking? Does he want to kill me?
Meryl wasn't sure if it was a good idea to have Knives around. Even if injured, he seemed dangerous and she didn't know anything about plant metabolism. He could fake being immobile for all she knew, and then escape.
The more she thought about it, the more the idea of calling the sheriff seemed appealing.
If she didn't, she would be an outlaw, or worse, contribute to nursing back to health the man who might very well be the end of her species. But if she did turn him in, she would betray Vash. That idiot didn't think any of his plans through. His actions made no sense. And she was the one having the problem because of it. She should run away and pretend to not know that crazy guy. Far away, where nobody knew her. She could start a new life and let Vash handle things here. He was the only one who could, but at the same time, failed at that.
It had already been a week. A week of mulling over the question and meeting dead ends and questionable ideas.
I could poison him and blame an infection. Vash wouldn't be able to tell.
Thoughts like these filled her head. At first, it surprised her, but the more she thought about the killer -no, genocidal psychopath- in their house, the more it sounded right.
A solution must be found, that much was certain. But which one, and how? So far, Meryl had no idea. She had to play along until a way out became available.
"Mr. Millions, your food is ready. I am going to feed you," she announced while entering his room. "Please don't spit at me." Not that he ever did that, but she hoped that this outrageous statement would trigger some kind of answer.
He did not respond.
What might be going on in his head? He didn't look angry, but scheming. What could his evil plan be?
It must be very displeasing to him to be spoon-fed. I hope he doesn't plot his revenge against me for that.
She checked some of his wounds. They healed fast, but not too fast. For now, Knives was still unable to stand or use his arms. He could have – had he wanted to – spoken to her.
After feeding the helpless evil mastermind, Meryl got up and walked out of the room. Backwards, to be sure.
The next time, it was dinner, he still didn't talk. But Meryl wanted to force him. She was unable to come to a decision and needed something to move on before her time ran out.
"Once you get better, you will escape, won't you?" she asked.
Knives didn't answer directly, but his facial expression was somewhat approving.
"Of course you will. And then you will hide somewhere and go on with your plans."
After a moment, Knives spoke for the first time.
"How could you have any doubt?"
That tone chilled her to the bone. Condescending, patronizing, mocking all at once. But more than that, completely in control.
This guy is dangerous. He must be taken care of.
But Meryl had no idea how to poison him. To which poisons would Knives react at all, to which would he be immune? Maybe she would have to sacrifice her relationship to Vash to save Knives' future victims? How to even get the right poison once she knew which one she should use?
Maybe she could get a scorpion or a spider from a shady guy and leave it alone with Knives?
No, not sure enough.
The next time, breakfast, Knives began to talk by himself.
"Did the thought of killing me cross your mind yet? I am helpless, it would be easy. Just take a gun and shoot me."
Meryl became pale.
"But you can't. Vash would interfere. This is the most ridiculous situation I have ever found myself in."
He looked at the bread that Meryl had been feeding him before he started to speak.
"More please."
He chewed on it while staring at the ceiling, then, after swallowing, continued. "The best way would be poison, I think. You could blame an infection. Vash would probably buy any reason, even if you said you had no idea. The fool doesn't really know the specifics of our bodies, it would be the perfect loophole. He would be sad, of course, but you would get away with it. He wouldn't suspect you, and you would be the secret heroine. How does that sound?"
He took another bite and added "But you have a time limit. If you cannot do it fast enough, I will escape."
Why is he telling me this? Does he want me to kill him?
She gathered a bit of courage and boldly stated: "I could bring some poison, and you drink it yourself. Then I would have a clear conscience. How does that sound?"
A shadow of a smirk played on his lips upon hearing that. "Ah, so there is some rationality left in you."
He tested me?
"Let me ask you a simple question then," he continued, "Imagine, if you can, that there is a train racing toward five miserable humans who are tied to the track. The train conductor won't see them until it is too late. Assume you are standing on a bridge, having a good view of what is about to happen and there is a completely random fat stranger standing next to you. All you need to do is push him off the bridge, and although he will topple onto the rails and die, the train will be stopped and the lives of the five people would be spared. So tell me, would you do it?"(*)
"No!"
It just came out of her, without her thinking about it first.
"Why not?"
"Well, I... that would make me a murderer. On the other hand, those five people dying would be an accident, I would be innocent."
"So your innocence is worth more than five human lives?"
His question got stuck in Meryl's mind, and she pondered about it during lunch and dinner. The order in which the three of them took care of feeding Knives and treating his wounds was more or less random, but Meryl tended to draw the short straw most of the time, and assumed something was fishy about that. Though she didn't blame poor Milly. The man she was forced to take care of was the one responsible for the death of her lover. Not to mention that he was the one who ordered human experimentation to be done on him, stealing his youth and his innocence forever. Meryl couldn't help but wonder how Milly dealt with it, but the brave girl always showed a smiling face.
Vash on the other hand had no excuse. Stupid broom-head who couldn't even kill his own brother to save the world... Her thoughts made a pause. That was what they had been discussing the day before. How much innocence was worth in human lives? Vash was nice. He really was. He chose to never take a life. In this time and place, it was the hardest decision to make, and she admired him for sticking to it, but ironically, every time he spared a criminal, someone innocent most likely died later as a consequence.
When she entered the room, Knives greeted her with a "So, what is your conclusion?"
"There is no correct answer. Everybody chooses for himself what is best."
"Now you disappoint me. That is not logical. It would hurt me to say such a thing, and even you should at least feel a bit uncomfortable. Vash wouldn't, that I am sure of. He is a walking contradiction."
He is right... This is just an excuse.
"What is the correct answer then?"
"As you said, there is no correct answer. But nobody chooses for himself what is best. There are many possible answers, depending on how you rate the value of a life. Some basic assumptions allow you to pick a clear answer."
Meryl didn't want to show it, but she was curious what those answers might be. She spent one day thinking and didn't find one that was really satisfying. But what hit her the most was the fact that Vash's brother was so... logical. How could someone who did such abominable things be able to trap her into his reasoning? She had thought he would hide in weak excuses and rationalizations, but instead, he was confronting her about her preconceptions and she failed to find convincing answers.
"Well, assume you hate every human," he said during her next visit, "What is the correct answer?"
"You let the train kill 5 people."
"Wrong."
Confusion.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because it is better to let the train kill 5 people and then kick the fat one off the bridge."
Ah, so you can kill 6.
"But there are more answers," he continued, "Maybe there is someone you want dead among the 5, then you must sacrifice the 4 others. Maybe you want to traumatize the train conductor, then you must sacrifice the 5. Maybe you want the train to be late, then you must sacrifice the fat one. It all depends on your goals."
But what about morals?
"But... it's wrong to kill people!"
"Why?"
He couldn't possibly be asking her that. Wasn't it obvious? "Because then they die!"
"They die anyway," he said matter-of-factly.
"But later!"
He smiled. "So it would be acceptable if the fat guy on the bridge was very old?"
But... no!
"No, it... it..."
He had won, yet again. "You assign value to a living being, but you cannot even tell me why you do that. Come back when you have a better response," came his mocking answer.
Meryl left after feeding Knives who was now able to hold a piece of bread, but not quite get it into his mouth.
The next day, she proudly walked towards him, carrying a plate full of vegetables.
"Killing is wrong because it causes others to suffer."
He smirked. Not a good sign. Did she walk herself into a corner?
"Ah, now we are getting somewhere," he said. "So suffering is bad, right?"
"Yes."
"So if someone is suffering, helping him is good."
"Yes."
"Someone being in a neutral state is better than someone suffering."
"Yes."
"Killing someone to stop his suffering is good."
"No!" Damn, he got me again.
"Why not?"
"Because there are other ways to help and then he can live on and be happy!"
"So being happy is better than being in a neutral state?"
"Yes."
"I agree. However, humanity is in a state far worse than neutrality right now. Therefore, putting an end to it would improve everything a lot."
Worse than neutrality?
"Why would you think that?"
She said that instead of thinking what she would have a few days ago: You are crazy, that's why.
"Because while I can imagine it still getting worse, I can at the same time imagine a world that is substantially better. The current state is far below the average. It is beyond repair. It must be destroyed and replaced. To fix it as it is now, it would take someone with mind control powers, because humans cannot be reasoned with."
"Yes they can!"
"Can one reason with you?"
"Yes of course."
"But you still had nonsensical ideas after a day of thinking about the train problem and only let go of them because you wanted to win the argument. Now imagine everyone being like you, without a reason that is pushing you towards rationality."
Meryl was angry. She was angry that she felt that Knives was wrong, but couldn't find a reason. She grumbled over it and waited until it was her turn again. Of course, when she most wanted to talk to the guy, luck had to evade her. It had already been 2 days and she was growing frustrated, but there was no way on Gunsmoke she would volunteer herself out of the blue. Her companions would get the wrong idea.
Finally, when her turn came, she directly approached Knives, who could now sit without his face showing that he was in pain, and asked him for the solution.
"What do you mean, solution?" He sounded puzzled.
"What am I overlooking? I know it is wrong to kill, but I don't find the answer why. No matter what I think of, I always find something you would say to turn it around."
"You are evolving. You are seeing the errors. Now you must leave them behind."
"Once I do that, my logical choice would be to make sure you can never harm anyone again."
"That is one possibility."
"You cannot want that," she stated firmly.
"Can't I?"
"You don't want to die."
"Then I couldn't cleanse the world of humanity, correct. But I have another goal."
"One that you can achieve while being dead?"
"Yes."
She stared at him. Her grey eyes met his blue ones and she looked at him, really looked for the first time. He looked tired, in pain and was trying to hide it. Arrogant and stubborn, definitely. But not suicidal. Yet, all the previous conversations were hinting towards that. He asked her to kill him. Then even gave her a reason to do so and tried to convince her it was actually an act of kindness.
A simple idea. That was all it took to delude oneself into thinking that an action was the correct one. Everything was a matter of argumentation and the borders of morality could easily be erased and redrawn. The only reason she came so far into the conversation was because she stuck to a sense of morality rather than an argument per se. Every time she tried to argue, she lost. But the guy himself knew what was right and wrong, now she was certain of that. Maybe he did feel guilty over his actions somewhere in that frozen heart of his...
But enough to wish death upon himself?
Definitely not. Something was fishy.
"Was your food bad?"
"If I can turn you into a murderer who doesn't even feel guilty about it, it might convince Vash that I was right all along."
"Not if I poison you and blame an infection."
"I didn't say the method would be risk free."
"True. But why are you telling me this?"
He didn't answer.
She wondered if he realized that she couldn't actually bring herself to kill him. Why else would he give this little 'confession'? Or was he playing some reverse psychology game?
The two didn't speak for a moment.
"I think I can eat by myself already, thank you for your efforts."
Despite her feeling that she was being dismissed, she stayed and watched him eat. It was obviously painful for Knives, but he managed to direct his hand towards his mouth.
After he was done, she started the inspection of his wounds out of habit.
"Tell me, Knives," she asked while changing his bandages, "can someone reason with you?"
He gave a derisive snort. "Who is that someone? My idiotic brother or the humans who are barely able to reason? You, maybe?"
"You are rational, right? And I have some rationality left as you pointed out."
He looked at her for a moment, silently considering her unvoiced request. "We'll see," was his only answer.
She was satisfied with that reply. Her job was done. She took out the used dishes and headed towards the door. "I will probably be back tomorrow, as I know my luck."
The next morning, when she entered Knives' room, the door slammed into something soft.
Curiously, she looked down. What she saw froze her in place. She was standing in a puddle of blood. Her eyes opened wide and quickly found the source of it.
Knives' body was lying on the ground. A knife was sticking out of his back, close to his heart.
Meryl's vision shook for a moment as she bent down, not caring about the blood, and laid a hand on him. He was cold. Too cold to be alive. She pinched herself, then screamed. This wasn't possible! What happened? Vash wasn't here. He was working. He wouldn't come and help. What about Milly? She must be here. She could...
She could... Milly... Oh no!
In Meryl's head, a scenario formed out of the pieces. She turned around and went to Milly's room, knocked against the door, fast and hard. Milly didn't answer but opened the door directly.
"What did you do?" Meryl asked in a chocked voice.
Milly's eyes teared up. "Meryl... I- I'm so sorry..."
A/N: If you want to read a version where the last scene didn't happen, proceed to chapter 2.
(*) In case some of you aren't familiar with the train question: en dot wikipedia dot org /wiki/Trolley_problem