She kissed me! That little, tiny, pipsqueak of a waif not only faced me without fear, but she kissed me! Worse, she wiggled her way into my soul. She saw my humanity. For the third time. I should have squashed her for that. Let the monster regain control and destroy this little caterpillar. Burned through the buzzing in my head and ripped her apart.
Instead, we circle around each other. CM Punk was back on the apron. My head is still buzzing. The little pipsqueak and I back away from each other. I slap Daniel Bryan's shoulder. He isn't even paying attention. The fool. He deserves to lose. My head is still buzzing. I need to get out of here.
"Oh, Kane's had enough of this. He—he's just tagged in Daniel Bryan and Kane is like, he-he's just as confused as we are by—you can tell by just his body language," Michael Cole announces. Keep it up, Cole. Let's see who's gloating when I've chokeslammed your ass through the table. After my head stops buzzing you will pay. I walk away from the ring.
What was happening to me? This was not supposed to happen. Earlier this evening, she came into the ring, looked at me without fear, again, and declared, "I saw that deep down, in that tortured soul, you actually have a heart." I was still processing that when John Laurinaitis declared I'd be teaming with Daniel Bryan against Punk and the waif. When I finally pushed that smile out of my head, I realized that this was a golden opportunity to weaken Punk before No Way Out. Yes, I could put my differences with Bryan aside. For one night. The WWE Championship was as good as mine.
What was happening to me? This is the fifth time I've encountered this little girl. The first time, I had come to the ring to deliver a message to Randy Orton. He was wrestling against Daniel Bryan. I attacked Orton outside the ring and kept him out there long enough for Bryan to get the victory by countout. I threw Orton into the ring to finish delivering my message. The coward Bryan fled the ring, leaving his little girlfriend behind. I looked at her. She was no threat, so I let her go. I finished giving Orton my message.
Then, last week, I beat CM Punk because the fool turned his attention away from me to fight with that idiot Bryan. Bryan fled, of course. I watched him leave, then decided to show Punk what he could expect at No Way Out. I turned around and there she was. I remembered that Bryan broke up with her after blaming her for losing his match against Sheamus. Since then, the foolish girl latched on to Punk. The stupid girl didn't yet realize she had gone from bad to worse. She cowered at first, tried to shrink into the corner. Then the coward Bryan came back and attacked me from behind. I disposed of him and turned back to the waif.
We stared into each others eyes. And amazingly, the fear in her face melted away, and she stood up. I began feeling intoxicated. And that was before she smiled at me. My head started buzzing. The human wanted out. If I stayed, he would get out. So what could I do? I, Kane, the monster who had destroyed more men in the ring than I can count, fled. Fled from a stupid, foolish little pixie fairy. A few days later, she distracted me again. I should have paid attention to the pasty doughboy, but when that little girl came out to see me, I was mesmerized again. And I paid for it when I turned back to Sheamus.
What was happening to me? Bryan and I were supposed to weaken Punk, that's all. CM Punk was a slimy, slippery son of a bitch, but even he wouldn't stoop low enough to hide behind this caterpillar. Unlike my "partner." But then I accidentally knocked Punk into her and the idiot referee called a tag. Timidly at first, but then more boldly she stepped into the ring and faced me without fear.
What was I supposed to do? I don't squash caterpillars anymore. I haven't done that since I was five years old and started playing with cats and dogs. There is no glory in squashing caterpillars. I had resigned myself to waiting for Punk to recover and letting her tag out again. And then she . . . and then she . . . .
What was happening to me?
"What is she doing? Does she really think that she can wrestle Daniel Bryan?" Michael Cole shouts. I stop and turn around to watch. The little fairy has Bryan in an arm lock and gets him in the throat with a spinning heel kick. Moments later she nails an asai DDT. The crowd is chanting her name as she tags Punk and leaves the ring herself. She walks out, her head held high, her demons conquered. Punk gets the cover, but that's just an afterthought. The producers know who won the match; they're playing her theme.
As the little butterfly skips past me, I finally knew what was happening to me.
I was facing my deadliest threat ever.