Aimless Problems...
By Ayesha Raees
"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday."
Pain. Hurt. Reject. A person cannot live like this, yet if someone is fated to live, that person cannot help it. They say that being kind to others is the cure to all the problems. But being kind was better for others, not for her. It looked like she was born to be hated, born to be despised, born to be alone…
Hyuuga Hinata closed her eyes as she walked through the snowy road at the middle of the night. She felt bad, she felt horrible. She had worked hard but the result never came… she wasn't strong; her father just hated her for being that. It was a shame for her to belong to a noble family. She was a shame, a disgrace…
She slipped her hands in her pockets and sniffed loudly as tears began to flow down her cheeks. She looked around and realized that she was so lost in thoughts that she hadn't realized where she was. She was now standing outside the ninja academy, just right beside the swing…
Yes, the swing… it held so many memories, all very sad and depressing. It was where Uzumaki Naruto, now an ANBU, used to sit and go over his thoughts of defeat and reject. Hinata smiled slowly, but he never gave up, he never gave up because he believed in himself and he was rewarded greatly by god. He, now, had a great life where as Hinata; her life was only going down the tubes by every second.
Hinata wiped her cheeks and sat down on the cold swing; she gritted her teeth and looked at the blank blanket of the sky. The sky was empty, there were no stars and no moon… it was also blank and held no answers, just like the young Hyuuga.
"And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again."
She closed her eyes again and bit her lip drawing some blood. Blood, a liquid that flowed in veins and when slashed, it flowed out. She had lost so much blood, she had worked so hard but she achieved very little improvement. When it was time to prove herself, she couldn't do it. She wanted to become something powerful so that her father would be proud of her and the branch members would look at her in respect and honor. But her every chance was finished when she lost because she wasn't strong enough, not mentally neither physically.
She was now twenty, just turned a day ago but now she was in the streets, alone. Why? Because she wasn't worthy of being the successor of the Hyuuga clan, she wasn't strong enough to manage such an honorable clan. So as her so called father did not want her anymore, he kicked her out of the Hyuuga manor. And now she was in the streets, alone…
Naruto never realized that she liked him, he just got stronger and went on with his life… married Sakura and started his family.
Hinata tightened her grip around the rough rope that was holding the swing and licked the blood from her lips, unconsciously.
She had made so many mistakes, on missions, in life… maybe that was the reason she was suffering. That was the reason god hadn't thought of a place in this world for her…
"What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems."
She was just a shadow that no one would ever remember… when she was in the team, everyone looked at her as she was an ordinary girl and as soon as they reached their homes, they forgot about her, they forgot that she ever existed or not.
All her so called friends had left her and she knew that they had all forgotten about her. She was just a shadow that appeared in their lives, a shadow that was nice to everyone but nobody really cared about what she was going through.
"Don't know where she belongs,
Where she belongs."
Hinata suddenly got up from the swing and started to walk again, a small hurtful smile on her face. Still she was glad that she remembered herself, which was a big deal wasn't it?
She stopped suddenly and looked at the rough tree in front of her. What was she feeling? She had never felt it that way… she was too nice to feel it, what was it? What was this feeling? What was it?
Slowly, a river of tears began to flow down her cheeks. She couldn't stop; it was like she was in her own world and all the surroundings had just melted away. She was crying, a feeling she already knew, but there was another feeling lingering inside her. Another feeling…
Anger.
"She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside."
Nobody cared, nobody was there for her and she knew that she would live the rest of her life like this. And that made her angry… an emotion that she never felt and it was an emotion she suddenly liked. An emotion that made her do something that made her feel better.
She raised her palm, her eyebrows frowned in anger and ambition, and without another thought, she smashed her palm against the thick bark of the tree. Suddenly the tree blew up, it got destroyed, it got ripped apart by her chakra.
And when the dust settled, she just stood there, her eyes suddenly unfocused by surprise. She had unleashed a type power that she didn't even know.
Power.
Now she finds it! She finds it when it was not needed. When it was too late! Why now? Why not before?
She collapsed on her knees and started to cry bitterly. Why her? Why?
She wanted a home, she always wanted a home. When she was young and when she used to come to the Hyuuga manor after training, she never felt like home.
Home was a place that is use to make someone comfortable, but if that was true, she never had a home. Never had a place that she could call her own and never had those people who would have cared about her.
"With no place to go,
No place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside."
She was lying in the snow now, clueless and broken. The cold snow tingled her face irritatingly but she liked the feel on her warm tear strained face. A small smile graced her features slowly…
A shadow, she was, only a shadow…
"Open your eyes and look outside,
Find a reason why."
She slowly frowned and sat up as she dried her eyes with the back of her hands. Her life wasn't over. Maybe she should still stand strong. She will find a reason to survive and if looked at the bright side, it was a good thing she was disowned by her clan.
Now instead of working for her clan; she would, for once, work for herself. Make her own life, start living her own life now…!
Hinata slipped her hands in her pockets and started to walk down the street again, to where her apartment was, to where she was now living… alone.
"You've been rejected,
And now you can't find what you left behind."
Hinata smirked slightly. So what if she had been rejected? So what if she had lost her mother? So what if Naruto didn't like her? So what if Neji was stronger and better than her? So what if life wasn't treating her fair?
She felt proud of herself as she sensed the burning chakra inside her heart. She had found something that was truly for her and it was one thing that made her feel amazing. It was her new power… anger. Now she was stronger and it only happened when she unleashed her anger at the poor tree.
Because that was a time when she truly believed in herself and told herself that if being kicked out of the Hyuuga manor, she wasn't suffering but, sooner or later, the Hyuuga clan was suffering itself.
It was good thing she couldn't find what she was leaving behind and it was a good thing because it gave her a satisfying feeling when she realized that she wasn't leaving anything behind. She was escaping, she was free, she had gained liberty… something she wanted to do for a long time but never knew how to. And now she felt great when she had left everything she hated behind…
"Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs."
Hinata smirked again. It was true that she was alone and cold. She knew that she didn't belong to anyone and would never will. She knew she didn't have any family anymore and she knew she didn't have any friends. But she was surprised at herself that she didn't mind at all. Because now she had suddenly realized, that life won't carve itself to make you comfortable but you have to carve your life yourself and make your own destiny.
She always wanted to become the Hyuuga heiress, so everyone would trust her and she would stop all kind of differences between the main family and the branch families. She never wanted it to do this for herself but the outcome was for the relaxation of the branch families itself.
But now, as she had been cruelly kicked out of the Hyuuga manor as she was trash, her mind was empty and blank. Her heart was beating freely. And it looked like she was born again.
"She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside."
She stopped in front of her apartment and unconsciously knocked on the oak door. A small smile graced her lips. Nobody was home obviously. She was alone now and she new she had to cope with it. Cope with all the hurt she had gone through and grip her life again.
Everyone had a small life. They did whatever they did for themselves, not giving a darn about others…
Hinata unlocked her apartment's door and entered, slamming the door behind her. She kicked off her shoes and walked towards her bedroom. She slammed shut the bedroom's door again and jumped on her soft feathery bed.
"Her feelings she hides."
She always did hide her feelings and emotions. She cried when no one was looking and trained till she dropped to become stronger. When she was young, she was obsessed with Naruto because she knew that Naruto was kind and he might come over to her and share a few words of kindness with her.
She was so wrong.
It looked like she was an angel and nobody could see her but she could see them. She just stood their as life went past and people moved on to their lives. She would feel sorry for herself and her body was usually covered in wounds but she always greeted everyone with a smile as though nothing was wrong with her life. She cared about others and blamed herself if anything bad happened. This was because she hid her emotions and was afraid to know that there might be someone out there that would be hurt like her. And as long as she was alive, she didn't want to know that people were hurt and in emotional stress. So that's why, she didn't let anyone pity her and whenever she met someone, she greeted him or her with a smile because she knew that she might make someone's day.
"Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind"
She never really had any goals in her life. When Kurenai-sensei had asked her about her dreams and goals, she just played her fingers shyly and had said "None that I am focused on"
People called her mad, they said she didn't have any aim in life and she was just useless.
But she always had dreams, she wanted to become stronger and she wanted Naruto to notice her and like her. She wanted to please her father and be a great Hyuuga heiress…
But she hadn't achieved anything…
She was a failure.
"She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace."
She had lost everything, she didn't know what her aim was and she didn't know who loved her or not!
She was broken.
But now, she wasn't.
Hinata rolled at the side of her bed and clenched her hands into fists.
"She's all over the place."
She had a newborn spirit now. She was determined to prove herself to the world as now all the family pressure was lifted from her heart. She was now determined to become so powerful that she would be all over the place. Everyone would know her; everyone would her name and would look at her in respect.
"She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah."
With a small satisfied smile, Hyuuga Hinata, the ex-Hyuuga heiress, closed her eyes and drifted into unconsciousness. Determined that her broken heart will heal in the morning and she would start living her life for the first time.
Finished at last! done!
i will update if you guys review, if you guys dont reviews, then this is a one shot!
soooo this depends on you guys! read and review!