Dread in the Water or No Pony for Grown Men

by Charcoal Cosplay

Dean and Sam investigate odd drownings. Dean tries to hook up with a single mother. Sam just wants a pony. How do Mr. Clean, Freddy Krueger, and others fit into this? Find out, cause in this one stuff HAPPENS!

SOOBERNATRAL [SUPERNATURAL ABRIDGED]

"Dread in the Water; or No Pony for Grown Men"

THEN

BATDEAN (voiceover)
Previously on Soobernatral...

Covered in gasoline, YELLOW EYE's twin brother, YELLOW MAMA, plays with some matches in the basement. WOOSH!

YELLOW MAMA

Shit! Shit! Shit! Bad idea! Bad idea!

And Sexy the Bipedal Talking Firefighter is like "Stop! Drop! Roll!", but Yellow Mama is too busy screaming to hear him.

Not being fireproof, the Winchesters' suburban home goes up in flames. Mary dies. Not in a pleasant, normal way, but in a bad, bad, bad way.

JON swears revengeance, which is odd cause it's not a word, but Webster gives him a pass cause the man's wife was just killed and his house just burned to the ground.

Jon trains DEAN and SAM as hunters of the supernatural/winos.

Sam went away to college for a normal life, til Dean tells him Jon is missing.

Sam and Dean take down a Woman in White cause you don't wear white after Labor Day. Also it's bad to kill people.

Sam is all about becoming the next Lincoln Lawyer (Alright, alright, alright!), but his girlfriend Jess (AKA: Smurfette_5000) decides to play with some matches while covered in gasoline.

It didn't end well. Why would something like that end well? HOW could something like that end well?

Then Sam is out for a little revengeance himself and he and Dean follow Jon D. Drunk's coordinates to the woods where they met a friendly wendigo with an eating disorder and a chick in search of her missing brother. You won't believe what happensss!

After "borrowing" a copy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, break-dancing to some Shania Twain, finding and beating up some folks who talked shit about a video posted on Youtube none of them had anything to do with, flying kites on the moon, making prank calls to the President, washing the Impala in short shorts, baking cookies, slow dancing, playing some football (vs. some Klingons), hijacking an ice cream truck, aging backwards but having the process reversed before things could get exceptionally weird, winning a push-up contest for charity for Charity the Homeless Hooker, and vowing to find their father - Sam and Dean get some sleep.

Until…

NOW

Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin

INT. CARLTON HOUSE – DAY

WILL CARLTON sits on the kitchen counter eating cereal cause Mrs. Doubtfire can't cook for shit.

BILL CARLTON sits at the table reading the newspaper cause he is too poor to afford a phone.

SOPHIE CARLTON comes through the room cause unlike a certain someone, she doesn't crash through people's walls.

SOPHIE kisses her father on the cheek.

SOPHIE
Morning, Daddy.

BILL
Morning, angels.

SOPHIE goes to get something out of the refrigerator cause that's where her food lives. That food is in for one bad acid trip.

WILL
All these workouts, Soph, I don't know. Guys don't like buff girls. Except the ones who do.

SOPHIE
Yeah, well, girls don't like guys who still live at home. Except the ones who don't.

WILL drains the milk from his cereal bowl and slides off the counter cause for some reason butter is everywhere.

WILL
Ha ha ha. I'm a loser! Look! Look at you, you're a mean girl!

SOPHIE
Ha ha. Ah ah. Laugh laugh.

SOPHIE opens the door to leave cause she is unable to teleport.

BILL
Be careful.

SOPHIE
I will.

SOPHIE closes the door, shuts her eyes, and runs with a pair of scissors while making crystal meth.

A hurt WILL goes to the basement to see his current live-in girlfriend/family maid Nina. Also known as the vacuum.

BILL does not. He hates sloppy seconds. (-_-)

LATER.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

SOPHIE stands on the dock, looking at the lake. With her eyes. All is right in the world.

WILL watches from a distance as she dives in cause part of being a lifeguard is watching.

She swims and comes up for air cause she's part whale or something looking around; she sees no one. Stood up by Jaws again.

She keeps swimming. She comes up for air again and looks around some more; still no one. Is it too late for her to get back together with Free Willy? Bella would. Bella totally would.

SOMEONE approaches her from underwater and pulls her under. Bubbles. Nothing. Buttercup. Nothing. Blossom. Nothing. Mojo-Jojo. Suspect.

RESTAURANT

EXT. MOTEL – DAY

A truck goes past a neon sign that says HOTEL, behind a building that says THE Lynnwood INN. The Impala is parked in front cause dogs, cars, and droids' kind aren't wanted here

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

There is a mostly empty plate in front of DEAN, who is circling obituaries in a newspaper. Death strikes again. And again. And again. And again. But since Death is one scary mofo things will just have to be blamed once again on KHAAAAAANNNNNN!

DEAN circles an obituary cause they're like depressing word searches for hunters.

An attractive WAITRESS, who is attractive whose nametag says WENDY, approaches. Attractively.

WENDY
Can I get you anything else?

DEAN looks up and grins around the pen he's chewing on.

SAM comes over and sits down. Apparently chewing on a pen is one surefire way to summon a Padalecki.

SAM
Just the check, please.

WENDY
Okay.

WENDY walks away. DEAN drops his head, then looks at SAM cause getting cock-blocked is like getting sacked. It ruins your game.

DEAN
You know, Sam, we are allowed to have fun once in a while.

DEAN points to WENDY walking away; she's wearing short shorts that are short.

DEAN
That's fun.

SAM

(a little too loudly)

Aren't our weekly bath chats fun?!

SAM looks at DEAN. DEAN looks at SAM. SAM looks at DEAN. It goes on for a good while. Then DEAN hands SAM the newspaper. Bad Sam!

DEAN
Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, eighteen, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water; nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago. Bet there was pie.

SAM
A funeral? Where's the "fun" in that? Aheh!

And then Sam has to apologize on national television for his behavior.

DEAN
Yeah, it's weird, they buried an empty coffin. For, uh, closure or whatever.

SAM
Closure? What closure? People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them.

CAMERA GUY

Can you say that again? You know, just in case it becomes funny in hindsight?

SAM

Who the f**k are you?!

CAMERA GUY

They're on to us! Move out!

DEAN
Something you want to say to me? With chap stick?

SAM
The trail for Dad. It's getting colder every day.

And Dean is thinking "Like your girly friend?" But doesn't say it cause he doesn't want to apologize on national television.

DEAN
Exactly. So what are we supposed to do?

SAM
I don't know. Something. Anything.

SAM N' DEAN have a relaxing, not at all weird bath together. Sam is wearing a shower cap and playing with army men, while Dean is playing with a rubber duck. They make them fight cause the plastic army and a giant rubber duck can't coexist.

ERNIE walks in with a twelve gauge shotgun.

ERNIE

Give it!

Dean tosses the rubber duck to him.

DEAN

Alright, man. You got what you wanted, now just leave. No one has to get hurt here.

SAM

Whoa. Let's not rule anything out. It might be fun.

ERNIE

(laughing)

Ki ki ki!

Then BERT walks in with nothing but a robe around his waist.

BERT

Ernie! Get back in the shower!

ERNIE

Okay, Bert.

BERT

You guys take baths together? That's weird.

SAM

You're weird!

BERT

Is this about my uni-brow?

DEAN

Don't go away mad. Just go away.

Bert and Ernie leave cause you don't leave a shower running unless you just snuck out the window when the mafia knocked on your door.

DEAN

I don't know, man. Those ass clowns killed the mood.

SAM

Sounds like someone needs some Céline Dion.

DEAN
You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find Dad as much as you do?

SAM
Yeah, I know you do, it's just—

DEAN
I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies or whatever people do in college. We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay? Ok? A-okay? Yako?

SAM rolls his eyes cause a TV commercial just gave him a seizure. WENDY walks by, distracting DEAN cause dat ass. Dat ass.

SAM
All right, Lake Manitoc. Hey! Hay! Yeh!

DEAN returns his attention to SAM. Dat Sam. Dat Sam.

DEAN
Huh?

SAM

Huh?

DEAN

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn?

SAM
How far?

LAKE MANITOC

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The Impala passes a clothesline with white sheets cause somewhere there are some naked ghosts.

EXT. BRIDGE – DAY

The Impala crosses a bridge and passes someone fishing off same. And next to him is someone getting pushed off wearing Adidas' new Cement shoes.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The Impala drives past a sign that reads "Welcome to Lake Manitoc WI! Buyer beware! Also home of the Manitoc Go Fuck Yourselves!"

EXT. CARLTON HOUSE – DAY

The Impala pulls up in front of the Carlton house. The Carlton house orgasms.

The Impala's engine stops. Easy now.

DEAN knocks on the door. WILL CARLTON opens it cause knocking is the secret entrance code.

DEAN
Will Carlton?

WILL
Yeah, that's right.

And Sam is thinking "Damn. It's never Wil Wheaton."

DEAN
I'm Agent Ford. This is Agent Hamill. Agent Not-So-Subtle called in sick.

And somewhere Eric Kripke is like "The Revolution will be televised!"

DEAN
We're with the US Wildlife Service.

SAM

You see a talking, fire-ax carrying bear posing as a ranger you shoot first and ask questions later.

DEAN holds up an ID. Funny, cause Jon has a DUI. Several, actually.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

BILL CARLTON is sitting on a bench on the dock. WILL brings SAM and DEAN around to see him cause he's bored feeding ducks.

WILL
She was about a hundred yards out.

He throws some bread crumbs to Sam and Dean. Dean spits his out cause he hates stale bread crumbs.

WILL
That's where she got dragged down. We think it was a digimon.

DEAN
And… you're sure she didn't just drown?

WILL
Yeah. She was a varsity swimmer. Besides, people never drown.

Three dead bodies float in the water, cause Will sucks as a lifeguard.

WILL

She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as in her own bathtub. Right, Mr. Krueger?

FREDDY KRUEGER rakes some leaves and shrugs.

SAM
So no splashing? No signs of distress?

WILL
No, that's what I'm telling you. Don't you have ears?

SAM
Did you see any shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breach the surface? Haaaahhhhn?

WILL
No. Again, she was really far out there. Also, I suck as a lifeguard.

TIMMY, a little boy being chased by a shark, would agree.

DEAN
You ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline? Like dinosaur tracks?

WILL
No, never. Why? Why, what do you think's out there?

SAM

Bitch, he just said dinosaurs! I mean, Dean?

DEAN
We'll let you know as soon as we do. Right now we have to doo-doo. And without further adieu.

DEAN heads back to the car holding his butt cause having –UH-OOOOOH! Too late.

SAM
What about your father?

DEAN stops and turns back. Now Sam wants to ask questions?

SAM
Can we talk to him? Or is it going to be a Snake Eyes situation?

WILL turns to look at BILL cause Bill is nude, then turns back.

WILL
Look, if you don't mind, I mean...he didn't see anything and he's kind of been through a lot.

SAM
We understand.

SAM and DEAN go to the car.

SAM

(whispering)

Did you see his dad's balls? They were all gross. Bleggh!

DEAN

(whispering)

Motherfucker's dick looks like it's been in a war!

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

SHERIFF JAKE DEVINS talks to SAM and DEAN.

JAKE
Now, I'm sorry, but why does the Wildlife Service care about an accidental drowning of suicidal killer whales and bullied manatees?

SAM
You sure it's accidental? Will Carlton saw something grab his sister. With his eyes. Are you calling him a liar? Are you calling his eyes a liar? Are you, sir, a liar?

JAKE
N-no. Something like what?

They walk into JAKE's office. JAKE motions to chairs in front of his desk. What magic be this?

JAKE
Here, sit, please. There are no indigenous carnivores in that lake.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon plays Marco Polo with the Loch Ness Monster in the background.

SAM and DEAN sit. Excellent. Phase one complete.

JAKE
There's nothing even big enough to pull down a person, unless it was the Loch Ness Monster.

DEAN
Yeah.

He laughs. Nessie laughs. Sam laughs. Jake laughs. The Creature from the Black Lagoon kidnaps a hot hick and laughs.

DEAN
Right.

SAM glances at DEAN. DEAN glances at SAM. SAM glances at DEAN. Fives guesses who Dean glances at.

JAKE
Will Carlton was traumatized, and sometimes the mind plays tricks.

DEAN sees ELMO drive past in a golf cart.

DEAN

The hell?!

JAKE

Still—

JAKE sits down. Gravity: 1. Man: Less than 1.

JAKE
We dragged that entire lake. We even ran a sonar sweep, just to be sure, and there was nothing down there. Nothing but dirt, rocks, barnacles, dead fish, and fish shit, which sounds like fish sticks, but you'll soon learn the difference.

DEAN
That's weird, though, I mean, that's, that's the third missing body this year.

FREDDY KRUEGER

It's a damn mystery. Where's the elementary school around here again?

JAKE
I know. These are people from my town. These are people I care about. Not like those people in third world countries or Canadians.

SAM

Watch it.

DEAN
I know. I mean, Sam's right. Canada is great.

DEAN runs his hands together.

DEAN

I'm freezing my ass off!

DEAN puts on another three layers of shirts. And two coats just to be sure. Then over that he pus his dad's jacket back on.

JAKE
Anyway...

JAKE sighs cause he is freezing his ass off too.

JAKE
All this...it won't be a problem much longer.

DEAN
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahn? What do you mean?

JAKE
Well, the dam, of course.

SAM

The dam?

JAKE

Yes. The damn dam.

DEAN
Of course, the dam. It's, uh, it sprung a leak.

ELMO

Hah hah hah! You and your tampon jokes.

(demonic voice)

Kneel before me, son of Adam! Blood of Cain!

DEAN

Why can only I see you?!

MICHIGAN J. FROG

We're here cause of all that shit you smoked. Sigh. I miss the WB.

DEAN

I hear TGI Fridays is hiring.

JAKE
It's falling apart, and the feds won't give us the grant to repair it, so they've opened the spillway. In another six months, there won't be much of a lake. There won't be much of a town, either. But as Federal Wildlife, you already knew that.

DEAN
Exactly. Also the square root of pi. Tell him, Sam.

SAM

(sarcastic)

Sure thing! Let me just push my nerd glasses up and whip out my pocket protector, DEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAANNN!

A YOUNG WOMAN, ANDREA BARR, taps on the door with her foot. Fred Astaire would be proud.

ANDREA
Sorry, am I interrupting?

SAM and DEAN stand up. Is that a metaphor?

ANDREA
I can come back later.

JAKE
Gentlemen, this is my daughter.

And Dean is like "Dayyum!"

DEAN
It's a pleasure to meet you. Dean.

DEAN shakes ANDREA's … let's say hand.

ANDREA
Andrea Barr. Hi.

DEAN
Well, hello, hello, hello!

And Sam is all "What? No hello for me?" If he was any younger he'd run upstairs to his room, lock the door, listen to Boston by Augustana and cry while writing in his diary, but he's not, so he doesn't.

JAKE
They're from the Wildlife Service. About the lake.

ANDREA
Oh.

A deer? A female deer?

A BOY, LUCAS BARR, walks in around ANDREA.

And Dean is like "Oh shit. Do I know this chick? That weekend in Vegas is still hazy. I'm too young to be a dad. Plus this ain't the best career for a bring your kid to work day. No sign of Maury Povich. That's good."

DEAN
Oh, hey there. What's your name?

LUCAS walks away without speaking cause his name is a secret that would endanger the entire universe and Nick Toons is on. ANDREA follows cause she is a responsible parent. Unless she and her son go to Disney World. Cause "their your problem now" is their motto.

JAKE
His name is Lucas.

LUCAS and ANDREA are in the main room. ANDREA gives him some crayons out of a box cause breakfast is breakfast on a budget

SAM
Is he okay?

JAKE
My grandson's been through a lot. We all have.

JAKE stands and goes to the office door. The sex robot is still fucking out there!

JAKE
Well, if there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know.

DEAN, SAM, and JAKE leave the office. The sex robot humps the window.

DEAN
Thanks. You know, now that you mentioned it, could you point us in the direction of a reasonably priced motel?

SAM

Possibly flea, rat, and roach infested?

ANDREA
Lakefront Motel. Go around the corner. It's about two blocks south. Don't sleep with your mouth open.

DEAN
Two—would you mind showing us?

ANDREA laughs. Phase two complete.

ANDREA
You want me to walk you two blocks?

DEAN
Not if it's any trouble. Baby. Honey. Sugar.

ANDREA
I'm headed that way anyway.

And Dean is like "Awwww yeah!"

ANDREA turns to JAKE.

ANDREA
I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three.

And Dean is like "I'll be back to pick up Sammy five weeks from now."

And Sam is like "Nice try, ass-hat."

And Dean is like "I hate this! I hate my life!"

ANDREA turns to LUCAS.

ANDREA
We'll go to the park, okay, sweetie?

ANDREA kisses LUCAS on the head. No one turns into a frog.

DEAN waves as they leave. JAKE nods.

EXT. STREET – DAY

ANDREA leads DEAN and SAM along the street. The Andrea in the hat knows a lot about that.

DEAN
So, cute kid.

But Sam hears "Hey, girl. Wanna fuck?"

ANDREA
Thanks.

They cross a street. Frogger isn't so lucky.

DEAN
Kids are the best, huh?

But Sam hears "Seriously. Let's ditch my brother at a shopping mall and fuck."

ANDREA glances at him and ignores him. Damn it, Sam! They keep walking. They stop in front of a building that says LAKEFRONT MOTEL.

ANDREA
There it is. Like I said, two blocks.

SAM
Thanks.

But Dean hears "Hope you like Cinemax, jerk!"

ANDREA addresses DEAN.

ANDREA
Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.

And the cast of Regular Show is like "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!"

ANDREA leaves, calling back over her shoulder.

ANDREA
Enjoy your stay!

And Dean is thinking "Get yo sexy milf ass back he-a."

SAM
'Kids are the best'? You don't even like kids. Or direct sunlight. Or garlic. Or – Oh shit! Are you a vampire?!

DEAN
No, and I love kids.

SAM
Bitch, please! Name three children that you even know.

DEAN thinks and comes up emptier than a beer bottle spotted by Jon in a game of drink the liquor store. SAM waves a hand and walks into the motel. DEAN scratches his head.

DEAN
I'm thinking!

INT. MOTEL ROOM – DAY

SAM is working on his laptop. DEAN is going through his clothing. What color says "I want to get into your pants but no in a creepy way?"

SAM
So there's the three drowning victims this year.

DEAN
Any before that?

SAM
Uh, yeah.

SAM has a browser window open to The Lake Manitoc Tribune. DROWNING; PISS TAINTS ICE FISHING FESTIVAL. He clicks, and another browser window comes up cause that's how that works.

Again the Tribune: 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL DROWNS IN PISS FILLED LAKE, Second drowning in 6 months at Lake Manitoc cause you try holding your piss til the Olympics.

SAM
Six more spread out over the past thirty-five years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there, it's picking up its pace. PACE IN SPPPPAAAACE!

DEAN tosses an item of clothing onto a bed. I hope it brought protection.

DEAN
So, what, we got a lake monster on a binge?

SAM
This whole lake monster theory, it, it just bugs me. Like Soylent Green. It's supposed to be healthy, but it tastes like Harry.

DEAN comes over to read over SAM's shoulder.

DEAN
Why?

SAM
Loch Ness, uh, Lake Champlain, there are literally hundreds of eyewitness accounts, but here, almost nothing.

SAM looks at the Tribune homepage, then checks his email, then trolls jarpad on twitter, then watches an illegal hobo cock fight, then goes back to the Tribune.

SAM
Whatever it is out there, no one's living to talk about it.

SAM scrolls to the comments section of an article. DEAN points at it with his finger. You've been warned.

DEAN
Wait, Barr, Christopher Barr. Where have I heard that name before?

SAM reads from the page. With his nose. Which is weird.

SAM
Christopher Barr, the victim in May.

SAM clicks a link, opening a new page. LOCAL MAN IN TRAGIC PISSED RELATED ACCIDENT. The picture loads: it shows a police officer with LUCAS.

SAM
Oh. Christopher Barr was Andrea's husband, Lucas's father. Apparently he took Lucas out swimming. Lucas was on a floating wooden platform when Chris drowned. Two hours before the kid got rescued.

And Dean is thinking "So there's till a chance with Andrea, yes! Dean happy! So her husband died. No. Sad. Dean sad now. Power down."

SAM clicks the picture for a better look, then scratches his head cause whatever Dean has is contagious but in a fun way.

SAM
Maybe we have an eyewitness after all.

DEAN
No wonder that kid was so freaked out. Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over.

DR. PHIL

Want to talk about your mom?

DEAN

Do you look like a bottle of Jack Daniels?

EXT. PARK – DAY

Kids are laughing and playing because they are kids having fun and allowed to be happy unlike everyone in Russia. ANDREA sits on a bench and watches LUCAS, who is at another bench coloring and playing with toy soldiers cause some of them got stop-lossed, some of them live for war, and some of them are just down with G.I. JOOOOEEEEE!

ANDREA looks up. SAM and DEAN are there.

SAM
Can we join you? We can pass a background test.

FREDDY KRUEGER

(getting arrested)

Lucky sons of bitches.

CHRIS HANSEN

Wait. You forgot your cookies.

FREDDY KRUEGER

Keep the damn cookies!

ANDREA
I'm here with my son.

DEAN looks over at LUCAS. Can this child really bring balance to the Force? And get him through the carpool lane when Sam is indisposed?

DEAN
Oh. Mind if I say hi?

DEAN goes over to LUCAS.

ANDREA
Tell your friend this whole Jerry Maguire thing is not gonna work on me. I am a strong white woman who has her s-h-i-t t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r. Hokay?

ETHNIC POSSIBLY MAGIC BLACK BEST FRIEND

You go, gurl. Mmmmmm-hmmm.

SAM sits next to ANDREA.

SAM
I don't think that's what this is about.

And Sam is thinking "I bet that's exactly what this is about. I know I'm pretty tall, but would it be weird if I bought a pony? I'd only ride it some of the time. And I'd love him and hug him and kiss him and call him George. What do ponies eat? Do unicorns exist? Man, Zach Braff makes this look so easy."

DEAN approaches LUCAS but not in a "Help! Help! Run tell mom!" kind of way.

DEAN
How's it going?

DEAN kneels down next to the bench where LUCAS is coloring. Nothing.

PAULY SHORE

Let me try. How's it going, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhdddy?

When LUCAS doesn't even look up, DEAN picks up one of the toy soldiers.

DEAN
Oh, I used to love these things.

DEAN imitates guns and explosions, then tosses the toy soldier down cause PTSD ain't funny.

DEAN
So crayons is more your thing? That's cool. Chicks dig artists.

Sandwich artists?!

LUCAS has a pile of drawings on the bench. DEAN takes a look. The top one is of a big black swirl; the second one is of a red bicycle. One of those is prolly a Kardashian.

DEAN
Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if I sit and draw with you for a while? I promise to stay insiddah da lines.

ONE OF DEAN'S ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHERS

Sure you do, Peter Parkinson.

DEAN picks up a crayon.

DEAN
I'm not so bad myself.

DEAN sits on the bench, picks up a pad of paper, and starts drawing.

DEAN
You know, I'm thinking you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something.

And Lucas is like "Look deep into the parka!"

And Dr. Phil is like "So you'll talk to a mute kid but not me? I am so out of here. Right after this commercial break."

DEAN
Anyway. Well, maybe you don't think anyone will listen to you, or, uh...or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything. You could draw me a picture about what you saw that day, with your dad, on the lake. Okay, no problem. This is for you.

DEAN holds out to LUCAS the picture he drew. It's stick figures cause Dean never said he was the next Picasso.

DEAN
This is my family.

And Lucas is like "Dude, that's not a family. That's anorexia."

DEAN points at each person in turn. The usual stick specks?

DEAN
That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me.

A pause. A menopause.

DEAN
All right, so I'm a sucky artist. I'll see you around, Lucas.

DEAN heads back to SAM and ANDREA. LUCAS picks up the picture.

DEAN approaches ANDREA and SAM but not in a "What do ya think yer doin' with my woman? Come at me, bro!" kind of way.

ANDREA
Lucas hasn't said a word, not even to me. Not since his dad's accident and since he swallowed those razor blazes for kids.

DEAN
Yeah, we heard. Sorry.

DEAN starts to eat a few razor blades, but SAM stops him, cause they're for KIDS. Next thing you know Dean will be watching cartoons and eating Trix and damn, Sam wants a pony! Should he throw hints about it before his birthday or just go looking for one?

ANDREA nods. Phase three complete.

SAM
What are the doctors saying?

ANDREA
That it's a kind of post-traumatic stress.

SAM
That can't be easy. For either of you.

DR. PHIL

No shit, Sherlock.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK

Well? You summoned me.

DR. PHIL

It was just a figure of speech.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK

In the future I suggest you refrain from using said figure of speech or I'm afraid I shall have to bust a cap in your ass.

ANDREA
We moved in with my dad. He helps out a lot. It's just...when I think about what Lucas went through, what he saw...

DEAN
Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with. Have you seen Spy Kids?

LUCAS leaves the bench, heading for the group. He's like "I'm Lord of the Flies, maggots!"

ANDREA
You know, he used to have such life. He was hard to keep up with, to tell you the truth. Now he just sits there. Drawing those pictures, playing with those army men.

SAM

Who, Uncle Fester?

DEAN

Lobotomy's man. They suck.

ANDREA

I just wish—

LUCAS walks up, carrying a picture.

ANDREA
Hey sweetie.

LUCAS hands DEAN the picture.

DEAN
Thanks. Thanks, Lucas.

It's a picture of the Carlton house or the White House. Or any house. How do you tell? A kid drew it.

LUCAS heads back to the bench cause it's half time and he needs some Gatorade and he needs to think about mistakes he made in the first half.

INT. CARLTON HOUSE – DAY

BILL is sitting in a chair, doing nothing cause breaking the laziest person record is tough work.

WILL approaches in a Will approachable way.

WILL
Hey, Dad? You, you should probably eat something. I'm gonna make some dinner, okay? It'll suck, cause I suck, but I'm gonna make it anyway, kay?

BILL says nothing and turns his head away. Damn! Now he has to start trying to break the record all over again.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

WILL washes a fish at the sink cause the toilet is used exclusively for making wine. He does not turn the water off when he begins cutting up the fish cause this screws over the rain forest somehow.

The water turns brown cause this is a sequel hook for Attack of the Swampy Shit Monster. WILL notices and shuts off the water. Black water comes up through the drain and fills the sink cause fuck 'em! That's why.

WILL rolls up his sleeve to pull the plug out of the drain cause he's had all his shots.

He comes up with the plug, but the water doesn't drain. He sticks his arm back in the water, and something grabs it, pulling him into the sink. He drowns cause he ain't Aqua Man. The water drains cause it's a dick in this episode.

INT. MOTEL – DAY

DEAN is inside the motel room sitting on a bed. SAM opens the door and comes in. Kramer did it better.

SAM
So, I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie.

DEAN
What do you mean?

SAM sits next to DEAN.

And Dean is all "Okay, okay. Let's watch Lifetime."

SAM
I just drove past the Carlton house. There was an ambulance there. Will Carlton is dead. He's not alive anymore. Deceased. Expired even!

DEAN
He drowned?

SAM
Yep. In the sink.

And Dean is like "Will shrank down to subatomic level?"

DEAN
What the hell? So you're right, this isn't a creature. We're dealing with something else.

SAM
Yeah, but what?

DEAN
I don't know. Water wraith, maybe? Some kind of demon? I mean, something that controls water...water that comes from the same source. A water demon. A ukulele.

SAM
Er, right. The lake.

DEAN
Yeah.

SAM
Which would explain why it's upping the body count. The lake is draining. It'll be dry in a few months. Whatever this thing is, whatever it wants, it's running out of time. Like sand through the hour glass, die, bitches, die.

DEAN
And if it can get through the pipes, it can get to anyone, almost anywhere.

And Tremolo the Evil Toilet is like "How's that burrito sittin' wit ya, dawg? Bwahahahaha!"

DEAN stands up cause he needs to find a port-a-potty and fast.

DEAN
This is gonna happen again soon.

DEAN sits down on a chair.

SAM
And we do know one other thing for sure. We know this has got something to do with Bill "Gross Balls" Carlton.

DEAN
Yeah, it took both his kids.

SAM
And I've been asking around. Lucas's dad, Chris—Bill Carlton's godson.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

BILL CARLTON is sitting on the bench on the dock. A cowboy hat covers his messed up junk.

SAM
Mr. Carlton?

BILL looks up. SAM and DEAN approach in a Sam and Dean way.

SAM
We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.

And Sam is thinking "Puuhlease let this guy stay seated. I don't need anymore nightmares about a TV spin-off of his called Dicks & Toasters."

DEAN
We're from the, the Department of the Federal Bureau of the Division-

BILL
I don't care who you're with. I've answered enough questions about meat grinders and pencil sharpeners today.

SAM
Your son said he saw something in that lake. What about you? You ever see anything out there? Mr. Carlton, Sophie's drowning and Will's death—we think there might be a connection to you or your family.

BILL
My children are gone. It's...it's worse than dying. Go away. Please.

SAM and DEAN head back to the car cause no one needs to see what's under that hat.

SAM
What do you think?

DEAN
Aw, I think the poor guy's been through hell. I also think he's not telling us something.

SAM leans on the Impala. Herbie is so jealous.

SAM
So now what?

DEAN goes still. His DEANY sense is tingling.

SAM
What is it?

DEAN
Maybe Bill's not the only one who knows something.

DEAN pulls out the picture LUCAS brought him, which is of the Carlton house. DEAN looks at SAM. SAM looks at DEAN. This goes on for several hours.

DEVINS/BARR HOUSE

INT. HOUSE – DAY

ANDREA
You want me to help you fund the building of a rocket ship made out of cheese that can fly to the sun and back? I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea. I hope you understand.

SAM

No. It's fine. Someone just lost a friend on Facebook.

SAM broods and tweets.

DEAN
Lucas. I just need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes.

ANDREA
He won't say anything. What good's it gonna do?

SAM
Andrea, we think more people might get hurt. We think something's happening out there.

ANDREA
My husband, the others, they just drowned because they forgot to swallow. That's all.

DEAN
If that's what you really believe, then we'll go. But if you think there's even a possibility that something else could be going on here, please let me talk to your son.

INT. LUCAS'S BEDROOM – DAY

LUCAS is coloring, toy soldiers standing around him on guard, sir! DEAN, ANDREA, and SAM approach the doorway. DEAN enters and crouches down by LUCAS.

DEAN
Hey, Lucas. You remember me?

(whispering)

Your new daddy.

LUCAS has drawn two more pictures of a red bicycle.

DEAN
You know, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for that last drawing. But the thing is, I need your help again. What's a three letter word for a canine?

LUCAS is drawing a person in water. DEAN opens the house picture and puts it down in front of LUCAS.

DEAN
How did you know to draw this? Did you know something bad was gonna happen? Maybe you could nod yes or no for me.

LUCAS keeps coloring cause he gets paid on commission.

DEAN
You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too.

Just before Dean can belt out some "I Believe I Can Fly", LUCAS drops his crayon and looks up at DEAN.

He hands DEAN a picture of a white church, a yellow house, and a boy with a blue baseball cap and red bicycle in front of a wooden fence.

And Lucas be like "That'll be $15.95. Cash, check, or credit?"

DEAN

(running away)
Thanks, Lucas!

And Lucas is like "Shit! Screwed by the honor system again!"

INT. IMPALA — DAY

DEAN and SAM are in the Impala, SAM holding the church picture.

DEAN
Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died.

SAM
There are cases—going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions, psychic tendencies. Forget I just said that, okay?

DEAN
Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow? I mean, it's only a matter of time before somebody else drowns, so if you got a better lead, please.

SAM
All right, we got another house to find. And a pony.

DEAN
The only problem is there's about a thousand yellow two-stories in this county alone.

SAM looks at the picture.

SAM
See this church? I bet there's less than a thousand of those around here.

DEAN
Oh, College Boy thinks he's so smart. Lah dee dah. Look at me, I pledged Sigma Beta Poppa Cappa or whatever people do in college. Duh. GED. Duh.

SAM
You know, um... What you said about Mom...You never told me that before.

DEAN
It's no big deal. Oh God, we're not gonna have to hug or anything, are we?

And Sam is like "Not with that attitude."

SWEENEY HOUSE

EXT. CHURCH – DAY

SAM and DEAN approach a white church shaped like the one in LUCAS's picture.

DEAN holds up the picture and looks at it, comparing it to the scene in front of him; there's a yellow house next to the church and a wooden fence near the house. SAM looks at DEAN. DEAN looks at SAM. After five-hundred years pass and they finally find their way out of each other's eyes, they both look up at the church and cross the street to the house.

DEAN (voiceover)
We're sorry to bother you, ma'am—

INT. SWEENEY HOUSE – DAY

DEAN and SAM are inside the house, speaking to an OLD WOMAN, MRS. SWEENEY.

DEAN
—but does a little boy live here, by chance? He might wear a blue ball cap, has a red bicycle.

SWEENEY
No sir. Not for a very long time. Peter's been gone for thirty-five years now.

And Sam s like "That's some spoooooky shiiiitttt, son!" but with more of a western drawl.

SWEENEY

The police never—I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared.

SAM points out to DEAN a number of toy soldiers on a table. Has the invasion begun?

SWEENEY
Losing him—you know, it's...it's worse than dying.

DEAN glances at SAM. But Sam is still mad about not getting his pony, so he doesn't glance back.

DEAN
Did he disappear from here? I mean, from this house?

SWEENEY
He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school, and he never showed up.

SAM

A kid not showing up for school for thirty-five years? Yeah. Sounds a bit suspicious.

DEAN picks a picture off the mirror. There are two boys in the picture, one PETER with a bicycle. DEAN reads from the back of the picture.

DEAN
Peter Sweeney and Billy Carlton, nineteen seventy.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

BILL is sitting on the bench on the dock, talking to himself, or to the lake or to his dick Quasimodo.

FROLLO

(singing)

When you piss it really burns!

BILL
You've taken everything, everyone. I've got nothing left. I didn't understand. I didn't believe. Now I think I do. I think I finally know what you want.

INT. IMPALA – DAY

DEAN and SAM are driving. BOTH of them. It's as dangerous as it sounds. Tree!

SAM
Okay, this little boy Peter Sweeney vanishes, and this is all connected to Bill "Please Turn the Lights Off" Carlton somehow.

DEAN
Yeah, Bill sure as hell seems to be hiding something, huh?

SAM

Huh.

DEAN

Haaaaaaahhhhn!

SAM
And Bill, the people he loves, they're all getting punished.

DEAN
So what if Bill did something to Peter?

SAM
What if Bill killed him?

DEAN
That fits! That counts as something! Peter's spirit would be furious. It'd want revenge. It's possible.

EXT. CARLTON HOUSE – DAY

The Impala pulls up in front of the Carlton house. SAM and DEAN approach the house in a shag ass kind of way.

SAM
Mr. "WTF" Carlton?

An engine roars. A T-rex, a lion, and Katy Perry do not.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

SAM and DEAN go around the house to see BILL going out on the lake in his boat. Fully clothed. Yay!

DEAN
Hey, check it out.

SAM and DEAN run to the end of the dock, yelling.

DEAN
Mr. Carlton! You need to come back! Come out of the water! Turn the boat around!

SAM
Mr. Carlton!

BILL

Fuck you, bitch. The water's fine.

BILL ignores them and keeps going cause he wants to die. The water rises up and flips BILL's boat over. It and he vanish and end up on Lost.

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

LUCAS is sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth. ANDREA is sitting next to him, holding a paper bag and a plastic container. But no rubber chicken.

ANDREA
Baby, what's wrong?

SAM, DEAN, JAKE DEVINS, and MR. CLEAN walk in the door. ANDREA looks over.

ANDREA
Sam, Dean, Mr. Clean.

Mr. Clean goes to work cleaning her house, cause that's kind of his thing.

ANDREA stands up, putting the bag and container on her chair.

ANDREA
I didn't expect to see you here.

JAKE
So now you're on a first-name basis. What are you doing here?

ANDREA
I brought you dinner.

JAKE

I'm sorry, sweetheart, I don't really have the time.

ANDREA
I heard about Bill "Is That a Rotten Banana" Carlton. Is it true? Is something going on with the lake?

JAKE
Right now we don't know what the truth is. But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went on home.

LUCAS looks up and whines, looking stricken; he jumps up and grabs DEAN's arm. Is he part Lassie?

DEAN
Lucas, hey, what is it, boy? Lucas. Timmy has been eaten by a shark? Who's Timmy?

ANDREA
Lucas.

DEAN
Lucas, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Lucas, it's okay. It's okay.

And Lucas is all "Dude, I'm basically traumatized and even I know it's not okay."

ANDREA pulls LUCAS away from DEAN and leads him outside. LUCAS doesn't look away from DEAN. Child custody battles are always ugly.

JAKE throws down his jacket (inanimate whore!) and goes into his office. SAM and DEAN follow.

JAKE
Okay, just so I'm clear, you see...something attacked Bill's boat, sending Bill—who is a very good swimmer, by the way—into the drink, and you never see him again?

DEAN glances at SAM.

And Sam is like "Me want pony!"

DEAN
Yeah, that about sums it up.

JAKE
And I'm supposed to believe this, even though I've already sonar-swept that entire lake? And what you're describing is impossible? And you're not really Wildlife Service?

DEAN looks surprised. Of all the cases in all the towns in all the world, a competent cop has to walk into his.

JAKE
That's right, I checked. Department's never heard of you two. Who has two thumbs and is the employee of the month? This guy!

DEAN
See, now, we can explain that. And how a bill becomes a law.

JAKE
Enough. Please. The only reason you're breathing free air is one of Bill's neighbors saw him steering out that boat just before you did. So, we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you for impersonating government officials and hold you as material witnesses to Bill Carlton's disappearance. I can blackmail you into accompanying me to a party and yes, there will be furries. I can take your car for a spin and have you pay for the gas. I could make you eat a dozen eggs whole while I recite bad poetry. I could tickle you until you laughed too death.

SAM

Yes, please!

JAKE

I could make you watch Jersey Shore sober and take notes on it.

DEAN

Hot damn, Jack Bauer!

JAKE

Or, we can chalk this all up to a bad day, you get into your car, you put this town in your rearview mirror, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again.

SAM
That sounds good.

JAKE
That's the one I'd pick.

INT. LUCAS'S BEDROOM – NIGHT

LUCAS is in his room with the toy soldiers, drawing another black spiral. ANDREA walks by his door in a robe but not an evil robe, cause she's not Emperor Palpatine.

ANDREA
Baby, what are you doing up? Come on. Let's go to bed.

ANDREA picks LUCAS up. He's not obese or a Cylon so it works out great.

INT. IMPALA – NIGHT

DEAN and SAM are in the Impala, waiting at a traffic light.

And DEAN is like "Traffic! Traffic! Lookin' for my chap stick! Look to the left, there goes a Ford Maverick!"

And Sam, he, he was like "This is my pony! This my hon! It is for riding! It is for fun!"

The light turns green. Which it is not easy being. The Impala doesn't move.

SAM
Green.

DEAN
What?

SAM
Light's greeeeeeeeeeeeeen, Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaannn.

DEAN turns right.

SAM
Uh, the interstate's the other way.

DEAN
I know.

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

ANDREA is in the bathroom. She plugs the drain of her tub and turns the water on. Still safer than covering yourself in gasoline and playing with matches.

INT. IMPALA – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN are in the car.

SAM
But Dean, this job, I think it's over.

DEAN
I'm not so sure.

SAM
If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest.

DEAN
All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt? Bert?

BERT

Yeah, you guys should definitely go back.

SAM
But why would you think that?

DEAN
Because Lucas was really scared.

SAM
That's what this is about?

DEAN
I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay.

SAM
Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?

DEAN glances at SAM. SAM glances a DEAN. Shit, trapped!

DEAN
Shut up.

SAM

Where's Ernie?

BERT

He, uh, went to visit his folks out of state. Say, can you guys help me bury something?

SAM

What's that smell?

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

The bathtub is mostly full and ANDREA tests the water with one hand. She takes off her robe and gets in the water. She leans back, grabs a washcloth, and closes her eyes.

The water coming out of the faucet turns brown cause Joss Whedon loves him some pranks.

ANDREA starts washing herself with the cloth, then opens her eyes. The water is entirely brown now. She screams and tries to get out of the tub, but something drags her down.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

LUCAS pounds on the bathroom door.

LUCAS

Red rum! Red rum! Pop tarts! Pop tarts!

And Jon is on Jeopardy! like "What is, part of a balanced breakfast?"

And Alex Trebek is all "Jon? Are you drunk?"

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

ANDREA's head is pulled under the water. She pulls it out. She is pulled under again; lather, rinse, repeat. I get that, but I'm 90% sure that's not what they meant.

LUCAS keeps pounding. ANDREA is invisible under the water. Abort mission!

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN have arrived.

SAM
Are you sure about this? It's pretty late, man.

DEAN rings the doorbell. At that moment, LUCAS opens the door, desperately afraid.

DEAN
Lucas? Lucas!

LUCAS takes off. DEAN and SAM follow him to:

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Water is pouring out from under the bathroom door and down the stairs cause someone took just enough pills not to get sick, but just the right amount to not wake up anymore.

LUCAS starts pounding on the bathroom door again. DEAN pushes him over to SAM and kicks in the door with his elf powered bow legs.

LUCAS grabs DEAN, so SAM runs into the bathroom and sticks his arms in the tub.

SAM

Ew! There's a woman in there! Oh, right!

He tries to pull ANDREA out. She is pulled back under, but SAM keeps pulling until ANDREA is all the way out. She starts coughing up water.

SAM

Looks like someone failed to pull the plug.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAH!

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Dawn is breaking. SAM and ANDREA sit in the living room. ANDREA is dry and wearing comfortable clothing.

SAM
Can you tell me?

ANDREA
No.

DEAN is looking through notebooks on bookshelves.

ANDREA
It doesn't make any sense.

ANDREA starts crying from her eyes.

ANDREA
I'm going crazy.

She puts her face in her hands.

SAM
No, you're not. Tell me what happened. Everything. Look at me. Look at my eyes. Look into my puppy dog eyes.

ANDREA
I heard...I thought I heard...there was this voice.

SAM
What did it say?

ANDREA
It said...it said 'come play with me'.

And Sam is like "Was it Dean?"

And Dean was like "Wasn't me."

ANDREA sobs.

ANDREA
What's happening?

DEAN pulls out a scrapbook that says "Jake – 12 years old" and opens it, flipping pages.

He closes it again and goes to SAM and ANDREA; he puts the book down in front of ANDREA, open to a picture of Explorer Troop 37. He is bored as shit.

DEAN
Do you recognize the kids in these pictures?

ANDREA
What? Um, um, no. I mean, except that's my dad right there. He must have been about twelve in these pictures.

She moves her finger over to another picture of JAKE as a child; he is standing next to PETER. DEAN looks at SAM, but Sam is drawing a pony and wondering if the name Sprinkles is too pretentious.

DEAN
Chris Barr's drowning. The connection wasn't to Bill "Wanna See Something" Carlton. It must have been to the sheriff.

SAM
Bill and the sheriff—they were both involved with Peter.

ANDREA
What about Chris? My dad—what are you talking about?

DEAN looks sideways. Then down. Then backwards. Then diagonal. Then existential.

DEAN
Lucas?

LUCAS is staring out the window. The sex robot is still fucking out there!

DEAN
Lucas, what is it?

LUCAS opens the door and walks outside. Everyone follows cause a game of tag is always fun.

ANDREA
Lucas, honey?

LUCAS stops and looks at the ground, then at DEAN.

DEAN
You and Lucas get back to the house and stay there, okay?

ANDREA pulls LUCAS back to the house. DEAN and SAM presumably fetch shovels from the Impala, before they start digging. SAM's shovel clanks against something. They dig with their hands and pull out a red bicycle. Happy belated birthday?

SAM
Peter's bike.

JAKE
Who are you?

SAM and DEAN turn around; JAKE is there, pointing a gun at them. It's not a big deal though. They're used to this sort of thing.

SAM
Put the gun down, Jake.

SAM and DEAN drop their loaded sniper shovels.

JAKE
How did you know that was there?

DEAN
What happened? You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays buried. Except Jes—

SAM

Hey!

DEAN

Sorry.

ANDREA sees JAKE with the gun aimed at SAM and DEAN. She talks to LUCAS.

ANDREA

Go to your room, sweetie. Now. Lock the door and wait for me. Don't come out.

LUCAS runs off cause he don't wanna get shot. ANDREA goes outside cause she might. YOLO!

JAKE
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

DEAN
You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney thirty-five years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about.

ANDREA
Dad!

DEAN
And now you got one seriously pissed-off spirit. Also can I have your daughter's hand in… let's say marriage.

SAM
It's gonna take Andrea, Lucas, everyone you love cause it's a dick. It's gonna drown them cause it's a dick. And it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt cause it's dick. And then, after that, it's gonna take you, and it's not gonna stop until it does. Cause it's a dick!

JAKE
Yeah, and how do you know that?

SAM
Because that's exactly what it did to Bill "Doctor Is There Anything You Can Do" Carlton.

JAKE
Listen to yourselves, both of you. You're insane.

DEAN
I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go in the lake.

LUCAS didn't go to his room; he's outside watching cause kids never listen.

PETER
Come play with me.

LUCAS follows the voice cause you won't know whether or not you like something like drowning until you try it at least once. Right? WRONG!

ANDREA
Dad, is any of this true?

JAKE
No. Don't listen to them. They're lying liars who lie and are bad because they lie and they're dangerous.

ANDREA

How dangerous?

DEAN

Do I make you horny, baby?

SAM

Dean? Guy with gun.

ANDREA
Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me.

JAKE does.

ANDREA
Tell me you—you didn't kill anyone.

JAKE looks away cause her name isn't SAM or DEAN.

ANDREA
Oh my God.

JAKE
Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time, it got rough. We're talking multiples firecrackers in his ears. We were holding his head under the water. We didn't mean to do that thing we did on purpose. But we held him under too long and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank.

DEAN glances at SAM but SAM blocks it, then throws a stiff upper lip.

JAKE
Oh, Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared, I mean, not as scared as Peter, but we were scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drownings, with Chris, because of some ghost? It's not rational.

DEAN
All right, listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can, right now.

ANDREA turns her head and spots LUCAS going down to the lake. She gasps.

JAKE
Lucas!

They all run up to the dock. LUCAS is leaning over the side, reaching for a toy soldier in the water. To him this is somehow a good idea.

PETER
Come play with me.

SAM

Is that Peter Pan?

DEAN
Lucas!

ANDREA
Lucas! Baby, stay where you are!

A hand comes up and pulls LUCAS into the water. The adults have reached the edge of the lake. JAKE stops. He doesn't do water. Sorry.

PETER's head is visible; JAKE recognizes him. DEAN and SAM keep running to the end of the dock and dive in cause Batman would.

ANDREA
Oh my God!

She takes off her jacket to jump in.

SAM
Andrea, stay there!

ANDREA
No! Lucas!

SAM
We'll get him! Just stay on the dock! And don't let my pony drawing get wet!

SAM dives under again. DEAN comes up. A minute later, so does SAM.

DEAN
Sam?

SAM shakes his head.

ANDREA
Lucas, where are you?

JAKE takes off his jacket as SAM and DEAN dive back down. JAKE wades in.

JAKE
Peter, if you can hear me...please, Peter, I'm sorry. I'm so—I'm so sorry.

ANDREA
Daddy, no!

JAKE
Peter. Lucas—he's, he's just a little boy. Please, it's not his fault, it's mine. Please take me. Or don't.

DEAN and SAM come up for air.

DEAN
Jake, no!

PETER surfaces.

JAKE
Just let it be over!

JAKE is dragged down. Hold his calls.

ANDREA
Daddy! Daddy! No!

DEAN and SAM dive down again cause those are some damn elusive apples.

ANDREA
No!

SAM comes up, shaking his head. ANDREA mouths 'no!'

DEAN comes up, holding LUCAS, who isn't moving.

Ernie's dead body pops up, but no one cares.

EXT. STREET – DAY

DEAN and SAM walk out of the motel. DEAN opens the car door and SAM tosses a duffel in.

SAM
Look, we're not gonna save everybody.

DEAN
I know.

ANDREA
Sam, Dean, Mr. Clean.

Mr. Clean nods, then flies back to wherever the hell he's from.

And Sam is like "Could've used you ten minutes ago!"

ANDREA walks up with LUCAS.

DEAN
Hey.

ANDREA
We're glad we caught you. We just, um, we made you lunch for the road.

LUCAS is carrying a tray of sandwiches. Will Chef Ramsay accept?

ANDREA

Lucas insisted on making the sandwiches himself.

LUCAS
Can I give it to them now?

ANDREA
Of course.

DEAN
Come on, Lucas, let's load this into the car.

(whispering)

You'll give me your mom's number, right?

SAM
How you holding up?

ANDREA
It's just gonna take a long time to sort through everything, you know?

SAM sighs. No ponies in sight.

SAM
Andrea, I'm sorry.

ANDREA
You saved my son. I can't ask for more than that. Dad loved me. He loved Lucas. No matter what he did, I just have to hold on to that.

DEAN puts the sandwiches in the car.

And the Impala is all "Yum!"

And Dr. Phil like "There's no such thing as a sandwich eating talking car."

And Gary Busey is like "I'm crazy! Woo! Let's fire a gun into a crowded stadium!"

DEAN
All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time.

LUCAS
Zeppelin and O'Doyle rules!

DEAN
That's right. Up high.

DEAN holds his hand up for a high-five. LUCAS obliges, grinning.

DEAN
You take care of your mom, okay?

LUCAS
All right.

ANDREA comes up and kisses DEAN.

ANDREA
Thank you.

After untying his tongue, DEAN thinks a minute, then scratches his head and goes around the car cause shogun weddings are serious business.

DEAN
Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road.

DEAN gets in the car, then SAM. But not Evil!Elmo. He lives where the night things are.

DEAN starts the engine.

SAM and DEAN smile at ANDREA and LUCAS waving goodbye.

SAM and DEAN drive away.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The Impala drives on.

IN. IMPALA - DAY

My Little Pony theme sing plays on the radio.

SAM dances to it.

DEAN

Serenity now!

AND THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES!