AU. Sanji is worrying about his relationship with Zoro. Will his past eventually split them up?

This is my participation for the event ZoSan Advent Calendar organized by dailyzosan on Tumblr for the date of December 26th, 2017.

English isn't my first language so I apologize for every mistake you may find.

Enjoy your reading.

First snowflakes

"Marimo?"

Sanji sat up in his bed, noting that his partner was no longer at his side. Surprised, he checked the time: 7:47. Could it be that Zoro was as impatient as the children to open his presents and that he was already up? They hadn't slept more than three hours since they had come home yet…

He pushed back the comforter then left the room after putting on his pajama top left a few hours sooner. However, once in the living room after having looked in the bathroom and in the kitchen, he had to face the facts. He was now alone in his apartment.

Sanji sighed and stared at the picture of his friends on the sideboard since last year. That day, they had gathered together for the occasion of the New Year. Luffy, Nami, Ussop, Chopper, Franky, Robin and Brook. As well as Zoro and himself. All smiling and raising their glasses to this new year full of promises. The evening had been memorable and the blond was happy to have kept this memory. Yet, it also reminded him that if the year had started well, the relationship he had with the kendoka had slowly unraveled lately.

He had had another proof of it yesterday when they were all at Robin and Franky's. For once, they had met for Christmas Eve instead of the New Year because Ussop and Brook wouldn't be present that day. Although the atmosphere was warm and always cheerful between them, Sanji had noticed the detached attitude and the almost gloomy mood of his partner. He knew that period was always special for him but it was more than just a melancholy that had gripped Zoro for some time. In fact, since the cook had offered him to live together.

The cook shook his head and watched the lit up Christmas tree surrounded by presents a few steps away from him. He and Zoro had been dating for over two years now and even though their cohabitation had been difficult at first, it had soon become apparent that their arguments revealed an undeniable attraction between them. And even if they hadn't really talked about it before, Zoro was leaving more and more his belongings at his home while Sanji was putting his own things in his apartment. So it had seemed logical for him to suggest to his partner to move in together but perhaps it was logical only for him.

Sanji glanced outside. The sky was still dark but it hadn't snowed since the beginning of the season, which was quite unusual. He had a pretty good idea where Zoro was but he was hesitating. Maybe he didn't want to be disturbed…

Finally, the cook dressed warmly and grabbed his car keys. Zoro may have doubts about their relationship but Sanji couldn't bring himself to leave him face alone the Christmas morning.

The graveyard's black gate creaked when the blond pushed it away to enter. The day was slowly rising and he walked slowly between the graves. The cold stung his cheeks and the condensation of his breath rose with the rhythm of his breathing.

Moments later, he distinguished Zoro's silhouette on his knees in front of one of the graves and he slowed down again, giving him time to spot his presence. Finally, as Zoro wasn't moving, he approached to place on the cold stone swept by the December wind the bunch of red roses he had bought on the way. Then he respectfully took a few steps back to give enough space to his partner.

He knew that the loss of his best friend had left a gaping wound in him from which he was barely recovering. Five years ago today, Kuina had disappeared in a stupid traffic accident on Christmas morning and it had been five years that Zoro was wandering about like a lost soul in search of the light he had lost.

"I wanted to come", he suddenly said, still kneeling.

"I know. I could have come with you", Sanji replied behind him.

"No. I wanted to be alone."

The cook didn't answer but he couldn't help but feel his heart squeeze at these words. He had also known the girl that Zoro had sometimes taken when he went out on town with the rest of the group. At that time, Zoro and Kuina had just moved into the city to attend one of the best kendo clubs in the area. The girl had passed the tests and was admitted to its school that Zoro was planning to join in the following year but in the meantime, he had been enrolled at the local high school and Luffy had taken a liking to him. Quickly, a routine had settled down and if Zoro didn't spend his evenings locked in his dojo with his friend to fight relentlessly and improve their performance, he was meeting Luffy and his friends. That's how they got to know each other.

Immediately, the tension had been electric between them. Even today, Sanji didn't know if he had hated his withdrawn expression or on the contrary, if he had been impressed by the devotion he put into his sport. What had seemed obvious to him though was the adoration he had for his friend and the natural complicity that united them around their art. Sanji had learned along the way that Kuina was Zoro's only family. That he had been taken in very young in the dojo of the girl's father and that they had never left each other, carrying the hopes and the will to become the best.

And that's what they had done for two years. Zoro had been admitted to the kendo school in his turn, and the training and competitions had been flowing for the two friends, each time bringing them a little closer of their dream.

Until the world collapses for Zoro, taking away his best friend and the rest of his life at the same time.

Sanji had seen his downfall. Zoro had entrenched himself in his art, in search of Kuina but also the pain that inevitably reminded him of her absence in the now empty dojo. Everyone had witnessed his fall, helpless. After a period of relentlessness that left him unconscious on the groundsheet of the training room, Zoro had seen his body becoming exhausted and he had been unable to not slow down. Initially, everybody had secretly been glad, thinking that this forced hiatus would allow the kendoka to turn the page but on the contrary, breaking the link with the art they had shared had ended up destroying him.

Zoro had locked himself in his room until he neglected his classes, only showing up at his kendo lessons, which ended up getting him expelled from his school. He had then moved to an old decrepit apartment in the underground of the city and had spent dark days in the most disreputable bars where Sanji had seen him drinking until he could barely stand. One night, he had even seen him hit the wall of an alley until the blood ran down his hands as he came out of the restaurant where he worked.

Zoro had wanted to be alone to live his pain and no one had been able to stop him. For almost a year, he had only been a shell of himself, sinking deeper and deeper into alcohol every day, sometimes waking up in custody after fights in which he had left his opponent disfigured on the ground. But Luffy hadn't resigned himself. He had continued talking to him, going to see him, dragging him outside.

And gradually, the persistence of his friend had connected Zoro to life again while time also did his work. Zoro had slowly emerged from his shell again, allowing people to approach. He had found a job as a security guard in a nightclub and he had been able to move into a more decent apartment.

Everyone had approved of the turn of events but Sanji had critically looked at the marimo who was trying to rebuild his life by obscuring what knitted together his whole being: kendo. He had indeed given up the practice and didn't even move for events as a mere spectator. So the evening Zoro had decreed that he wanted to sell his swords, in the deafening silence of his friends, Sanji had become angry. He had grabbed the kendoka by the collar of his shirt and had flung him to the ground before sending him a monumental kick in the chest to wake him up. If Zoro would give up his swords, he wouldn't heal. He was just going to die.

Luffy had split them up after Zoro had punched the cook and while Chopper was out of the bathroom to get some disinfectant after they calmed down, the two rivals had stared at each other for a long time. That night, everything hadn't changed between them but a new understanding had enlightened their relationship.

"I can go if you want", Sanji finally offered as the silence dragged on.

"No. We need to talk."

Zoro got up and Sanji felt his breathing accelerate in spite of himself. He imperceptibly nodded in agreement and followed his partner through the graves. Arrived at the gate, the kendoka nodded towards the little footpath along the river a few steps away and the cook followed him again.

The silence was deafening. The sound of their footsteps faintly reverberated on the empty footpath on this feast day. Sanji looked for a cigarette in his pack and lit it before raising the collar of his coat to protect himself more from the cold.

At that moment, he noticed it was finally snowing. The first snowflakes slowly began to swirl and the cook gave a hint of a smile.

"Damn, I'm not good at this…"

Zoro had stopped and Sanji slowly removed the cigarette butt from his lips to gaze at him, freezing. Zoro was an enigma. The kendoka could repeat he was the most complicated man, the cook was just as lost as him in front of his partner. They loved and hated each other with the same intensity depending on the moment, instantly understanding what the other wanted to say or on the contrary, getting lost in total confusion. And today, to his dismay, it was the confusion that dominated.

"Just say it, marimo."

Zoro ran a hand through his hair, visibly uncomfortable, and the blond tried to breathe deeply to ease his impatience. After a few moments of silent torture, the kendoka finally turned towards him.

"There's this new dojo that will be built on the other side of the country and… I'd like to go there. They offered me a coaching position."

Sanji was left perfectly still, trying to ignore the infernal rhythm of his heart in his chest.

"The tests you did last time?" he asked after a few seconds.

Zoro nodded.

"Since I resumed classes, I made it through all the steps. If I want to progress further, I have to integrate a larger dojo."

"That's great", the blond simply replied.

Sanji had been the first to urge him to go back to school and his kendo curriculum. He couldn't go back on his word now. In any case, he sincerely thought that Zoro would never flourish that well without his art and his memories of Kuina through their shared passion.

Since that day when Sanji had beat him for having suggested selling his swords, the kendoka had re-examined their place in his life and the blond had wanted to help him by handing him one evening a prospectus for the school's recruitment campaign that he had dropped. Sanji had come to see him in front of the nightclub at the end of his service, especially to bring it to him but Zoro had got angry and had torn the flyer in front of his eyes. The cook had called him a coward and Zoro had gritted his teeth, turning tail to go home. Seeing that he didn't react, the blond had followed him and had continued to insult him, calling him a quitter and a wimp without stopping. Sanji didn't know if his words had triggered something in him or if the kendoka had revealed himself at the time but in the middle of the affronts, Zoro had suddenly pushed him with one hand on the neck to the wall bordering the deserted street, full of anger.

"I am not afraid."

And then he had pressed his lips to his own. To silence him or to prove his previous words, Sanji had never known. But he knew that since that day, Zoro had taken up arms again. He had finished his studies and passed his coaching diploma, making a place for himself among the teachers of the dojo. And he had continued to aim higher and higher as their relationship had grown stronger, including now sleepless nights where they were learning to discover each other.

"Come with me, cook."

Getting brutally back to reality, the blond looked up at his partner, incredulous.

"I know you have your old man and your restaurant here", Zoro sighed. "But you could start building your own there…"

"All Blue?"

Sanji had spoken to the kendoka about his dream of opening his own restaurant one day. He had been nourishing this project since forever but he didn't dare to take the plunge. He still had a lot to learn.

Zoro moved closer to put his head against his, closing his eyes.

"I know I'm asking you a lot but I want to do it. With you."

"Zoro…"

The cook let his burned cigarette butt escape him and he put his hands around his neck.

He remembered his reaction when he had understood how attached he was to this man in front of him. After having hated him, after having wanted to punch him over and over again, after having tasted the pleasure of his lips and body, he had discovered that there was an unprecedented bond between him and this idiot who couldn't find his way around. He had noticed it one evening while the kendoka was trying to show him that he also knew how to cook. And simply, in the midst of the flour that had flown away and the egg yolks straining his work surface, Sanji had realized he was perfectly in his place. That he'd find nothing and no one else to feel so happy.

"… I love you."

At these words, Zoro eagerly grabbed his lips and the blond replied with force.

When they parted a few minutes later, Sanji stifled a nervous laugh and Zoro gave him a questioning look as the cook played his fingers through the hair at the root of his neck.

"I thought you were going to leave me…"

In front of the stunned look of his partner, the blond bit his lips.

"You've been distant lately and I thought that maybe, I was wrong to suggest living together…"

"No! I… It got me thinking, that's all", the kendoka sighed. "Thinking about what I really wanted."

He shook his head.

"I had to be sure and tell it to Kuina. Telling her goodbye."

Sanji suddenly felt the intensity of Zoro's gaze on him and he tightened his cold fingers on his skin.

"It's not forever, Zoro. We'll come back."

"I know. But I wanted to say her goodbye because from now on, I want to be happy. Even if she's not here anymore…"

Zoro looked down and Sanji's heart squeezed into his chest. Then he drew him towards himself and kissed his forehead, touched.

"You'll become the best kendoka in the world and I'll open my own restaurant", he whispered. "Let's make her proud, Zoro."

His partner hugged him back as the snowflakes danced faster and faster around them.

"We'll make her proud, cook. If you're with me, I know we'll get there…"

The blond took advantage of the warmth of his partner's embrace before gently kissing his temple. His hair was covering with snow and he ran a soft hand through his green locks to make it fall.

"Let's go home, marimo. Our gifts are waiting for us…"

I hope you enjoyed it.

Happy Holidays to all of you!