Potentially Problematic

Sophie Dawly

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Notes/Summary: This takes place after Episode II… but it's mostly AU so I don't really think that's important… Anyway, I'm just saying this because there may be spoilers and I don't want anyone to get mad at me

(1 – Prologue)

(1)

Everything onboard the Elsa was quiet but for the sound of the engines humming. Allen and Shion were up late in the lab working on a data update for KOS-MOS, the android enigma. Allen took a deep breath, finally working up enough nerve to ask the chief engineer of the KOS-MOS project, Shion Uzuki, a very important question.

"Shion… do you think maybe we could have a date sometime? I mean… I know you're busy with the KOS-MOS project and everything, but I thought… maybe… whenever it's convenient for you." Allen could have shot himself in the face for sounding so stupid.

"Oh… Allen…" Shion's face fell. "Please don't take this the wrong way or anything… I mean, you're a very nice man, but… well… I can't."

"Wha…?" Allen couldn't hide his dejection. "But… Is it my teeth? My mom says my teeth are too yellow…"

"No… I'm sorry, Allen. But it's not your teeth…"

"Then what is it! What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing – there's nothing wrong with you." Shion tried to explain. "Really… it's me. Honestly."

"W-what are you talking about?" Allen was wiping at his face furiously in an attempt to disguise the fact that he had been crying.

Shion quickly looked around, taking note of their surroundings. "Listen…" She whispered, leaning closer. "I'll tell you why, but you have to promise not to say anything to anyone."

All of the blood rushed to Allen's face, his heart was pounding, knowing that Shion was so close to him.

"Allen…" Shion whispered. "I'm a lesbian."

Suddenly, everything was clear. All of KOS-MOS's scanty outfits were viewed with perfect clarity. Coming upon this realization, Allen Ridgely, 28, of Vector Industries R&D first division, promptly fainted.

Shion Uzuki looked around with a guilty look on her face before deciding that it would be best to leave the room quietly.

(2)

"I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALLEN." Panache, one of the maintenance droids onboard the Elsa confided to KOS-MOS the following morning.

"Please explain to me how you arrived at this conclusion." The blue-haired android inquired flatly.

"WELL… HE LIKES TO EAT MISS UZUKI'S CURRY FOR BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING. I SERVED HIM CURRY AS USUAL..." The droid swung his arms around in the air for full effect. "BUT ALL HE DID WAS STARE AT IT. I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS HUNGRY, BUT THEN HE JUST STARTED BAWLING LIKE A SMALL CHILD."

"That is most perplexing." KOS-MOS agreed without and particular interest.

"What is?" Ziggurat 8, or 'Ziggy' as he was called, seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear."

Panache quickly relayed the story of Allen's particularly odd behavior that morning, only Ziggy didn't seem surprised at all.

"He's always depressed about something." Ziggy shrugged. "I found him crying in the closet earlier. It's just his nature."

"Perhaps Allen's depression stems from his desire to have a lifelong companion." KOS-MOS suggested.

"So what are you suggesting?" Ziggy gave KOS-MOS a sidelong glance.

"I am suggesting that we find a suitable companion for Allen Ridgeley. This will remedy his depression and therefore he will become more useful rather than merely depleting our oxygen reserves."

"THAT MIGHT WORK." Panache shrugged. "HE CAN BE REALLY SENSITIVE. SOME GIRLS LIKE THAT."

"Are you guys talking about me?" Jr. strode up to them and forced himself into the conversation.

"Negative." KOS-MOS answered flatly.

"Oh." Jr. shrugged.

"Why not just set him up with Shion?" Ziggy suggested.

"Who? Set who up?" Jr. didn't know what was going on, and he didn't like it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A loud, mournful wail broke up their conversation. "This is terrible! TERRIBLE! Oh God… what did I do!" It was coming from the robot academy in the basement.

Ziggy broke away from the group, and headed towards the staircase. Panache, KOS-MOS and Jr. exchanged glances and then decided to follow him.

"Is there a problem?" Ziggy asked Assistant Scott, as the Professor was currently curled up in a fetal position on the floor, crying hysterically.

"Umm… well…" Assistant Scott looked up at the cyborg, "I think he'll be okay. The Professor is just a little upset because someone stole the Erde Kaiser arms and now the Ultimate Robot is no longer operational… It's actually got me a little upset too…" Assistant Scott sniffled and then wiped away the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Please!" The Professor looked up. "You've got to find out who did this! You've got to fix my robot!"

"Rest assured." Jr. said, striking a heroic pose. "We'll catch the bastards who did this!"