Matsuda was very excited. More excited than Julia Child. So excited that his pants were getting tighter.
He took a satisfied final look at the blinking computer screen and then pressed enter with sweaty palms. It was done. His destiny was forever changed. And
"Touta Matsuda, 松田 桃太" was a proud newb of eHarmony, many thanks to Dr. Phil and a few too many bottles of Coors Light. What paradise could be better than this? No girl would be able to resist his manly charms: they would flock to the great, magnificent, suave Matsuda. Not just any girl – hot girls. Yeah.
… Well, maybe a secluded island with a native population of naked girls without inhibitions. That could work as well.
But moving on: with that, Matsuda rubbed his palms together, licked his chapped lips, and continued to stare at the computer screen.
Touta Matsuda
[Insert Photoshopped picture of Matsuda in a Speedo]
Age: 26
Residence: Undisclosed
Hobbies: Going to the gym, watching college football, getting trashed, looking at pictures of Megan Fox, uh… manly things.
Interests: Solving crimes, Pretty girls.
Looking For: Women: friends/sexual relationships
Personal Message:
Hi! I'm Matsuda. Nice to meet you!! I, uh, would like to know you better. Why don't you comment on my profile, and then we can hook up? I'm a sexy guy who can also cook – while "satisfying" your utmost needs (which I'm quite experienced at… Really.).
He thought that would be enough, for now at least. If the ladies needed more, they could come to the big man himself. Matsuda smiled and sighed. He glanced at the clock, noting that it was already past midnight. Aahhh………he'd have to go to bed and get some beauty sleep. After all, manly men can't always run straight on booze and caffeine. (Authors' Note: Coke and beer taste horrible together. Trust us.)
Then, he quickly deleted his web history before his mother, his dear, sweet mother, came to inspect what research on serial killers he had completed.