A/N: So this is an old fic that I discovered again today. It was put together much the same way as my one shot was...notes in margins and on the backs of receipts, even a handful of scribbles on my iPod touch's notes function. I think it's not fabulous...but i'm willing to share it with anyone willing to take a chance. It's far fetched at times, and insanely normal at others (mundanely so), and if you're not into non-canon, as I always say, get outta here. I'm quite happy making my own little world. Thanks to SM for theinspiration tho. :) Enjoy. (if you don't, please just go quietly. I'm not up for harsh criticisms lol.)

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I stood by the window a long time, my heart telling me that something, someone was out there. My brain on the other hand was telling me I was being dumb, he was gone, and he most certainly would not be back. It had been a year, a cold, harsh, long year, in which I'd only seen Alice, my best friend, three times. I'd seen Carlisle a few times, he was slowly picking up extra shifts at the hospital, and Charlie's worries about me meant I couldn't switch off completely. I felt the tears pushing at my eyes, the heat flush my face, and I moved away, curling up on my bed and pulling the blankets over my head. It still couldn't drown out the hurt, the betrayal. All of them had left me that day, not just him. True, Alice had been back, and so was Carlisle, but even they had only returned because of a sense of duty. Alice, because she felt guilty for not telling me, and Carlisle, well, he was a doctor. It would have been selfish of him to shut himself away from all of his patients because of what He had done to Me. I let the tears fall silently at first, trying to calm my breathing, and remain quiet until I knew, was absolutely positive, that Charlie was out cold. When I was sure, I buried my face into the mattress, head under the pillow, and let the tears come hard, and fast, and hot across my cheeks, soaking into my sheets, tasting salty on my lips. The sobs racked my body, I shook and convulsed with emotion and with uncontrollable tension.

I usually cried like this for hours, often until just before Charlie stirred to go to work, and then went through my day in a zombie trance, not caring how I looked, or how my eyes weren't really focusing on anything specific. My grades hadn't suffered, if anything, they'd improved, since all I did was go to school, do my homework, and then retreat to bed, where I could let everything flow freely. This particular night, while I was sobbing my heart out, I felt a familiar nudge. Not physically, just aimed at my emotions. For half a second, I felt the grief lessen, but I shook the feeling off. I was imagining things, things I wished would be real, but never would be again. I sobbed another time, my eyes were swollen, my nose red, I could feel my tongue thick and heavy in my mouth. There it was again, that nudge. This time, it was harder, more forceful, pointed even. I laughed crazily at myself even as the tears continued to flow. Charlie was right, I'd lost my mind. He would never hear me argue my sanity again, I was nuts.

None of them had stayed, there was no way he was here. I sighed, and just as the newest wave of sorrow hit me, it softened at the edges. I could almost physically feel it now, the emotion was halved in intensity. I took a few breaths, sneaking my eyes above the quilt, trying to see in my pitch black room. Just as I was about to get out of bed and tell Charlie to commit me of my own free will, a slender, tall, familiar shape stepped into the moonlight, which glistened on his sparkly skin and golden hair. "Jasper?" I whispered, half from fear of waking Charlie, and half from the fear that if I spoke too loudly, I would wake from whatever dream this was. He smiled, "Bella." I felt a wave of calm wash over me again, and then again, finally, I began to feel peaceful and sleepy. "Jasper…..how are you even…..I'm nuts." He chuckled softly, moving closer, sitting on the chair by the end of the bed, "Isabella, you're not. Sleep now, darlin', we can talk in the morning." I suddenly felt so sleepy I could hardly open my eyes, and I whispered sternly to him, "Jasper, this is unfair." I heard him smile in the dark, and after that I let it swallow me up, taking me to a peaceful place I'd rarely been in those months.

The sun felt like it would burn holes in my eyelids, and I snapped my eyes open. The clock read nine am, Charlie was well and truly gone to work, but I was late to school also. I sighed, pulling the blankets above my head again. As I prepared to sob , my morning ritual, I felt that push, the nudge, and I drew my breath in sharply, "Jasper? You're really here?" I began to cry in earnest now, one of them had finally come back to bring me news. He patted my hand, and sighed, "Darlin', I wish I had news for you, but I don't. Carlisle was afraid you'd lose your mind without some help, and he couldn't convince Charlie to keep you here under supervision. Isabella, you would have been committed to an institution in Arizona if you didn't start improving." I let the tears fall, appreciative that he was giving me this. I needed to feel something, anything.

I gripped his hand tightly in mine, and relaxed as his other gently stroked my cheek, cooling the heat from the tears. My voice was small, whispering, as I spoke, "Jasper…are you….will you….don't…..leave." I looked up at him through soaked lashes, my eyes big, dark pools of fear and sadness. He shook his head, brushing hair from my eyes, "Isabella Swan, I am not going anywhere." His lips barely moved, but I swore I'd heard more, "I'll never go anywhere as long as you're here darlin'." I blushed, but he ignored it, instead glancing around my room. I was mortified, and began to ramble, "Well….first, I couldn't trust Charlie with my laundry, and you know how Alice likes to bring new clothes all the time, and it was so long between when I had time to…." He held his finger to my lips, it was hard, and cold, but incredibly tender, I felt embarrassed thinking this about my friends husband. "Bella…shhhh. I know, you've had a lot going on. How about you go shower, clean yourself up a little. Your hair….it's…..it looks….." He simply grimaced at me, and I could only imagine what he could see. "But I should clean a little…." "No, I'll tidy up while you tidy yourself up. No arguments." I got out of bed, and I almost managed to ignore the gasp that Jasper let out when he saw my emaciated form. "Bella….no. You poor poor…..oh god. That….that bastard." I felt my heart fill with rage, and then suddenly calm again. Jasper looked embarrassed, "I'm sorry darlin'. I'll keep a better hold in the future. I nodded, then, just as I went to the doorway, I stopped, "Jasper?" "Yes?" "Is Alice….is she back?" Jasper's eyes flashed black a moment, his face was sad, and then, instantly happy, "No dear. Alice…..Alice and I are spending some time apart." I nodded, unsure what that meant.

Dressed in jeans and a white thermal tee, I pulled a comb through my wet, tangled, snarly hair and managed to style it into some kind of human looking thing. As a second thought, I braided it and flung it over my shoulder. My room was completely different when I returned. My dirty laundry was in the hamper, a load was already in the washer (I could hear the familiar thud of the spinner) and Jasper had changed my bed sheets. He smiled at me, "That looks much better. Now, you've missed school, or, as good as, today. What would you like to do?" I shrugged, and he smiled again, "Do you have warm clothes?" "How warm?" "Like….something you'd wear on snow day."

JPOV

I knew from the past that Bella got cold quickly, especially around us, and as much as it was a warm day for fall, I also knew that there was a fierce wind, and likely rain. She disappeared into her closet, emerging wearing a soft grey knit hoodie, a fur lined black jacket, and a pair of grey gloves. "Do you still have the jacket Al….uh,….we gave you last year?" She nodded, holding it up. It was miniscule, and it was at that moment that I fully understood what Alice had been going through. Even as early as the year before, she had known this day would come. "Think Charlie will let you out on my bike?" She shrugged, "Can't be worse than missing school…..But…Jasper….I might….might need some help." "Help Isabella?" She blushed, "I've never been on a bike before."

I smiled, following her down through the house and out the door, to where my bike now sat in the drive. I handed her the second helmet, then waited patiently for her to settle behind me on the seat before taking off slowly along the roads. As we picked up a little speed I felt her pull closer to me, snuggle her body up against mine, and I cursed myself for what would eventually happen. I could only keep my feelings hidden from her for so long, before I would accidentally slip up and send her some of whatever I happened to feel at that time.

BPOV

The bike was thrilling. As we got faster, I pulled in closer to Jasper, certain it would help me stay on, and that he would keep me safe. Even though I knew it was impossible, it felt like his body was warm through our clothes, the way he shifted to accommodate my shape, patted my thigh reassuringly as we wound a tight corner up the mountain, and then I blushed. I was feeling incredibly lustful at that point. True, I'd been thinking some things I should never have thought, but it had hit me like a tidal wave, and then, just as quickly, gone, replaced by calm and good nature. We slowed down I the middle of nowhere, Jasper parked the bike and helped me from the back, before taking my hand in his and leading me down a narrow, dirt path going between the dense trees.

JPOV

I'd almost given myself away on the bike there. Luckily, I felt it slip from me before it got too bad, in fact, perhaps Bella had hardly noticed my feelings at all. It was now, amongst the trees, in the dense, intimidating forest, while she clung to my hand, that I felt them again, stronger, harder to keep to myself. We came out into a clearing, and then I led her to the point at the left, where there were three large boulders, and a smooth, long rock.

She looked out over everything, standing there on the flat rock, amongst the bigger, upright ones. I could tell she was awed, she hadn't said a word, but her emotions told all. "It's so…..untouched, perfectly….beautiful. Jasper….thank you." She turned to me then, stumbling as she went, and I caught her in my arms, our faces barely inches apart. Her breath was sweet, enticing, much as ours must seem to humans. Her eyes were wide, waiting, her lips parting ever so gently in a sub-conscious preparation for the kiss to come. I had to, it was my one shot. Alice had told me I would know when it arrived. I pulled her in closer to me, and softly, gently, placed my lips on hers, feeling electricity shoot between us as she kissed me in return, pressing her warm, soft body against mine. It was then that I was sure Alice had been right, she was, indeed, my true soul mate.

Bella kissed me back, for what seemed like hours we stayed like that, until she pulled back a little, tears in her eyes, "Jasper….we…..I….oh god." Her face had paled, her voice shaky. I knew there was fear behind the tears, and I tried to send her come calming waves. She bit her lip, accepting the handkerchief I offered gingerly, like it might burn her. Just then my cell rang, and I cursed it under my breath. I looked at her, and she nodded, "Go ahead." she whispered, dabbing uselessly at the tears streaming down her cheeks.

I walked a little away from her, "Alice? Did you have to call right now?" I was hesitant,, I hadn't explained everything to Bella yet, and I didn't know what Alice had wanted. She laughed, and when I heard it, that sound that used to turn my heart spinning, I knew things had really changed. I no longer felt that way, in fact, I couldn't find enough excuses to get off the phone and to my Bella. She laughed again, "Jasper? She loves you. She's confused. She'll spend the rest of the day thinking she's hurt me, and crying, and I don't want her to do that anymore, so put her on the phone. I want to explain to her." "Alice….I don't think….I mean….I think you should talk to her face to face." "Jasper, alright. She'll be awkward on the trip home, but don't press her. She'll understand, and she'll stay. I can see you in her room tonight, so things should go well." I sighed, "Alice…..I don't want to hurt her….but I think I might have…" "Nonsense. She'll come round. See you soon." She clicked off, and it was then I noticed Bella had been watching me the entire time.

"Bella….darlin, Alice wants us to go home. She's got something she wants to do with you." She nodded, her eyes blank and her hands shaky as she stood, following me back along the path. She tripped and fell twice, and when I righted her, both times, she was stiff in my arms. It was just before we got back onto my bike that she broke, "Jasper! I can't…..I just….Alice is my best friend, how could we do that? She'll never forgive me…never…..and then I'll lose her….." Her eyes were wide with fear again, and she dropped to her knees, crying, sobbing, "And then you'll leave…..and Carlisle. You'll all leave, and it'll be all my fault. Again….you'll leave…..leave me…..and you promised me….." She was sitting on her heels, head touching the damp earth, and all I could do was try to soothe her. I rubbed her back, speaking softly to her, calmly, "Isabella, darlin….none of us are going anywhere. I promise you. I don't break promises dear, especially not to you. Bella….sugar, Alice just wants to tell you about some things she's seen…..some things she knows. I think…I think you should hear her out." Bella was still sobbing, "Oh my god. Alice will know already what we did….what I've done….I've betrayed her."

Once her sobbing started calming, I could see she was still shaky. "Bella…listen to me. Alice and I, we aren't…..we're not…well….we haven't been together in quite some time. Darlin….Alice and I….you've done nothing. Nothing wrong, at all. Isabella, there was nothing to betray." She looked at me then, a sudden clarity in her eyes, "You and Alice…..not….? I thought maybe you were just…taking a break….." Her eyes were still full of fear, but the color was slowly returning to her cheeks, and I kissed her forehead, hugging her to me, "No darlin, we decided the best thing was to be apart, for good." I sighed, "But now, we need to get back so Alice can explain some things to you, and I know she's excited to talk. I promise you sugar, she wants nothing but for you to be happy." She nodded, allowing me to clip her helmet on, and then she clung to me, like a monkey, all the way home.

BPOV

Back at the house I ran inside, up the stairs to my room. I hadn't even said a word to Jasper, but I knew I'd find Alice there. I fell at her feet, my hands in her lap, and the tears struggled to stay inside as I spoke, "Alice…..Alice I'm so sorry. Even if you and Jasper aren't together anymore….I should never have…..it was wrong. I let my feelings…it doesn't matter why, but I'm so sorry. Please don't leave." She laughed, Alice actually laughed, and lifted my chin, "Bella Swan, you're a conundrum in yourself. I saw all of this, all of it Bella, before it even happened. I knew Jasper would find his soul mate in you, I knew you would fall in love with him. I knew he and I would fall out of love before I'd even made the choice. Bella please…..don't be sorry. I'm very happy for you, for both of you." I looked up and she was, indeed, smiling cheerfully. "Bella….for many reasons, you two need to be together. Have to be in fact, because I can never see any alternative, no matter what choices the two of you might think of making." I wiped my eyes, using jasper's handkerchief, and she smiled, patting my hair, "Now, listen. You're a mess. Go shower, I'll get some clothes and bring them in, then we can get to work on this tangle you call hair."

JPOV

I didn't contact Bella again that day, but when I knew Charlie would be sleeping, I gently crept in through her window, and sat in the chair. It was ten minutes before she stirred, "Jasper? Are you here?" The happiness in her voice made me smile, "Yes darlin." She nodded, smiling sleepily, "Good. Come here. It's hard to sleep." I sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, and kissed her cheek as I began to stroke her hair, "Goodnight Isabella. Sweet Dreams." She smiled, mumbling in her sleep, "They will be….Alice already said so." I lay beside her, stroking her hair, for that whole night. The afternoon played through my mind over and over, and I was afraid of her reaction in the morning when she woke.

BPOV

When Charlie came to say goodbye, I wondered where Jasper had gone, if he'd even really been there, or if I'd imagined it. Before Charlie left my room, my hand closed around something soft, fuzzy. Jasper's scarf, I knew it instantly. I tucked it under my pillow and pretended to listen to Charlie and his grocery requests.

I sighed, relieved, when I heard the cruiser drive down the road. "Jazz?" He stepped out from behind my closet door, smiling, "Good Mornin' darlin." I smiled, "You did come." He nodded, beaming, "I did. So, do you need help with the grocery store today?" I groaned, it was NOT what I felt like. What I felt like was sitting around watching TV, or reading, something I could do knowing Jasper was quietly sitting nearby. I threw back the covers, revealing my tank top and boy shorts, and blushed as I felt the level of lust rise in the room a hundredfold. Jasper diverted his gaze, and I spoke softly, "Just give me a couple of human moments. I'll meet you downstairs."

After my shower, I was grateful for Alice having done my hair the afternoon before. All I had to do was pull a brush through and slip a head band on, the waves fell perfectly, giving me one less thing to worry about. I giggled to myself as I put on the Victoria's Secret lingerie she'd given me, no way was anyone going to see it, but she was right, it would make me feel better about myself. I was beginning to realise just how much weight I'd lost, just how emaciated I must look to everyone around me. I pulled on the bootleg jeans she'd bought, they fit like a glove, and then the new Henley thermal. I pulled on my favorite hoodie then, slipping my thumbs through the loops, and looking in the mirror. There was no way I could improve anymore without cosmetic help, and I refused.

Jasper was in the kitchen, cooking, when I arrived downstairs. He smiled sheepishly, like a deer in headlights, and held up the bowl of steaming oatmeal, "Sorry Bella. I just…..you need to eat." I smiled at him, glad he'd given me a small serving, and finished quickly. "Jasper, it's alright. You don't need to come shopping, honest." He looked a little hurt, so I smiled again, "If you don't have anything else to do though….." He nodded, "I don't. Besides…I think it will be a novelty darlin, to see how a supermarket really works these days." I couldn't' help but giggle, and then I slipped on something as I made my way to the sink. He caught me, expertly, in his strong hands, and hugged me to him, "Bella, be careful. I don't want to think how I might feel if…..if you were hurt." I blushed, nervously pulling free and taking money from the housekeeping jar, "Are you ready?"

JPOV

The drive to the grocery store was awkward, Bella was a little cool toward me, I'd embarrassed her at the house. She'd insisted on taking her truck, saying she had no desire to be driven somewhere when she had arms and legs that were perfectly fine. When she hit her head in the carpark, reaching for her phone which had fallen on the floor, I instinctively touched her cheeks, kissing her forehead, looking into her eyes. I knew then, how intoxicated she was with me, her eyes closed involuntarily and she leant forward, ready to kiss me. I took advantage of the situation, taking her in my arms and kissing her with as much passion and love as I could manage without overwhelming her. We were that way for five or ten minutes, before her cell phone rang, interrupting us. If I could have blushed I would have, when she answered, "Hi Charlie..No….I'm just in Port Angeles for food. No, it's alright. They have a better selection here. You did? Oh…..okay then. No, it's alright, really. I'll leave dinner in the over for you, no, no problem. Bye Charlie." She looked at me, "We should shop." I nodded, knowing if we stayed in that small space much longer, I couldn't be held accountable for my actions.