A/N: So true story, I had never seen A Christmas Story, but when PJ Murphy asked me to do A Christmas Story/Chuck fanfic, I did the only thing I could, I watched it. (And loved it!) Today's part of David vs The Christmas Fics, 2018 Challenge, Pros and Cons: Casey vs A Christmas Story. I put this one in the Pros and Cons universe because it made it the easiest on me. (May contain spoilers for A Christmas Story.)
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and I've watched a lot of Christmas movies for this project (I'm totally good with that.)
It was Thanksgiving night, and everyone was full as they could be. Liquor was freely flowing, people were talking, the sleeping arrangements had all been figured out ahead of time so no one would drive home, and the gang had splintered off into little groups. Chuck was sitting with Casey who was deep into a bottle of Johnny Walker Black. Chuck had never seen Casey drunk, but he was close to getting there. He had been telling a story now going on thirty minutes and Chuck was sitting there listening to every second of it.
He finished, and looked at Chuck. "Casey, that's the movie, A Christmas Story.
Casey looked left, then right, as if to make sure no one was listening, and then leaned in. "They set the movie over 20 years in the past," he said, got up, and headed toward the theater room. Chuck figured he was about to go claim his recliner to sleep in.
"You okay?" Sarah asked, coming up behind him, rubbing his shoulder.
"Casey just basically told me A Christmas Story is based on him," Chuck replied, a little shook up.
Sarah grinned. "I know what to get him for Christmas now."
-oooo-
"I don't believe you Casey," Chuck said first thing the next morning. Casey gave him a bleary look, one eye half opened. "You left a man attached to the flag pole with his tongue."
Casey looked down at the ground and continued to look there. "It was not one of my finest moments. I still feel terrible about it. I learned my lesson. That was the last day I ever left anyone behind." He looked up at Chuck. "Bartowski, I swear to you, I'd never do that to you."
"I'd never lick a flagpole in freezing temperature." Casey gave him a look. "Well, not now, there might have been a time." Casey nodded, stood up, and headed out of the room.
Sarah stuck her head in the door. "Still don't believe him?"
"I'm not sure," Chuck admitted.
-ooooo-
"The decoder pin!" Chuck exclaimed a few days later, sliding up the bar in the kitchen where Casey was drinking coffee. "What about the decoder pin? Huh? Little Orphan Annie?"
"Cracker Jacks," Casey replied, and then took a drink of his coffee. "It was a decoder ring, they stopped making the Little Orphan Annie ones in 1940." Chuck stared at him a second and sulked away.
"Believe him yet?" Sarah asked.
"I don't know," Chuck replied.
-ooooo-
"What, Bartowski?" Casey said as Chuck was staring at him the next day.
"I triple dog dare you to ask Gertrude out," Chuck said.
Casey looked up at him. "First, I'm not eight, secondly, you skipped dare, double dare, double dog dare, and triple dare, those are all serious offenses."
"I'll chance it," Chuck replied.
Casey shook his head, got up, and left his office. Chuck followed after him. "Bartowski," Casey yelled at Sarah. "Do something with him."
"Can I?" Sarah asked Casey, her eye twinkling.
"Christ," Casey said, and fled the building.
-ooooo-
"The Bumpuses," Chuck said sitting down across from him at lunch a few days latter.
"The Clark's," Casey replied. "They had three dogs, but the movie thought that would be better."
"The Turkey?" Chuck asked.
Casey shook his head. "We had Chinese Turkey," he growled.
"And you were okay with that?"
"Where do you think some of my issues comes from?"
"Okay, all those people that told you you would shoot your eye out?"
"Oh, that, that was all true. In fact, it might have been played down a little," Casey replied.
"That's not possible."
"It was the 60s, we lived in a small town, everyone wanted to make sure I'd be okay," Casey replied. He pointed his fork at Chuck. "You could leave your door unlocked at night."
"Is this why you love guns so?"
"Probably," Casey admitted.
"So you didn't get the gun?" Chuck asked.
Casey shook his head. "They changed it for the movie," Casey said, shrugging. "I got a steel guitar." Chuck's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "What? I told you I wasn't hatched, I was good at music, sang in the choir, and could play musical instruments."
Casey left and Sarah came and sat down beside him. "Believe him yet?"
"I have no idea whether this is the truth or the most elaborate prank ever," Chuck admitted.
-ooooo-
Casey walked into the office and dropped an envelope on Chuck's desk. He studied it and then stared at the return address. "Casey, this is from Randall Shepard, I thought the family-"
"Don't get into that," Casey said. "That was nasty, and I'd like to not think of him that way." Chuck nodded. "It's my yearly check for the movie." Chuck's mouth was open. "I saw my first ad for a Daisy Red Ryder in a Boy's Life magazine." Chuck looked a little confused. "Look it up on the Internet." Chuck nodded. "I wanted one so bad. Never did get one."
"Never?" Chuck asked.
"Never," Casey replied, and left the office.
Chuck sat there a second and picked up the phone. "I don't know if he's lying or not Sarah, but I found one." Chuck listened for a second and grinned. "I know what Casey's getting for Christmas."
-ooooo-
"The lamp?" Chuck asked during a mission.
"Bartowski, will you drop it?"
"No, I have to know about the lamp."
Casey turned and stared at him. "The Battle of the Lamp lasted for years actually, it was condensed for the movie. If my parents believed in divorce it would have led to it. There's a headstone in the back yard signifying the place it was buried." Chuck didn't say anything. "And before you ask, yes, I have a brother. No he didn't eat meals to speak of, and yes my father had 14 things plugged into the electrical outlet."
"The paper-"
"B+," Casey grumbled. "It should have been an A+, I'll stand by that until my dying day."
Chuck laughed. "The bully?"
"Scot Frank," Casey replied.
"Wait, the Scot Frank we had beers with a few months ago?" Chuck asked. Casey nodded. "You beat him up?" Casey nodded. "Wow." Chuck paused. "And…..fudge?"
"Yep, and that soap tasted awful." He paused. "I also completely told on my father. I would never have thrown someone else under the bus like that."
-ooooo-
A few days later Chuck and Sarah walked into Casey's office, with Chuck grinning. "Hey, big guy, wanna go to the mall and see Santa?"
"Christ, Bartowski, what do you need to believe me?"
"Come on, that didn't happen!"
"Oh, it absolutely did. Now the slide wasn't that long, but it sure did."
Chuck was silent for a second. "Is that why you never say anything about what you want for Christmas?"
Casey was silent. Chuck looked at Sarah. "Believe him now, Chuck?"
"Maybe," Chuck replied, grinning.
-ooooo-
Christmas morning and everyone had gathered at Chuck and Sarah's. Chuck asked Casey if he wanted to watch A Christmas Story on TNT, and the response was "Fudge, no," but it wasn't fudge he said.
The presents were all unwrapped when Chuck turned to Casey. "By chance, do you have any special costume you need to wear today."
"Fudge off," Casey replied. He didn't say fudge.
"Do you have any pictures of it?" Chuck asked, chuckling. Casey glared at Chuck. "Casey, did you get your presents from behind the desk?"
"What presents?" Casey asked. Everyone was grinning. Carina was full on laughing as Bryce tried to sush her.
"Here big guy," Zondra said, handing him the smaller box first.
Casey took it, gave everyone a look, and grunted. He opened the box. "I'll be," he said softly. "A Sig Sauer P229 Elite, how'd you know?"
"I looked in your browser history," Chuck replied. "And I might be scarred for life," he mumbled to Sarah. "Give him the other one, Zondra."
Zondra handed him a long box, and Casey stared at Chuck.
"You're kidding?" Chuck shook his head, and Casey ripped the wrapping paper off. "It's an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle."
"Don't shoot your eye out Casey!" They all yelled together. Casey just grunted, and maybe, just maybe, a tear ran down his cheek.
A/N: PJ, thank you for this idea, I had never seen this movie before, and why I hadn't I have no idea. This was a hilarious movie. I have two fics left that I know of. One was from Facebook, the General wants to go to Disneyland and if Imagination-Parade is okay with it, will meet the Tangled Crew (What? You haven't read her Chuck-Tangled Mash up!? GO DO IT!) (Seriously it's great!) The second….Dillwg….I'm gonna rewatch White Christmas and TRY to make that work. We'll see. Now if you asked for one, and haven't gotten it, OR would like me to TRY one, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. Hope you've all enjoyed this as much as I have.
DC