[Tifa waving a newspaper]
"Cloud, this is exciting! There's a new holiday!"
"What?"
"A new holiday added to the world calendar! Christmas! The WRO made it official."
"And why should I care? I work all day, every day, on birthdays, anniversaries, 7th Heaven's Octoberfest, Wutai's Festival, and Vincent Valentine's Day."
"Because it's a national holiday!"
"The whole world has practically been one nation since Shinra came to power."
"Thanks for the info, Bro, I had NO idea."
"Eeew. I am not your Brother."
"Eeew. Your mouth tastes like rotted chocobo carcass."
"I need my protein!"
(Sigh)
[reading newspaper]
"Normal businesses are not expected to operate on national holidays, specifically not the post office or banks."
"I AM the post office."
"Yah, I know. This is for you."
"So, if I have to stay home, what are we gonna do? Sing old folklore songs about the origin of Christmas? Lemmee have a crack at it-"
(12/4 to the tune of Greensleeves)
I'm your peace-ful lead-er, my name is Reeve,
I pose as the cool dad of ev-ry-bod-y;
The Shin-ra, Me-te-or, Seph-i-roth,
they're all gone, you can take the day off. -
(legato) And it's a-a-all tha-nks to meeee. -
"Beautiful! But the actual origin of Christmas comes from another planet, Earth."
"All that studying with Bugenhagen, but I never heard of a planet named Earth!"
"Earth is in another galaxy. The Milky Way galaxy."
"So what's the story?"
"Earth legend has it, there was a young man who was a wise mentor and became an idol to many. And he became a god."
"Sounds like Sephiroth."
"So at every winter solstice, earthlings would celebrate his birth by praying to him and giving gifts to each other in his name…
(sigh) …also a fat old dude in a red suit comes and brings more gifts. Then they whack a turkey, cook it, and eat it."
"What's a turkey?"
"An inferior bird species artificially kept from extinction by mass breeding and processing for human consumption."
"Scary. I eat only wild-caught chocobos."
"Your breath still stinks."
THE END ?