Hello, readers! Before I start, let me say one thing- THIS IS A PARODY. I said it in the summary, in the category, and I'm saying it now. If you like Matched and decide to read it and then post mean reviews, so be it. But I'm telling you now. Don't like, don't read.

Those of you who hate Matched, good for you and have fun reading my parody. Have a cookie. :)

There once was a girl named Cassia who just so happened to be in a book. It was a rather odd book, one that not many adored, loved, or even remotely liked.

She was supposed to be helping to save her stupid utopia home as well, but she decided that she'd rather spend her time convincing herself that her life was miserable. All because she had two 'matches', aka your assigned spouse. She also decided she loved being a rebel, and started to go against her community. But she really spent all of her time locking lips with an equally stupid idiot named Ky, and arguing with an even dumber guy named Xander.

She thought she was wonderful for being so smart when in reality she was just an idiotic, conflicted teen that didn't know what flowers were.

I think we can agree on two things:

One- this girl is extremely stupid

And two- someone needs to fix this.

And I was about to do just that.

First things first. I needed a partner in crime. Aka, someone to do the whole thing for me. What, you expected me to hop into a book and scold these peeps for being complete weirdos? Nah, I'd rather be on the couch with a crate or two of cookies, watching somebody else do the work.

And that, my children, is how I came across Scissor Chucky. But let's just call her Chucky from now on, 'cause I'm too lazy to write her full name. 'Kay?

Chucky was- um- a wild creature. She took pleasure in running around with scissors, scaring innocent children out of their wits- she reveled in their fright!

Not really. But she was weird, I'll tell you that. You wouldn't expect such a personality from an angelic looking girl like Chucky, with her big eyes and golden hair cascading down her back. But looks are deceiving.

I saw her stabbing 'Matched' repeatedly with scissors, and immediately knew she was the one. Nobody could hate the book and Cassia so much, except for me, maybe. But I'm not fixing the book, remember? Remember my whole speech about cookies and such?

Our conversation went something like this...

"Hello Chucky! I've heard so much about you, and I think you're the perfect one to help me with my mission- *ahem, ahem, cough* do it for me *cough*"

"What's the mission?" Chucky asked, stabbing the book once more.

"Well... I need somebody to fix that book-" she began to take out a bottle of glue, looking ashamed for ruining a precious book. She loved books- don't get me wrong- she never meant to hurt it, but, well... "No! Not that kind of fix! I want someone to help me fix the plot!"

"How?" She looked a little skeptical.

"Well, you would talk with the characters-"

"How?" She demanded yet again.

"I went to Hogwarts! I'm a witch! Don't doubt me! Jeez!"

Chucky pointed the scissors at me almost immediately.

"Where... Is... Hogwarts...?" She whispered.

I whipped out my wand (holly, unicorn hair, 14 inches if anyone really cares) and pointed it at her head.

"I'll tell you if you help me! I don't have time for this!" I was getting frustrated. Maybe Chucky wasn't the one at all. Well, even if she did do it, I would just give her a random address in the UK.

"Fine. I'm ready to ... talk... Hehe... To them..." She giggled, snapping her scissors open, and then closed.

"Uh, maybe you should give me the scissors, Chucky..."

She handed me the scissors, looking disappointed.

"Alrighty then," I said, throwing the scissors off a cliff that just happened to be there. Very convenient. "I'm going to put you in the book. You give them this cure for the virus thingy," I hand her a bottle of shimmery silver stuff, "and you get out through the rabbit hole. Ok?"

"Fine," She said, still frustrated that she wouldn't be able to hack up Cassia while she was at it.

"Good," I ready my wand, "0h, and get me one of those tablets while you're there!" I point my wand at Chucky, and she's gone.

"Time for cookies!" I sing, pulling a couple boxes of Samoas out of my bag.

I should have known... But I didn't. So too bad for me.

Chucky POV

I stumble into a small village that I immediately recognize as Endstone. I smile, looking around at the little thatched roof huts and vegetable gardens. I wish she could've put me in Harry Potter, but this is still awesome!

I shouldn't have trusted that girl, she was a little too normal for my taste, but her offer was too good to pass up. Plus, she offered to take me to Hogwarts.

Totally awesome.

I start darting around the village, humming the Mission Impossible theme song under my breath. I get a few weird looks, but I continue to look for Cassia and her merry band of idiots.

I find them underneath a willow tree. Cassia and Ky are making out- gross- while Xander stands off to the side, smoke practically coming out of his ears. The lover's make out session is disturbed by an old lady that hands Cassia a drawing of a flower.

I pull the hood of my black sweatshirt over my face and slowly walk towards them. Might as well have some fun while I'm at it.

"It is time..." I tell them in a deep voice. One look underneath the hood reveals them trembling. Ha. Those gullible idiots. "To have some cookies!" I push the hood off of my sweaty hair. "Nah, I don't have any cookies. Hey, you're Cassia, right? Blah, who cares. You're such an idiot. Too bad I don't have my scissors right now. That Kija girl took them from me! I hate her!" I kick a rock, wincing as my foot crashes into it. Whatever. "You're all stupid! Hey can I have that?" I grab Xander's tablet. "Thanks! I wish I had some chocolate, do you like chocolate? Who cares! Nobody gets out of here alive anyway." I had no idea if they died or not, I hadn't finished the book yet. "I like chocolate, I LOVE CHOCOLATE!" I prance away, singing about chocolate in my raspy voice.

Once I'm tired of singing, I walk towards the market to get some food.

I reach the hut, where a few dozen little stands are set up. There are people selling flowers, vegetables, baked goods, meat... I even found some kid trying to sell a bag of plain old rocks. In case you were wondering, the rocks are at the bottom of a cliff now. No need to discuss how they got there...

I decide on getting some bread from the bakery. I grab a loaf of what looks like whole wheat and walk towards the women selling the bread. She asks for five durs (apparently their currency) which I do NOT have. And she won't settle for an American nickel.

So guess what I did.

I drop the loaf of bread, push the annoying lady to the side, grab the cart and run for my life. A few people laugh, most of them point, some smirk, and some tut at the sight of me running through a village with a bakery cart thing. I run and run and run all the way back to the willow tree, where Ky and Cassia are STILL kissing.

Why didn't I just steal the loaf of bread, you ask. Because all of a sudden I was REALLY hungry. Enough said.

When they plus Xander see me, they begin to run away, looking very annoyed. But when they see I have food, they stay. Teenagers.

We sit under the willow tree... Ahem... I sit under the willow tree, the weirdos a few feet away, chomping on muffins and such.

"So... How's being in a book?" I ask.

"What?" Ky says, "we're not in a book."

"Uh..." Xander examines his shoes.

"What's a book?" Cassia, the idiot that doesn't know what anything is, asks.

"Give me your muffin," I say. She hands it over and I toss it at her head. It bounces off, dropping in the grass in front of her. They look at me strangely.

"Moving on," I say hastily. "So how's your uh... Cure coming along?" I try.

"I like cats..." Cassia says drowsily before falling asleep.

Xander sighs.

"Never mind..." Geez, these people are weirder than I thought!

That's confirmed when Ky starts to do the chicken dance. What the... I'm weird, but this is WEIRD!

"Ok... BYE!" I sprint away, looking for the rabbit hole Kija told me about. Thank goodness I was away from them.

Wait... I'm forgetting something. I run back to the tree and kick Cassia awake.

"By the way, you guys are complete IDIOTS!" I scream.

I jump down the hole, falling into Kija's mansion. She's lounging in a laZboy, bobbing her head slightly to the music that's blasting in the room.

"What's wrong with you! I was watching you the whole time and you FAI-" she starts laughing, and falls out of her chair. "Never mind- you were hilarious!" She says. Ok...

She straightens up, all proper, and asks, "Did you get my tablet?"

"Yup!" I exclaim, glad that I had done something right. I look in my pockets, only to find a bottle of silver glop. The cure. Whoops...

"AHRGG!"

Lesson learned, don't trust Scissor Chucky.