A/N: Okay, okay. I know that this one doesn't have as much SB/Sandy romance as my other stories do, but it still has some, so don't get mad at me!! Also, note that Sandy is a bit out of character in terms of seeming clingy and unstable to merely show and add more effect that guys are completely CLUELESS when it comes to women (no offense, fellas!). Well, pretty pretty please, R&R:-)

Chapter 1: The news

One evening at the familiar pineapple home of everyone's favorite sponge, SpongeBob was washing the dishes, when the phone rang. He smiled broadly and put down a plate.

"Oooh, a phone call! I'll get it, Gare Bear!" he said, racing into the living room and picking up his shell phone.

"SquarePants Residence, Robert speaking," he said in a mock British accent. On the other end, someone was crying like a baby.

"SPOWAABOBWWAABRAKKKWAAAMEOWWW!"

"Sandy...?" SpongeBob asked in a confused tone, holding the phone back a few inches from his ear. More sobs came from the other line.

"YEWAAHH!"

Spongebob's heart fluttered. "Oh, hey, Sandy. What's goin' on?" he asked, plopping down on his large red sofa. There were several sniffs from the other line, then it quieted down.

"SpongeBob..." Sandy said in a different-sounding voice, "I-I..have a little problem..."

"What is it?" SpongeBob asked.

Sandy sighed. "Um...it's just that...well, you know how me and Larry are –er...well, we um...look, we go out, alright?!" she said quickly. SpongeBob's face hardened.

"Yeah, Sandy, I know," he said, "And how can I forget it...? You and Larry have...been a pair of smitten mittens for three months now–three...veeery long months..."

There was another long pause.

"W-W-W-WAHHHHHAHHHAHHA!!!! OH, SPONGEBOB!!"

SpongeBob pulled the phone all the way away from his ear. "Woah, woah, what is the problem?" He asked her in a concerned voice.

"Oh, SpongeBob-sniff-I'm such a dork! I ain't nothin' but a stupid, stupid, good for nothing LOSER!" Sandy said, erupting into tears again.

"Oh, no, no! Sandy you're not a dork; you're the most...beautiful–"

"Huh?"

"Nothing! You're just...not a dork, okay?!?"

"...Well...you're just saying that! You think I'm the stupidest girl you've ever met!"

SpongeBob started to sweat. He'd seen this on T.V. several times before, but he never thought it would be happening to him!

"No, Sandy! It's impossible for you to be the stupidest girl I've ever met, because you're the only girl I've ever met! There, see?"

Another long pause.

"You do think I'm stupid!!" Sandy said, breaking out into more sobs.

"Sandy, believe me when I say that–"

"WAAAHAH!!"

"Sandy, please don't cry; aw, c'mon...shhh, no tears, shh..."

Sandy finally stopped crying.

"There you go...feel better?" SpongeBob asked in a comforting voice.

"Not until I know the answer to this question," Sandy said almost instantly. "SpongeBob...do you...think I'm attractive?"

SHOT GUN SOUND

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Mr. Krabs: Hey, there, kiddies! Eugene H. Krabs here. Look, I know I probably shouldn't be interrupting the fanfic, but I'd like to talk to you all about a little phrase called:

"Male Pressures!"

Male Pressure happens when a female asks a male to do or say something that's either degrading, or he just doesn't know how to put it! For example, SpongeBob is currently experiencing these Male Pressures with Sandy. This one goes out to all the ladies: don't ever, and I mean EVER ask a man if he thinks you're pretty. 'Cause guess what? Maybe he doesn't! The safest way to make sure that–

Me: Eugene! What do you think you're doing?? Didn't I tell you to stay out of my fanfics?!?

Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, I uh–

Me: Let's get him, Squid!

Me and Squidward: ATTACK!!

Patchy the Pirate: And now, back to the show!

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SpongeBob stared blankly into space, blinking several times. "Uhhh..." was all he could say.

Sandy started up again. "You didn't answer. You think I'm ugly, don't you!" she cried.

SpongeBob gasped. "No! Never!" he whispered. "Hey, uh, Sandy, I'll...be right back," he added, quickly putting her on hold before she had a chance to say anything else.

"What do I do, What do I do??" he wondered aloud. "Sandy's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen! But I can't let her know that, she might find out that I like her!!"

Suddenly, his eyes fell upon a picture of his best friend Patrick Star lying on the ground.

"That's it," he said, "I'll call Patrick. He'll know what to do."

SpongeBob dialed Patrick's number into his phone with Sandy still on hold on the other line. After several rings, his friend finally answered.

"Uh...hello?"

"Patrick, it's me, SpongeBob. Listen I need to–"

"Pizza Planet?? No, this is Dominos.."

"Uh–okay..look, I need to ask you something important."

"Hello...?"

"...Hellllo...?"

"Hello? Oh, oh–SpongeBob, when'd you get here!"

"...Yeah...Pat, look, I need to ask you something about women."

The tone in Patrick's voice changed.

"Deny everything; the baby is not yours, got it?"

"What? Ew, no, no, not that!"

"Oh...phew...!"

SpongeBob cringed slightly. "It's about...well, let's just say this girl asks you if you think she's pretty. What do you say?"

Patrick was silent for a moment. "Well...do you think she's pretty?"

"Uh...yeah..."

"Well, then, there you go. That was easy, huh?"

"No, Pat, it's–it's not that easy, okay? What if...telling this girl you think she's pretty might lead her to find out that you like her, and it could ruin your friendship forever??"

"..."

"Patrick..?"

"..."

"Patrick, you there, buddy...hello?"

"SpongeBob, if you don't want Sandy to find out you like her, then don't say anything."

"–gasp–Hey! I do...er...not like Sandy, okay?? We're friends. Just friends. Got that?"

"Sure, SpongeBob...whatever you say.."

"Patrick!! I don't...you know I can't–well she dosen't-"

"..."

"Yeah, well, same to you too, BUB!"

And with that, SpongeBob hung up the phone on Patrick's end, took a deep breath, and then returned to Sandy's line.

"Um...hello?" he asked in an unsure tone. There was a long pause before Sandy let out a sigh.

"Well. What took you so long, pardner??"

"I...I just had to–"

"It doesn't take anyone else that long to answer a question. Do you think I'm pretty, or don't you??"

"Well, er–there's this sort of...complication to that question, hehe! You see I–"

"You think I'm ugly, don't you..? You think I'm ugly!"

"Sandy, I don't–"

"You.think.I'm.UGLY!!"

"Sandy, Sandy! Calm down!!"

On the other line, Sandy was crying. Again.

"Oh, SpongeBob. I can't take it anymore! Larry and I broke up!!" she blurted. SpongeBob shot forward.

"Oh my God, really!?" he asked in an excited tone, a smile creeping across his face.

"Wait–what?" Sandy asked him. Clearly, she didn't understand why SpongeBob was rejoicing her pain.

"Uh–never mind. What I meant to say was: 'oh my God...really..?'" he corrected.

"Yeah, I know!" Sandy cried, making a loud, trumpet-like sound, and SpongeBob guessed she was blowing her nose.

"We went out to dinner just the other night, and he told me–sob–he told me that this 'thing' wasn't working out! Can you believe that guy?? He called our relationship a thing–and he used it in a way of dumping me!!" she cried some more.

"Oh, yeah, that's...that's some jerk..." SpongeBob said slowly, being a male and not really understanding why that was such a big deal.

"And you wanna know what else he did??" Sandy continued angrily.

"Uh–sure...?"

"Well, today I saw him over at Mussel Beach; he was lifting weights and showing off for Pearl. Can you believe that? PEARL!!"

"Hmm. Pearl, huh?" SpongeBob asked.

"I know!" Sandy replied. "She's only like, seventeen!"

"Ooh, I...didn't even think about that...wow, that's–that's kind of nasty."

"No, that's Larry! Always lookin' for somethin' new and fresh. So I guess the hip thing nowadays is to date high school girls–oh, okay!"

Despite how happy he was that the girl of his dreams was no longer dating the god of the waters, as people called him, SpongeBob still felt bad for her. After all, no matter how much he had hated it, Sandy had loved Larry. And nothing would ever change that.

"Gosh, Sandy...I'm awful sorry about what happened between you and Larry yesterday...I hope you feel better soon."

"Aw, it's okay, SpongeBob. I've dated so many guys before, and it's always the same line: easy come, easy go. I'm used to it by now. It's just that...Larry was the hottest one I'd ever dated..."

"–sigh–Yeah, well I gotta go, Sandy–"

"Wait! SpongeBob..?"

"Uh...yes, Sandy?"

"Do you...think maybe we could...you know, hang out tomorrow? Uh–not as a date, but...I just reeeeallly need somebody to talk to since–ahem–since the incident."

"Uh...sure. Sure, Sandy! How 'bout you come over to the Krusty Krab around noon?

"Great. See you there!"

"See you there. Bye!"

"Wait, SpongeBob?"

"Yeah...?"

"Thanks. You're the only friend I can really count on right now..."

SpongeBob blsuhed, and was lucky Sandy could not see his face.

"Oh, uh, I, uh–bye!"

And with that, he quickly hung up the phone, paused, and slapped himself on the forehead.

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. Please R&R:-)

Wuv,

Paige