It was happening again. The shadows whispering
to him. The words spoken so fast that they bleed together conveying no
message just a headache. He clutched his head and screamed out, 'Leave
me alone. Why won't you leave me alone?' demanded Goku.
'Because we can't.' said that voice that sounded
so like his own. 'We need you Kakarott. We need you…'
The shadows stopped. Goku opened his eyes slowly.
His wife was hovering over him in concern. 'Are you all right?' she asked.
The room was flooded with light. He had had the lights placed in such a
way that very little shadow was cast. That had been the first sign Chichi
got that something was not right. But what exactly was wrong she did not
know.
As far as Goku was concerned she never will, 'I
am fine.' He said putting forth that goofy son smile. 'You worry too much.'
A sad cast came over Chichi's face, 'Goku we have
been married for a long time. We have a five year old son for Kami's sake
and you still keep secrets from me. Why?' she asked, 'I mean you are not
suppose to keep secrets from your wife.'
'O come on Chichi.' Said Goku with a smile, 'You
keep secrets too.'
'Like what?' she wondered.
'Well you still haven't told me what you put in
your chicken soup.' Offered Goku.
Chichi began laughing, 'And you are never going
to find out either. That's an old family secret that I can only tell my
daughter or daughter in law.'
'Well I better hope Gohan grows up and falls in
love quickly so I can eavesdrop.' Said Goku in his friendly cheerful way.
Chichi laughed, 'O Goku.' She sighed, 'Ah my little
scholar. He will grow up soon.' She said as she walked out of the room
to check on Gohan. Nothing distracted Chichi as much as Gohan and Goku
was glad that it was so easy to distract his wife.
He sat down on the bed. Sleep was out of the question.
As soon as he closed his eyes the voices would return. The images would
return. Images of war, images of destruction, images of a civilisation
rising and falling and than losing its way and become something it was
never meant to be. He could deal with the images but he could not deal
with the whispers. He never knew simply sounds could convey such pain,
such longing, such… something else. The whispers were telling him something
yet he did not know what. The words made no sense. Once he tried to make
sense of them. Never learnt much. Something about being trapped and in
pain, something about a lesson and a prince, something about a place called
Vegitasei. Goku did not understand. He specially did not understand why
they kept calling him Kakarott.
'Because that is your name.' Came the voice. The
only one he heard distinctly. Goku looked up. A spider was casting a shadow
right on him. He moved away from the shadow. The voice, he knew, would
not speak to him now.
The first few years he clung to the shadows. The
whispers laced with pain as it was oddly soothed him. Saiyain or not he
was still only a child. A child who had had company all his life. Vegeta
always believed that he could do without company but left on his own he
knew better. How many time had he sat in the shadows listening to the endless
voices cry out their pain to him and prayed to every spirit he could think
of, except her, to give him company. The spirits did answer him. They always
answered prayers in which heart and minds were poured in. But their powers
were limited. In answer to his prayers for company they could only send
him the creatures that ran free in the woodlands, crawled around in the
deserts sands and soured the high skies their spirits untamed.
In another time, another place Vegeta would never
think of keeping pets. But now they were his only company. The spirits
had given his huge wild cat the ability to watch him. They gave his desert
lizard the ability to gaze upon his face and his hawk the ability to find
him no matter what. They were the only living beings in the entire universe
who could see him and to him they were the most cherished possession he
could ever have. But it was not enough. It would never be enough. To have
more Vegeta knew he had to prey to a spirit whose powers were so great
that it seemed to have no limits. He had to pray to her. But he would never
pray to her. he would never pray to the spirit of Vegitasei. He would not
pray to her because he knew that as a Prince of the house of Vegitasei
he was not suppose to even acknowledge her existence. He would not pray
to her, he would not…
The island was small but nice. The waves were
good. The weather was great. Most of all, minus the old perverts ogling
and the little pigs underwear fetish, it was a nice warm place to be. He
had spent a lot of time there. When he was young but somehow he didn't
feel any joy at the prospect of going there now. Shadows so many shadows
lurked there. So many shadows that threatened to drive him mad with there
endless whispering. Goku shuddered but he kept silent. Chichi really wanted
to get out of the house and he could not say no to her. He never could.
So he went. After all it was a chance to see all his friends.
Even the ones he hadn't seen for awhile, 'Hey
Bulma nice to see you.' He called out as he ran to the blue haired genius.
'How are you? I like your new hairstyle.'
'Really?' She said as she touched her hair, 'You
don't think its too short.'
'Well, a little but it'll grow back.' He said
with a smile.
Bulma giggled, 'O Goku don't ever change.' She
said, 'Now where is your son.'
'O he over there, come.' Said Goku as he ushered
his oldest friend to his wife and son. They were sitting under the shadow
of a palm tree. Keeping away from the rays of the sun. Keeping away from
him, though they did not mean to.
He stopped well away from the shadows and watched
as Bulma ran over to his son and began to bombard the child with questions.
He watched with a smile on his face like always. Hiding the dread that
was in his eyes as he gazed down upon the dark shadow. So simple yet so
very frightening. 'Goku why don't you come and sit next to us?' suggested
his wife.
'No thanks, I'll let you guys talk, I want to
get some training done.' So saying he ran off to find Krillian. In truth
he was running from the shadows but they did not know that. Left up to
him they would never know that.
The desert wind ruffled her hair as it blew grit
up in the air. The little Prince was at it again. Clutching his cat, trying
not to remember the time when the planet was full. Trying to fight the
most natural instinct a Saiyain possessed when under duress and fight and
flight was out of the question. He was trying to fight the urge to drop
down on his knees and to appeal to the planet itself. She shook her head,
or rather the illusion of a head that she had created to give form to what
had no form. It hurt, it hurt her immensely when her children suffered.
With their souls linked to the planet, the planet could always feel the
pain of a Saiyain and as she was the planet she felt the pain of every
Saiyain that now existed in limbo and the two who did not. It was not a
nice sensation. The curse was harder on her than it was on her children.
She could break it. She had the power but she knew what would happen if
she did. Death, destruction and she wasn't talking about other species
either. The witches curse was cruel indeed but it was teaching the Saiyains
a lesson they really needed to learn. It was teaching Vegeta a lesson he
needed to learn and one day, one day he would learn and her children would
be free. Till than the planet would suffer under the soul crushing weight
of grief and pain, till than she must suffer under the soul crushing weight
of her children tears. But she would survive, she could survive this. She
would not survive if the witches curse was never brought into force.
She gazed up at the sky and through the atmosphere.
Her supernatural eyes tracked through space defying time, bending space.
Soon she was gazing down upon a blue planet teaming with life. There she
saw the only other of her children who was not in limbo. Kakarott or as
he would like to be called Son Goku. He had developed exactly like she
hoped he would. More like a Saiyain than anybody could imagine but at the
same time different. It was time for him to return home. Soon he would
be returning and he would bring the sapphire eyed female as well. She smiled,
'You may not pray to me for company Vegeta but it does not mean I am not
going to give it to you.' She did not bother saying the words in Vegeta's
mind, she knew they would only earn her scorn.
In a mistaken belief that he could rise to godhood
in the eyes of the Saiyain people one of Vegeta's ancestors and swore her
existence to be false and made it a crime to turn to her. He died a miserable
creature, consumed by his own empty ambition to an extent that even the
gentlest and kindest of Vegitaseien spirits turned their back on him. But
he had left a lasting legacy in which the planet had no place in the psyche
of Saiyains. It was just a ball of dirt that existed to serve them no matter
what. It was than that the Saiyains first lost their way. It only got worse
from there.
There was a full moon that night. He stayed in
its light holding her close. Sleep would come soon. Perhaps, perhaps tonight
would be better. Perhaps tonight he would hear less voices, perhaps… heavy
with sleep his eyes drifted closed and for a time nothing but darkness
filled his mind and silence reigned in his heart. But than, than the shadows
began to whisper though the darkness remained. The endless string of nonsensical
words drifted through his mind leaving behind a trail of hurt and pain.
His eyes snapped open but the darkness did not lift. For a moment panic
gripped his heart as he though he had gone blind. 'NO.' he screamed. Shadows,
nothing but shadows, all around him. Gripping his mind, raving his soul
driving him mad. 'NO.' he screamed again as he lashed out against it. Against
the overwhelming, over powering sensation of insanity creeping up on him
like a thief in the night, posed to steal his mind. 'NO.' he screamed as
power began to course through his body. He would not let his mind be stolen,
he would not be driven mad. He had never lost a battle before and he was
not going to lose one now.
'Kakarott!' came the voice, 'Control yourself.
This is achieving nothing, think, remember…' said the voice of his father…
his father. In a flash he remembered everything. everything from before
he hit his head against the cold hard ground. He remembered what was feed
into his brain during the long journey from Vegitasei to earth. A monster,
a killer, that's what he truly was, that's what he was suppose to be. He
was not suppose to wed Chichi or befriend Bulma and Krillian he was suppose
to destroy them.
A sob escaped him as what he was came crashing
down upon him. But he could be a monster, he just couldn't be. He lashed
out against it. His power rising as he fought to drive away the image of
him he saw in his mind. A murderer, a creature that can only be described
as evil, 'NO!' he screamed again, 'I am not a monster.'
'And neither are we.' Said Bardock, 'Or rather
it is not what we were meant to be. But a race as old as ours can't survive
as long as we have without losing our way. The wisest of races lose their
way and whatever we were we were not wise. But time in the limbo has taught
us wisdom and taught me your value. When you first met the female with
the blue hair you laughed as you told her that you thought your parents
didn't want you. Did you really find the knowledge so light?' he asked
softly.
'No.' answered Kakarott with tears streaming down
his eyes, 'Why didn't you want me?' he asked a painful note in his voice.
Years of not pretending to care, years of not believing to care was being
washed away against his will. He did care, he realised than he always had.
'You were weak.' Answered Bardock, 'A birth Ki
of two. I was ashamed. So I did what we always have done with children
so weak. I gave you to the pod-seeding unit and they sent you to earth.
If you survived and cleared the planet you would have earned your place
in Saiyain society. I had no doubt you would do so. I saw it, as I was
taught to see it, as shielding you from the enemies of the Saiyain empire.'
A weary chuckle, 'It seems I was right. I mean if you haven't noticed you
are not in the limbo with us.'
'Do you regret it?' asked Kakarott, 'Do you regret
sending me away?'
'Do I regret saving my son from joining me in
limbo? No. Do I regret what my son has become? No. I know I should condemn
you for being a over sensitive weakling but as I said before life in the
limbo has taught us wisdom and I don't regret what you have become. So
the answer to your question is yes. I would do it again.'
As unlikely as it was Goku found that was exactly
what he wanted to hear. 'What do you want me to do? What happened?'
'A curse Kakarott. A curse was placed on us by
a witch more powerful than you can ever imagine. A curse that ends when…'
suddenly the clarity was done and nothing but mindless chattering began
to fill his mind.
'Father?' asked Goku, suddenly he felt cold inside
and he knew that he would never hear his father again till this curse he
spoke of was broken, 'Father!' he screamed as his vision returned and he
saw his friends and family surround him with fear imprinted on their faces.
He saw to his horror that in his frenzy he had harmed his wife. Chichi
lay on the ground unconscious, 'Chichi.' Yelled Goku as he picked her up
and flew towards the hospital. Gohan had not been there to witness the
chaotic scene probably slept through the whole thing. A fact he was supremely
grateful for. With tears streaming down his face and mindless whispers
clouding his brain he rushed her to an emergency ward. The doctors told
him it was not too serious but would have been if he had been late but
a moment.
As he waited for her to wake up, his head empty
of tears but filled with the whispers, he formulated in his mind what he
had to do. The whispers would not stop. He knew that. The shadows would
whisper in his head till they drove him mad and forced him to take his
own life. He would never hear his father again unless he got him out of
the limbo. He could not run from the shadows anymore. They were every where
now, even within his own soul. He was going to have to face things head
on. He had to go home. He had to return to Vegitasei.
'Mr. Son, you wife is awake now. You can go and
see her.' Said the doctor. Goku nodded and slowly got up. For the first
time he realised that some time during the course of the night his friends
had joined him. He smiled at them and followed the doctor to the Chichi's
room. The other waited outside till the doctor and nurse cleared out than
they snack in. none of them really wanted to deal with a doctor telling
them they couldn't be there because the patient needed rest.
'Mom!' screamed Gohan as he scrambled over to
her, 'Are you alright?'
'I am fine.' She said with a forced smile, 'Or
at least I will be as soon as your father explains what happened back there.'
She said the smile vanishing for her lips. Goku sat down in a chair next
to her and pressed his hand to his forehead as he tried to recall when
the voices first began. Slowly and as clearly as he could he told them
everything.
When he finished a dead silence filled the room,
'Why didn't you tell us this before?' demanded Bulma, 'I mean we could
have helped you.'
Goku shook his head, 'No you could not. You still
can't.' he stopped, 'That is not true, you can help me.' He informed
Bulma, 'My ship, the Saiyain space pod I came here in, I need you to rebuild
it. Will you do it please?' he begged. Bulma could not remember the last
time he had begged.
'But Goku why?' asked Chichi fearing the answer.
'I need to go back Chichi.' Said Goku, 'I can't
stay here, I can't stay near any of you. If the shadows don't stop I will
go mad and I will end up completing the task I was sent here to complete.
I can't stay here. I need to make the shadows stop and the only way I can
do that is by going to Vegitasei.' He looked her straight in the eye. 'I
need to go home Chichi. I need…'
'This is your home Goku.' Chichi pleaded. 'Your
home is here with us. Your family and friends.'
'Yes it is.' Agreed Goku, 'But my planet calls
to my blood Chichi. A longing I could not explain has plagued me all my
life. When I fought the longing sort of disappeared and I thought that
the longing was for battles, good battles, battles that test my limits.
But now I understand. The longing is for the planet I was born on. Saiyains
are linked to the planet Vegitasei. No Saiyain could ever imagine a future
without it existing.' A wiry smile curved up his face, 'It is perhaps ironic
that a race that would probably fall in thaws of despair, at least for
a little while, if their planet was destroyed would be the means by which
thousands of species lost their home worlds.' A look of sadness came over
him as grief clouded his eyes. Grief at what his race had become, grief
at the severity of the lesson they had to learn. It was clear to his friends
and family that with his Saiyain side awakened he would not reset till
he had felt the soft sands of Vegitasei beneath his feet once again.
'Take me.' Said Bulma, 'Take me to the ship and
I'll fix it for you.' She said.
'Thank you.' Said Goku. Than he turned to his
wife, 'I can't stay with you Chichi. I'll only end up hurting you if I
stay. Wait for me, please. Wait for me till I can make the shadows stop.'
He pleaded.
'Of course I will.' Said Chichi softly, 'Why would
you ever think I wouldn't?' she asked in amazement.
'I don't.' said Goku as he gave her a brief hug
and a barely detectable peck on the cheeks. He never was good at showing
his emotions towards her in public. Than he turn to his son, the little
boy had his arms wrapped around his legs in a silent plea. Slowly Goku
extracted him and held him in his arm, 'Be strong and take care of your
mother for me. Okay?'
'Okay.' Said the little boy trying not to burst
into tears. Gohan was an intelligent little boy but there were emotions
involved here that a five year old just could not grasp. All he knew was
that his father was leaving and it was making his mother sad and breaking
his little heart. But his father wanted him to be strong and to make his
father proud he would be strong. Goku smiled. Placing Gohan next to his
mother and stepped back. He stared at the two of them for the longest time,
as if he was burning the image into his brain, given the intense look on
his face he probably was.
At last he turned away. Sweeping Bulma into his
arms he flew out the wind. Not bothering to call for nimbus knowing that
the creature in his arms would not be able to get on it. Bulma had a good
heart but not a pure one. Purity was after all something totally different.
The ship was damaged beyond repair. She and her
father had to rebuild it pretty much from scratch. But they retrieved the
engine and the navigational computers and improved them to an extent the
original creators would have believe impossible. But they did it and it
didn't even take that long. Just under a month. Than she went in search
of him. It was not easy. Goku was hard to find when he didn't want to be
found.
But she did find him and the moment after she
did she wished she hadn't. She found him in a cave not far from where he
grew up. His hands slapped across his ears, his face twisted in agony and
his mouth endlessly whispering the words, 'Shut up, shut up.'
'Goku!' she screamed as she ran to him, 'Please
speak to me or please kami help him.' She uttered as she tried to get him
to his feet thought she was not sure why.
Goku pushed her away. She slammed into the cave
wall and instantly lost consciousness. By the time she came to so had he.
'I am sorry.' He whispered as he helped her up. 'It gets pretty bad sometimes.'
Bulma nodded, 'The ship is ready.'
'Good.' Said Goku, 'I'll leave immediately. I
don't need much after all. How long before it reaches Vegitasei?' he asked.
'If the data in the navigational computer is correct
about a week.' She said, 'Just give me a minute to grab some more capsules
from my father and than we can leave.'
Goku blinked, 'You are not serious. I mean think
about it.' He pleaded, 'I am unstable, we are going to planet about whose
current condition we know little. I mean you can get seriously hurt or
die.' Pointed out Goku.
Thinking her selfishness never showed up in the
right time she said, 'I am going with you and that's final. You are in
no condition to fly a ship half way across the galaxy and you are certainly
in no position to boss me around.' She said angrily. Goku felt like hiding
behind a rock till she cooled down, 'Now either you take me with you or
stay in his cave and die. Your choice?'
'Okay, you can come.' Said Goku, 'But don't say
I didn't warn you.'
Bulma smiled, 'Goku you would never hurt me. I
know you wouldn't.'
'I just did.' He pointed out.
'I mean, you won't hurt me again.' Said Bulma
as she turned her back to him and walked out of the cave her arms stretched
out in expiration, 'Why do I bother?' she grumbled. Goku grinned and followed
her. But inside, inside he was scared. He didn't want to hurt Bulma. She
was like an older sister to him. An older, very louder sister but a much
loved one too. He would never be able to forgive himself if he hurt her.
He closed his eyes and remembered everything he had ever been taught about
control. He was going to need it all. But he spirits were on his side.
Little happened during the journey to Vegitasei and soon the ship was standing
on the ancient sands of Vegitasei…
Author's note: Well what did you think? Please
give me your honest opinion. Next chapter will be out… well since
this is my last V/B fic I am going to take my sweet time and make it perfect.
Or at least as perfect as I can get it. Have fun and email me your comments
at s354033@student.uq.edu.au
- Tinni
Shadows
By: Tinni