Tick. Tick. Tick. The seconds were slowly melting away as I sat there. Tick. Tick. Tick. It was driving me insane. I am not one to sit around waiting for something to happen, it's just not in me, but what the hell could I do? This was a question I repeatedly asked myself and that little voice inside my head never failed to answer back, nothing. I clenched my teeth trying to suppress the urge to growl, something I failed at. This is maddening. I thought as I nervously ran my fingers through my long black hair. This waiting was making me insane, well more insane; I'm pretty sure I crossed the insanity line a long time ago. That however is a different matter I'd like to completely forget about. It's proving difficult to forget it though when my last sliver of sanity is laying there injured, dying for all I know. No she won't die. I won't allow it. I released a sigh trying to calm my nerves and to shut my panicking mind up. Finally, after what felt like centuries the doors opened and a nurse walked in. I was immediately out of my seat and questioning her.
"Is she okay?" I asked and despite my voice changer in my mask, my voice still came out hurried and panicked much to my frustration. The nurse quickly nodded her head, slightly fearful of what would happen if she didn't answer quick enough.
"Yes, she will be fine. However, it'll be a few days before she wakes up." I let out a breath; I didn't know I was holding. Thank God. I thought, God only knows what I would do if I lost her too.
"So can I see her?" I asked regaining that emotionless tone my mask gives me. Finally sounding like my old self not some worried sick, pathetic fool like before. The nurse nodded her head probably knowing better than to try to deny me of what I really wanted; what I needed. With a swoosh of my cape I was gone and on my way to find her room.
It was a long walk that seemed to take ages, I felt about a hundred years old as I finally reached my goal. Her door was shut and I had to take a deep breath to try to control my rapidly beating heart. With a shaking hand I reached out for the handle and turn it. A click greeted my ears and I slowly pushed the door open. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight that greeted me. Machines were hooked into her body; she was bandaged and bruised on almost every inch of her visible skin. I felt sick with rage at the sight of her. Immediately my rage focused on her. Why wasn't she more careful? Why did she risk her life? My mind screamed before quieting down as I realized this was all my fault. Guilt hit me like I was getting run over by a train. It made me physically sick and I vowed to myself that I would never I allow her to be put in harm's way again. With my raging emotions finally somewhat under control I walked to her bed side. Even in this state she was beautiful and I couldn't help but run my still shaking hand across her soft cheek. She looked so peaceful, so content, sleeping. I felt the sudden urge to make sure she always looked this peaceful; it was overwhelming. She was supposed to be my body guard yet, I wanted to lock her away and protect her from this horrid place we called Earth. I spotted a chair nearby and with my free hand reached over to pull it right up next to her bed.
As I sat down exhaustion finally hit me, worrying for her had taken its toll and I was feeling completely drained. I reached out one last time to stroke her hair. As my fingers slid through it I whispered a good night into her ear before finally succumbing to my exhaustion.
Light came beaming in through my visor much too soon for my liking and with a groan I forcefully pried my tired eyes open. As I looked around slightly confused, I had to allow my mind a few moments to catch up and to present me with a reason as to why I was in the infirmary. Then, I remembered; Kallen. I glanced over to see her still sleeping peacefully in the bed right next to me. Before I knew what I was doing I trucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Letting out a sigh I sat there watching her sleeping, plotting ways to keep her safe in my head. Suddenly, a faint knocked jarred me away from my thoughts.
"Kallen?" A shaky voice asked through the door. I let out a sigh knowing I would have company in a few minutes. The handle turned and I watched Ohgi enter the room.
"Zero?" He asked the shock evident in his voice. "What are you doing here?" Turning to face him yet never leave my position beside her bed, I replied.
"Just checking up on my Ace." I let my mechanical voice fill the room and watched as my second in command studied me intently. He seemed to catch something and he scowled at whatever it was.
"You've been here all night haven't you?" His question rammed my brain. Oh shit, how do I answer that? I was in full scale panic mode. I can't show whatever this maybe that I feel for her I can't let that out. Plus, Ohgi is like her big brother, God he would kill me. I thought still unable to form words with my now numb mouth. "I though so." Ohgi responded before dropping his head. I stood there frozen to the spot knowing I should deny all of this; however for once in my life I was speechless. I watched as Ohgi began sorting what all of this meant out in his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out a sigh and looking at me. "Don't you dare hurt her." He threatened and despite my position as his commander I felt a slight twinge of fear swell up. I swallowed said fear and quickly pushed it away before replying.
"Don't worry," My toneless voice filled the room and despite the regret I was feeling allowed me to stay emotionless to Ohgi's ears. "I can't ever allow us to be together." I finished before turning my head to look at the motionless pilot beside me.
"You really care for her don't you?" Ohgi's voice softened as he asked and he walked to stand by her bed side, right in front of me. I nodded softly, hoping he would miss the small gesture completely since this is a subject I really didn't want to talk to anybody about especially Ohgi. Ohgi however noticed and nodded his head slowly I guess still trying to digest all of this new information. He paused I guess gathering his strength as he looked right at me. "Do you love her?" He asked and I felt like he had just punched me in the gut. All the air quickly escaped my lungs and I felt like a fish without water. I was panicking and trying to remember how to breathe. Do I love her? The question played like a mantra in my head. Do I love her? I don't know. This was all too fast. What was the right answer? What did Ohgi want me to say? Yes? No? Too many thoughts were racing through my head and with a sigh I responded.
"I don't know." I whispered as Ohgi stared back at me obviously wanting something more. "Maybe I could someday, but we are in the middle of a war and…I…she means a lot to me….I don't want to hurt her…" I stuttered on and on most likely sounding like a babbling idiot. Ohgi just nodded.
"I figured so, but you hurt her in any way, shape, or form, I don't care if you are Zero, I will make you suffer." He threated before turning to walk out the door. I let out a sigh of relieve to see him go. That was quiet possibly one of the worsted conversations I have ever had. I turned my sight back to my sleeping Q1 as much as I wanted to stay with her I had work to do and the nurse said it could take a while for her to wake up, so with much reluctance I forced myself to leave her side and return to my quarters, but not before telling the nurse to call me if there was any change in her condition.
It had been a long three days and still my Q1 had not woken up. I was growing extremely frustrated and irritable. Much of this anger I took out on her medical staff. I demanded they find a way to wake her up, but they would just calming responded with a "She needs time to recover." or "She should wake up any day now." I was beyond pissed as I shoved my way into her still room and of course there she was still sleeping; taunting me by not waking up so I could hear her lovely voice. I let out a long sigh before taking up my silent vigil over her. With one last glance at her I went to work on my laptop making sure I had taken all of the necessary precautions from the next phase of my plan. Sudden groan jarred me away from the computer screen to look over at my pilot. I watched as she slowly woke up her eye lids fluttering open to show me her bright blue eyes. Confusion was evident on her beautiful face and I silently watched as she got use to her surroundings. Suddenly her eyes reached mine and even more confusion played across her face. She parted her lips and in a dry hoarse whisper she asked. "Lelouch?"