Sequel to "All or Nothing" - read it if you haven't already - this story'll make more sense. Kurt does some thinking.
Disclaimer: They aren't my characters, though I wish they were.
IA hand touches his cheek, and he smiles at the reverential wonder he feels in the hard, callused fingers./I
Kurt stared out through his window, trying to think.
IPassionate arms close around him, pulling him near, fiery lust filling the air with sunlight./I
Trying to think about relationships, and more importantly, about Logan.
ILimbs lying wrapped around him, an arm, elbow on hip, loosely curled fist resting over his heart, one leg carelessly entwined with his own./I
Trying to decide whether it was worth it.
IHot breath on his neck, warm lips moving in an unconscious kiss./I
Worth the uncertainty and pain.
ISweet white lies mixing with salt tears in his mouth, warm flesh and cold steel burying an unbroken heart./I
Worth the constant fear that he'd leave.
The window was open, and a cool breeze blew up against him, making the blue fur ruffle up on his bare arms. He shuddered, both from the cold and from a subconscious rejection of being left alone, in echo of his earlier thoughts.
"Jesus, Elf, this room is cold," Logan complained.
Kurt started at the sound of the unexpected voice, his tail a blue whip as it lashed through the air in the wake of his turn, a mercurial blur of motion. He immediately dropped his defensive posture, a faint flush at his own overreaction warming his cheeks.
"Entschuldigung," he muttered quietly as he straightened.
"Didn't mean to scare you, Elf," Apology mixed with amusement filled his voice. A hand reached forward to clasp around his forearm, and slid up in a strong caress to rest just above Kurt's elbow. IYou know I'd never hurt you./I The words were unspoken, but clear in the soft, soothing gesture. And they felt bitter and black, like sickly lead hidden in his heart.
Like velvet blue death he had spun, and it had been almost a shame to see such graceful-sleek perfection melt into soft-quiet courtesy as Kurt's alarm faded. He reached out, to smooth the embarrassment and brush the apology from the silky azure fur. A beat from the slowing pulse bumped against his fingers as they ghosted over his wrist.
"What were you thinking of so hard?" Logan asked, laughter veiled under his question.
Kurt smiled, and Logan didn't see the smothered sorrow in the lambent yellow eyes. "You." He said simply, and Logan felt his heart contract, unaware of his double meaning.
Kurt stepped towards him, clawed blue fingers feeling soft against his neck, the blue fur so short as to feel like the finest suede, and then he followed them with his lips, shaping words in German against his skin. Ich liebe Sie, aber es muss alles oder nichts sein.
He opened his mouth to tell Kurt how he finally understands that it Iis/I all, and it always has been, only he was too afraid to see just in case it would be snatched from him, but Kurt closes it with a kiss, and his hands on Logan hold some desperation that he doesn't recognise, and he can tell him later, after they're done.
Kurt had stopped looking too soon, stopped trying to stare through steel and hadn't noticed when the barrier lifted and the truth was plain to see. And he knew that Logan would never ever hurt him, or at least not on purpose, but what good did that do when he didn't see, every day, how Kurt was shattering himself on the thick cold armour that was worn unthinking?
Kurt waited until the hot breathing rimmed with warm lips had faded into stillness, until the limbs had lost their possessive pride and simply fell around him in a lax embrace, and he wriggled from the bed - warm and soft and smelling of Logan and sex. Logan stirred slightly, and Kurt snugged the blankets back, and kissed those lips in a last goodbye, resolve crumbling only to be re-gripped in a clenched fist as they moved into a sleeping smile underneath his own.
The inside of his cheek tasted of hot copper and salt, and the air felt cold as knives of ice, and he bid his final goodbye the slumbering room. He made his last empty declaration of love and fear, and he was gone from the dark room too late to see sleep-blurred lips change from sweet white lies to strong red truth as they finally whispered the words he'd longed for.