Sloppy Seconds
Summary: She was tired of giving in to her own stupidity and he had convinced himself their arrangement was infallible. Rory/Logan. One Shot.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own the show or any of the characters in it.
A/N: Huge writers' block concerning my other story, so I took a break and this came out. And Rachael Yamagata, The Reason Why? Download it.
He was right. She's convenienced herself to meet his wants but still hates to admit when she's wrong. It's almost enough for her to retract her thoughts and keep quiet. But her forgotten ethics just wouldn't stand for such a bold move.
"No strings attached." What had she been on? And he had known it.
"You think you want this now..."
Rory chews on the inside of her mouth, phased out from another sappy movie marathon. She hasn't stepped foot outside the dorm ever since last night, a quick run to the mini-market after he dropped her off at the front door. Idly picking at the fleece throw, Rory vaguely wonders when exactly she had changed; sleeping with married men, breaking hearts, lives, agreeing to an open relationship. Supposedly, it's always been with her, spontaneity, a disregarded trait she's suffocated beneath because Lorelai's always been impulsive and carefree for the both of them. God, she's someone's sloppy seconds. Truly pathetic.
"I can't do this anymore." Rory slides from beneath him, using her thumb to wipe off the smeared lipstick.
"It's easy Ace, I promise," and he halts her pacing, leaning in to gently argue his case.
"No, Logan!" She's shaken, very willing to comply but trying to dismiss the need. "I don't want to do this. God! I'm so stupid! You're not even here."
Logan looks on blankly, because obviously, he's right in front of her. "I mean, you only come to me for an ego boost, or-" Rory closes her eyes, wishing him away with her non-existent superhero powers she's wanted since the age of seven. "Or a booty call."
He stifles a chuckle and clears his throat, but won't forget that Rory Gilmore's called herself a booty call. "You know I'd never refer to you as that."
"That's just because you'd find a euphemism to substitute the word. Leave. I know you're not in this so that we'd eventually have the "where are we" conversation."
The shift in her attitude throws him off and he's becoming defensive. "So this is it? You get to dictate our dysfunctional relationship?" He's scared shitless. Isn't even sure why he's arguing. Isn't even sure if he wants to argue.
Rory nods her head furiously, "Exactly, I'm the one getting hurt here. I don't see you rearranging your social calendar to spend time with me." She's scared shitless. She feels out of touch with her morals, seeing as how she hasn't relied on them for quite some time.
Logan hates when people try to categorize him. Molding him into an image, one that would suit everyone else but himself; he's selfish like that. He wouldn't use the exact phrase 'I told you so,' yet it seemed to be a current theme blurring beneath his words. "You said you wanted this. That you could handle this."
Angry works for her. "I can change my mind, Logan. Or is that not part of the bargain" She just wants him to walk away from this, her, but can't stand to look at him when he does. "Do you want me to keep my mouth shut? Carry on as if nothing's wrong"
Yes, he wants to say. Yes, leave things the way they are. It's suited him so far. "Don't be ridiculous Rory. I just..."
"See? You don't even know what you want, Logan." She stands firm, resolute, holding onto the threads of her resentment. "But I do. At least I do now. I can't sit at home anymore, waiting for a phone call. Distracting myself with anything just so I don't end up with mental images of you and some random girl in your dorm."
Her bluntness surprises the both of them. She's had a tendency for keeping quiet these days, especially when he's around, willing to make this work. What a joke. This wasn't her. Doesn't know how she's managed the charade for this long.
He's blindsided, hadn't realized how much he's come to rely on her, hadn't started considering how their relationship would end. But knows he would've never pictured this. "Rory," and wavers. "So what? We forget this ever happened? Duck into abandoned hallways when the other person comes?"
Rory bites her lip in retaliation when her vision starts to blur. She doesn't want to think about how they're now acquaintances, strangers. How they'll never share a bed again, or how he'll never map out haphazard roads on her stomach while she idly dreams up places they both know they'll never visit together, but promise one another all the same. Her hand trembles as she runs it thorough her hair, tangling it more than anything else. "Exactly," eyes closed, breathless to the point where he is forced to bend forward to prove the word had materialized.
And there it goes. Dropped to the floor by careless hands and emotions, fragile enough to break at the hint of conflict. Gone was their arrangement, their friendship, them. The silence becomes unbearable, yet neither feels compelled to smooth out the sharp edges of their finale with soft words and bittersweet regrets simply because it would be a waste of breath in an uncompromising situation.
"Please" she repeats, begs, out loud, under her breath, in her brain. "Just leave."
Tears are falling, despite protests and mild scolding and she slowly slumps to the floor, leaning her back against the bed frame. Logan quickly closes the strides between them, tentatively settling cross-legged in front of her. She's buried her face beneath her hair and he hesitantly tucks it behind her ears, a move he's perfected these last couple of months. It signifies another memory to taunt her when she's standing alone and reminiscing about him and her.
Noticing the pained expression- she's still whispering without a sound- he deftly leans in and captures her mouth with his. Bracing himself forward, he's trying to replace the tears with kisses, ironically making the situation worse. He can feel her tightening, coming to her senses; she knows that he isn't trying to say goodbye but instead trying to change her mind.
Rory's desperate; simultaneously fearing and hoping that he will let go soon, knowing that if they stay like this, the aftermath would kill her. But he's slipping his tongue into her mouth again and she tries to forget the ending and stay in this interlude for as long as she can. But she can't or thankfully won't, and instead makes her final advance in this relationship.
He's resting his forehead against hers, and her eyes are still shut tight, focusing on his short breaths, comforted to realize she wasn't the only one nervous. "Promise me you'll try."
Try to be better, try to be a boyfriend, try not to hurt her.
Rory's eyelashes flutter against his skin and now it's his turn to fix this mess. This is his last chance, they both know that. But all the reasons why he can't commit are still there, circling in the air, waiting for the perfect moment to tear them apart. And so he sticks to his strengths and cups her face, bringing his mouth to hers.
But she shakes her head and he can feel the movement and she clutches his hands in hers and involuntarily digs her nails into his skin. "No," Rory's voice is stiff and uncompromising. She needs to hear the words. "Promise me."
He stares back just as unrelenting but she isn't backing down this time. He knows that she's worth more than casual one-night stands and morning hangovers and last minute struggles to remember the girl's name. Because he's only forgotten her name once, but he's learned her neurotic tendencies, and knows how she fits beside him at nights, and knows that when she's happy, he is too.
He musters up enough courage and eloquence to utter, "I swear."
And suddenly, the mood is brighter, as if all the blinds have magically opened, the solemnity dissipating from the room. She throws her arms around him, knees awkwardly bumping, but neither of them wince. Like a child, she murmurs "Thank you" and he laughs out loud before she shifts all her weight on him; they're rolling around on the floor like little kids and she accidentally bites his lip because she's smiling so hard as he kisses her.