A/N: Okay, this is everyones' punishment for not reviewing fast enough OR accurately enough. *Smirks evilly*
XD I'm just kidding. How you review or how fast you review is your business, and I don't care too much as long as it gets sent in. But not this time... *Chuckles evilly*
No... TODAY, I will be posting something a LITTLE different than my usual fics where I actually TRY.
Complete opposite here. I barely even tried... *Shrugs*
And I LIKED it! *Thunder strikes* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Seriously, I was sick of the routine, so I wanted to do something a bit more... none-traditional. *Smirks* Trust me, it's gonna hurt your brains! And it's on PURPOSE!
Disclaimer: Own me not.
History's Most Horrible FanFic!
One-Shot
Arnold jumped out of bed, a full blown grin spread across his oblong head.
He just LOVED school!
He rode there on his bike, making it there in record time and bursting through the doors without any sort of hesitation. He grinned at his surroundings. He spotted Lila off in the distance, and ran at her, grabbing her by her braid and pulling her head down to his so he could look her in the eye - Curse his inhuman shortness! Nature sucks.
Lila raised an eyebrow at him, going clear past her seaweed green bangs. Arnold stared at her. "Hey Lulu, what did you DO to your HAIR?"
Lila smirked, pulling her braid out of his grip, but unfortunately her entire braid just ripped out into his hand. She shrugged it off, though. He could have it. It was messin' with her new pimp look anyway. She was looking MUCH too symmetrical. She smirked at him, making sure her bright pink locks were ruffled just ENOUGH. "Well, Captain Turtle Neck, I decided I'd do something a little different with my look."
Arnold's eye twitched, and he threw down her braid in disgust. "You are gross!" He yelled to her face, before she suddenly kissed him. He spit into her mouth, and she pulled back, sticking her tongue. Arnold growled at her. "Kiss me again and I'll send my girlfriend after you!"
Lila gasped, shrinking under his fierce gaze. "Y-Y-Y-Y-You wouldn't!"
Arnold laughed evilly. "Oh, but I WOULD!"
Helga stomped around the corner then, looking as gorgeous as ever.
Arnold bowed before her. (A/N: I told you it was bad! XD) She smirked at his presence before her. "Good day sir Peasant."
Arnold stood then, staring at her adoringly. "And to you, kind sir." He kissed her hand.
Helga's bright blue eyes flicked over to Lila's plain gray ones, which seemed silver in the moonlight and seemed to sparkle, but of course now they were as cold as steel. Helga pointed her royal scepter towards the wench. "Cruel Beast, what are you doing in my kingdom?"
Lila gulped, floundering about on the floor. "I don't know!" She cried, bawling into her pet poodle, Fifi.
Helga gasped, looking over to Arnold, who stood there with a stupid grin, staring at her lovesick. "Good sir, what did she DO to you?"
Arnold took a step towards her. "I did nothing with her, Helga."
Helga narrowed her eyebrow down to her nose. "And HOW can you say such a dreaded remark that just WREAKS of dishonesty?"
Arnold gasped, shaking his head in hurt. "But I really did nothing. SHE was the one who kissed ME!"
Helga nearly fell over in shock... actually she did.
Arnold yelped, grabbing her arm to try and pull her up, but curse his scrawny arms, he wasn't strong enough!
They both screamed in terror, falling... falling!
"Oof."
They both landed on the floor, in eachothers' arms. Arnold grinned, hugging her tighter. "I think I could get used to this, Mi Amor."
Helga did a back flip, now on her feet, she growled fiercely at Lila. "And so... I shall kill ye!"
Lila screamed herself into oblivion.
Helga blinked, staring down at her scepter. "Well, that's weird. I didn't even do anything."
Arnold jumped up suddenly, grabbing her and dipping her back. "Oh, but you don't have to do anything. You're just that good."
Helga giggled.
A crash suddenly sounded from around the corner, and they both jolted, suddenly finding themselves riding horse back out of nowhere. They looked up, staring at Harold who was the leader of the pack. He drew his sword, pointing it forward heroically. "Forward! Mush! Mush!"
All the ladies swooned. His pudginess was just so dreamy! The way his long, wavy belly button hair was braided so expertly, the chocolate smeared across his face from lunch, his one buck tooth shining brilliantly in the sun. He was a total babe!
Arnold scowled at the sight of Helga staring dreamily at him. He grabbed her possessively to himself, mulling over the idea of throwing Harold into a lake for trying to steal his woman.
Besides, he was BLONDE! Harold wasn't blonde! But HE was, and Helga was blonde. It was so obviously a sign that they were soul mates. Der'! All the best couples had to have the same hair color, everyone knew that!
Like Curly and Rhonda for example, both with thick, black locks and making out thoroughly on their horse.
Not a bad idea.
Arnold pulled Helga closer, beginning to flirt with her in whisper, which she giggled in response to. Oh yes, they were just so obviously smitten it hurt.
Sid screamed like a little girl, ducking behind his horse in fear of the 'Great Fish Smelling One'.
Arnie, eighty feet tall, stared down at them, his thunderous snort rattling throughout all of the land.
He grinned creepily. "Oooooh! Pretty horsies! Lunch!" He grabbed them all up, Arnold picking up Helga in his arms and fleeing away like mad, the only thoughts running through his head being, 'Arnie! How could he possibly think horses are yummy? I'd go for the lambs... they have MUCH more meat on them.' He looked down at Helga, seemingly sniffing him. He smirked. 'Oh yeah, she so obviously digs me. I've gotta go find a cave so I can make out with her now.' And with that, they were gone, off to get married in Canada and live in a hollow pumkin on the edge of the woods for the rest of eternity - And of course you couldn't forget the eight dozen kids they'd set free in the wilderness so they could fend for themselves and prove their worthiness of living in the pumpkin with the rest of their kin folk.
Arnie grabbed up Curly, sticking him into his mouth first, along with his horse, while Rhonda waited on the side lines with a slightly horror-stricken expression on her face.
Curly laughed maniacally, rolling over the great giant's taste buds before being swallowed down whole, his horse 'NAYYYYYING!' all the way down.
But it would all be okay. He knew Morgan Freeman would most likely be at the bottom.
And that made all the difference!
End of Dream Sequence
Curly woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, and a hand to his chest.
And to think people kept asking him WHERE he got all his crazy ideas from.
He sighed, relieved it was all a dream, before standing up to go get himself some warm milk.
He and Rhonda had made out again in his dream - But then again, that was always a given.
Morgan Freeman had made a guest appearance once again. How he'd forced his way into his subconscious was beyond him.
And Arnie had randomly shown up again. He shuddered. That cousin of Arnold's just creeped him OUT.
And Arnold! That was probably the most psychotic thing in his dream... Arnold and HELGA together. He rolled his eyes, pouring himself some milk. Like that was ever going to happen.
He probably just got that crazy idea thrown in their from the other day when he caught Arnold eyeballing Helga a bit strangely. But to interpret that as any sort of romantic intention was ridiculous.
But then again, he WAS Curly.
He shook his head one last time, making his way back into his bed room with his now warmed up milk.
No, that would definitely never happen - Of all the unlikely couples, that would NEVER happen.
And so, he went back to sleep, hoping against hope he'd get to make out with Rhonda again.
But as he was drifting back to sleep, across town, a light flickered on in a certain football head's bedroom, and the silhouette of a more feminine form could be made out standing dangerously close to him, and if one listened close enough, they might be able to make out a few 'Criminy''s and 'Football Head''s...
End
A/N: I couldn't help but add a reason behind why everything was so messed up. *Rubs back of neck sheepishly* But did it still make you cringe? *Grins at the idea*
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