A/N: This piece of crack was created by Yuniz and Kacheep...but only Kacheep had the guts to post it.
Naruto ate his lunch one afternoon.
"Wow, Chodes, my favorite!" he exclaimed, chewing frantically. His sweeping gaze scanned the cafeteria for any malefactors who dared take his precious meal.
Choji sat down next to him. "Thank you," He said, taking Naruto's chodes and casually popping them into his mouth.
Naruto's eyes widened. "You dare take my chodes?"
"I dare," replied Choji, munching away.
Naruto's orbs welled up with tears and he ran away to his emo corner to angst. Unfortunately, Sasuke was already there, angsting away.
"Hey...what're you in for?" asked Naruto.
Sasuke sniffled. "I just found out that I'm dead,"
"Aw, tough noodles," Naruto sympathized sympathetically. But he was being sarcastic.
"No0blet, someone stole my chodes." he muttered to himself.
"Who?" Sasuke asked, suddenly interested in the day to day affairs of Naruto.
"None of your beeswax, no0blet." Naruto sighed angstily.
"Cheer up, dawg," The emo one had suddenly become not emo. But it was to no avail; his cheering up only made Naruto even MORE emo.
"I'm gonna write emo poetry and there's nothing you can do about it, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto wailed, one hand writing emo poetry while the other hand cut himself.
Then Kisame appeared, and using his sword, he sliced up Naruto. "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" Kisame moonwalked out of the cafeteria.
Sasuke did not cry, for he suddenly realized that Naruto was a terrible person.
Suddenly, Choji sat down next to him. "Got any chodes?" He asked.
Sasuke dug around in his pocket, took out a chode, and handed it to Choji.
Choji narrowed his eyes. "This isn't a chode...IT'S A CHODEGINA!"
Sasuke did a double take. "BUT I ASKED THE LUNCH LADY SPECIFICALLY FOR A CHODE, NOT A CHODEGINA!" he bawled.
"You're pathetic," Choji threw the chodegina to Ino, who ate it eagerly.
"Wow, is it my lucky day or what?" Ino munched happily on the chodegina.
"HOW DARE YOU?" Sakura had seen Ino eating the chodegina that was CLEARLY hers & hers alone.
Ino stuck her tongue out at her. "Tough noodles, bee-yotch!"
Sakura screamed like a banshee and proceeded to attack Ino w/ all her strength.
"Super-atomic-nuclear-metal-titanium-awesome-Soviet-rocket-bomb-rifle-tank-sniper no Jutsu!" Sakura stuck up her middle finger.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!" screamed Ino as she felt herself being decomposed & recomposed, much like the art of alchemy.
Sakura gave her best evil laugh. "MUAHAHAHAHA~!" she chortled. Sasuke frowned, and she immediately turned to him and donned her best puppy eyes.
"...you a weirdo." Sasuke flipped his hair and resumed his angsting.
"...NOOOOOOOOOOO~~~!" wailed Sakura, for she had been rejected by Sasuke. "SAH-SOO-KEY, DON'T YOU WANT TO RECONSIDER YOUR HARSH, HARSH WORDS?"
"...no," Sasuke began to think of ways to kill Sakura without being found out.
Suddenly, Deidara swooped in on his signature clay bird. "I want to blow up the world, un!" He yelled triumphantly.
"If you blow up the world, you die as well, therefore your argument is invalid, bee-yotch," Shikamaru muttered in a monotone.
The blonde laughed. "Yay explosion, un un un-nity un un UNNNN~!"
Tsunade jumped out from under a table. "Young man, you are in need of psychiatric help. Come with me...I won't hurt you..." She leered.
"I don't need therapy, un, I have clay!" Deidara explained, as if clay was an acceptable substitute for professional mental care.
The clay in his hand shivered. "Please...don't leave me alone with him!" it begged.
Deidara frowned at the clay. "No talking, un,"
The clay gulped. "Y-y-yes, Master!" it whimpered.
"Good~" murmured Deidara, stroking his clay in a totally non-twisted, non-perverted PG way.
Sasuke decided to ignore the PG madness that was going on in the cafeteria. "Hey Sakura, wanna eat this non-poisoned muffin I baked you?" he asked.
Sakura's eyes went all sparkly. "OF COURSE, SAA-SOO-KEY-KEWN!" She grabbed the muffin and greedily crammed it into her mouth. Forty seconds later, she was dead.
Tsunade gasped. "Who could have done this terrible crime?" she wondered out loud, forgetting the young bomber who was in serious need of psychiatric care.
"I wouldn't know," Sasuke said innocently. He sidled out of the room.
Meanwhile, Deidara was making love to his clay.
"AUUUGHHHH~~! IT HURTS SO GOOD!" The clay cried in agony...or could it have been pleasure? Either way, everyone in the cafeteria at the time had been mentally scarred for life, & possibly death as well.
"WHAT HURTS SO GOOD?" Hidan burst into the room.
Kakuzu entered, wearing a frown. "This, ya little bee-yotch." He clonked Hidan on the head with his suitcase filled with solid gold.
"You must be strong to carry so much gold," A Kakuzu fangirl had appeared, and was grovelling at his feet.
"Hehe...I don't mean to brag," Kakuzu bragged. "But I lift weights once every decade!" The fangirl gasped in awe.
"Oh em gee, lets make babies!" She shrieked. Kakuzu clonked her on the head with his suitcase, and she fell to the floor.
Just then, Hidan awoke from his clonk-induced slumber. "I wanna make babies!" he fangirlishly giggled.
"Oh, let us make minions," Orochimaru had appeared, and was busy making babies with Hidan.
The clay noticed Orochimaru and gasped. It took out a gun and shot itself dead.
Deidara didn't notice, and contiued to hump the air. "That hits the spot, un," he grunted suggestively.
Suddenly, a dorky employee of 4Kids Entertainment entered the cafeteria.
"...OH, THE HUMANITY! SOMEONE GOUGE OUT MY EYES AND SAW OFF MY EARS!" He cried to the heavens...or in this case, the flourescent lights on the cafeteria's ceiling. Hidan pulled away from Orochimaru and fulfilled the poor man's request.
Zetsu materialized inside the room. "Ooooh, eyeballs! My favorite!" he sniggered to himself.
Then, a person of great importance appeared...who could it be? DUN DUN DUN...