I loved him. I loved his dark eyes. Thought's eyes that were filled with passion, diseur, divorced and so much more. I adored them but they never looked at me and only me. His eye forced on other things more import things. His dream lured me to him but kept me from him. It took me years to finally get him to spend time with. I'm still nothing in his eyes. I'm only a bed partner, a fuck buddy. Every moment I spend with him the more I fall. I know I'm noting to him. I know he doesn't care for me the way I do. But I can't leave his web. I can't break loses. I can only trap myself further. It's not his fault. I was warned. I was told. I knew he would only give me sex. I knew he wouldn't give me what I want. I knew this but till wish he would love me back. I can't help but envy his other sex partners. I envy the attention he gives them. I envy the dates and love I will never get. The others mean more to him than I ever will. I never get even get my real name used only my titled. While they get asked out when, only knowing him a day. I'm not allowed to interfere. I can't talk to anyone off his dates. If I did I would loses want little time I get alone with him. His dates go home. Why I get some crump cheap hotel that I wake up in alone in every time I sleep with him. My wrongs are fixed. I should move on. Leave the military then pack up my dorm and move far away. But I can't. I can't leave him. I wish I could. There's nothing for me but I still stay. The world thinks I'm fine. I still don't let my problems show. But I can't say the same thing when I'm alone. Sleep its useless alone. The tears don't stop. I held a gun to my head plenty of times. In hopes it would stop my acing heart. But I could never pull the tiger. Soon the gun became useless and I gave up. I know I'm a mess. I know I should leave, to help myself. But I can't that and that I love keeps me here and holds the eye to my suffering. War stared and I was drafted. I was sent to the north, along with my love. I fought next to him with my heart still wishing. I watched many people die. I watched their souls leave and wish it was me. I was already dead inside and wished for someone to kill what was left of me. I smiled faintly as pain spread though chest. I smiled, someone granted my second wish. I couldn't feel myself falling. But I was soon on the ground. I felt the life drain from me. I looked up at the man that I loved. He stared down at me. No sadness, Loss, or even a hint of care crossed his face. He walked off without a glance back and I soon felt my eyes fall. Tears fell down my face. I always knew he didn't love me but I never knew he didn't care.