Valentine's Day

With a hormonal female on the loose, Reiko knew that he should have been forewarned of the day. Or at least he should have indulged in insurance before allowing himself to house Lorelei and protect her from the dragon. Alas, he hadn't, and it was with the effect that Lorelei was playing his piano, playing his violin, demanding to cook, demanding to teach Reiko how to cook, demanding he talked to her, and even worse, had monthly periods where she would spend her time in the bathroom alternating between crying and wailing for her chocolate or throwing a giant hissy and trying to strangle him with loo roll when he asked whether she was okay.

Granted, he was probably over exaggerating. And even worse, he had just made a pun. On the woman's monthly cycle no less. And now there was a hormonal female in his house with Valentine's Day fast approaching. He was doomed.

He warily looked out of his bedroom down the corridor, before looking to his right, up the corridor. He frowned, seeing that the coast was clear. He froze and gasped as he suddenly heard her singing in the bathroom. She'd been in there all day, primping her hair, trying out different hairstyles, painting her nails, doing stuff to her face that didn't bear thinking about. She'd practically transformed his wonderful bathroom with the overly huge shower into a beauty salon.

And he hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. He had his en-suite but his bathroom didn't have as nice a shower as his main bathroom. He thought back to the reasons why he was so desperate to use that particular bathroom. The night had been young when he had walked outside to the guild. It had been a regular night. Go to the guild, walk upstairs, sit in his office, get the occasional question from a young vampire or a hundred and make sure that nothing was going amiss in the vampire community.

And that was when it happened. When one vampire asked him where he could get a heart shaped coffin. Reiko understood that taking part in special days was frustrating and difficult for a vampire, but seriously, a heart shaped coffin? Of all the things a vampire wanted, why would it be a heart shaped coffin? Somewhat unwisely, Reiko had said as much to the vampire, who had then accused him of being unromantic and had flounced off.

As though it was some kind of a joke, another vampire came asking the same question. And then another, and another. Reiko eventually had enough and told them all that he had no clue what they were on about. A vampire showed him a Japanese article featuring the coveted heart shaped coffin. Reiko took one look at the Japanese article and burst out laughing.

The coffin had actually been a hot tub.

Reiko hadn't been able to help but laugh at the stricken look on his vampires' faces. After he had stopped laughing, he had merely politely asked why they would want or need a heart shaped coffin. Most of the vampires said they wanted to spend the night with their partners on Valentine's Day.

Reiko, ever the cynic, had simply snorted derisively. Which had been extremely unwise of him. Of all the stupid things he had done and said on that night, that had been the stupidest. The vampires had promptly rounded on him, demanding to know what he was planning to do on Valentine's Day. And Reiko, being completely taken by surprise, had nothing to say and could only stomp back home feeling defeated.

He was stressed, he was upset, and even worse, he felt alone. He wanted to have a nice long warm shower, cuddle up to a teddy bear and fall asleep in his bed. Or at least pretend to be asleep. Or just be in bed.

But Lorelei, damn that girl, had hogged the bathroom to herself as though it were sacred ground and she were Jesus. He grumbled to himself as he paced around and then looked at the calendar. It was the 13th, and the 14th was tomorrow, and it seemed as though he would have nothing planned. Yet again.

God knows, the last time he had gone out on a date on Valentine's Day, he had ended up drifting, or to be more accurate, dragged from store to store, looking at shoes, cosmetics, make up, nail varnish, shoes, clothes and of course, shoes. And then he had been hit on by a man, as well as being forced to endure perhaps one of the most insipid films he had ever seen. His date had seemed to enjoy herself, and for that he was grateful. But he hadn't been grateful for the two fourteen year olds sitting behind them that constantly tried to get his attention during the movie by throwing pop corn at him, chocolate at him, and then eventually, when he ignored them, poured ice down his back.

The other times after that had been successfully blocked out of his memory because they had been too traumatic for words. Like the time when he found out the woman he had taken out to a date was a man, the time when his date had actually mugged him, the time when his date ditched him for some other bloke. Okay…so maybe he hadn't quite blocked out the memories.

And the last person he had felt some semblance of feeling towards had died about two months ago.

Lucky in love? Him? Never.

It was probably for the best he was by himself, though he always felt somewhat wistful when it came to this day. Everyone and their neighbours would be walking around town, holding hands, smiling moonily at each other. It made him sick in a way, that just because it was Valentine's Day, everyone made an extra big effort to look in love.

If people were really in love, then everyday should be a Valentine's day…

But if that were true, he'd have to put up with all those disgustingly love sick faces. And requests as to why vampires could buy love shaped coffins. And that damned girl hadn't yet moved out of the bathroom. He needed to think of some way to get her out.

He growled softly to himself as he decided to brave the corridor and walked down the length of it towards the bathroom. He took a few steadying deep breaths before he cleared his throat.

'Lore?'

'WHAT!' came the sudden sharp reply.

'How long have you been in there?' Reiko faltered, beginning to hunch down slightly.

'Only five hours.'

'What are you doing?'

'Do you always ask women what they're doing in the bathroom?'

'No. Only when it's MY bathroom they're occupying!'

'You have your own bathroom. Go use that!' came the cold, icy hiss. Reiko paused, hearing Lorelei's tone of voice. She was going to snap if he kept this up. And he refused to be attacked with a hairbrush and makeup and loo roll. The last time that had happened, he had ended up with bright red lips and green eye shadow and blusher smeared across his cheeks as though he were some tribal leader about to do a war dance.

Which possibly explained why women constantly wore the stuff. Their fights and gossiping and overall bitchiness was like fighting in a bloody war as it was. Reiko then realized that he was probably being unnecessarily bitter, and unfair to women. He thought longingly of the large shower with the multiple water jets and pouted slightly to himself before he felt his resolve strengthen. Woman or not, Lorelei had to get out of his bathroom now.

'Lorelei, I really have to go.'

'Why?'

'Because…because…MY OTHER TOILET'S BEEN CLOGGED!'

'…'

'…'

'…Reiko…'

'Yes?'

'GO AND UNCLOG IT YOU LAZY SHIT! DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE I'M HAVING MY TIME IN THE BATHROOM!'

'But-'

'Reiko…'

'What…'

'Don't make me use the mascara!' Lorelei had said the magic word. Reiko had turned tail and had fled but after a moment, his pride had kicked in again and he stormed back.

'GET OUT OF THE BOG!'

'NO!'

'NOW!'

'NO!' There was a pause. 'Why do you want to use this bathroom so badly?' Lorelei asked in a more conversational tone. Reiko frowned. Somehow, he thought that wanting to use the almighty God of Showers was something of a weak excuse. And besides, if he revealed to her the fact that his shower was impressive then she would hog the shower too. Which would sincerely piss him off. Somehow, he thought that telling a girl that he, a man, wanted to have a nice long hot shower to de-stress would be classified as wimpy. And he, Reiko Kaneshiro was no wimp!

He was simply pathetically in need of finding a means to unwind after a hectic and ego-destroying day.

Hours seemed to pass when really it had only been minutes. Reiko sat in the corridor, sighing heavily.

'How much longer?'

'Ooooh I don't know. Ages yet. I have to make myself look absolutely beautiful before I take my beauty sleep.'

'Then what's the point of having beauty sleep if you're already trying to make yourself pretty before you actually go to sleep?' Reiko asked, feeling somewhat irritated. Scratch that, he was very irritated.

'Don't ever question me when I'm doing my beauty treatment!'

'WELL THEY'LL NEVER EVER WORK IF YOU WANT MY OPINION!' Reiko boomed.

'BASTARD! ARSEHOLE!' Lorelei continued to shout all kinds of profanities through the bathroom door, some of which Reiko had never heard before. Reiko's eyes went wide with shock before he sat down, grumbled some and then fell silent.

'You know,' he said conversationally. 'Using my superior vampire strength I could easily break down this door.'

'So why don't you?'

'Have you seen Dante's door?'

'Yeah?'

'And how it has all those splinters and random nails poking out of it?'

'Yes?'

'Well…I'm not much better at fixing doors myself.'

'Not even with your superior vampire strength?' Lorelei asked, her voice seeming to drip with acid. Reiko sniffed indignantly.

'There's some things that vampires cannot do even with the use of superior vampire strength.' He heard her laugh softly from within the confines of the bathroom, and for some odd reason he found that this brought something of a smile onto his face too.

'So Reiko? Mr. I'm-so-powerful-but-I-can't-fix-doors? What have you got planned for tomorrow?'

'…' Reiko sighed and turned silent, his smile vanishing.

'Reiko? You there?'

'…I'm here.'

'Well…have you got anything planned?'

'No…'

'How come?'

'I…well…I guess no one's interested. Either it's that or I scare everyone off by being so depressing. I'm not depressing I'm just a realist, right?'

'No, Reiko. I hate to say it, but you are a little depressing. But that's okay in your case. You've got that whole "I'm-so-mysterious-yet-there's-a-big-hidden-sorrow-I-keep-in-my-heart-so-won't-you-come-and-hug-me" thing going on.'

'Lorelei?'

'Yeah?'

'Have you been watching too much TV again?'

'No, why?'

'No reason.' There was a pause between the two. Reiko looked at the time and rolled his eyes. 'Lorelei?'

'Yes Reiko?'

'How much longer are you going to take in there?'

More time passed and Reiko felt just about ready to cry. Somehow, by taking deep breaths and telling himself he'd be able to take his shower before sunrise, he was able to calm himself. This calm would immediately disintegrate as soon as Reiko would look at the bathroom door.

'Lorelei…'

'What now?'

'Have…you got anything planned for Valentine's Day?' There was a silence before Reiko heard an audible sigh from the other side of the door.

'No.'

'Oh.'

'Being stuck in this mansion, house, whatever doesn't help matters any.'

'Well…I'm sure one night wouldn't hurt.'

'And how am I meant to find a date for Valentine's Day when it IS the actual day?' Lorelei asked him sharply. Reiko sighed softly before frowning.

'I could always…y'know…' Reiko faltered.

'Thanks but no thanks. That sounds more like you're doing me a favour and quite frankly, I have my pride.'

'Sorry…' Reiko hung his head.

'The thought was nice though.' Lorelei said after a moment.

'I just thought it's about time you were allowed out of my house.'

'You're just so eager to get rid of me. Besides, Dante would kill us if he found out you'd let me out of the house.'

'You're making this sound more and more as though we're in the middle of Beauty and the Beast. And I'm the latter.' Reiko whispered bitterly. Lorelei, on the other side of the bathroom blinked and looked towards the door.

'That's a nice compliment.'

'What?'

'If you're the beast then that must mean I'm the beauty!'

'Well…' Reiko blinked.

'And that must mean that I don't need to do these beauty things.'

'Uh…'

'Bathroom's all yours!' Lorelei flung open the bathroom door and walked out, her face covered with a green face mask. Reiko looked at her in something akin to horror but Lorelei mistook the look.

'Don't I look amazing already? And I'll look even better when I take off this mask!' Reiko was stunned into silence but walked into his bathroom before staring around in shock.

He had certainly been correct that Lorelei had turned his lovely bathroom into a beauty salon. An extremely messy one.

'Oh God…'

Morning passed quickly, and soon Reiko opened his eyes and looked outside into the night scene. Sure enough, there were so many people staring at each other dopily, laughing, giggling, or some kissing each other none too discreetly outside. He shuddered before putting on some random clothes, all black of course and walking into the living room.

Lorelei, much to his surprise was already sitting there, dressed in some smart yet casual clothes. Reiko blinked before sitting down opposite her and looking at her inquisitively.

'I'm bored.' She announced.

'…'

'And I'm going to go outside.'

'…'

'Whether Dante likes it or not.'

'…'

'And…and you can't stop me!'

'…'

'But you can come with me.'

'…'

'I mean…maybe…'

'Lorelei?'

'What? You're interrupting my speech!' she said indignantly.

'Why don't you tell me the rest of your speech over dinner?' Reiko smiled at her somewhat shyly.

'You can't eat.'

'I know…'

'And I don't want to stuff my face while you watch.'

'Sorry.'

'But I won't say no to a movie.'

'It's a date then?' Lorelei sniffed and stood up.

'Call it what you will.' And with that, she got up, walked out of the door, without looking back to see if he would follow. Reiko smiled, shaking his head before grabbing his wallet and car keys, happy that for once he wouldn't be alone.

After all, as reluctant as he was to admit it, Lorelei was indeed, in his eyes, a beauty.