Save Me
One-shot, Rikucentric. Even if it'll be the last thing you do before you go, you are going to save her like you'd always meant to. Even if it means saving her from yourself. (and the punchline to the joke is asking, someone save us)
A/N: What can I say? Emo music makes me happy on the inside. This can be taken as a sort of sequel to Drowning and Patience, I guess, though it really doesn't have to be. I have been waiting so long to do a one-sided Riku/Kairi like I love. KEEP THE OLD-SCHOOL LOVE ALIVE!!!
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix. Lyrics from the song Heaven Help Us belong to My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way is my white-haired love.
She is beautiful.
You have fought and clawed and bit and crawled, inch by inch, to regain momentary control of your own body, you probably have only minutes before you either lose control again or die in the soul-draining attempt to keep yourself from moving another inch, another inch closer to where she is, where the one controlling you could put his (your) hands on her—
("no, you won't use me for this!")
—and she is staring at you with a mixture of worry and horror and recognition and fear, and the only thing that you can focus on is she is beautiful. For months, you have waited and hoped desperately for her to wake up, for you to be able to see her as she used to be: vibrant and filled with life, not cold and unresponsive and lightless, and it has been so long that you have forgotten how angelic she can look.
(she is beautiful)
-- hear the sound--
--the angels come screaming down--
It is as if time has slowed to a crawl; perhaps fractions of a single second have passed, and yet they each have crystallized into an eternity: Kairi, her eyes wide and disbelieving, calling your name with her beautiful voice that you have waited so long to hear, Sora's animal companions (did you ever even bother to learn their names? even when they were following you around the castle?), and of course, him, the one who even now is tightening his grip on you, until you almost lose your grip on your own body again—the only things that are keeping you on top is his surprise that you had the strength to fight back, and your own determination. Dead-man's grip, you've heard it called—the irrationally powerful strength of someone close to oblivion intent on seeing the last thing they ever do to completion.
(and I don't ever want to go back to where I was before)
—you can never go back to screaming in the smothering choking blackness until you thought you would bleed to death from a thousand self-inflicted cuts—
--but I can't tell if I've been breathing or sleeping or screaming or waiting--
—but the thing that most keeps you tethered to this world is seeing Kairi, and that is more than enough to keep you alive for one—more—ageless—second.
You don't want her to go. You know that without her presence to make every eternally painful moment worth mentally stabbing and writhing and clawing and struggling for, you'd never be able to keep him at bay. And now that she is alive and well—
(because of Sora, she was saved because of him and I'll never be able to tell him I'm sorry because he's gone—he let go to bring her back, and what do I have to say for myself?)
—she wants nothing more than to know that you and Sora are safe, so are you going to be the one to tell her how he cut his own heart out to free hers? Are you going to be the one to tell her that you tried to kill him (yes, kill him) because of your own stupid blind arrogance and petty hatred?
--you don't know a thing about my sins--
--how the misery begins--
Are you going to be the one to tell her that she'll never see him again? That you can never go home—that you can never do or be anything ever again because you gave yourself to the darkness?
(and once it's given, I can't take it back)
--you don't know--
--so I'm burning--
--I'm burning--
Oh, but how you wish it could be any other way. You wish you had enough time outside of this motionless timeless second to properly say goodbye—you wish this moment could last forever (or has it already?), just you and she seeing each other as if for the first time—
(—for the last time)
You wish you could hold her and tell her it would be all right, like you used to when it was just you and her lightless eyes that still remained so breath-taking.
(it will be okay everything will be all right except it isn't everything is wrong and I'm so confused and I wish you could hear me when I tell you I love you)
--cause mostly I've been sprawled on these cathedral steps--
--while spitting out the blood and screaming--
--someone save us--
You wish you could tell her you love her one last time—
(she's so beautiful and her light is so bright I can feel it and it burns and I wish--)
—but the Keyhole throbs and bloats with dark power and he still struggles with you, slowly but inexorably gaining, and you realize that she can't stay here. No matter what you wish you could say to her that might make it better, might take the sharp bleeding edge off your guilt, you can't let here stay here—
--make your choice--
--they say you've been pleading--
--someone save us--
—and the trouble is, she might, because you can see in her eyes that she may love Sora, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you as well, and that is the difference between you and her: she can love so much more than you can and you will never be the right one for her because of this. She would stay for you, and the thought that you could be responsible for her losing her light again makes you tremble inside.
--heaven help us now--
--come crashing down--
--we'll hear the sound--
--as you're falling down--
This is your chance to finally be the one to save her, and the only way you can do that is to get her away from here—
(and myself)
—say something to convince her to leave you in your state of non-being, and not worry about you. Time seems to speed back up from its state of frozen eternity, and you shout:
"Go! You've got to run! The Heartless are coming!"
Her eyes are filled with confusion and questions, and you know if she stays any longer, you'll never be able to keep him at bay. You plead with your eyes—
(Kairi please I know you want to know but let me be the one to save you this time)
—and maybe she can hear you, because she stiffens with resolve, nods once to you, and flees. She turns as she runs for one last look, and time freezes again for that moment, and you know—
(she is beautiful)
--cause I'll give you all the nails you need--
--cover me in gasoline--
—that she will be the last thing you ever see.
--wipe away those tears of blood again--
--and the punch line to the joke is asking--
You have time, before your grip finally shatters, and he snarls, sending you spiraling back to the abyss, to ask one last question—
--someone save us--
(but who's going to save me?)