So. This is a bit of silliness inspired by one of my professor's nigh unreadable notes. This will probably make sense to anyone who's taken any classes- probably at the college level- about things at the cellular level. So, you know, all 4 of us.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. -sips her ramen broth serenely-

Harry Potter was sitting in the Common Room on a lovely Sunday afternoon- that is to say, it was merely drizzling and not full on raining- and reading his Potions book. This would be because he had a Potions midterm(1) the next day, and even though he would rather be playing a rousing game of Muddball (MINE!) with his friends, but had neglected his studying for the entire week by playing Muddball (MINE!) with Ron, who was studying next to him. Suddenly, a deep male voice with a Turkish (2) accent boomed, "Harry Potter is...the pressure within the capillaries!"
Harry dropped his book on his foot with a curse as the voice echoed again, "Harry Potter...balances osmotic pressure!"
As the voice finished it's booming for a second time, Ron looked, evidently startled by Harry's sudden book-drop and curse. "What's wrong mate?" he asked, confused.
Harry belatedly picked up his book. "You didn't hear that?" Ron shook his head. "Hear what? ...Harry, you aren't hearing voices again, are you?" (3)
Harry frowned. "Never mind."

After a few minutes, of quiet reading and note-taking, the voice returned. "Harry Potter is...blood pressure!" it intoned.
"Gyaah!" At Ron's concerned look, Harry quickly coughed and excused himself to the bathroom.

On the way to the bathroom, Harry simultaneously heard yet another cryptic message and ran into Lavender Brown. Unfortunately, didn't see Lavender before screaming, "I am uNOT/u greater than osmotic pressure!" at the ceiling. (The omnipotent, Turkish narrator had just declared him to be "greater than osmotic pressure" you see.) Lavender's hand (left, for all one of you that was wondering) flew to her mouth and she quickly ran the way she'd come. Harry groaned and continued to the bathroom.

Just as Harry was re-adjusting his robes after finishing his business, his new enemy could be heard gleefully saying, "Increasing Harry Potter in your capillaries can cause edema!"

Ron found Harry banging his head on the bathroom wall ten minutes later. Frightened, Ron pulled Harry away from his new friend Wall-Across-From-The-Urinals and to the Medical Wing. With his (right) hand on Harry's arm, Ron thought he heard a faint, "Fluid build-up creates a force as Harry Potter." Even more worried now, Ron just hustled Harry along faster.

Madame Pomfrey was alarmed to see Ron half-dragging Harry into her ward- again- and even more alarmed to hear Harry muttering, "I am not blood pressure..." repeatedly.

Several hours later, Madame Pomfrey and her helpers (4) finished curing Harry. It only had 3 attempted suicide attempts too! (It didn't help that the omnipotent voice enjoyed trying to offer advice to the medical team (5).) As Harry prepared to step out of the Hospital Ward, he heard, "High Harry Potter can cause edema." Harry started screaming and rushed for a window as a frantic Madame Pomfrey and co. tried to stop him, thus beginning the cycle all over again.

Alternate Ending: Voldemort cackled. His plot to drive Potter had worked perfectly, even if he didn't understand the contents of his Super-Secret-Planning-Folder-O'-Doom that had dropped out of the sky one night,

Alternate Ending 2: A brunette female sitting in class sneezed once-twice-one last time before attempting to stay awake and pay attention to her professor.

(1) I don't know if the HP universe had midterms. If they don't, then consider this AU because HellWeek and I decided to share the "love".
(2) Dr. Ayhah, on which this is very very loosely based off of, is Turkish.
(3) Oh come on. You're sitting here reading Harry Potter fanfiction online and you don't get the reference? Fine. It's to book 2, when Harry listens to the snakes.
(4) You know they exist.
(5) The basis for this is one of my major-oriented classes. ^^

I gave blood today, at least that's what the sticker on my shirt and the two holes in my hand and my arm say, so you should be nice to me, again according to my shirt. Therefore you should review. Because that would be nice.