As I walked through the doors of Sacred Heart that morning, I had that feeling. Not that feeling, the funny feeling you get that it was going to be a bad day. My feelings were validated almost at once as I turned to my left. There, fixing a light switch, and giving me one of those I'm-going-to-get-you-and-you-don't-know-how looks, was the Janitor. "Hey dumbass," I looked, and then realised my mistake. "Heh, I said dumbass and you looked," the Janitor smirked. "We've heard that one before, haven't we?" That'll shut him up, I thought to myself. I turned back to see if my hit had landed, and no sooner had I turned my head had a plate full of cupcakes hit me in the face. Damn. "Look what your face did!" The Janitor scowled, "I'll make you pay for that!" I had no doubt that he would. I smirked at what I saw turning the corner and looking around with a scowl on his face as he failed to find what he wanted. "But not before you pay for it," I laughed as Bob Kelso strode up behind the Janitor. "Hey Lurch, why is my plate of cupcakes in a crumbly heap at Dorian's feet?" Kelso retorted. "Uhhhh…" The Janitor had no answer for him clearly. He bolted into the lift before Kelso could reach him.
Kelso wandered back to my feet, he was staring at the pelted cupcakes in a pile and then looking back up to my face. "Which one of these cupcakes didn't touch that ridiculous face of yours, Dorian?" He asked, petulantly. I didn't know the answer. "Uhhhh, that one sir," I pointed at the one with most frosting. "You're sure?" He replied, suspiciously, picking up the one I'd pointed at. "Yes," No. I decided to make a quick getaway in search of Dr Cox. Every day I wondered if he would ever call me J.D. rather than whichever girls' name he had picked for today. One of these days I was going to call him Jordan. That would really annoy him. Ahh I couldn't do that to my mentor. I found him leaning on a counter scowling at a patient's record. I was desperate to get the first word in before he had a chance to get into one of his rants.
"Sarah! Finally you're here, did your pep rally tournament run on a little later than you thought? Or were you having a tea party with all your little cheerleading friends? I must say you changed quickly out of your red and white mini, star emblazoned tee and support bra, and it is just so fabulous that you could join us here today. This is Mr Parker's chart, he has Prostate Cancer. You tell him and if you feel the urge to cry there's a box of Kleenex and a copy of Women's Weekly right next to his bed. Now go!" Damn! I hate it when he gets a full-blown rant in when everyone's watching except when Elliot was there. Now she has the confidence, Dr Cox won't put her down and she saves me. God I love her. No, stop it, you just hurt each other and then have sex. Ohhh the sex…Damn it. There she is. Think about Turk….Turk? Why did I think about Turk? At least think female. Okay she's looking at you strangely, say something. "Do I have cupcake on my face?" Do I have cupcake on my face? Way to go dumbass. "Uh, yeah actually you do, but I'm guessing that's the least of your problems," Elliot rolled her eyes. She does that a lot. Like when we had sex. Damn it, why do I always think of her that way?
I felt a presence behind me. "Boo," AHHH! "AHHH!" Wait. I was already surprised in my head. "You're so pathetic" Janitor was laughing at me, come on, that's like the most lame come back ever. Wait it wasn't a comeback I didn't say anything. I'm still not saying anything. Say something. We went over this. "This coming from a guy whose gotta be about 48, wearing a jumpsuit? I'm an attending. I help people who actually care about what I do." I walked away knowing this time I was in for something much worse than a face full of cupcakes. I turned the corner sharply and stuck my head back round to see what he was going to do this time. He was looking at the floor, his brush in his hand. Yes! He was actually bothered about something I'd said to him! I felt kinda mean, maybe I should apologise. Ha! Five years of torture, like Hell I was going to hand back my first win. I turned back to walk down the corridor.
"Not so fast, Mousse-Head." Janitor. How did he get here so fast? Him and that damned cart. "Mousse-Head? How original." He was definitely getting on my nerves. "I could just let you go…but I'm not going to. You'd make a good toilet brush." Oh no. "Nah just kidding, off you go," He patted me on the back. This was weird…very weird. I carried on to Mr Parker's room and walked in. I could still taste cupcake crumbs on my lip and wondered what the Janitor was going to do now.
"Mr Parker. I'm Dr John Dorian or J.D to my friends. I'm afraid I have some bad news. You have Prostate Cancer. We caught it early though so we can operate. I'll arrange for a surgical consult and then we can get on with getting you better," "Thank you J.D, I just hope that I can get through this. I don't want to have to see my wife again.""I'm sorry?" Why would he not want to see his wife again? "She was an abusive drug addict, and if I die we will be reunited and she will chase me all around the flames with a needle and a bottle of gin trying to bite me. Not my fondest memory of her." I wasn't sure what to say to that. "I have to go; your surgical consult will be with you soon." I left the room and went over to the counter to place Mr Parker's file in Laverne's care. I saw that familiar two-dollar haircut poking up behind the counter. "I can see you Janitor." "Who's Janitor? I'm the under-the-counter demon," Well I couldn't really disagree with that.
He stood up and glared down at me, an evil smirk on his face. "I'm going to ruin your life, every day for the rest of…your life!" "Already accomplished by yourself, Dr Kelso, Dr Cox, Elliot and my Interns, oh and my brother Dan," It was true. "Well I'm glad I was a part of it," He smiled mercilessly at me, and gave Elliot the nicest smile as she walked passed. "Hey Elliot," I managed to utter without sound desperate and/or stupid. Elliot didn't answer, but she did smile a little. We weren't quite there yet with our friendship we had just had passionate sex and then remembered we didn't love each other. Again. We should really have known that. One day maybe, it'll all just work out right. I paged Turk because he was the only surgeon I trusted with my patients.
I was walking down to surgery to see where Turk was, he was supposed to be Mr Parker's surgical consult and so far he hadn't showed up. It had been fifteen minutes. "Hey Todd, where's Brown Bear?" I asked. "T-Dog went that way, maybe he was after some tail, if you know what I mean. Has-A-Hot-Wife-And-Is-Getting-Some five!" I always try to avoid Todd's high fives. The backlash is excruciating. I followed the direction the Todd had pointed out and found myself on the way back to Mr Parker's room. "Rachel, Gandhi is in Mr Parker's room, why are you not there? There must always be a doctor in the patient's room when knucklehead surgeons are talking to them. I mean really, Paris, he could be telling him he needs brain surgery, when really gumball head is the one who needs corrective brain surgery. Now go-go-go-go-go" Cox shooed me away and did that stupid whistle to try to make me go faster. When I got to the room, Turk had only just picked up Mr Parker's chart. "Hey C-Bear," I looked over Turk's shoulder to see the chart he was holding. "Hey J.D, so this is my prostatectomy? Big-ass operation man I really gotta get in the game for this one." Turk did his victory dance as he had been chosen to help Dr Wen in the surgery. "Well I hope you're a good surgeon then Dr Turk," Mr Parker replied, looking a little worried I might add. "Don't worry you're in good hands with me sir, I'm a professional and have lowest surgeon mortality rate," Turk did his thumbs up and grin in an attempt to reassure Mr Parker. "So what does the operation involve?" Mr Parker asked, although I'm guessing he didn't really want to know. "The technique I'm going to use is called Retropubic Prostatectomy. First I will make an abdominal incision, and then I will remove the prostate glands, hopefully removing all of the cancer cells." Turk said, with his smug look. He liked to appear incredibly smart to his patients. "In English please Doctor," Mr Parker laughed lightly. "I'm cutting you up." Turk replied. At that point I though I would step in and take over. "Okay Mr Parker, Dr Turk will prep you for surgery and schedule you in for this afternoon, if you have any more questions, he's more than willing to answer them if you page him." Turk hates answering questions, but now I was having to live on my deck because Carla and Turk needed the space to work on their marriage again, I had to get my shots in where I could. Turk glared at me and punched my shoulder. Damn those worked out arms.
I followed Turk out to the parking lot, I felt I owed him an apology. "Turk hey, sorry about that man." He turned around as I said it. "Nah, don't sweat it man, I'll just wing it, like the guy's ever gonna page me anyway." Just then Turk's pager beeped. "Aw you gotta be kidding me! Oh and dude, you have frosting on your face." Turk raced off after his page. Damn Janitor and his damn cupcakes. My pager beeped, making me jump a little. It was Elliot, asking me to meet her in the On-Call room. That's a positive thing because that's where people in the hospital go to get some action on-shift. I wondered if we were going down a slippery slope again. I walked back through the doors, turned left down the first corridor on the right and entered the On-Call room.