Kevin crept carefully through the dark of the winding hallways and tried to breathe as softly as he could. He walked as quickly and quietly as he could. He had to be fast and quiet. Fast and quiet. Unfortunately his heart was only listening to half of that order. It thumped loudly in his ears and he prayed that no one else could hear the mad jackhammer in his ribcage as it threatened to break its way free.
A voice hissed, cackled, and gibbered ahead. The sounds bounced around the hallway and he stopped abruptly. He held his breath and tried to will his heart to slow down so he could hear over it's thump-thump-thumping. He stood as still as he could and opened his eyes as wide as he could. He closed them nearly slits. Opening and squinting his eyes he tried to see any little movement he could in the dim green and yellow tinted light. Not for the first time that night he wished that he could see in the dark.
The sounds of the voice passed and Kevin almost breathed a sigh of relief. He caught himself. 'Quick and quiet,' he reminded himself and he tip-toed quickly further along the hallway.
'Quick and quiet. Have to get Eva. Quick and quiet.' He repeated the words in his mind, over and over again, to the beat of his own terrified heart.
"Kevin, son, come here. Come meet your new baby sister, Evelyn!" Kevin's father said, smiling, as he stood beside his mother in the sitting room.
His mother smiled at him, even though she looked tired, "Why don't you come say 'hello,' dear?"
Mother had just come home from the hospital and all Kevin wanted to do was to run to her and climb up in her lap. But he did not want to say 'hello' to that thing she was holding in the little pink blanket. He might have been excited about having the new baby in their home before but his classmates had set him straight on what that baby really meant.
"No, no you do not want your mother having that baby!" Gracie had said as she made the same face she made when the teacher told them that they'd be 'trying something new for snack time.'
"My mum had a baby a few years back and I still hate 'im!" Jacob had added, balling his fists and grimacing. "All he does is cry! And when he isn't doin' that he's gettin' me in trouble!"
They weren't the only ones with complaints about babies. Most of his class told Kevin all about how once the baby came home his parents would love it and ignore him. He'd have to watch it, he'd get in trouble whenever it did something, and he'd lose all of his toys to it.
"No thank you." Kevin told his parents firmly. He was fine not saying anything to that thing, thank you very much! It had slithered into his home, without his being asked about whether or not he wanted it there, and he was not about to welcome it now.
"Why not, dear?" His mother asked, her voice sounded curious and hurt and Kevin felt bad for upsetting her.
He fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable, but kept his eyes on his drawing, "Because I don't like it."
"Her, son." His father cleared his throat and sighed. "But you haven't even met her..." Kevin heard his father move closer until he stood over him. "Maybe-"
"I don't want to meet her." Kevin held his crayon so tightly he was afraid it'd break but he refused to look up at his father or over at his mother. He was determined. He was not going to look that thing or speak to it. He'd already decided that he'd just ignore it until it went away. 'How long can a sister stay around for, anyway?' he reasoned.
He heard his mother open her mouth to start to say something but his father spoke instead. "No problem, Kevin, I understand." His father set a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was same kind of gentle squeeze he had given Kevin's shoulder when he was teaching him how to ride a bicycle. "You know, son, pretty soon your family pictures will have one more person in them." Father's hand left Kevin's shoulder to ruffle his hair.
Kevin stared down at the happy family picture he was working on and his stomach tightened. He felt sick at the idea of having to adding that thing to his pictures. He didn't want to have it here and he definitely did not want it in his pictures. This was his happy family picture. There was no place for a sister. Not in his picture and not in his family.
Kevin laid in his bed after his father had tucked him in, apologized for his mother being too tired, and read him a story.
"'The Little Bunny Who Got His Own Stuff' your favorite!" Father read the story the same way he always did, with a high little voice for the brave little bunny and the deep gruff stupid voice for the mean bear who told all the bunnies that they couldn't have the things they had worked so hard for.
Kevin didn't want to think of himself as the little bunny who had to protect his stuff. He didn't want to think of his mother and father as the big stupid bear trying to take away his things, forcing him to share with the filthy little baby- like the bear tries to make the bunnies share with the lazy foxes. He wanted to be brave but he didn't want to have to run away to get to keep his stuff.
His father kissed him on the forehead and turned out the lights and Kevin closed his eyes but he couldn't stop picturing one of the dirty lazy foxes from the book all wrapped up in the blanket his mother had been holding. He couldn't stop imagining all of the terrible things which might be hidden in that little pink blanket. Babies must be awfully ugly little things if they were so terrible. Right?
It was very late when Kevin's curiosity got the better of him. What did the creature really look like? He had seen the baby in the new "I Love Lucy" episode but that baby had been a first baby. He had been like Kevin. Kevin had been normal, the first ones are always normal and the best. This second one was probably hideous, he told himself as he crept out his room. His classmates had all assured him of how horrible the 'next one' always is.
He made his way down the hall to the first thing the baby had stolen from him. Its den. Its nursery. Once this had been his playroom but now it had been cleared out and changed for the baby. His hand shook as he turned the doorknob and he steeled himself for the horror which awaited him. It probably looked like one of the monsters from those movies his parents didn't know he had seen. It was probably some little wolf man hiding in that little pink blanket. Maybe waiting to pounce when he got close enough. He tried not to think about it snoring and gnawing on some bone in its sleep.
The room was quiet as he slipped inside. No snoring or gnawing. He frowned and tip-toed towards the crib. He glanced, over his shoulder, back at the nursery door. Kevin was the fastest boy in his class. If he had to run... He chewed on his bottom lip and told himself that he could 'definitely make it... for sure...'
He crept silently up to the edge of the crib and squinted, peering through the wooden slats of the crib, at the thing asleep within. Something was outside the window but as it moved on and the greenish light fell on the sleeping form in the crib, now only half covered in the little pink blanket, Kevin gasped. He found himself rooted to the spot, staring helplessly.
Her little round face. Her soft little eyebrows. Her little eyelids. Her tiny nose. Her little, little, pink lips. Kevin's eyes widened and his heart stopped as he stared at the tiny chubby angel in the crib. He felt powerless looking at her. The sweetest, softest, and most perfect thing he had ever seen in all of his life.
Some small things floated past the window and the spell was momentarily broken and he was able to breathe again. His fingers tingled and his hand rose without his permission, as the corners of his mouth lifted. He reached between the slats and found her tiny hand. She was softer than he could have ever imagined. Her little fingers wrapped around his and Kevin felt his heart melt.
Kevin hadn't been prepared for Evelyn. He never could have prepared himself for her. For how much he loved her. For how much he wanted her to be part of his family. For how much he wanted to protect her.
As Kevin raced through the darkness he thought about reaching his goal. He tried not to think of what monsters could be stalking the city. He tried not to think about what might have happened his little Eva. He refused to think about what might happen to him. All he thought about was how much he loved her and how he had promised himself that he'd always protect her.
Loud rattling and bumbling followed by raucous laughter echoed in the hallway ahead. He ducked into a dark recess between a broken vending machine and a garbage can. The vending machine's prerecorded advertisement started but hiccoughed and halted. Kevin held his breath and tried to make himself as small as possible.
A group of drunk adults stumbled past. A cloud of cigarette smoke puffed up and then rolled around them. They passed and Kevin thought it was safe to breathe but a lingering remnant of the smoke snaked its way into his lungs as he took a breath and prepared to dart out his hiding place. It made his stomach twist and turn. His face screwed up and grew hot. He clenched his fists and tried not to think about why the smell of smoke made him so sick now. Why it had been transformed into an accusatory reminder of the role he had played in Eva's predicament.
No, Kevin wasn't a baby. He pretty grown and if the other boys were grown enough to go hang out at the docks then he was more than grown enough to go with them. Eva also wasn't a baby anymore. He shouldn't have to watch her all the time.
Kevin wanted to say all of that to his mother, as he watched her putting on her makeup before she went out with Father. Of course, he couldn't say any of that because that would be an admission.
"Why don't you just take your sister with you? You're only going to Jacob's, she can watch TV while you and Jacob play with trucks or something." Mother glanced at Kevin's reflection, as she put on her earring, just in time to see him roll his eyes.
He sighed and his shoulders drooped a little. He couldn't tell his parents where he was really going and they wouldn't let him go out at all if he didn't promise to take Eva. He knew that if he didn't show up Jacob would tell the whole class that he was a baby and he had just stayed at home "like a widdle baby!" He could practically hear Jacob's taunt ringing in his ears.
"Fine. I'll take her with me."
Mother and Father had smiled at them and Mother had given them both a kiss on the cheek before they left. Kevin had waited several minutes before he took Eva and himself in the bathroom, wiped off the kiss marks from their cheeks and told Eva the real plan for the evening. Eva, always happy to follow her big brother, was giddy at the prospect of a "secret adventure." Kevin made sure she took her favorite dolly with her so she could play with something while the big boys talked.
Eva promised Kevin, over and over again, that she would be a good girl and keep the secret and stay out of the way, the whole way to the docks. One look at the pre-teens passing around the alcohol and cigarettes, some pilfered and some bought from dock workers, and she became less sure of the evening's plans.
"Kevin... I don't- I don't think we should be here..." she squeaked as she tried to hide herself behind him.
He glanced at the boys and huffed. He was too close to turn back now. They had already seen him and he wouldn't survive being branded 'a widdle baby.' "Look, Eva, I'm going to go with my friends. That's all. Besides, you have your doll. Everything will be fine." He looked down at her sternly as she looked at the other boys and then up at him. "Everything'll be fine, Eva- as long as you don't tell Mother and Father."
Evelyn opened her mouth to make some protest but quickly closed it and nodded. Kevin smiled and walked away to join the other boys and Eva probably went to go sit amongst the crates and play with her doll.
She was probably sitting there having an imaginary tea party. She was probably having a very good time by herself...
From the moment after Kevin had taken that first step away from Eva was a blur. However long he sat with boys, trying cigarettes and booze for the first time, was all an inconsequential blur. The stinging smoke in his lungs and burn of the alcohol in his throat were all he remembered. He couldn't remember if he heard Eva yell, or scream, or even squeak. There wasn't a single thing that he grasp as the moment. Evelyn had disappeared and as far as Kevin could remember it was all in the, stinging and burning, blink of an eye.
One moment he was telling her that everyone would be fine and the next he was stumbling away from the other boys, as they all said their good-byes, and calling for her but hearing no answer. He checked over, under, around, and behind everything but he didn't see her. He called her name over and over again but all he heard was the clanking and sliding of crates, machines, and dockworkers. As he searched the grim realization that his sister wasn't simply hiding began to slowly float up to the surface of his alcohol addled mind. It wasn't until the idea that Evelyn was really missing began to seem solid in his mind that Kevin felt the blood and the alcohol drain from his head. The pleasant, warm, fuzziness in his brain was suddenly replaced with the angry buzzing of his thoughts and a grinding sickness in his stomach.
His parents would be mad but that wasn't the thought which buzzed and rattled angrily inside his head. He had failed her. He had failed as her big brother. He had broken his promises to her. He had chosen a stupid night with those stupid boys over the little sister he had promised to protect forever and ever.
As he vomited on the dock the other boys tried to comfort him. They had all stopped making fun of him and tried to search as well but they hadn't found anymore than he had. Not a clue. Not a hair ribbon. Not even her doll. They reminded him that they were in the greatest and best city in the world. If Evelyn had wandered off someone would find her and walk her back home. Nothing as bad as a kidnapping happened there.
"Everything's gonna be fine, Kev! You might even see her on the way home!"
"Yeah! Maybe she decided to just go home on her own!"
"Yeah! Yeah!"
All of the boys agreed that being an annoying little girl she had probably decided to go home on her own and that Kevin would probably see her on his way back. Kevin tried to go along with their logic. Tried to believe that it was possible. This was a very good city. She was smart, she could probably find her way back home. Kevin tried so hard to believe this but something, an excruciatingly hot ball of something, in his gut kept telling him that none of that was true. It howled that she was gone and he was to blame. He had doomed his little Eva. He was never getting her back. She was gone for good.
He cursed himself, 'If I hadn't been such a selfish idiot you'd be safe at home Eva! You'd be playing with your doll and drawing pictures on the corners of my homework sheets. Mother would be tying little ribbons in your hair and Father would be bouncing you on his knee. We'd all be a happy family if it wasn't for me!'
Kevin clenched his jaw and squinted, trying to read the scribbled map on the greasy napkin by the dim light of an intersection. He tried to concentrate on his path, trying to ignore the squawking vending machines which never slept. He looked around the intersection, chose his direction, stuffed the crude map back in his pocket, and set off.
It was a terrible map but it had been hard-won and Kevin's only clue to finding Eva.
Kevin's parents were torn between, and sometimes swinging between, being hopeful and being distraught. They had moved to a utopia where something like this wasn't supposed to be possible. It was one of the reasons they had decided to take the plunge and leave their old lives behind, taking the then baby Kevin with them. They had chosen to raise their son and then welcome a daughter into their lives in this place because it was supposed to be a perfect place where something like this would never happen. Now a snake in their Eden had stolen away their baby girl. They were suddenly, and violently, forced to choose whether they would believe that their paradise was flawed or their God was simply taking His time returning their baby to their loving arms.
It wasn't difficult for Kevin to recognize the turmoil roiling just behind his parents' eyes as they waited for some word of Evelyn's whereabouts. He had felt what they were feeling as he had walked home from the docks that night. He had seen it spring up in their eyes as he had confessed to the events of the evening. But worse than that was the look they tried, and failed, to hide from him. He saw it flickering between their hope and terror, the desire to reach out to their only child and hold him close and then revulsion as they remembered that it was he who had caused this catastrophe. He knew that they didn't think he knew. They still tried to treat him like he was too young to understand what was going on. Maybe it was because they didn't want to believe that he could be as awful as he had been. Maybe it was because they had to believe that he was just young and stupid.
But he wasn't a baby anymore. He wasn't a baby when he chose to sneak out to the docks. He wasn't a baby when he chose to drag his little sister along with him. He was stupid but he understood what was important. He was an idiot but he knew that it was his responsibility to bring Eva back home to them. He didn't know if he could fix any of this but he knew that he had to try. He had to at least find her and bring her home.
He followed the twists and turns of the halls and passageways. He looked around as he went and his already knotted stomach began to sink. He pulled out the map again and glanced at it. He hoped that he was altogether mistaken. His eyes skipped around the map and his mind raced forward through the path he knew he had to take but he knew. His hand flew to his mouth and he wretched as he realized his destination.
Days had turned into weeks and nothing had offered any clues to his parents but Kevin knew that he couldn't wait for some call or message in response to the fliers his parents had put up. They had made him promise, several times over, that he would only go to school and come home but his search was more important. If he could just find Evelyn everything would go back to normal.
"Please, mister, if you know anything! I'll pay for it! I'll work for it! Whatever you want! Just please!" Kevin had begged the man when he had found him drinking alone at a corner table in the bar. He had seen the man while he was searching and he had recognized him from that night at the docks. He had been working then. He was also the one who had sold Jacob the lighter they had used. He had been amused at first but he was rapidly growing annoyed with the boy. But his dismissive comments had let little things slip. Maybe he really wanted to help. Maybe it was the eighth beer he was nursing. Whatever it was making him leak out these little clues Kevin couldn't stop to wonder at- not when he was sure that he was so close.
The man turned his bleary eyes away from Kevin, they rolled slowly over the bar.
"Please!"
His eyes snapped back to Kevin, "Look, kid, I don't know nothin'!"
"I don't want much! Just something to help me look! Just a clue- one little clue, please! I just need to know the right direction!" Kevin squeaked the last few words, his chest suddenly tight as he saw someone pass by towards the bar. He watched the man pass, waving at the bartender. He looked back at the man and found him squinting at him, studying him.
"The girl is gone, why do you care so much?"
The question felt like a cold slap across the face, "I care because she's my little sister! She needs her big brother! She's out there alone and I have to find her! Why won't you just help me!?" Kevin's voice had crept up dangerously close to yelling and the man quickly shushed him.
"Alright, alright!" He hissed, lowering his voice and moving closer. He glanced around to make sure that no one was listening and whispered, "You just want me to point you in the right direction, right?" Kevin nodded. "And you don't want me there- and you don't need me to talk to the cops or anything?" Kevin shook his head. "Alright, kid- I guess..." Kevin clenched his fist under the table and hoped. "Then I may be able to help you." He fished a greasy pencil out of a pocket and grabbed a discarded napkin from the table. "I'm gonna draw you a map and all you gotta do is be at the star around midnight tonight."
Kevin watched the man scribble and scratch out the map, in between sips of beer and glancing around to make sure no one was watching. When he finished, he slid the napkin over in front of Kevin and stabbed at the star with a tar stained finger. "Here. Midnight. Got that?"
Kevin had smuggled the map home and after his parents had grunted, sighed, and sobbed their 'goodnights' to him he had gone into his room to quietly prepare. He had studied the map for a long time under the shifting turquoise light of his bedroom window as he waited for his parents to succumb to their daily exhaustion. He puzzled out his path as he listened to his parents', now nightly, martinis and heard his father's soft murmurs and his mother's muffled sobs. When silence finally came he crept as quietly as he could out his room. He made sure to grab a flashlight from a kitchen drawer and picked out Eva's second favorite doll from the toy chest in the sitting room before sneaking out of the apartment. He hurried back to the bar, his starting line and started his journey.
Now he was approaching the finish line- or perhaps it was another starting line which would properly start him on the journey to find his sister. His mind reeled at the possibility that this was only a different beginning as his stomach twisted with anxiety and guilty as he stepped back in to the place where this nightmare had begun. It had begun at the docks and now it was ending there- or perhaps just beginning another torturous line of searching.
He instinctively looked for cover as he crept through the docks. The open doors to the docks had made him uneasy. This was not what he had expected. The docks were supposed to be empty by this time of night. There wasn't supposed be anyone around while he was searching. He should have left when he saw the lights on in one section but he crept closer to it. Whether it was curiosity or hope which drove him he wasn't sure. Maybe there were some dockworkers who had been taking care of some late work when they had found a lost little girl?
He heard men speaking and his heart leaped up into his throat and began hammering away again. He crept closer and closer and tried to hear what they were saying. Maybe he was asking a scared little girl where she lived. Thump-thump "Please" thump-thump "Mister F-" thump-thump. Kevin strained his ears to hear above the beating in his ears.
A gunshot rang out and the boy froze behind a crate. His body locked up and he suddenly realized that he had just heard a murder. His animal instincts screamed at him to leave- to just run! But he knew that he had to stay. For Eva. He could stay behind the crates- or maybe find a better hiding place and then all he'd have to do was wait for the men to leave and start searching for clues. He couldn't leave when he was so close! Maybe Eva was there. Maybe she was hiding somewhere and scared by the gunshot.
He looked around for some path to a ramp he could hide behind or underneath. Something nagged and pulled at his mind. Something about how long Eva had been gone but he refused to listen it. He was too close!
Kevin saw what he was looking for, stacks of crates with just enough room for him to squeeze behind and make his way to a ramp where they'd never spot him. He was taking a steadying breath and leaned forward to take the first step when he felt the ground shake. His breath caught and his heart skipped a beat.
In the skip he heard, "Right on time." Thump-thump. "Alright, clear out boys." Thump-thump. "Let her do her work." Thump-thump.
Kevin's mind raced and his legs felt unsteady. He dropped down and crept to a small hole in the wall of improperly stacked crates. He knew that he should have been dashing towards that other wall of crates. He should be scrambling behind them, getting to the ramp. Or better yet, he should be quietly running out of that terrible place. But he couldn't. He had to see what had made the ground shake. Had to see who this 'she' was. He had to know what he might have to save his sister from.
He stared out at a man on the wood planks. The other men had already left. The man on the floor didn't move but the shaking ground moved him. Something big was coming. Some kind of machine? Some kind of monster? Kevin's tired and terror-addled mind conjured up all manner of beast from his childhood nightmares and he suddenly felt very small again.
Whatever it was thumping closer was coming from a different entrance. He heard the clanking of chains and thumping of... boots? The clanking and thumping drowned out the pounding of his heart. He held his breath as he saw a massive shadow fall over the dead man. He couldn't get a good look at it through the little hole but it just stood there, over the man.
Then a small animal darted forward from somewhere and looked down at the man.
The little creature pointed at the dead man, "Oh look Mister Bubbles! An angel!"
Kevin stared in shock as he realized that it was not an animal it was a person! The person danced around beside the body and then dropped down beside it. It was a girl... at least it looked like a girl... but couldn't possibly be one. He stared at it/her and something tingled in his head. Something about the way that it was dressed... It/she had a dress on. It was dirty and missing a bit of the bottom but there was no mistaking it. A sickening sucking sound filled the docks and bounced from every wall and crate directly into Kevin's ear as an icy grip squeezed his heart.
It was Evelyn's dress...
His eyes stared, unblinking, at the midget, the creature, the thing wearing his sister's dress as it stabbed the dead man again... and again... and again...
His stomach rolled and tightened and rolled again as he stared in horror. He tried to look away but his eyes wouldn't close. His head wouldn't turn away.
The little monster tilted her/its head and saw the face for the first time. Dirty and flecked with blood. Glowing yellow eyes. His mind absorbed the horror of it all. This was the horror he had prepared himself for when he had crept into the nursery all those years ago. He had prepared for some gruesome sight in the crib. He had been readied himself to run away from it but that was before... before he had known Evelyn... But now... This could not be his little sister. This couldn't be his sweet little Eva...
This was some blood soaked nightmare. This was all just a nightmare. This creature wasn't real. This thing was not his sister. This couldn't be Eva!
His stomach reeled and his mind screamed. His eyes stayed fixed on the scene.
"See? She don't need you anymore." A voice whispered beside the boy and the stench of beer and cigarettes rolled over him as he was hauled up. He hung limply from the rough hand. He stared at the gruesome scene now fully revealed to him. His head swam and his eyes floated down to the body on the ground, then to the little monster and finally to the giant monster standing over them.
He watched as the bloody Evelyn monster smiled up at the giant. It was the same way that little angel Evelyn had smiled up at him so many times before...
She took the giant's hand and the heavy boots shook the ground again as she raced ahead of it, pulling it along.
"She don't need a big brother no more. She's got a Big Daddy now, buddy."
