Paper Confessional
By Ayswen
Summary: When Suze is left in a coma her mother reads her journal and gets wrapped up in a whirlwind adventure of ghosts, friendships, danger, disfigured cats, and true love.
Genre: Action/Adventure; Romance
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters contained herein are exclusively owned by Jenny Carroll (aka etc etc). I'm only taking them out for a short spin. No copyright infringement intended!!!
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"This is breaking news we have here for you this evening on WPIX. New York City Detective Susannah Simon was shot in the line of duty this afternoon while making an arrest in Brooklyn. Detective Simon was rushed to Bellvue Hospital where she is listed in critical condition. Correspondent Marie DeSole spoke with her partner, Jake Slater earlier today." The beat up old Hitachi television was in the upper corner of the room mounted high on the wall. A handsome fairly young man with sandy blonde hair is talking to a rather attractive woman, with a microphone emblazoned with the WB11 emblem.

"How do you feel about what happened to Miss Simon?"

"It's devastating, of course. I know we can't cover each other all of the time, but you wish you could. Suze is a great detective, and a great person. She's also tough as nails, I have every faith she can pull through."

"How long have you both been working together?"

"I met Suze when I was pretty young, actually, and she actually got me interested in this line of work. Of course I had to do my duty as a meter maid and such before I got to be her partner- it was about two years ago now."

"Remarkable. You think she'll make it?"

"Absolutely. She's survived a lot over the years. I have no doubt she can't handle this."

"Thanks for talking to us, Detective."

"Not a problem."

"That's all from outside New York's Bellvue Hospital- back to the studio."

It was playing inside the chilly sterile waiting room where her mother was sitting waiting for her to be brought out of recovery- and a prognosis. Dave and Andy had come with her on the plane as soon as they'd gotten notification. Jack was sitting with them as well, looking skittish. She saw Gina rush into the room. "Well?"

"They said she was still in critical condition. Kind of touch and go. They said that her spleen was gone, but that she could live without that. The bullet never came out the other side, but they said it'll leave a nasty scar. She should be coming back out of recovery soon."

Gina shook her head, and then turned on Jack, who looked decidedly more pale than he had only a few minutes earlier when she entered. She walked over and sat with him, taking his hand in hers. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Borderline. Some places are more haunted than others. Hospitals are by far the worst. I'm trying to not draw any attention. Jesse is with her, watching over. He'll appear in seconds if she loses the battle. I imagine that Jesse would move on shortly after she died. She's the only thing that is keeping him in this world, as far as any of us can tell."

"Oh. She's not going to though, right?"

"I think she'll pull through. Jesse is scared though. But he might not understand how much medicine has changed. I'm not sure."

Gina nodded, and sat back in her chair. "She can't leave me, she's not allowed."

"I know. She's too young to have lost it now. She's got too much left to do. She might not be able to, you know go if she doesn't make it."

"And what like stay here forever?"

"Probably she's stay at the precinct, I imagine. She and Jesse could sit around and plug up the coffee pot every morning, and help me out, I dunno. She's really not ready to go."

Jesse appeared in the doorway a few minutes later. Jack jumped up walked into the abandoned corridor.

"Oh my God. She's not gone, right?"

"She's resting. I listened to the doctors."

"Good, good."

"Jack," Jesse was quiet for a moment. "Susannah left a letter, in the apartment, that was supposed to be given to her parents, uhm in case she was killed, or otherwise incapacitated. They don't seem to knowwhen she's going to wake up. Do you think it would be horrible if I placed the letter on the table?"

Jack sighed. "She might be really really pissed off later on, if she wrote what I think is in there is in there, but she's kept this a secret long enough. Do it. Before the family goes to her apartment to sleep. They won't be staying in a hotel, I'm sure."

Jesse nodded. "I'm going to go sit with her longer."

*****

When the Ackerman family arrived at the apartment she hung her coat up on the rack, and then let the three people trailing behind her inside. The apartment was a beautiful loft in Soho. She let the door close, and noticed the back of the door, had two heavy wooden chiseled in lays, of a black on the bottom, and white on the top Chinese dragons. There was a beautiful black and white floral screen between the door, and the living room behind it. The living room was well hit by bay windows that had a view of the rest of the city. The floors were pine wood, with a white throw rug. The sofa was rather oddly shaped, but was soft. The coffee table had white tiles in a distinct pattern, with several plants that had been set into it. On the other side of the room, she noticed a mat laid out, along with several drippy candles.

"I didn't realize Suzie was so into Chinese décor," she commented, looking around.

Dave shook his head. He was amazed how many things that his mother had either chosen not to notice, or Suze had kept carefully hidden. "It's a feng shui design. It's supposed to keep balance and promote harmony with your environment. She kind of also does it because some ancient superstitions say that it protects your house. And, in case it escaped your notice- she's a Buddhist."

"What?" Andy Ackerman asked, standing on her meditation mat.

"What?" her mother echoed. "Since when?"

"Since- I dunno. She was eighteen when she bought the meditation mat for her room. Remember, it used to sit on her bay window?"

"Of course, of course. I suppose I never guessed that was what it was for."

Mrs. Ackerman walked into the kitchen and found a small envelope sitting on the counter that was labeled in Suze's haphazard script, Mom.

She ripped it open and saw that it was just about a page long.

Dear Mom, Andy, Jake, and Brad-

I wrote this letter to be delivered in case of emergency- if something were to happen to me at work, or on the subway, or wherever, that Jesse was to make sure that this was read no matter what. He was charged with the quest, and so I knew it would happen. He promised. If I know Jesse at all, I might not be in such horrible condition as I have in mind with the intent of this letter, but it's just as well you all finally realize why exactly I am the way that I am.

If in fact I have left this world, then I wish to tell you so much also.

I know you probably don't remember me trying to show you something at the top of the stairs when I was very little, Mom, but that was the first time I realized that something was different about me. After Dad died, I found out what it was. I could see and talk to the dead. Not all of them- the ghosts that stayed and lingered behind. He said that I was the mediator, meant to help them finish whatever their unfinished business was that kept them tied to this world. So, I did. All the very strange and unexplainable things that happened when I was around are attributed to this. Cutting classes, going out in the middle of the night, disappearing sometimes for days, cuts, bruises, broken bones, concussions all of it. I fell down the stairs- I was pushed. Ghosts have an amazing kinetic ability in their rage, and I was very often a victim of it. Also, to me they're solid beings and so they can beat the hell out of me, and I can beat the heck out of them. It's a raw deal, but apparently someone had to do it.

I know that this sounds incredibly bizarre, but it's honest. Finally, and at last, it's honest. Father Dominic also possesses this ability, and we worked together numerous times to help, or stop lost or disgruntled souls. So does Jack. I would think you'd trust Father D's word more than Jack's but, either way, its true. I hate old buildings because they're very often full of ghosts that think I'm just their gift to moving on, and if they don't want to go, I have to make them, and its all very messy. The school was pretty clean since Father D had done so much- just one when I got there. More of course came to visit and had much to say. Mrs. Ackerman, the first, visited once, to have me pass on a message to Dave, who already had figured out that I could communicate with them. (He's got an amazing sensitivity to them, and I rather thought for a while that he was a psychic medium, but it turns out that really he's just a geek. He's the best.)

The house- the house was something else. To my utter joy there was only one. I expect Jesse probably cleared the rest out.

Jesse (Hector) de Silva haunted my bedroom. For years. I let him stay. He was a great companion, and kept Max out. Spike loved Jesse, and so they all stayed, and it was fine. He stayed out of my bathroom, and while I was changing, and everything was fine. Of course then he discovered your books, Mom, and started with the questions- so many. He spends his days down at the library now, just reading everything he can—when he's not helping Jack and I with a case. Very often ghosts of victims linger around and can give useful information. It's occasionally very difficult to find a witness that can of course –testify— ah well.

When Gina and I were younger we went to a fair and she went into this psychic- Madame Zara. The cards said I was a mediator. Gina was thrilled- how weird, how cool, you know? Madame Zara said I would only have one true love, and that it would be an eternal love. Of course she hadn't mentioned how incredibly unconventional it would be, but from the outside my life looks pretty empty. I have a job, and a cat, and an apartment to die for, but no one to love, right? But I do. I have a love that is rich and aged like fine wine to perfect. And I have an amazing family, and the best friend anyone could ever dream of having.

I haven't a single regret about my life- I lived it and I looked pretty good doing it – if I do say so myself. Don't mourn me. I'm with Jesse, and we're probably hanging around with Jack, and plugging up the coffee pot at the office, and checking out books in the library.

I love you.

-Suze.

PS- Mom, in the bottom left drawer of my desk I keep all my journals. They're in date order. Feel free to read them.

She headed for the office. The journals were all black and white composition notebooks, first by year, and then by semester. Then they were dated every few months. The first was labeled Junior Year.

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