Homeward Bound Lovers, Labours, Lost
A Gale and Randy Fan Fiction
I couldn't believe the day was finally here. I would reunite with Gale after a few months. This reunion felt like it was from the past few years, rather than months. Sure, we had seen each other from time to time, but it hadn't been Queer As Folk related. This environment made everything seem more concrete, more solidified. Thinking about the show and our parts in it made me remember other things, too. The subtle brushes of fingers across palms, an early morning caress to revive the memory of a lingering presence, an upturned lip slightly smirking revealing some untold secret looming in between the two of us…all of these and more flashed back into my head after being dormant for so long.
It was great being around the other actors, but something about Gale was always different. He just understood me and it didn't really take much of any effort on his part. He always seemed to know what I needed and kept me from going crazy when filming became hectic and sometimes almost unmanageable. He didn't just know what I needed at the time on set in order to feel comfortable and get through the day, he knew what I needed in my life to lift my spirits and make me feel rejuvenated and my vision clear on my place in the world.
Sure, I was happily in a relationship, but that only lasted so long. I didn't do long-term commitment, nor did I want to. Sometimes, though, in the back of my mind, I slightly wished that it could be true. None of my partners have ever measured up to this huge unfillable hole within my chest. Something that I could never fill with any other form of satisfaction other than what he provided for me. The fact we lived in separate states, across the whole continental US, made constant contact near impossible. Sure I visited him whenever he had a random play going on, and he did the same for me, but it wasn't the same.
After arriving at the convention, and I saw him, I was slightly off putted by the beard he was sporting but as I approached him I realized it was so truly Gale. He was always trying to hide something. His eyes used to be able to contain the secrets, but eventually they became too revealing, too telling of his true feelings. So he hid behind the beard. Granted, he still looked fucking fantastic even with this forest growing on his face. I knew the meaning of it and that is what stuck with me. He didn't realize I had entered the room, but when he finally did, I could tell he was as happy to see me as I, him. We approached each other like we normally did, with calm and ease, because we didn't want to let on that anything was going on. Nothing had been going on for a really long time, but people were always waiting for us to slip up and reveal something within ourselves that they only speculated existed, yet never had any proof of.
I didn't care how many people thought they knew what they thought they knew. I only realized that I cared what he believed about himself and about us. I wished he didn't feel the need to hide his imperfections, whereas, they should be celebrated and commemorated. He was different and unique and that is what also made him so endearing. I knew that many fans understood the things that I saw in him, such as his drive, his determination, his intelligibility, yadda yadda. No matter how much hair he grew on his face, his talent would still be transparent and apparent to the point it can never be extinguished.
We hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for ages. The vibe I was getting from him was just different. We were both in other relationships but that never stopped us before. I was always thinking what if things actually worked out between us like we had hoped? Life got in the way, of course, and kept us from realizing our true potentials. If you couldn't tell, I had been thinking about this a lot for a really long time. Being apart from him helped me in some ways, but it still sucked that our lives had to carry on so far away from the other's. If we spent more time together, it might have been easier for us to form some kind of an intimate relationship.
Anyway, this convention was a way for us to feel the old chemistry without acting on it in any way. We just needed to feed off of each other's energy and that would be enough to sustain us and refrain us from acting on our desires. Only, how long could the complementary energy that flowed between the two of us like rushing river rapids, be tamed within ourselves? We ended up carrying out small talk until we were introduced into the convention. There was no hidden subtext, no wayward glances when one of us thought the other wasn't looking. There was just us and the rest of the cast, together again, but not tangled together like a web, but more like a spinning wheel, constantly changing and revolving.
The convention was going great! It was finally time for lunch. It was going to be a hell of a long day. It wasn't even halfway over yet and I still had to catch a Red Eye flight back to New York. During lunch, however, was the coffee break that was reserved for a small number of fans. I could tell that Gale was staring at me but I couldn't guess why. I hated being watched while I was eating, but he knew that, so it must have been something else. If only we could read each other's minds. It would make life so much simpler, but when was anything simple? Especially in the lives of Gale and Randy. Finally the other actors went to go do their own thing and Gale and I were alone. He walked up to me, sandwich in hand, and he dared me to ditch the coffee break.
"We can't do that, Gale. We have a commitment."
"We also have about fifteen minutes before we need to honor it."
"Okay…what is that supposed to mean to me?" I was really confused and had no clue what was going on.
"Nothing, I guess," he replied while shrugging his shoulders. He turned to walk away and I grabbed his right arm with my right hand. Our hands ended up intertwining for a second but I pulled mine away from his because I wasn't sure what Gale actually intended for us.
"No, you can't suggest that and then just walk away."
"Well, I didn't think you were interested."
Did I really need to spell everything out for him? I didn't think so. Didn't he realize I needed a confirmation about his suggestions? I couldn't act on them or be presumptuous, especially since we haven't had the right to touch each other intimately for quite some time.
The silence told Gale all he needed to know and he grabbed my hand again and threw his sandwich into the nearest trashcan. I had no idea where he was taking me. We communicated through silence a lot, except when we're trying to read each other's minds, when we were unable to do so. Usually we know what the other is thinking regardless of how much time has passed since we last saw each other.
We exited the hotel through a back door that I didn't even know existed.
"Geez, how many entrances are there into this place?"
"Plenty, and I've mapped out the whole area."
"You would," I insinuated. I flashed him a smile that he would consider to be a Sunshine smile, knowing exactly what it would do to the man.
Finally after about 5 minutes, we had fifteen minutes till the coffee break, mind you, he stopped at what appeared to be an empty warehouse.
"This is an old airplane hangar, no one uses it anymore."
"Okay…but Gale, what are we doing here, exactly?"
"I just needed to be alone where I knew no crazed fans could follow, somewhere we could get just 5 minutes alone."
"I wish it could be more," I responded, while looking around the spacious, yet dark old airplane hangar.
"Me, too, but it'll do." I didn't realize, but Gale had been slowly walking towards me and I was walking backwards. The only thing that made me come to my senses was when I backed into one of the warehouse walls. He leaned in really close to my face and just looked into my eyes. I hoped they were expressive enough because with this proximity to him, I wouldn't be able to share any of those emotions verbally with him. He brought his lips almost to mine but not quite touching and lingered. He finally let his lips brush against mine but we weren't kissing. This was torture for me. He knew how much that drove me crazy and how much I hated teasing, but unfortunately, that was all we had time for. He did end up whispering to me how good it was to see me and how I hadn't changed a bit. I told him he hadn't either but then he brought up the beard, basically making me look like an idiot because of course he looked different with it.
He became quiet and pensive again and finally he leaned in to kiss me. A part of me believed he was trying to get a feel for what my reaction would be, but also to see if kissing me would make things awkward between us or ruin our friendship that we have built over the years. The last thing I remember before our lips met was the electricity crackling between us like an open fire. He opened his mouth to devour my lips and he did so tenderly. I wasn't porcelain. I wouldn't break. He had to know that. I wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him the impression that I couldn't let go and I needed him as much as he needed me. I knew the moment couldn't last forever, we had to get back. As much as I would hate to say it, our fans were counting on us and we were there for them. In that moment I was grateful for the fans because if it wasn't for them rallying for this convention we might not have gotten the chance to do this and feel these old yet significant feelings again. The kiss ended up deepening and I lost all train of thought, hence why I was rambling that point in time.
It felt so good to feel his lips on mine. It was exquisite but it was also painful because I knew it was only temporary and we couldn't go further. A kiss was all we could get. Our tongues danced together as if in perfect harmony. I loved frenching Gale; it was unlike any other kiss I had ever had with any other man in my entire life, and I'm 35. He's always been the best though, but I also knew it was because we share a love that will never die, and like Brian and Justin, we didn't need rings or vows to prove anything to each other, definitely not our love. We knew it was there, just dormant under the surface waiting to be let free. Thanks to the fans, we could. We walked out of the warehouse, running out of time to meet the fans for coffee. We held hands as far as we could until there were chances of being spotted. Letting go of his hands was one of the hardest things I've found myself having to do in a while.
I felt my phone vibrate and I looked and saw that someone had tweeted that the PAs didn't know where we were. Of course they jumped to the wrong conclusions, but that was to be expected. Fan girls. Pft. What little they know. ;)